Disclaimer: This story contains; abuse, rape, self harm and maybe a pregnancy. I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters!
Eventually the shaking stops and she looks up at me, and for the first time tonight I am rewarded a small smile. A slight one but it is there none the less. One that is there despite her red puffy eyes and tear stained face. It warms me up to know that maybe I was able to get through to her. Soon enough I realize that she has fallen asleep, and a content smile crossed my face, because it shows just how much Hermoine trusts me. To be able to fall to sleep in the presence of another takes extreme trust and for a girl like Hermoine just is hard to have. Slowly as to not awaken her I conjure a pillow and a blanket and just let her sleep. It was an emotionally tiring conversation, and she need to rest. Tomorrow we will pick up where we left off.
Hermonie's POV
Opening my eyes, I looked around the room confused. I wasn't in the same room where I started last night. Realization dawned on me as my gaze landed on my mentors face. Her eyes were closed and a peaceful expression shown on her face. I got up slowly and quietly, as to not wake her up. Quickly, I, put on my robes and made my way to the kitchen. Looking through the cabinets to find something that I can cook. My eyes fell on the pancake mix. A mugglefood. I smile at that. My wizzard Professor has pancake mix. Taking the mix and a pan out, I set off on my work. If Pro- I mean Minerva wakes up and the food is cool I will just cast a warming spell. I sit at the table and wait for Min; I wonder if she would mind me calling her that. Last nights conversation was draining on both of us. I never wondered how talking about my past, would affect Minerva. It was obviously tiring to her, I have not woken her up yet, and she is a very alert woman. Guilt wraps at my heart and coils tightly around it. Squeezing hard, never letting go, almost like a snake wrapping its body around its prey. I walk over to her, and just look at her. Although she looks serene, I can't help thinking that I must have made her very sad last night. That thought, makes my eyes start to tear. Wiping them away quickly, just in case she wakes up and sees me. I don't want to give her anymore reason to be upset.
I run to the bathroom, shut the door, and acciomy razor. Seconds later the door flies open, slams shut, and the razor is in my head. Right as I was about to press it into my skin, the door flew open, and Minerva was standing there. She was just looking at me, tears in her eyes, something, else too, guilt maybe. I don't know, but she moves swiftly towards me and takes the razor that was drawing a small amount of blood from my skin. She just looks down at me and pulls me into a warm embrace. I bury myself in her robes, and cry. Tears stream down my face, and I am shaking madly. My legs won't move and for the first time in years a sound comes out of my mouth. It is so foreign to me that I don't even know what it was. I couldn't pin-point the sound it was strange to my ears. I gasped once I realized what it was, it was a cry. A real cry. I have not done that in years, because my father conditioned me to associate crying with pain. A lot of pain if I could remember.
I push quickly away from Minerva, fear coursing through my body. I was never allowed to cry, it was a rule. Commanding my feet to move didn't work because I just stood there, in a panic, looking down to the floor. I felt a gentle hand under my chin, forcing my eyes to meet her eyes. Tears were dripping down both our faces, and again I feel ashamed of my actions,I know the rules; no crying, and no tears.
"I'm sorry, Professor I should know the rules by now", I managed to whisper.
***********************MPOV*****************************MPOV******************
I looked at Hermoine in confusion. What rules could this child be referring to, I never set any rules.
The confusion must have been evident on my face because, Hermoine said "no crying, and no tears. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't of forgot, but I did. Please don't punish me I promise that I won't forget ever again".
The statement dawns on me and I sit her and myself down on the couch. Holding her close to me, I ask,"Hermonie how did you learn these rules"?
I hear her take a deep breath, most likely contemplating on how she should answer my question. Finally, shakily she answers by saying "My father, every time he hurt me I would cry and cry hard. I learned quickly that he didn't like crying because every time I cried he would hurt me more. For every tear I shed, I was whipped. No tears, and no crying equaled less pain. It was a no brain-er at the time. Ironically, as I aged, he wanted me to cry. I think it gave him a perverse pleasure to hear me scream". Before I could formulate an answer, Hermoine was quick to say "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me. I promise you it won't ever happen again."
Answering automatically I say "Hermoine sweetie, I want you to cry, I really do. It is normal, I do it and even Professor Snape does. It is not something to be ashamed of. You fear pain because you were conditioned to do so. This isn't something normal".
To assuage her questions I pull her into another embrace and allow her to let her tears fall. Before I could stop myself I asked her "Hermoine, why were you going to hurt yourself before I came and stopped you?"
Through her tears she managed to respond and say that "I made you sad, and tired talking about everything I've been through. I felt guilty that I made you feel this way. I was embarrassed at my tears, and afraid that you would be mad at me for making you feel the way you were feeling."
Everything came out rushed but want was clear was that this girl felt guilty. Guilty because she made me sad and tired. Out of everything it wasn't something about herself it was about me. Selfless I swear this girl is selfless. "Oh Hermoine, honey never feel affaid that I would be angry with you. What your father put you through made me sad. Never think that way again. You are only fourteen years old, be a child and let me be the adult and take care of you", I whispered this into her willing to pacify all of her worries.
Letting her lay on me I rub her back softly avoiding putting pressure on her wounds. This causes me to worry about all the wounds I could not see. "Hermoine would you do something for me? Would you let Madame Pomfrey examine you? Just to make sure your heal this up to par" I ask this with reluctance.
I see the hesitation shinning in her eyes, but she nods her head anyway. I take her hand and we have our breakfast. Both of us get dressed and we move our way to the hospital wing. Maybe I will call Severus and ask if he would like to join us. We still have to plan our trip to visit Mr. Granger. That should prove to be an enjoyable task.
What did you think? Should I add Severus in this story? How do you think the two Professors handle Hermoines father? Please review. Sorry I couldn't post yesterday, 11th grade comes with a lot of work!
:)