Aiming To Ameliorate

He didn't want to admit it, but it was hard to ignore the taunting by seemingly the entire student body when he walked through the halls…

He was whipped and she had him wrapped around her little finger.

Now if you would have told him this the year prior, he would have laughed at the terrible joke and then told you the apocalypse were surely near if it was to happen.

Unfortunately, the apocalypse missed the memo.

How could he have gotten himself into such a mess! Oh wait, he forgot. He's the idiot that actually fell for Pansy Parkinson.

He had finally admitted it to himself after not being able to explain his actions that had taken place two weeks ago.

You probably remember…

Great Hall. Making a complete arse out of himself. Parkinson's bitch. Sound familiar yet?

Well, there really was no other explanation besides the fact that he had fallen for the Slytherin. Complete insanity originally crossed his mind, but Hermione easily disproved that completely logical way of thinking…

"Ron, I am completely mad. That's the only logical explanation." He said in response to Ron's completely baffled reaction to him becoming Parkinson's bitch.
"You're damn right you're bloody mad! You were sitting next to MALFOY!" Ron seemed to be more horrified by that, than his sickening pleading with Parkinson.
"I need you to do us all a favor, Ron." He said seriously. "Kill me and get rid of the remains."
"Harry, don't be silly." Hermione chimed in, finally looking up from her book.
"He's not! I'm actually considering it! It would be for his own good!"
"He's not mad and he doesn't need to be killed. What he needs to do is just accept the fact that he loves the girl and move on." She said. "Honestly, this really isn't that difficult."
Both Ron's and his face paled considerably.
"Hermione how dare you say that!" Ron quickly turned to him. "Don't worry Harry, we'll get you the help you need at St. Mungo's."
"Ron, you're not helping him."
"Not helping…not helping him! I'll pay for whatever help you need, Harry!"
"Okay, so his choice in women is a little…odd, but he is not mental, Ron!"
"Clearly he is, Hermione!"
"She's…" He started.
"She's a terrible Slytherin, I know Harry. We're going to get you fixed up and back to normal." Ron said reassuringly.
"She's…r-right." He finished.
"Who!"
"H-hermione."
"No! No way! I'm not going to sit around and watch you suffer like this anymore! Come on, we're going now!" Ron said, grabbing his arm and dragging him towards the portrait hole.
He stopped in his tracks, becoming dead weight, which caused Ron to turn around.
"Bloody hell, Harry…" The sheer look of guilt on his face must have elicited that response from Ron.
"I…I'm…"
"Don't say it, Harry! Fight it!"
"I can't. Hermione's right. I-I f-fell for her." He said completely defeated.
Ron dropped his arm from his grasp and just gaped at him.
"Now don't you feel better, Harry?" Hermione asked.
"Don't…" Ron said, putting his hand up. "Just don't answer that, Harry. I can only take so much in one day."

Unbelievable, right? Well, it gets worse. He went and found her after that…

"What did you say?" Parkinson asked, sounding highly confused.
"I said…" He made sure to lower his voice for the next part. "I-I love you."
She smirked. "You haven't said that to me since the first time we slept together. And that little stunt you pulled in the Great Hall doesn't count."
"Well…you haven't either."
"You have selective memory."
"No I-"
"Every time I said it you just snogged me senseless to shut me up." She said. "And don't give me that look; I've been onto that trick of yours for quite some time." She actually sounded quite hurt.
"It wasn't…I mean to say…it wasn't that…" He decided to give up. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine, Potter," She said while rolling her eyes.
"No, it's not fine." He said, grabbing her hand. "I just…didn't want to admit it. I'm sorry."
"Potter-"
"I love you, Parkinson. I have for awhile. I just finally came to my senses enough to admit it."

How revoltingly sappy could you get! Oh he forgot…their last day at Hogwarts. Yes, it unfortunately gets much more schmaltzy, but there's no need to get into that. Trust that you really don't want to know…it's that grossly over-romanticized.

All that needs to be told from that day is that she had left long lines of nail marks on his neck when her parents violently dragged her away from him at Kings Cross Station.

But that's getting ahead of himself…

Payback's A Bitch

Now if there's one thing he wasn't going to do, it was sit there and take all of this abuse from everyone. He was just lying low, waiting for the prime opportunity to unleash the hell he had so perfectly orchestrated onto Parkinson.

Just thinking of his wonderful idea brought him enormous amounts of joy, and he hadn't even implemented it yet.

It was when Parkinson was enjoying his public humiliation in the hallway a little too much that he decided it was time to act.

Now one might wonder why he would want to do such a thing after his recent declaration of ever-lasting love. He still couldn't quell the insistent voice of sanity yelling at him from somewhere deep in his subconcious. You know, that place in your skull so often repressed by one's libido. The section that made this answer quite simple: He hated her.

That night, he took out a piece of parchment, quill and some ink. He cracked his knuckles before picking up the quill and dipping it into the inkwell. He began to write…

Dearest Mother and Father,

There is something I have been meaning to tell you. I didn't tell you sooner, because I was afraid of your reaction, but I think it's time to inform you of what has been happening. Harry and I have been together for quite some time now and we decided to take our relationship to the next level. It turns out that the next level resulted in an unexpected outcome. Harry and I have discussed it and we decided the best thing to do would be to say our nuptials. Harry and I have declared our eternal love to one another with the ring I am currently wearing on my finger as our wedding draws near. I would love for you to bestow upon us your presence on the day we join in matrimony. I know this is quite sudden, but it would be ever so wonderful if you accept Harry into your hearts as I have, as well as getting ready to welcome your forthcoming grandchild. We are thinking of naming the child with Father's middle name and as for the first, we have yet to decide. I want my loving parents to be there to help us in guiding this child. I hope to hear from you soon.

Much love,
Pansy

Now for the final touch. He waved his wand and his handwriting transformed into Parkinson's.

Oh this was going to be good...

He had gotten up early that following morning to go to the owlery to send his ingenious letter. He sought out her owl, who wouldn't listen to him once he found her. Hedwig had to be sent to chase her down. Her owl was just as stubborn as she was. After being bit on the finger quite hard, her owl was off to deliver the surely infuriating letter.

He endured the taunting through all of his morning classes. Was it possible to hate her more than he already did? That answer was naturally a resounding 'yes'.

He headed up to his dormitory before heading to lunch. He had a feeling that if her parents were going to react, they would probably arrive around a mealtime. He retrieved his invisibility cloak and headed toward the Great Hall.

No way in hell was he going to be caught dead in the same room as them if they were to show up.

It was near the end of lunch and he was beginning to lose hope of her parents making an appearance. He sighed dejectedly. There was always dinnertime.

But alas, his enduring patience was not to go unrewarded, for walking quite briskly into the Great Hall, and heading directly towards the Slytherin table, were two awfully unhappy looking people.

He immediately pulled his disappearing act under the cloak and waited for the entertainment to begin.

"PANSY PARKINSON!" Her mother's voice bellowed through the Great Hall, causing all attention to come to a focus on them. "Just what exactly is the meaning of this letter!"
"What letter!" Parkinson asked, quite confused.

Oh this was already proving to be quite brilliant.

"Allow me to refresh your memory!" Her father snatched the letter that her mother was shaking in front of her face.

Her father actually started reading the letter out loud for everyone to hear. This was going even better than he had imagined it. Way better.

"How dare you get married behind our backs'!" Her mother shouted at her.
"I'm not married! Of all people, I would never marry Potter!" Parkinson protested.
"Then explain this ring on your finger!"

Her mother had snatched her hand that wore a ring he had bought for her in Hogsmeade she had liked…the same ring that had left cuts on his face when she slapped him.

"It was a gift! Nothing more!" Parkinson alleged.

Oh she was sounding quite desperate. It was simply spectacular.

"Don't lie to us Pansy!" Her father shouted. "And to make matters worse you're now bearing his children!"

Even though he was quite a distance away, the look on her face was that of sheer horror, not to mention the majority of the people in the Great Hall as well.

"I have never done anything like that with Potter!"

Oh she had to be joking…

But then there was Seamus Finnigan. What an absolutely wonderful person he is.

Seamus stood up from where he sat at the Gryffindor table. "Oh please Parkinson, that's not true! Use a bloody silencing charm next time you're in our dorm!"

After Dean's quite vocal agreement with Seamus' statement of the obvious, Parkinson looked like she wanted to jump out of the nearest window. She actually looked like she was walking in that direction before her mother grabbed a handful of her hair and started to drag her towards the doors.

"Where's the infirmary! You're going to take a pregnancy test right now!"

This entertainment just wasn't ceasing to end.

"Ease up mother! You don't want your precious grandchild to be damaged and turn out like Longbottom now do you!" Parkinson shouted while attempting to pry her mother's fingers open.
"Well, accidents do happen." Her mother said, slapping Parkinson's hands that were trying to free her hair. "I guess we don't need that infirmary since you admit to carrying his spawn!"
"I am not pregnant!"
"We raised you better than this Pansy!" Her father yelled, shoving her forward since she wasn't exactly cooperating with her mother. "Now where is that infirmary!"

After the three of them exited the Great Hall, everyone was silent. The silence was broken when he took off his invisibility cloak and started laughing hysterically.

Consequences Of Morality

Most unfortunately, he possessed something that Parkinson didn't. A conscience.

So after his laughing fit in the Great Hall was over, his principles got the best of him and he headed towards the Hospital Wing.

Yet another terrible idea by the remarkably dim-witted Harry Potter.

Ron had by then given up all hope of him regaining his sanity and just waved him onward before he left the Great Hall.

What a horrible friend he had become.

The door to the Hospital Wing was closed, but that by no means meant that he couldn't hear the conversation that was going on behind them. It was Parkinson making a whiny rendition of 'I told you so'. However, her parents weren't too receptive to her claim of innocence to writing the letter.

It was when he heard her father cast her punishment at her that he decided to enter.

On the floor lay a twitching, but silent Parkinson, both of her parents with smug looks standing above her, Madame Pomfrey nowhere in sight.

He, regrettably, had not meant for this to happen and spoke up.

"I wrote the letter," He said.

Her parents' heads snapped in his direction, but the spell that had been cast upon Parkinson had not been lifted. If anything, his proclamation seemed to make it worse. Such a terrible shame that he actually cared.

After what seemed like an eternity with trying to reason with them, he let out a sigh and sent a disarming spell at her father. It worked a little too well and sent both of her parents flying into a wall.

Now one would think that a resounding 'thank you' would be in order. But this was Parkinson and she is a heinous bitch.

Consequently, no form of a 'thank you' was received. Instead he got smacked, a few choice words said to him and broken up with.

After enduring all of the taunting, reduction of his self-image to basic non-existence, not to mention fulfilling her every desired whim, she breaks up with him over a ridiculous prank?

What a bitch.

But hey, he was finally rid of her and this time he was too angry to experience any feelings of depression about it.

Damn Hermione for pointing that out to him, otherwise he would have been able to live some semblance of a normal, Parkinson-free life.

To Hate Hermione

It was quite a wonderful thing really…life without Parkinson. He can remember those whole two weeks quite well. Oh how they were absolute bliss.

Killing Hermione officially made his 'To Do List' after a certain stunt she pulled.

Now I'm sure you're wondering what dear, sweet, innocent Hermione could have done so horribly wrong. Let him assure you, killing her is not an overreaction.

"Oh Harry," Hermione said. "I have never seen you this miserable. You really need to talk to her."

Like hell he did. He was actually quite content in the fact that they were not together.

"Hermione, stop trying to mess with my head!" He finally shouted at her after hours of her trying to fill his mind will Pro-Parkinson propaganda.

He should have known something was up right then, but he attributes it to his Post-Parkinson idiocy…you know it takes awhile to get over so many months of complete incompetence.

What really tipped him off was when he saw Hermione emerging from the infamous snogging hallway while waiting for her with Ron after Potions. It was really her witty response to him that got him wondering.

"What were you doing over there?" He asked curiously.
"Oh right, that's the hallway where I caught you with Pansy. Well, don't worry I didn't catch her with anyone else." She said insolently.
"Ugh! How many times do I have to tell you that I am over this whole Parkinson thing!"

Hermione rolled her eyes and walked away. Ron was still too traumatized to even mention Parkinson and was barely able to listen to the conversation without noticeably shuddering.

Later that day is when he received the first request from Parkinson to meet so they could talk. He felt someone stick something in his robes as he walked through the halls. Turning to see if he could see who did it hadn't even occurred to him and he instead went rummaging for whatever was placed on him. The parchment he found was a polite request from her to meet, saying that he could send the time and place of the meeting in his response to her.

That piece of parchment ended up crumpled into a ball and burned on the spot.

Numerous notes followed, each a little differently worded, but never varied in tone. Parkinson was actually trying. After two weeks of the constant badgering letters, he made sure no one was looking when he pulled her aside after one of her classes.

After telling her that he would meet her in The Room of Requirement an hour before dinner, she gave him a curious look and then nodded.

Apparently that peculiar look she gave him was for a reason. She was flat out denying writing him any sappy love letters in an attempt to get him to meet her. Thankfully, he had brought the ones he hadn't destroyed with him. She appeared outraged.

"I did not write these!" She proclaimed.
"Looks like your handwriting Parkin…" A horrible epiphany began to take shape in his head.
"Did it ever occur to you that you're not the only one that knows how to alter handwriting! It's either that or you're making a pathetic attempt to get me back after making me look like a complete fool!"
"Why in the hell would I want a bitch like you back!"
"The same ill-fated reasons I would want a jackass like you back!"
"I am not a jacka-wait, what did you just say!"
"I said I didn't write those pathetic letters in your hand!"
"That's not-"
"That bitch! I knew she was up to something when she asked me for notes!"

Now that's not when killing Hermione ended up on the 'To Do List', that happened after the argument. Well, more when Parkinson gave up her arguement, said 'fuck it' and started snogging the hell out of him. There was really nothing he could do for she had caught him completely off guard. There he was yelling at her and next thing he knew he couldn't exactly talk anymore.

Oh he wasn't about to let her get away with that. He pushed her off and continued his rant about how he wanted nothing to do with her and how the past two weeks had been absolutely delightful without having to deal with her. He no longer was taunted, he was feeling better about himself and, most importantly, she wasn't there.

He should have figured this would have no effect on Parkinson's pursuit of him, he had said things like that to her on a daily basis when they were together.

He remembers the exact moment when everything went to hell.

In her attempt to convince him that proceeding was a decent idea, she said that since it was Hermione, the most intelligent person in Hogwarts, who was pushing for them to get back together, maybe they should heed to her advice.

Parkinson is nothing but pure evil.

A brand of evilness that he found himself wrapped in again.

That's about the time he decided that Hermione needed to be off-ed.

He'll get around to that as soon as his sanity makes its triumphant return.