A/N: I borrowed a line from The House of Flying Daggers and another one from Mulan. Kudos to SilverGhostKitsune for correctly guessing the latter. ;)

I read in a review somewhere that the reason why most Kenshin and Kaoru fics fail is because they don't recognize and give importance to the significance Tomoe had made in both of their lives. This chapter attempts to fix that. I hope to reconcile the beauty of Kaoru's love for Kenshin of the Meiji with the beauty of Tomoe's love for Kenshin of the Bakumatsu.

That being said, there will be slight spoilers for the Kyoto Arc and the Remembrance Arc up ahead, though you have to be familiar with the story itself to recognize the references to them.

"The hardest part of walking away from you is knowing that you won't run after me."

A childhood lesson. Letting go. And holding on.

"SELFISH"

A Rurouni Kenshin Fanfiction

by shirotora-san

PART THREE

Beauty

Some questions are hard to answer.

"You told Eiji in Shingetsu to be happy! Why don't you take your own advice?"

Sometimes it's because no one knows what the answer is. Maybe the answer has not yet been found – or maybe it never existed in the first place.

"It's been fifteen years, and now you have the nerve to show up… what do you want from me this time?"

A useless search for an answer that never was.

"Isn't protecting people from the pain of the times a teaching of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu?"

Sometimes it's because there are plenty of answers, and it's impossible to cover them all. There is no definite answer – all of them speak the truth.

"If I can't use my sword now, when can I?"

That doesn't necessarily mean, however, that all those answers are right.

"You took a roundabout way to reach the teachings of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu?"

Sometimes it's because the answer does not seem like an answer at all. It is half a truth and half a lie – an unbelievable paradox that somehow makes sense.

"Or is it that you're repenting for all the men you killed in your manslayer days?"

It may be an insult to human intelligence, but perhaps we do not understand the world as well as we believe we do.

"Kenshin?"

And sometimes… some questions have the answers one does not want to hear or say.

I stop in my tracks as I am forced to recognize her question, her voice, her presence – her. I stop even as my mind screams to walk away from her, even as my body yells for me to hold her, even as my heart shouts in rejoicing and lamenting and cursing her for following me when she didn't even ask me to stay.

These are the answers we do not want to accept.

"…are you angry with us for coming to Kyoto?"

The irony of it all is that sometimes, the simplest questions are the hardest ones to answer.

"Kenshin? Ken-shin!"

I blinked. "Oro? What is it, Kaoru-dono?"

"Mou," I heard her mutter under her breath. "Do you realize that I've been trying to get your attention for the past ten minutes now?" She turned to raise an eyebrow quizzically at me. "What has got you so distracted today that you couldn't even hear your own name?"

Deep in thought, I murmured, "Sessha was distracted by you."

"What?"

"And your kimono, de gozaru," I quickly added. She looked at me strangely, and I prayed that she didn't notice my slip of tongue. Well, it was true anyway. I wonder if she knew that I'm distracted by her most of the time.

She frowned and turned away, a barely audible sigh escaping her lips. I suppressed a smile. I wonder if she knew she needn't be so disappointed. I wonder if she knew I think of her more often than she realize.

"Ne, Kenshin," she said suddenly. "What's your favorite color?"

I looked at her in surprise. She seemed to be seriously waiting for my answer. I cocked my head to one side and thought the question over. "Sessha can't say that he has one, de gozaru. Sessha never really thought about it," I admitted. "Does Kaoru-dono have one?"

She smiled at me and spread her arms slightly. "You're looking at it."

I let my gaze respectfully rove over her form, taking care not to let my eyes linger on any part of her body longer than necessary. "Ah… Kaoru-dono's favorite color is red, de gozaru ka?"

She nodded happily. "Hai!"

I wish the smile I gave her was genuine. I averted my gaze. I could only hope she wouldn't notice that I couldn't look at her too long. I couldn't bear the sight of something I've come to hate marring the person I've come to love.

"You're doing it again."

Blood marring the pristine white snow…

For a split second, I seriously thought she was talking about something else. "Oro?"

She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "You're spacing out again!" Her mouth pouted at me, but her eyes glimmered with mischief. "Whatever's on your mind must really be more interesting than my company, huh?"

I laughed softly. "Maa… nothing is more interesting than Kaoru-dono's company, de gozaru," I told her truthfully, and I smiled at the blush that colored her cheeks. It was probably the only shade of red I was looking forward to seeing. "Sessha was just wondering why he never saw Kaoru-dono wear that kimono before, even though Kaoru-dono says it's her favorite color."

Like a cloud passing over the sun, something in the way the light in her eyes dimmed told me I had unexpectedly touched on a sensitive subject. I felt like I should change the topic, but for some reason, I was suddenly seized by a strange desire to know the answer. Instead, I waited quietly, patiently, for her answer.

Then, like the first rays of sunlight after the rain, her eyes suddenly brightened as something caught her gaze. "Look, Kenshin!"

I barely had time to utter a startled "Oro!" when she raced ahead of me. I shifted my hold on the bucket and the fishing rod before following her.

I stop a few feet away from her and stared at the amusing picture she made. She was crouched down on the grass, the hem of her kimono tucked neatly beneath her legs. We were near the riverbank now, close to my usual fishing spot where I normally take Ayame and Suzume with me. I smiled. From the way she was peering so intently at something near the roots of an old cherry tree, I feel like I still have a little girl with me.

She looked up when she finally noticed my presence. "Flowers," she pointed with a sunny smile.

I laughed at the child-like quality of her actions. "Sessha didn't know Kaoru-dono likes flowers," I said as I kneeled beside her. "Kaoru-dono never pays much attention to them in the market, de gozaru."

She wrinkled her nose. "The ones being sold in the market can hardly be called flowers." She sat back and pulled her knees up to her chest. "They're all trimmed and domesticated and… well… prettified."

I blinked. The way her face scrunched up at that last word made it seem like she had uttered a bad word. Not understanding, I flopped down next to her. "That's a bad thing, de gozaru ka?"

She chuckled. "Well, not really. But those flowers, no matter how those vendors advertise them, can never be natural or real." She shrugged. "They're not the kind of flowers that can be called beautiful – really, truly beautiful in their own right."

I stared at her. "Then… what other flowers are there?"

She moved to the side and revealed to my view what was hidden before. There, growing discreetly among a clump of weeds at the foot of the towering cherry tree, was a collection of brightly colored plants.

"Wildflowers," she said with a smile.

Slowly, I reached a hand out towards them. "Red flowers," I murmured softly.

She moved closer and spoke to me in a whisper, as if afraid her voice would disturb the serenity of the surroundings and rouse the flowers from their peaceful slumber. "Look, Kenshin. These flowers are untouched and unadulterated. Growing in the wild, they know nothing of the cruelty human hands are capable of."

Her own hand hovered hesitantly over them, ghosting over the petals. Our fingers almost – almost – touched. Feeling suddenly shy, I moved my hand away.

"But unlike those flowers being put on display and sold at ridiculous prices in the market," she continued saying. "These flowers had to brave the wild alone with nothing to shelter or take care of them." A thoughtful smile crossed her features. "When you think about it, it's a wonder how something so pure turned out to be strong."

She rested her chin on her knees, her head turned slightly to one side as one of her hands lingered over one flower, smaller and more starkly red than the rest. "My father always said that the flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful one of all. I never really understood what that meant, so I can't say that I agree. I just find wildflowers beautiful." She chuckled. "What do you think, Kenshin?"

I looked at her youthful face, her eyes shadowed by all those sleepless nights when she took care of Sano and Yahiko and I after our battles in Kyoto. I looked at her hair dancing the breeze, longer and more beautiful than that night so long ago when she attacked me, not knowing and knowing at the same time who I really was. I looked at her slim, pale hands as they brushed over the delicate petals, her fingers hardened by years of training in the art of killing with the philosophy of protecting life.

"Aa," I said softly. "Wildflowers are beautiful indeed."

She smiled. "I'm glad you think so."

Her hand retreated and came to rest on her lap. She dropped her gaze as her fingers ran over the silky red fabric. "Do you know why I never wore this kimono before?" She looked up and met my startled gaze. "It's because the color red…"

And with a sweeping gesture, she motioned to the wildflowers growing at the foot of the cherry tree.

"…is the color of everything beautiful."

"Then isn't that more reason for Kaoru-dono to wear the kimono more often?"

She blinked at me in surprise, and my eyes widened when I realized I had spoken my thoughts aloud. The corners of her mouth twitched as she tried to stop herself from smiling, and she quickly looked away to hide her flushed face from my view.

"Thank you for the compliment, Kenshin." She stood up and dusted herself off, cutting off the awkward silence that had settled. "Although I'd like to believe you actually meant it."

"Oro!"

She grinned and held out a hand to help me up. After a moment's hesitation, I closed my hand over hers. It was smaller and paler than mine; she had a woman's hand. And yet as I brushed my skin against hers, I felt her calluses match mine. She had a fighter's hand.

She is so different from me. And yet in many respects… she is much like me as well.

"We better hurry," she said as I straightened. Almost as an apology, she tightened her grip on my fingers for a moment before she let go. I felt a rush of disappointment at the loss of her touch. "We don't want to keep those fishes waiting."

"Ah," I said with a smile. "Sessha believes those fishes don't want us around anyway, de gozaru."

She arched an eyebrow at me. "And how do you know that?"

I grinned at her. "If sessha was a fish, sessha definitely wouldn't want to be someone's dinner, de gozaru."

She smacked my shoulder playfully. "I believe your non-killing vow doesn't apply to living things with fins and a tail." She wagged a finger at me. "If you don't fish, we don't eat. If we don't eat, we die. Then what will happen to that vow of yours?"

"Oro… since Kaoru-dono put it that way, de gozaru…"

She laughed and made her way back onto the main road, her shoulders shaking in mirth. I chuckled and shook my head as I followed her. Her ponytail swished back and forth as she walked a few steps ahead of me, the ebony strands reaching the plum-colored obi that matched the ribbon in her hair. Only when we had already turned the corner did I realize that she had never truly answered my question.

And there was one more thing I wanted to ask her.

"Kaoru-dono?"

She turned to me with a dazed look in her eyes. "Hmm?"

"Sessha was just wondering…" I began.

"Damn!" she said suddenly. A soft plop! sounded in the water as a catfish jumped away from the fishing line. She leaned back with a frustrated sigh. "I thought we had that one." She turned to me again. "What were you saying, Kenshin?"

We had been sitting by the riverbank for an hour and half now. The bucket had been empty that long too, hence her growing impatience. I had chosen a spot near an old oak tree so she could sit and wait in the shade while I catch our dinner. She had insisted on sitting beside me. "In case Battousai needs back-up when the little fishies defeat him," she had added with a wink.

I took a deep breath and tried again. "Sessha was wondering about something Kaoru-dono said earlier, de gozaru."

She frowned when she saw that the fish had somehow taken the morsel attached to the end of the line when I reeled it in. "Do you still have bait?"

"Oro? Ah, hai, de gozaru. Here, sessha will take care of that first."

She waited until I had thrown the line into the water again before speaking. "What exactly did I say?"

I kept my gaze fixated on the waters in front of me. "The color red, de gozaru. Why did Kaoru-dono say that it was the color of everything beautiful?"

"Well, for one thing, it's the color of your hair."

I turned to her in surprise, and she averted her gaze as a response. She was blushing again. "I love…" she faltered for a moment and cleared her throat. "…your hair you know."

I smiled at the catch in her voice, and I felt my own cheeks warm a little. "Really, de gozaru ka?"

She chuckled. "Hai, de gozaru yo," she answered. "I used to be really jealous of your hair. I've never seen anything like it."

The smile faded from my face a little as I turned my gaze back to the river. "Kaoru-dono doesn't think it looks strange?"

She cocked her head to one side. "A bit messy, perhaps," she said wryly. "But I still think it's beautiful."

I stiffened when I felt her fingers tentatively touch my back. Slowly, she let her fingers thread through the crimson strands, and I forced myself to relax at the feather-light caress.

"You know, Kenshin," she murmured as she pulled her hand away. "You really should learn to take better care of your hair. You're hiding its true beauty from people."

I let my bangs fall in front of my eyes. "Sessha would rather not let it be seen by people anyway, de gozaru."

The leaves of the surrounding trees rustled as a gentle breeze blew. The blades of grass danced and tickled our ankles, and the reeds at the riverbank swayed to the wind's unheard music, revealing the crystalline waters beyond. Floating gems sparkled on the surface as it reflected the sunlight that shone through wisps of white clouds. Birds flew overhead and sang in chorus to the soft, rushing song of the river.

"I think I understand now why you're fond of fishing so much."

"Oro?"

She turned to smile at me. "You love it here, don't you?"

It took a moment to register that she was talking about the riverbank. I smiled back. "Aa. It's beautiful down here. And peaceful."

"Mm. That I can agree with," she murmured. "We all need peace and quiet sometimes, especially with all that racket back at the dojo."

I chuckled. "Maa… it's not so bad, de gozaru. Sessha likes having Sano and the others around."

She snorted. "That's because you're not the one the idiot rooster head leeches money off."

The guilt must have shown on my face, because she quickly smacked me in the head. "Oro!"

"Oh don't give me that look, Kenshin. You've done more than enough."

I fell silent. The words that meant to comfort and reassure instead brought a sense of foreboding and, as always, guilt. Danger followed me everywhere, and it seemed to have taken up a permanent residence at the dojo as well. It chose to stay with me. I wonder if I had made the wrong choice. I wonder if I really had done more than enough already.

The smooth, glassy surface of the water shattered into ripples as another fish jumped away. I heard her sigh beside me in disappointment.

I had spent the last decade wandering, trying to remain one step ahead of the guilt and the grief that always followed me. From the corner of my eye, I stole a glance at her, at my reason for staying – and for coming back. I chose to stay with her, to stop my wandering at least for the moment, even though I knew that in doing so my past would catch up to me soon.

I watched as she scrunched up her face in concentration, looking for any sign of fish lurking beneath the water's surface. A small smile played on my lips. I wonder though… if I stop and stay long enough, maybe the guilt and the grief that always followed me will have a chance to overtake me. And maybe it will finally leave me behind.

And maybe… I won't have to wander again. Maybe I can really, finally… stay.

Blood marring the pristine white snow…

"I've seen you! I've seen you, Battousai! I've seen that this girl is your woman!"

"…You're doing it again."

I shook my head. No… perhaps even that was too much to ask for.

"Kenshin?"

Her voice brought me back from the pull of the past on my thoughts. "Hai, de gozaru ka?"

She gestured casually at the surroundings of the river. "This is your favorite place, isn't it?"

I smiled. "In a way, yes." Next to the Kamiya dojo, with you. "Why did Kaoru-dono ask?"

She brought her knees up to her chest as she rocked back and forth thoughtfully. "What's your favorite thing here?"

"Oro?" I paused as I pondered the question. "Sessha likes everything here. As this one said earlier, it's beautiful here. Although…"

She looked at me curiously as I trailed off. "Although…?" she prompted.

"Well… Kaoru-dono said that red is the color of everything beautiful." I shrugged. "Sessha noticed that hardly anything here is colored red, de gozaru."

She smiled. "That's because you don't look hard enough."

"Oro?"

She pointed at the woods across the river. "In the summer, the red sparrows that fly from the trees as they leave their nest."

Next, she pointed at the bridge. "In autumn, the children playing with small red pinwheels that turn in the strong wind."

Then she pointed at the houses beyond. "In winter, the warmth of red fire glowing from inside the homes, inviting shelter from the cold."

She finally turned to me. "And of course, in spring… the red wildflowers."

Locking her arms behind her, she leaned on her palms and gazed at the sky. "My mother was a painter," she said softly. "She loved to paint landscapes like these. She was talented and very detailed in her work."

I listened with rapt attention, a bit startled at how she was telling me all these and curious as to why. And with that came the guilty realization that despite her acceptance of mine, I don't know much about her past.

Her gaze took on a faraway look. "She taught me that it was the little things that mattered most. She made sure that even if her pictures were made of sweeping blues and greens and browns, she never forgets to add a little red flower here, or a red bird there, or even the reflection of the red sunset on rivers like these."

She smiled. "Even if these small details were inconspicuous, somehow the picture wouldn't be complete without them." She looked at me. "It wouldn't have been as beautiful."

She was distracted for a moment by a movement in the water. The wind picked up and ruffled my bangs, shielding my eyes from her view.

"Sessha is glad, Kaoru-dono."

"For what, Kenshin?"

I raised my head and stared at the waters in front of me. "Sessha is glad that Kaoru-dono never knew the horrible things that were colored red." Blood, death, destruction. Battousai. My hands tightened around the fishing rod. "That for Kaoru-dono… red was the color of peace and beauty."

The plum ribbon danced in the wind along with her ebony locks. A few strands flew in front of her face, and she closed her eyes as she savored the cool air on her skin. Slowly, gently, she reached up and tucked her hair neatly behind her ears. Her hands came to rest in her lap, atop the red fabric that enfolded her body.

"It was autumn when my father died," she said quietly. "Everything was red then."

I turned to her in surprise. "Kaoru-dono…"

"The leaves were just turning red when I received news of my father's death. I felt as bare and lifeless as the branches the leaves left behind when they fell." She lowered her head, refusing to meet my gaze. "And the envelope that bore the letter was tied with red string. Even though the dojo was eerily peaceful when the messenger brought the letter, the message served as a reminder that the wars were not yet over. People were still fighting. Battles were still being waged. My father, my hero, the man of my life, was just a mere casualty."

Her hands curled into fists. "Word began to spread about my sudden availability – after all, I was an unmarried young woman with no family to answer to. Suitors suddenly came in droves. They jumped at the chance, of course." She chuckled bitterly. "After all, they believed that the dojo lacked an heir. Who would expect a girl like me to run a dojo on my own?"

I thought back to that misty morning when she called to me with the name I discarded ten years ago. The surprise on my face when I turned to look at my attacker had been genuine. In all of my twenty-eight years, it had been the first time I faced a swordswoman.

"I turned them all away, of course. Some of the more persistent ones left with bruises and a few broken bones." She huffed irritably. "I refuse to be taken as a prize. I may be a woman, but I'm still a human being. I'm not a goddamn trophy."

I knew firsthand how skilled with the sword she was – and I knew how angry she could get. I knew I should feel sorry for those men for all the injuries they received.

It surprised me that I wasn't.

"One night in early spring, a group of men broke into the dojo. They were yakuza. I remember because they were wearing this trademark red bandanna on their necks. It seemed that the land the dojo was standing on was very valuable to them. Their boss wanted to marry me at all costs – even if he had to do it by force."

She wrapped her arms around herself as she shivered. I knew it wasn't from the cold. "He actually got as far as my room. After all, the easiest way to force me into marriage was to…" She swallowed and released a shaky breath. "To dishonor me."

Red was beginning to color my vision, and it wasn't from my hair. I forced myself to take a deep, calming breath, even as I felt my blood beginning to boil, even as I felt the long dormant hitokiri clawing its way into my consciousness. I stamped down the sudden urge to reach for my sword. The fishing rod was going to snap at any moment from the way I was gripping it.

"Did… did they succeed?" My reflection rippled in the water, and in my eyes I saw the first traces of gold melting into the normally placid purple. I quickly scrunched my eyes shut, and when I opened them again, they were thankfully back to their normal color. "…d-de gozaru ka?"

She shook her head. "No. My father didn't die without leaving a legacy. I fought them. I fought with everything my father taught me. It was hard, but I finally managed to drive them out of the dojo."

"Was Kaoru-dono hurt badly?"

"…Genzai-sensei took care of me."

We both knew she didn't answer my question. We both knew I wouldn't like the answer anyway.

"What happened after that was even worse. The yakuza took their revenge on me by threatening the families of my students. They were told that if their children were to come anywhere near the dojo again, they will be killed by the yakuza. Those men figured that if I lost my only source of income, I'd be the one crawling back to them."

Her eyes hardened. "I doubted that the yakuza would actually go through with their threats. But it was enough to alarm my students' families. That summer, I got thrown out of their houses each time I tried and begged for them to listen to my explanation. They even resorted to throwing stuff at me just to keep me out. Red tomatoes were their favorite."

Her fingers gripped the fabric of her kimono tightly. "The winter that followed was the worst. I barely had enough money to last me through the day. If it hadn't been for Tae-san's support, I probably would've died of starvation a long time ago." She turned to me with a wry smile. "By then, I wouldn't have to worry about suitors anymore. Tae-san used to joke that I looked as sick as death itself."

I tried to smile back. I failed.

"It was then that Genzai-sensei introduced me to Maekawa-sensei. He was a good friend of my father's and a firm believer of the Kamiya Kasshin philosophy. He helped me get back on my feet, even though in doing so he had a few run-ins with the yakuza. He and Genzai-sensei took care of me, though somewhat indirectly. I owe my life to them."

She smiled at me, sincerely this time. "I guess you could say I'm still somewhat lucky. It makes me wonder who took care of you all this time."

Even now, she wouldn't allow herself to wallow in self-pity. Even now, she wouldn't allow me to wallow in guilt for underestimating her again.

"I hope that you had met people like Tae-san and Genzai-sensei and Maekawa-sensei during your wandering." Her eyes softened. "Did you, Kenshin?"

Even now, she wouldn't allow herself to be selfish.

"No."

"No?"

"No. Sessha met better people, de gozaru."

She blinked. "Really? Who?"

"When you think about it, it's a wonder how something so pure turned out to be strong."

A small smile appeared on my lips. "Sessha met people like Kaoru-dono."

I didn't have to look at her to see that lovely shade of red on her cheeks again.

"Baka," she whispered softly.

"Mou," I heard her mutter for the nth time. "This really isn't our lucky day," she grumbled as she poked at the still-empty bucket.

I forced myself to maintain a straight face. "Maybe the fishes felt Kaoru-dono's violent aura and got scared, de gozaru yo."

She glared at me. "I am not violent." She was poised to hit me again, yet stopped in mid-swing as she seemed to have thought better of it. She frowned and let her arm drop back to her side. "Most of the time, anyway."

I chuckled. "Maa… we'll catch the next one, de gozaru."

Plop!

She raised an eyebrow at me as another catfish jumped away.

"Oro… or maybe the one after that."

She sighed and moved to help me attach another bait to the line. She sat back and watched as I cast it once again into the water.

"How does Kaoru-dono do it?"

"Eh?"

I absentmindedly moved my hand over the reel. "Kaoru-dono has many bad memories of the color red, de gozaru. And yet she still loves the color." I watched the line move in the direction my hand was steering. "How can Kaoru-dono love something that reminds her so much of things that she wants to forget?"

The line stopped moving in the water as I let my hands rest once more on the fishing rod's handle.

"You've got it all wrong, Kenshin," she said softly. "I don't want to forget."

And for the nth time that day, I turned to her in surprise.

"My mother was the one who introduced me to the color red. She loved it almost as much as I do, though I think her favorite color was green." She chuckled. "They were the color of my father's eyes, after all."

I smiled. "So Kaoru-dono got her eyes from her mother, de gozaru ka?"

She snorted. "It's not just her eyes. People used to say that I was an exact carbon copy of my mother."

"Was Kaoru-dono's mother just as violent too?"

I let out a startled "Oro!" when she yanked at my hair. "Shut up, Kenshin, and let me finish."

"Hai. Shutting up, de gozaru yo."

She grinned and let her arm fall back to her side. "And for your information, no, she wasn't violent. I was similar to my mother in appearance, but in everything else I was truly my father's daughter. Probably the only other thing I have in common in her was our love for colors."

Her hands moved gently on her lap, her fingers lingering over the fabric of her kimono. "For her, red was the color of passion. It was a passion that could work both ways, she told me. It could be a passion borne out of love, or a passion borne out of bloodlust and hatred. A passion that can create or destroy." Her gaze turned wistful. "It worked both ways for me too. It had been the color of everything I deemed beautiful. And it had also been the color of everything that destroyed that beauty."

The wind picked up once more, ruffling the ribbon in her hair. And I noticed, for the first time, that it was close to the color of a purple shawl that once wrapped around a young boy's shoulders, protecting him from the madness of a killer's mind.

"But I can never hate the color red. Because to hate it will be the same as hating the person who taught me to love it."

My eyes widened.

"The color red may have taken away those that have been precious to me."

"No… I don't want to die… I was finally going to marry her… I have always… loved her…"

"It made me lonely."

"The happiness I should have had died with him."

"But…"

"…but maybe it was really my fault."

I blinked in surprise when she tugged at my hair once more. "It also took the loneliness away."

"The happiness you lost once, in all this violence. I'll protect it this time for you."

"And it brought me new things to cherish."

"If you fall as a sacrifice, one girl who came to Kyoto with the one wish to see you will be left miserable and alone."

"To forget that I have lost because of it will be the same as forgetting that I have gained because of it as well."

"It's not just me and Megumi. Everyone wants you to come out of this all right."

"I'm thankful both for what I once had…" She smiled at me. "And for what I have now."

"Let's go back to Tokyo together."

She held my hair up to the light, and the crimson strands seemed to suddenly ignite and blaze, as if she was holding fire in her hands, only it wasn't burning her. She loosened her hold on them, and the strands clung to her fingers before they draped back against my back, as if they were unwilling to let her go.

"And that's why I don't want to forget."

She reached up and adjusted her ribbon, which became loose in the blowing wind. It was close to the color of a purple shawl so long ago. Close, but not quite the same. Different… but equally beautiful.

"Thank you."

Her hands paused in its movements atop her head. "Eh? For what?"

I smiled. "Sessha thinks he can understand now why Kaoru-dono loves the color red. And sessha…"

"It's alright. So please, don't cry."

"Sessha finally realizes… he doesn't want to forget either."

"You seem to be asking a lot of questions lately, Kenshin."

Her soft voice broke through my thoughts. I turned to her and saw an equally soft smile playing on her lips. I wonder, though, why her smile didn't reach her eyes when they met mine. "May I be the one to ask you a question this time?"

"Of course, Kaoru-dono."

The sun was already dipping low in the sky as the afternoon wore on, forming long shadows that stretched across the grass. The rays were now cast on the river from a different angle than before, and the slivers of light danced in her face as she stared at the water's reflection.

"What's the difference between value and worth?"

Of all the questions she could've seized the moment to ask me, this was something I didn't expect. I blinked. "Is there supposed to be a difference, de gozaru ka?"

"According to my mother, there is." The branches of the oak tree stretched above us, casting shadows over her smile. "That's why she gave me a special gift for my birthday."

She hugged her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. She looked as small as a child just then. "A long time ago, when I was still a little girl, my mother bought me this kimono to teach me a lesson. It was the last gift she ever gave me. She died a year later."

Her bangs danced over her eyes, and I knew that it wasn't the river she was seeing. "My mother had never been as physically strong as my father and I. She battled with tuberculosis for years before it finally defeated her." She closed her eyes briefly. "She coughed up blood every night. I had to do the laundry every morning. Red stained the white sheets everywhere."

Blood marring the pristine white snow…

"…This unworthy one is sorry, Kaoru-dono."

She opened her eyes, and the sadness in them was gone as quickly as it came. "So I think you know now why I'm not really that fond of doing the laundry," she lightly joked.

I smiled softly. "Aa." Even if one doesn't want to forget, some memories are just too painful to remember.

I reeled the line in and sighed when I saw the hook had caught on some weeds in the water. I carefully removed them and made a few adjustments with the line. Then I raised my arms, set my shoulders, and threw the line back into the water.

"What was the lesson, de gozaru ka?"

She blinked and turned to me. "What?"

"The lesson Kaoru-dono's mother wanted to teach her." I glanced at her. "What was it?"

She dropped her gaze. "She died before she could fully explain to me what this lesson was. I… I never learned it." Her hands curled into fists on her lap. "At least… I never really understood what she wanted me to learn."

I stared at her for a long moment. Then I set the fishing rod down. I took the few remaining steps closer to her and knelt before her, a determined look on my face.

"Kaoru-dono."

She watched my movements warily, curiosity and nervousness flitting across her features. "Yes, Kenshin?"

"Sessha would like to know more about this kimono, de gozaru." I smiled when she looked at me in surprise. "Sessha would like to know the whole story behind it. This unworthy one doesn't presume to understand, but…"

Her eyes widened when I gently took her hands in mine.

"If Kaoru-dono will allow it, this unworthy one would like to help her learn this lesson." I lowered my gaze and let my thumbs idly rub over her knuckles soothingly, comfortingly. "Her mother's lesson seems to be very important to her. So even if it's not much, sessha…" I let my voice drop to a whisper. "Sessha would like to help Kaoru-dono."

"When I first met you, Kaoru-dono…"

I realized how strangely I was acting.

"You told me that you didn't care about my past."

The rurouni never would have done something so bold. But the hitokiri wouldn't have been so gentle about it either.

"…I was happy about that."

I acted this way only once before.

"Day after day, I continued to rest my soul, and I really felt that I could become a normal swordsman."

She was silent for a long moment, and I felt vulnerable under her penetrating gaze. It was a familiar feeling.

"Thank you for everything."

I looked at the way my hands held hers. It was the same feeling I had when I held her that night amidst the fireflies' light.

"Sessha wa rurouni. I must be wandering again."

"Ken… shin…"

It was the same. Even the way she brokenly whispered the syllables of my name was the same. Even the way her sapphire pools darkened and melted into the liquid sadness of tears was the same. I felt my chest tightening with an unknown emotion and I moved to pull my hands away.

"Sayonara."

Her fingers tightened over them almost immediately.

This… this was different. I stared at her in surprise. "Kaoru-dono?"

Slowly, finally, she raised her head and met my gaze. Her sapphire pools had darkened and melted into the liquid sadness of tears. But her rosy lips bloomed into the delicate, joyous petals of a smile.

This was different too. My eyes widened.

"I'd like that," she said softly. "I'd like that very much."

End of part three

A/N: In case anyone's confused or wondering, Kenshin does refer to Kaoru in the third person, even when he's talking directly to her. It's part of his speech pattern along with the "sessha's" and "oro's" and "de gozaru's." ;)