Nataniel Archibald walked unerringly, weaving in and out of the various crowds of people, his steps full of purpose with a clear destination in mind. He needed to unwind, needed to relax. He flexed the muscles of his shoulders and felt the tension that was always present in them recently, tightening and arching with the movement, as if the weight of the world was resting there. And sometimes it seemed that was exactly right. The weight of his entire world, at least, rested on his broad shoulders.
His grandfather was still trying to see him, had called him several times in the past few days in fact. Nate didn't want to talk to the man. He had nothing to say to him. After finding out he was responsible for his father's investigation, Nate was through with the man, for now at least.
Something in the back of his mind told him that later, when he was older and could look back on the whole thing more clearly, he would realize that his grandfather had been right. But for now, he was done.
And there was Blair. He had hoped that reconciling would be easy for the two of them. They had shared so much of their past together. She was his first.... well almost everything. Guilt still plagued him over his one stupid, drunken mistake with Serena. But he also knew that, when she first came back, if she had so much as wiggled an eyebrow in his direction, he would have been back at her side before he could really think about it. He didn't love her. He wasn't totally sure he had ever really been in love. He was infatuated with her. That carefree, recklessness that was her trademark drew him to her like a moth to a flame.
But it was quickly understood that she had no intentions of rekindling their brief romance and if nothing else, Nate could take a hint.
He let his mind drift as he continued towards the one place in the world he could just be himself without any airs, without judgment, the one place he always knew he could be free. He wondered, for a moment how he had ever managed to find himself with Blair back in his arms. He certainly hadn't planned on it. He had even convinced himself that maybe she belonged with his best friend, Chuck. She clearly brought out the best in the man. And Nate, who knew him better than anyone else in the world, had been amazed that Chuck possessed a GOOD side. But it had been there for a short time, amazing them all as he looked at Blair with such startling intensity and devotion. Of course, if any one of their intimate circle of friends had told Chuck about that look, he would have fervently denied it.
He found himself smiling as he thought back to the day of Chuck's father and Serena's mother wedding. Chuck had admitted it out loud. Albeit, it wasn't something he had planned to say. That was clear from the look on his face the moment after the words came out. And he definitely hadn't meant to say them to Nate, since Blair was still Nate's in everyone's mind, at least.
Nate never, ever, not a million lifetimes, thought he would ever hear those particular words leave that mouth.
" I love her, Man."
It still sounded so alien, even in his memory. Chuck loved Blair. And everyone knew Blair was in love with Chuck. It seemed the only people who weren't aware of what was happening between the two were, well.... Chuck and Blair.
The death of Chuck's father had destroyed everything that they might have had between them. Or maybe Chuck had done that all on his own way before the tragedy that sent him spiraling down into a bottomless pit of self-loathing, drunkenness and devastation.
God, how he admired the people he had chosen to surround himself with. The strength of character in each of them was awe-inspiring, especially considering how young they all were.
Serena was and always would be exactly who she was. She never let anyone put labels on her, never let anyone try to make her something she wasn't. She knew who she was and she was very happy with it. You just didn't find that kind of confidence in many seventeen-year-olds.
Blair, Ah, His Blair. For all her faults the one thing that she was, was fiercely loyal. There was nothing, absolutely nothing she wouldn't or hadn't done for any one of the people in her life that she loved. The way she had continued to stand by Chuck after his father's death, looking out for him, being there for him, even while Chuck was spitting in her face, that was beyond his comprehension. She was terrifying in her protectiveness of her friends and lovers. Blair was the kind of friend everyone dreamed of having, the one that had your back, no matter what. And she had proven that time and time again.
And then there was Chuck. Nate had feared for a time that he had truly lost Chuck. The wreckage of the man Nate had called his best friend since grade school after his father's death was soul shattering to watch. And he had been as helpless as everyone else to do anything to stop it. Even Blair, who could apparently break through his walls so easily under normal circumstances, had finally had to walk away.
Then one day, he just returned to life, as if nothing had happened. Suddenly, as if someone had flipped a switch, all the ruination, the destitution was gone and Chuck was Chuck once again. There hadn't been an intervention, though there were talks among them about it, there hadn't been a light-dawning dramatic moment where everything was hashed out and dealt with.
One night he had fallen into his normal drunken stupor and the next morning he had emerged, all on his own, without outside help, well groomed, well dressed and fully back in control of himself.
Nate knew that he would never have been strong enough to pull himself out of the depth that Chuck had sank into. He knew if the situation was reversed, he would have been lost forever.
Chuck had always been the stronger of them, maybe not physically, but definitely in his soul, where it mattered.
The elevators doors dinged and the object of his latest musing stepped out of the living room with a scotch in his hand, dressed in a dark gray striped suit with a blue tie. His hair was perfectly in place and all in all, he looked rather tame for Chuck's normal standards.
" Nataniel, I was beginning to think you'd forget where I lived." He smiled as he sipped his scotch casually.
Nate shrugged as he glanced at the watch on his wrist and gave Chuck a speculative look. " It's one thirty in the afternoon and you're already drinking ?"
Chuck shrugged right back and gave him a smile. " I'm sorry I missed the memo announcing you as my new mother."
Lily Bass stepped up behind Chuck and she casually reached around and snatched the drink from is hand without missing a beat. " Well, you didn't miss the one where I am." She announced. " Really Charles, isn't it a little early for this ?"
Chuck didn't say anything but he didn't try to take the drink back either, which surprised Nate. He had half expected him to.
Lily moved down the hall and retreated into her office with the drink still in her hand.
" So what do I owe this pleasure ?" Chuck asked, ushering him into the living room, where he stopped at the bar and poured himself a fresh glass of scotch.
Nate looked at the glass with a smile. " I was hoping we could hang out for a while. I feel like I never get to see you anymore."
" It has been a while. So what are you thinking ? Maybe some basketball or perhaps lunch ? Have you eaten ?" Chuck inquired, stretching his frame over the end of the couch.
" I was thinking we could stay in, order something and grab a movie." Nate answered, hoping Chuck would take the hint.
His leering smile said he had heard every word, and more importantly, he had read between the lines. " You came here to get high." Chuck announced. " I thought you told Blair you quit."
He sat up a little straighter at hearing her name on Chuck's lips and an unreasonable stab of jealousy surged through him. " I did. But how do you know what I told Blair ?"
Chuck quirked his eyebrows at Nate's changed postured. " Last time I offered you a joint, you said 'no, I promised Blair I would quit.'."
Nate sat back and sank into the plush cushions of the couch. " Sorry."
" For what ?" Chuck asked.
" Just, you know." Nate shrugged his shoulders yet again.
Chuck stood and nodded his head towards the hall. " Let's go in here. I promised Lily I quit, too."
Nate chuckled at his back as he followed him to his room.
***********
Thirty minutes later, Chuck Bass lounged over the foot of his bed, comfortably numb and watching his best friend with a curious interest out of the corner of his eye.
Nate seemed older to him for some reason lately. Granted they hadn't spent much time together in the last few months. And Chuck admitted that part of that was his fault. He hadn't really realized exactly how hard it would be to watch Nate with Blair on his arm. He hadn't realized how hard letting her go was going to be.
" You just let me win." Nate announced, looking over at him in disbelief.
" I'm sorry," Chuck answered, realizing suddenly that the game they were playing was indeed over and he had lost. " I guess I got distracted."
" It's been a long time since I had the chance to kick your ass. So it's cool. I almost never get to beat you." Nate smiled at him so innocently.
How could he not see that he had won the only thing that matter between them ?
Chuck tossed the control to the side and fell onto his back on the bed. Nate, resting his back against the foot of the bed, let himself slid down and drift to the floor with a soft thump.
" This is exactly what I needed." Nate announced from directly under Chuck's head.
" You have seemed a little tense lately. Is something going on with you ?" Chuck tried to edge the conversation towards the one subject he was interested in. He wanted to hear from Nate exactly what had happened the night before and hoped that his friend trusted him enough to confide in him.
" Ah, you know, my grandfather and ..." His voice trailed off for a moment, until he finally added, "And Blair and I have been having a few issues."
" Are you still not taking your grandfather's calls ?" Chuck asked, not wanting to grab hold of her name the second it escaped his lips.
" No, I'm not. I guess Eventually I'll forgive him but not yet."
Chuck's thoughts darkened and his mind instantly wondered back to the night before. Nate was lying on the exact spot Chuck had tossed Blair's shirt. A sudden flash of guilt nearly suffocated him, but he beat it down before it got out of hand and he said something stupid.
" Betrayal is a hard thing to get past." He muttered almost under his breath.
" It's not my grandfather really. That's not what's bothering me." He paused and looked up at Chuck for a moment, studying his dazed expression. " Are you really okay with this ? Is this something we can talk about now ?"
Chuck blinked at him in an attempted at innocence. Then narrowed his eyes again. " Oh, you mean, Blair. Yes, Nathanial you can talk about Blair. You won. I lost. Sometimes that's just the way things go."
Nate gave him a raised eyebrow as if he only half believed him. " Well, it's just that ...." He repositioned himself so he could look up Chuck more easily. " Nothing I do seems right. It's like she's expecting something and I'm not doing it right or enough or something." He was struggling to explained and although, Chuck knew exactly what he was talking about, he played innocent as best as could manage.
" I'm not understanding. What do you mean, you're not doing it right ? Not doing what right ?"
Nate looked down to the floor and studied the carpet in front of him. " The sex. The sex isn't working out right. I don't know what to do."
Chuck watched him closely for several long moments, trying to figure out what exactly he was supposed to say to that. The phrase, ' Don't you ever touch her again !' swiftly came to mind, but he decided against it immediately. The thought of plunging his fist into his nose also came to mind, but again, for the sake of their friendship, he squelched the urge.
" Why do you feel like you're not doing it right ? Did she tell you that ?" He finally said, still gaging every word and every expression carefully.
" Not in so many words. It was just awkward, weird. Everything I did just seemed to frustrate her." He admitted.
That's because you aren't me, Chuck thought bitterly, and no matter how you try, you'll never satisfy her like I can.
He sat back and again resisted the urge to say what was on his mind. " I've had a bit of experience in this area. Tell me what you're doing, maybe I can help." He even managed to say it all with a sheepish expression. Blair would have been so proud.
Nate's eyes darkened on him for a moment. And Chuck held his hands up in defensive. " Hey, I'm just trying to help. I know Blair and I know you. Maybe I can help you figure out what isn't working and you can fix it."
Nate was still looking at him with unfriendly eyes, but he shifted and began to speak again. " It was good at first. Everything was fine, but as it progressed it was like everything I did was wrong."
" Can I say something without you taking a swing at me ?" Chuck asked.
Nate nodded, but Chuck wasn't exactly convinced. " I know you, Man. You went at it all sweetness and roses. You are like Prince Charming personified and well...." He swallowed, afraid his next words would bring on the fight. " Sometimes women, especially Blair, would rather be with the Evil Sorcorer."
Nate sat up abrubtly. " So you think she wants to be with you ?!" He demanded. " You think that's what's wrong with her ?"
" That is not what I said, nor would I ever say something like that. She made her choice. And she chose correctly. I'm not good for her. You are. End of story." Chuck explained rather quickly. " What I am saying is romantic, gentle, sweetness is fine sometimes, but sometimes, that isn't what a woman needs. I know Blair. She needs more than that."
He couldn't believe he was saying the words. It was like they were pouring out of him with his permission. If Nate figured out how to please Blair like he could, why would she keep coming back to him. Why would she go searching for something, if she could find it at home ? He had to do something, say something to fix what he had done. He could already see the wheels turning in Nate's mind, thinking about his advice.
" Actually, I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe romantic and tender is exactly what she needs. I mean, I lost her, after all. How would I know what she wants." He tried.
Nate sat up and grabbed his own glass of scotch from where he had nestled it on the inside of the leg of the desk where it wouldn't get turned over. Then apparently something caught his eye and he reached further under the desk and snatched at it.
Handing it up to Chuck, he mumbled, " Apparently someone dropped this."
Chuck looked down and realized with a start it was Blair's clip, dropped there the night before. He reached up to snatch it, but Nate took it back, suddenly eying it more closely.
" Isn't this Blair's ?" He asked, looking the offending piece of jewelry over. Chuck reached for it again, but Nate sat back with it in his hand. " Yeah, I remember it. It was one of her favorites. She wore it everyday for almost a month right after she got it. I used to love to watch the way the emeralds sparkled in her hair." Then his eyes snatched up to Chuck's face, " How did it get here ?"