AN: Slightly shorter chapter today, but an important one! Can't wait to hear the scathing reviews...
Chapter 3
Separation
The sweltering August sun was beating down upon Mount Eisley as parishioners exited the small church at the east end of town. A hot, dry wind blew through the churchyard as the congregation dispersed. Leia slipped her hand through the crook of Han's arm, glad for the shade his taller form provided.
It was no longer strange to Leia to operate as a unit with him in public. In the few months since she'd arrived, they'd had to act like any married couple might in public: sitting together in church and town meetings, walking arm-in-arm down the street. Somehow, the ruse had drawn them closer until it no longer felt like play-acting.
"Howdy, Solo. Mrs. Solo," Gale Ackbar greeted. "Say, my old boss down in Kansas mentioned some winter work. You still lookin'?"
Han's arm tensed under her hand and Leia looked questioningly at him.
"You're thinking of taking work in Kansas?" she asked, working to keep her voice and expression calm to avoid a conflagration in public.
"We'll talk about it later," Han dismissed quickly. The man looked a bit embarrassed about bringing up a sensitive topic, and quickly said his goodbyes. The ride back to the ranch was a particularly quiet one, the ranch hands all appearing to sense that something wasn't right.
"We should check on the cattle," Chewie said when they were back in the barnyard, practically dragging CP and Luke out with him.
"Han, will you please explain what Mr. Ackbar was talking about?" Leia asked in a cool, level voice, anxiety bubbling just below the surface as they walked to the cabin from the barn.
"I was gonna tell you once I thought it through a little," he promised, holding up his hands defensively.
"Tell me what?" she demanded, her heart beating quickly.
"We're gonna have a mortgage payment due in a month," Han explained, "just after I get back from running this herd down to Kansas. It's gonna be every bit'a that money from the cattle for that, and supplies for the winter, and money to repopulate the herd come spring—plus the spring payment. We might be able to do a little business sellin' milk after calving, but I don't think it's gonna be enough. 'Specially 'cause the cattle shed needs rebuildin' if there's gonna be babies in it all winter…"
"And so…" Leia asked, trying not to jump to conclusions.
"And so, that means that I was thinkin' about takin' a job down in Kansas. Ackbar used to work for one of the cattle yards down there. I did that kinda work for a few months; it's hard labor, but it pays good. I could range-ride to Kansas with the hands, and send them back up to run things here during the winter. I'd stay and work for a few months and send the money back. Then I could find a new herd, somewhere between here and there on the way back in the spring."
His answer hurt more than Leia expected, and for reasons she didn't want to ponder. But instead of letting herself fall to pieces in front of him, she let her temper flare.
"And what am I supposed to do while you're gone? Sit here alone all winter?" Leia demanded.
"Leia, I just said I was thinkin' about it. I mentioned it to Ackbar without thinking one day, and I figured he'd never follow up on it."
"Well, he did." Leia said roughly, taking a bowl of beans off the counter and sitting at the table and snapping the beans with far too much force. "Are you going to do it?"
"I don't know. If you want an answer this very second, then yeah, I think I'm gonna hafta do it," Han decided. "We're gonna need the money. You can't fault me for trying to do right by you, Leia."
"Trying to do—don't be ridiculous," she scoffed, throwing a handful of snapped beans into the pot. "This is...well, I don't know," Leia stumbled, trying to cover up how hurt she felt.
"Will you just spit it out?"
"This decision seems…hasty, and perhaps misguided," she said.
"Leia, I'm doing this for you—I promised to take care of you, and that's what I'm trying to do!" Han stated.
"I'm not a child! You're not the only one who can take care of things around here. We're supposed to be a team, Han," Leia said angrily.
That was really the root of her problem—betrayal. By going behind her back, Han had betrayed the careful foundation of trust they'd been forming—making big decisions without even mentioning them to her!
"Look, I've had this mortgage for an awful long time. I know what I gotta do to keep it paid, and I know what's gotta be done to do that," he shot back.
Her temper flared again."That wasn't a conclusion we could have arrived at together? It wasn't something you could have come to me to discuss?"
"I didn't think it was something that really…affected you," Han stumbled. "I'll be the one gone. Life'll go on as normal here while I'm gone, 'cept Chewie'll be in charge."
"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And where do you come off thinking that this is your burden alone?" she yelled.
"Why do you even want me to stay in the first place? This marriage was a sham to begin with. Me leavin' for a season ain't gonna change that," Han hollered back.
Leia had no idea how to respond. His remark felt like a slap to the face, leaving her stinging and breathless. She'd thought they'd made some progress since their wedding-the night after the cattle rustling, the day he'd taught her how to drive...Apparently, though, she'd misread him. She grit her teeth and steeled her eyes to keep herself from crying. Han grunted with disgust and stormed out of the cabin. Leia waited until he was out of her line of sight before falling into a seat at the table, her head dropping into her hands.
00
Han had spent the entire day in the pasture. Chewie had brought out a cold plate of dinner for him, but he hadn't the stomach to eat it.
He'd looked over the pasture, the cattle, and the prairie for hours, hoping to find the answer to his problems there: a simple solution that would completely pay off his mortgage and leave money in the bank, give him full pastures for the spring, and would have Leia swooning into his arms. But the cattle just looked at him, and the prairie winds did not offer any wisdom.
This is your fault, you know, the little voice in his head whispered. She ain't mad because you're leaving. She's mad because you didn't tell her.
There wasn't a solution to this that would fix all his problems. Being a successful rancher didn't come by a get-rich-quick short cut. It came with hard work, dedication, and an empty lockbox from time to time. It came with loyal workers—and a supportive wife.
Married wasn't something Han had ever thought he'd be, and it was working out to be a damn sight harder than he thought it was...especially now that he could no longer deny the growing feelings he had for his mail-order bride.
Was that why he wanted out? He'd been a loner most of his life, and the moment he started to feel something for another person that he knew would never be reciprocated, his instincts told him to bail out before it all fell apart.
Leia was a smart girl—smart enough to realize that she could do a damn sight better than him, smart enough to get along without him or any man.
She was smart enough to think of a way around this. There was a solution that would fix all his problems: get on his knees before his wife, beg her forgiveness, and ask her for help—
But how would that look? He was supposed to be looking after her. That was how things worked out here. Asking Leia for help would mean admitting he wasn't man enough to be married, not man enough to even run a ranch. Han had his pride, and he wasn't about to throw it away because he had feelings for a woman…
Still, he couldn't just leave things like they were.
The sun set behind him, and Han decided to go back to the cabin. Leia was sitting in her rocking chair with her book open in her lap, though the lamp was dark. She didn't look at him as he sat in the chair beside her.
"I didn't mean for that to cause such a rift," Han began, shuffling his feet.
Leia snapped her book shut and turned to give him an icy stare.
Han cleared his throat. "You're right. This isn't something that I can just think through on my own. We'll wait a week or so, get this behind us, and see if we can't come to a decision once our heads are clear," Han suggested.
Leia thought it through for a moment. "That is amenable to me." Han gave her a small smile and rose, somehow feeling like he still wasn't welcome in the cabin. "There's a slice of pie on the table," she called, not turning to face him. He smiled.
They'd be alright.
AN: Well? Have you given up on me yet? I'd love a nice review to read after my first day of school!
Next chapter coming Thursday: We've got another barn raising to attend!