The Burden In March

'Dear Kaori Miyazono. It feels weird to be writing a letter to someone when only in a few minutes, I will meet you once again. I don't know why I should meet up with you exactly. Out of circumstance, or out of something else. You've taken that effect on me quite well.

You're kind, spirited, and talented. Like a child that I have known long ago.

I am not sure if you were that girl, but when I was on a stage nine years ago, there was a beautiful little girl in the audience who smiled, unlike the rest. She wasn't smiling at the music. She was smiling at me, unlike anyone else I have known in my life. When I bumped into a chair stupidly, you didn't care about it at all. I think you liked how stupid I was, funnily enough.

And yet… I quit playing the piano. And it wasn't because my mother died. It's because she kept haunting me, and despite me wanting to shove all of the fame and reputation aside, people still recognized me for who I was then. Not who I am now.

But you weren't like that. You didn't see me as some piano prodigy. Some puppet. A robot. You saw me as a friend behind all of that darkness. And thanks to you, the weight of my mother's shadow had been lifted. I had never felt more happier than being with you. I don't think I knew what it was back then, but I think I know now.

You're kind, spirited, and talented. Like a mother was before darkness enveloped her.

When we went to the same junior high, I didn't want to talk to anyone, and no one wanted to talk to me, save for Tsubaki and Watari. But throughout every single person in that school, you wanted to be my friend. You saw a genuine interest in who I was. I know it wasn't easy for us to talk at first, but no matter what, you kept wanting to. And over time, I began to trust you. Thank you, Kaori.

I had surgery shortly after my mother died. I then realized that what she carried was genetic, as she apparently had the disease long before I was born, but that the chances of it being passed on to the child were extremely low, so she took a chance. Unfortunately, fate brought it over to me as well, and I collapsed in seventh grade. I was treated as an outpatient. I couldn't go outside unless the doctors were absolutely sure I was able to without a problem. I think I was more in the hospital than I was out of it. I don't see the point of dad renting that house for me anymore. That was more of a summer home to me than it was my actual home. School wasn't a problem for me, I could get the education from inside, but… That still didn't help the fact I knew I was going to heaven soon. But before I did… I wanted to do something. I wanted to do anything I wanted so I had no regrets. And most of all, that included something important.

I wanted to spend my last moments of my life with you, Kaori. You helped me so much. You helped me move past my mother's death. You smiled and hugged me when I felt down. You sat down and talked to me while I was rambling on in bed. You didn't have to, but you did it anyway. And for that… I thank you, Kaori.

Tell Watari I'm sorry. I wasn't exactly there as much as when we were children. I could easily say that it wasn't my fault, but in truth, I lived out my off-days in bed when I could've easily gone to his soccer tournaments.

Tell Tsubaki I'm sorry. I know she had feelings for me, but I never felt the same, mutually. Tell her that eventually, she will find love, and although it will be without me, I will always cherish the memories I had with her, and to make new ones with someone else.

When I met you, you were so… Content with life. That you had everything you could ever want. Friends, family, happiness. Your voice was shouty, as if you constantly wanted to spin around and sing. It's as if you had something you always wanted to say to the world. You were much more of a person than I ever was. You kind of reminded me of one of those classical dancers from an old 50s musical. It was special.

Heh. I remember when you wanted to jump off the bridge with me and I politely declined. In retrospect, I wish I had held your hand on the top and jumped into the water with you, like some crazy person. I suppose you remind me of that too. Crazy, but in a good kind of crazy. I also remember when we both practiced together, and even though I knew the piano practise would've been for nothing in the end, it actually meant something. Despite my pleads not to play it, you wanted me to, so badly. And it wasn't because it was for the sake of me playing it because my name was Kousei Arima. It's because you wanted to hear the melody of joy that played nine years before then. I loved seeing the way you smiled in joy. I will always carry that smile in my heart, now and forever. The train? Thanks for being my pilot in the race to see who was faster. And singing Twinkle Twinkle under the starry night? It was the night I realized how beautiful and precious life can really be. How one person can shape another. And you did just that. Thank you, Kaori.

Isn't it funny how the most unforgettable moments can be so trivial? What about you? Was I able to be the person who you imagined to be? Was I able to be the Kousei Arima you saw on stage nine years ago?

Do you think you'll remember me, Kaori?

Please don't ever forget me. That's a promise you have to keep, forever and always.

I'm glad the one I got to spend my last moments on Earth with was you.

Will I reach you?

I hope I will reach you.

Kaori Miyazono…

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I'm sorry that I didn't pay you back for the cakes you brought me. I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you and tried to ignore you for a while. Sorry a million times over.

Thank you. Farewell, Kaori Miyazono.

P.S. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to enclose something for you to remember me by. Hopefully, the memories of our friendship was enough.

Kousei Arima.'

...The moment I had saw the name at the end, I had lost all sense of sanity for a second.

Kousei Arima loved me?! HE LOVED ME?! WHY DIDN'T' HE TELL ME?! Why did he have to be selfish and leave his feelings out until the second?!

My eyes instantly flood with tears, and gripping the paper while being careful not to accidentally rip it up, I toss it to the floor of my bedroom and grab my head, screaming. All of my feelings were being let out, almost by force. My voice rang throughout the whole house, and it must've shook my parents and neighbors awake. But did I care? No! Kousei Arima loved me and he never told me!

He LIED to me!

I want to go back! I don't want this to be over! I want a second chance to be with the one I love most! I want to be with Kousei Arima, the love of my life!

I don't care if I have to burn everything to the ground, I don't care how many sacrifices or whatever it would have to take in order to see Kousei Arima again! I want to be with him again!

I don't want him to end like this! Give me a second chance! Please!

I don't… I don't want this to end. If it meant sacrificing myself to save him, I would gladly do it! Over, and over and over!

Please… Don't let him die like this…

I had begun to calm down, and I let go of my hair. My eyes were burning to the point of looking like tomatoes. I breathed in, and began to slowly, while convulsing in my chest as any other person would while they were upset, begin to regain my senses. My eyes opened again, and through the tears… Something was different. My legs didn't feel like they were on sheets anymore. The thing I was on felt cold. Like marble. I looked to the floor and realized I was sitting on it a lot more closer than I thought. But this wasn't carpet. This was marble, like the kind you would see in a city's monument or something. I slowly look to my surroundings. I wasn't in my bedroom anymore. I was somewhere else. It was dark, cloudy, and it was drizzling a bit, as if I was in a cloud.

What… Is this? Where am I?