"Why the hell would he care what's going on in my marriage?" I muttered for at least the eight times as I scrubbed and mucked out all of my wife's horses. Most of then whinnied and snorted every time I went near them, and I was sure they could feel the tension and anger that was still rolling off of me in large torrents.

"It's not like anyone cares, no one cares bar me and her, and even then she just humours me so I can look after her." I was cursing and swearing all over the place, wiping the crap out of my eyes and trying to stop the faeces from joining the blood in the cut on my arm.

I gave one final dig with the shovel and then threw it down on the floor with a clatter casing the horses to neigh and rise up, before settling down.

I walked quietly up towards car number forty eight, pausing just outside the door. Should I knock? What if she was getting changed? It wasn't like I hadn't seen any of it before...

I swallowed and told myself to man up, before pushing open the door and walking inside.

She wasn't there. She was in the room at the back getting changed, I could hear her moving and singing quietly to herself, or maybe she was talking to our baby, she did that sometimes.

I swallowed and thought about making my presence known when I decided against it.

Yes, yes we would talk about what I said later, when the show was finished.

I did not want to argue about again now though, and cause her discomfort and worry while she was performing, the last thing I needed was Rosie to catch onto the mood and over react, causing another stampede, and even worse, I didn't want to be the next August, whichever part of his life and demise I picked.

I changed my shirt and trousers, moving quickly so as not to cause any tension if she came out quicker than I was expecting her to. I ached to see her in her pink sequins, which covered over her stomach perfectly, depending which way you looked at it.

I stood and heard her whisperer something quietly to herself. I swallowed and walked over to the table where we often took dinner if we weren't eating out under the stars with Rosie.

I unfolded a piece of paper that was laying there and grabbed a pen and wrote two words.

I'm sorry.

I folded it and placed it writing face up on the table cloth, pulling a rose from the vase that Marlena changed nearly every day and laying it by my writing.

I heard her approach the door and stood, sighing and whispering that I loved her towards her shadow, as I spilled from the car, at the same time she entered.

I crossed over the field towards the big top, catching sight of Marlena walking a few steps behind me. I sighed and kept my eyes forward, even though I ached to turn around and beg for her forgiveness.

But I kept my face forwards as we walked, together yet separately towards the menagerie, where Rosie was being set in her headdress. I walked over to the bull and she watched me with amber eyes as I reached, hand hovering an inch away from her face.

"Mogę?" I said quietly. A deep rumbling came from Rosie's throat and she bowed her head into my touch, letting me scratch between her eyes.

"Przykro mi, i nie sądzę, jesteś głup." I breathed and kissed the rough skin gently. Rosie let out a happy noise and pushed me with her muscled trunk, causing me to stumble to one side. She then wrapped it aroudn ym arm adn turned me to face my wife, he was looking up at me sadly.

I swallowed and went to open my mouth when I saw the white rose tucked in the strap of her dress, and the folded square print of a piece of paper showing through the fabric over her bust.

A small smile spread over my lips and she lush slightly, wrapping her arms around my waist and kissing me gently.

"I'm sorry." I whispered against her lips.

She rested her head back against my chest and let out a sigh, "I'm sorry to."

I sighed, "I don't have any right to make you feel like that though, or to speak to you like that..." I trailed off when she hushed me, taking my face in her hands.

"It's okay Jacob, you're not perfect, but your pretty close to it." She breathed and touched her lips to mine with the softest of touches.

"I just... I don't want to be like him." I whispered and she hushed me again.

"You are nothing like August, and you never will be." She said firmly.

I swallowed and nodded, "I love you."

She beamed and stretched up to kiss me, "I love you to."

I smiled and swung her to the side in my arms causing her to giggle as her arms tightened around my neck. I kissed her hard and she giggled, lifting her feet up so I was holding her in my arms.

I bent my head to kiss her rounded stomach through the sequins.

"I love you as well, Jacob Junior." I laughed when she swatted me playfully.

"No son of mine is being called Jacob Junior." She said firmly as I set her on the floor and I helped her let Rosie lift her onto her back.

"Good girl Rose." I whispered and stroked the elephant's trunk as Marlena scratched in-between her ears. The Elephant let out a happy rumble and tapped her foot patiently.

I smiled and dug into my pockets to produce the packet of peanuts I carried everywhere with me. I stroked her face as she ate them from my hand.

"I hope you're not going to spoil our children this badly." Marlena said from above me and my eyes snapped up towards her, voice going tight.

"Children?" I choked out and she laughed at me expression.

"Not all at once Jacob, but eventually yeh... I want us to be a big, happy family." She stressed and a roar of clapping grew from the tent as I took my cue to lead Rosie forward where she would be handed over to Robert, the Ringling version of August, equestrian director or something.

"Well, one of them had better be called Jacob." I laughed.

She rolled her eyes and bent down to take my hand as I ran my thumb over her knuckles, stretching up to kiss her hand.

Rosie let out a rumble and swung her trunk around my legs and lifted me up so I could kiss my wife properly.

We both laughed and I rested my forehead against my wife's.

"I'll think about it." She whispered and I beamed, kissing her briefly before being set back on the floor by Rosie and standing watching from the gap in the tent as Robert led them in to parade around the crowd.

I leant against the canvas side and beamed, arms folded across my chest.

For this man, this was home.