chapter rating: nc-17/explicit
warning(s): coarse language; explicit sexual situations; mentions of violence and gore
word count: 11,780
iii
"Hey." Stefan taps his finger against the tabletop to catch her attention.
Bonnie blinks, lost in her head for a moment, and raises her eyes to meet his. "Hey!" She slides out of the booth she'd been sitting at, needing some time to think. After Elena left, Bonnie realized she didn't have a way home. She could have asked Damon to pick her up, but she wasn't quite ready to see him just yet. Since Matt was working and Caroline was busy, her last option was Stefan.
He smiles down at her a moment, and then reaches out, a hand tucked under her elbow, squeezing gently. "It's good to see you." His voice is quiet and gentle, and she takes comfort in it. Everyone else has been loud and aggressive in their excitement at having her back. But, Stefan is steady and calm. She needs that, especially now.
"You, too." She grabs her bag out from the booth and hooks the strap over her shoulder.
"Caroline said Elena was going to drive you back." His brow furrows. "Something happen?"
Bonnie sighs. "Not really. She just had someone she needed to talk to. I think she forgot she was my ride, actually." She shrugs. "It's fine. It happens."
He hums. "You're still staying at the boarding house?"
"Caroline told you?"
"Damon, actually. The same day you got back..." He motions for her to walk ahead of him as they leave The Grill.
She looks back at him over her shoulder. "You knew? And you didn't tell anyone?"
"He asked me not to."
(( Stefan frowns down at the phone in his hand, surprised to see his brother's face staring back at him. Hesitantly, he answers. "Hey..." He trails off. "I didn't think you were talking to me."
"I wasn't," Damon replies, a little out of breath. "And I'm still pissed you tapped out on my 'get Bonnie back' plan."
"I didn't tap out. I just questioned your methods... And I had my hands full. I told you, when things were settled and I was sure Caroline was in a good place—"
"Blah, blah, blah. Long story short, you didn't want to help me torture a known sociopath. And you call yourself a hero!"
"I don't think I've ever called myself that, but that's beside the point... If you're still mad, why are you calling me?"
"Well, you asked me to keep you updated."
"I did." He nods. "And then you told me to go fuck myself."
"I was in a bad place, Stefan," he defends. "I just spent four months in a prison world. And just, FYI, coming back to all this noise? Not easy. You'd think it would be, since the quiet was deafening over there. But, then you get back and all you want is for everyone to shut up. Too much stimuli, a lack of support, and a lost witch will make anybody a little moody."
Stefan frowns to himself, his gaze falling to the book in his lap. He lays it aside and sits forward in his seat. "You didn't tell me. About the stimuli thing. I didn't know you were having trouble coping, at least not with the noise level. The lost witch part was a little more evident."
Damon blows out a heavy sigh. "You know, I forgave you for not getting me back. I like to think you and the Scooby Gang have to work around a bit of a handicap, planning wise, when you don't have me or Bon-Bon around. Besides, the way Caroline puts it, you spent a good two months trying to fix things. Kudos to you."
"I hear a 'but' coming."
"But, when it comes to Kai..."
"I've done a lot of things in my life, including torture. But, at some point, I had to wonder if you crossed a line. It's been two months. I understand that he's done things—"
"Not just to me. To her."
"Damon, he told you she was dead... That even if he gives you a way back there, you'll only be going back for..."
"A body. Go ahead, you can say it."
"I'm not trying to hurt you. I know that Bonnie was important to you."
"See, you keep saying that. But, when I needed your help getting information out of Kai, none of you stuck around to help. Why is that?"
"Caroline believes him. She thinks Bonnie's dead. She doesn't want to get her hopes up."
"Even if that's true. She should've been there. Revenge is a shockingly good feeling."
Stefan reaches up and rubs his fingers over his wrinkled brow. "You were isolating yourself in that house. Day in and day out, the only thing you did was pressure Kai into giving you another answer. You were spiraling, Damon. We weren't going to help you do that."
He hums. "Well, then, you'll be happy to know Kai's not stinking up the cellar anymore."
"He isn't?"
"Nope. Now, he's rotting in the forest. Three different parts of it, actually. Just to make sure he didn't pull some kind of weird magical rejuvenation and knit himself back together."
"He's dead." Stefan's voice is flat. "Did he give you what you wanted?"
"Strangely, yes." There's a clattering noise before the sound of a trunk being closed echoes through the phone. "I didn't kill him, if that's what you're thinking. He probably could've lasted a few more days. I'd guess four, tops."
Stefan shakes his head, confused.
"Bonnie killed him. She found her way back, tracked him down, and paid him back for what he did to her. She's curled up on the couch at the boarding house, probably still reading."
"She's back?" Surprise washes over him abruptly, leaving him a little dizzy. "She's alive?"
"Yup. Turns out Kai did stab her, but you know Bonnie. She's a survivor." The engine of the Camaro revs to life; Stefan can hear gravel kick up under the wheels as Damon starts moving. "So, you see, keeping Kai around helped. I got out a little rage, Bonnie got her revenge, and now we have one less sociopath walking the streets. You're welcome."
Stefan sits back against the couch. "I'm happy. Really, Damon, I am. I know how much you were struggling with the idea that she was gone..." He smiles then. "I'll tell Caroline. She'll be there, first thing."
"No."
He frowns. "What?"
"Don't tell Caroline. Or Elena. Don't tell anyone."
"Damon..." His shoulders slump and he shakes his head. "I know you're mad we didn't help you with Kai, but you can't keep Bonnie from her friends."
"I'm not. When she wants to see the rest of you, she can. For now, I'm asking you to keep this to yourself. She needs some time to readjust. When she's ready, she'll find you."
Stefan thinks about it for a moment, before deciding that maybe Damon's right. It's Bonnie's life, and when she wants to invite them back into it, she will. "All right. I won't tell anyone."
"Even Caroline."
He sighs. "Even Caroline."
"Good. That's all I ask. Now, I'm gonna make a trip into town, pick up some dinner."
"Damon," he says, before his brother can hang up on him.
"Yeah?"
"I really am happy for you. And for Bonnie. She didn't deserve what happened in the prison world. She didn't deserve a lot of what's happened to her."
"No," Damon agrees, "she didn't." ))
They're sitting in Stefan's car at this point, en route to the boarding house, and Bonnie fiddles with her fingers in her lap. "He said you were keeping your distance because he hadn't been the best company since he got back... I knew he was keeping Kai prisoner in the cellar. I just figured you disagreed with it morally."
"When he got back, Damon was... a mess. I wanted to help him, but I don't think he really wanted us there. He was grieving in his own way. He might say different, but I think he blamed himself for all of it. For coming back when you didn't... He really thought he lost you."
"You think torturing Kai was a coping mechanism?"
"I think it gave him a way to hold on to hope. Not the best way, mind you. But, it made him feel like there was still an option. Like, eventually, Kai would crack and reveal that you were alive and there was a way to bring you home."
Bonnie hums and stares out the window, her brow furrowed. "A few years ago, I would've said that was barbaric. Keeping someone prisoner for two months, clinging to life. But now, mostly I just feel... grateful."
"I don't know exactly what Kai did to you, and I won't ask you to share that with me. But, I'm sorry. That we didn't find a way to bring you back sooner. That we prioritized other things and other people."
She nods. "There was a lot going on."
"That doesn't mean your pain or your experience is any less important."
Bonnie turns to him, her lips pressed flat. "I'm working through it. It'll take time, but I'm getting there." She searches his face before saying, "I hope you know there's no ban on the boarding house. It's your home, Stefan. I'd never ask you to stay away. Damon was just being overprotective."
"I wanted to respect your space. But, I do kind of miss being there. I even miss Damon sometimes." He smiles faintly. "If it ever gets overwhelming, though, let me know."
She shakes her head. "I doubt I'll be living there much longer."
He looks surprised. "No?"
"No. I... I might take a trip. I don't know where to yet, but... Yeah, I think it'll be good. Put some space between me and here... See what the world has to offer me."
"That might be a good idea. These last few years have been rough. And you're usually the one fixing them. You deserve a break." He pulls the car into the driveway of the boarding house and cuts the engine.
Just as they're about to climb out, however, he reaches over and drops a hand atop hers. "For the record, if you ever need to talk or get away, I'm here."
She nods. "I know. Thanks, Stefan."
He smiles.
Bonnie grabs her bag up off the floor of the car before she steps out, and hooks it over her shoulder.
"I forgot to ask. Did you two hang out last night?" she wonders, as they walk toward the front door.
"We did." He nods. "It was good. He's doing a lot better than he was when he got back."
"Yeah?"
He pulls the door open and waves her to walk ahead of him. "He was a lot more edgy before. Short tempered, too."
They make their way down the hallway to the source of the music.
Damon is in his glory. The kitchen is in disarray, but he's dancing and grinning and his eyes are bright and blue and full of joy.
Briefly, Bonnie wonders if he's heard the good news. Elena is planning to take him back. Or, at least remember him. Which, basically the same thing. Not for the first time, she regrets bringing the situation up to Elena at all. It wasn't her intention to encourage Elena to get her memories back. Not exactly. Mostly, she'd just been wondering what Elena's stance on it was. How long would Bonnie have until her world took a sharp turn? As it turns out, less time than she was expecting. Was it her fault? Had she talked Damon up somehow? She tries to remember everything she said, but there was so much. It's not her fault that Damon's become such an intrinsic part of her life lately.
"Hey!" Damon grins at her from behind the kitchen island. "You're just in time. The broccoli is steaming, the chicken parm is perfect, and the pasta is ready."
"Yum," she says, but it's lacking in enthusiasm.
The fire is going again and she revels in how quickly it soaks into her body. She takes a seat at the table, already dressed and waiting for her.
Stefan takes a look around the kitchen, his brows hiked. "Did you use every pot we own?"
Damon rolls his eyes. "Just the ones I needed. What're you still doing here? I thought you had a hot date with Barbie?"
Stefan rolls his eyes. "It's not a date. We're just getting dinner."
"Right. That's why you're wearing cologne and bought a new shirt and probably spent ten extra minutes on your hero hair."
Bonnie leans forward, resting her arms on the table. "I'm not sure you get to poke fun at anyone's bathroom routine."
Damon drags a towel off his shoulder to wipe his hands. "We both know I woke up like this..." He smirks. "Flawless."
Bonnie snorts and redirects her attention to Stefan. "That reminds me, I meant to say something earlier. It's a nice shirt, but you left the tag on the back." For a moment, she's sure that his cheeks flush, but she wonders if that's not just the lighting because, vampires can't blush, can they?
In any case, Stefan reaches back and yanks the tag off the collar, folding it up in his hand as he walks over to toss it in the garbage. "Thanks," he tells her.
"Earlier?" Damon wonders.
"Stefan picked me up. Elena's plans changed."
"You could've called me."
"You were cooking."
"I didn't mind," Stefan intervened. "Besides, Bonnie and I had a chance to catch up."
"We did, and it was nice." She smiles at Stefan. "Where are you and Caroline going?"
"Uh, she was craving Italian—"
"I bet she was," Damon mutters.
"—and there's a new place that just opened up, so we thought we'd check it out." He tucks his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he shrugs. "Nothing extravagant."
"Sure, you don't want to start big or it gets harder to top with the next date." Damon was putting the finishing touches on the food and Bonnie's not even kidding when she sees him spending time on plating, gently placing dabs of tomato sauce along the outer rim of the plates. When he's done, he carries them over and places them down on the table before walking back to grab a plate of fresh French bread, sliced and already buttered.
"Speaking of extravagant..." Stefan's brows hike. "Since when are you good in the kitchen?"
"Since always."
"Except when it comes to pancakes." Bonnie waves a fork at him. "There was a trial and error period and it ended with me never wanting to eat pancakes again for the rest of my life."
Damon takes a seat across from her and grins. "You say that now. Give it a couple months and you'll be begging for some vampcakes."
Bonnie rolls her eyes, but her mouth kicks up in a faint smile. "Mm-hmm..."
Stefan watches them a moment before eventually shaking his head. "I should head out, but Bonnie, it was good seeing you."
She nods. "Thanks."
"We should hang out again. Soon."
"Don't you have a date to get to?" Damon asks as he pours him and Bonnie each a glass of wine.
Stefan doesn't take it personally, merely half-smiling and shaking his head. "Have a nice dinner. I probably won't be back here tonight, so I'll catch up with you tomorrow."
"Sounds good." Bonnie nods. "Have fun!"
"Thanks." He claps a hand on Damon's shoulder before he goes.
Damon rubs his hands together as he looks at the spread in front of them. "I don't know about you, but I think this might be my best work yet."
"It looks amazing," she says, sincerely. "You whipped this all up from scratch? Seriously?"
He shrugs. "Took a while to get the recipe exactly right, but that's what extra chicken is for."
Bonnie grins. "Does that mean some mistakes were tossed in the garbage?"
"Just a few." He winks at her. "That's the price of genius."
She huffs a laugh. "And what a humble genius."
He puffs his chest out comically. "I try."
.
.
.
Bonnie blames the wine for the impromptu dancing. After dinner, which was, without a doubt, the best thing he's ever made, they retire to the den. They do this often. Damon will start a fire and they'll each take a book and sit at opposite ends of the couch, her feet in his lap or vice versa. It's one of her favorite ways to wind down a day. Except, that doesn't happen tonight. Instead, before she goes looking for the book she's halfway through, he has her hand and he's pulling her over to dance with him. Damon is a fan of rock music, but that's not what's playing on the stereo now. He fiddles around with a remote until he finds the song he wants, slower than his usual picks, and then he's twirling her.
She's a little dizzy, both from the wine and the spinning, but it just makes her smile. She leans into him, chest to chest, and is reminded of their height difference. Without her shoes on, he's got six or seven inches on her, which means she has to tip her head back to see him properly. He wraps an arm around her while he takes up one of her hands, and sways them side to side. She's not sure if there's a pattern, really. If there is, he's leading and her feet are obediently following along. Otherwise, she's just letting it be as it wants to.
One song becomes three and she's a little sleepy and a lot relaxed.
"You had fun last night?"
"Mmhmm." She nods. "Elena skipped out early, but me and Caroline had a blast. We may have gotten drunk, but it was okay. We talked and she apologized and we cried a little and then we hugged. It was really nice."
He hums. "And today?"
"Brunch was great and the salon appointment ran a little late, but I'm happy with it."
He eyes her hair a moment and then nods. "Looks good. It's a little longer, isn't it?"
"You noticed." Her mouth stretches in a smile.
"Course I noticed." He brings their hands in close and drags his forefinger along a wave. "You always look beautiful."
Bonnie stares up at him, her heart squeezing. "Thank you."
He stares down at her, a little more serious than he's been most of the night. "You didn't have any panic attacks or anything?"
"I got close a few times." She shrugs. "But, I got through it. I think I needed to go out and just... Remind myself that I can do it. That I'll get through it."
"You're the strongest person I know, Bonnie." He spins her around again, only this time, when he brings her in, her back is pressed to his chest, and his chin is brushing her ear. "The world's got nothing on you." His hand settles over her stomach, fingers fanned out. He's still got her hand in his but brings it down, wrapping his arm around her, just under her breasts. And she knows this feeling. She knows where this leads. She can feel every inch of his body blanketing her back and she likes it, she does. But, she can't help thinking of what Elena said. That she's going to ask Alaric to bring it all back. Which means in a day, maybe two, all of this will be gone. It's one thing to say it happened in the prison world, when they thought they had no chance of getting home. It's another for it to happen here, when she knows Elena plans on remembering.
Bonnie should stop this, should navigate it back to that friendly place it's been since she returned. Where they joke and laugh and lay together each night, not crossing a boundary they've already crossed too many times to count. She should step away from him, tell him the wine's gone to her head or it's been a long day or she just wants to sleep.
She doesn't do any of that.
If their last time together was goodbye, then this feels like a hello.
Bonnie's lips part on a quiet sigh. She covers the hand atop her stomach, fingers slotting between his. He kisses from just behind her ear down the curve of her neck, and noses the shoulder of her shirt out of the way, his teeth scraping over her bra strap. "Been a while since I've seen one of these on you," he murmurs.
A laugh rocks her and her mouth kicks up.
"I vote we go back to the free and wild ways of '94. Or, we could have a bra burning." He slides their hands down to the edge of her shirt and draws it up. "I'll make a pit in the back, light 'em up."
She shakes her head, amused. "Bras are expensive."
"So, you'll save some money in the long run." His palm rubs a circle over her stomach before he slides it down, fingers tucking under the top of her jeans, dragging over the top of her underwear. "In fact, we should just burn all the clothes, start our own little nudist colony."
"Yeah? Here, where you live with your brother?"
He grunts. "Stefan can move out. Set up his little Barbie Dream House with Carebear." He thumbs the button of her jeans open and nips at her shoulder. "You're a witch, Bon-Bon. A little nudity is good for the soul. You can convene with nature, become one with the earth."
"What am I, a wood nymph?" She snorts. "I paid good money for these clothes."
"Fine. Nude Mondays then. And Sundays. You know what, let's just make it a three-day weekend; no clothes, no cares."
"Right, that's just what I want to be, naked when the next bad guy shows up."
"The shock could give us a distinct advantage."
She laughs; it bubbles out of her and her head falls back against his chest. "That's your big plan? Three days of the week, we'll just walk around naked and if something happens, we just roll with it?"
"Not my worst plan, you've gotta admit."
"Well, you've had some doozies." She bites her lip as she smiles. "I don't know how I feel about kicking Stefan out, though."
"He's hardly here anyway. Face it, Bon-Bon. It's just you and me from here on out."
Her heart squeezes for a moment, but she just hums, and tugs on his hand, leading it deeper into her jeans. He cups her mound over her underwear and she lets out a shaky breath. "You're chatty," she tells him. "You don't usually talk this much when we..."
"When we what?" He drags his nose up her neck. "Fuck?"
She purses her lips. "If you wanna be crude about it..."
"We're both adults here. Sometimes that's exactly what it is. Tension release. Stress relief..." His fingers pat against her fabric-covered pussy. "A much-needed... good... hard..." His thumb hooks in her underwear and pulls it aside before his fingers slide along her sex, already wet for him, "fuck."
He presses his face to her hair and she opens her legs, spreading them apart so he can touch more of her, all of her. Her hips jerk as he takes his time, drawing circles with the tips of his fingers, dipping inside her before teasing away. He still has an arm banded around her, holding her against him. She's holding his wrist as his hand moves beneath her underwear.
She licks her lips and says, "Wasn't always hard."
"No, you like it soft sometimes, don't you?" He kisses her ear. "You like it when I take my time with you..."
He curls a finger inside her and she lets out a whining noise, rocking her hips forward for more.
"I missed this," he breathes. "How you smell, how good you feel, how wet you get for me... You're so eager, so responsive to every little touch... That's what you want, isn't it? Huh? Tell me what you want, Bonnie."
Her eyes are at half-mast and her teeth dig into her lip.
His thumb drums against her clit and she can feel him smiling against her as her breath catches. "Tell me."
"Please, Damon. I... I want..." His hand leaves her and she shakes her head, whimpering, "No..."
"Shh..." There's a burst of air against her face and then her eyes open to find they're in his bedroom, just short of the bed. He kicks the door closed behind them and then his hand is tucked in the back of her jeans, peeling them and her underwear down her legs. She raises a knee and steps out of them, bringing her closer to the bed. The other leg follows and she takes the initiative to pull her top off, tossing it away. She reaches behind her and unhooks her bra, shrugging the straps off her shoulders. Damon presses a kiss to the exact spot her bra had closed across her back, his thumbs smoothing over the indents in her skin, from the center of her back to her sides. She hugs her arms over her chest in an X, her hands cupped loose over her shoulders. Briefly, she wonders at how she's always the one that's exposed first and what that means. But, then the tips of his fingers are running from the nape of her neck down to the small of her back and he nudges her, urging her forward. Taking the hint, Bonnie bends at the waist, her hands planted on the edge of the bed.
His palms sweep down her body from shoulder to waist, where they grip her hips. She can feel each of his fingers pressed flat against her and wonders if she can memorize a fingerprint from touch alone. He kneels behind her; a burst of warm breath on her thigh makes her tremble. He licks a stripe from the back of her knee up to the curve of her ass and she bites down on her lip, dropping forward so her elbows sink into the mattress. One of his hands falls to the top of her foot, his thumb pressing against the arch, and she shifts, opening her legs wider. His fingers stroke the top of her foot and up, around the delicate bones of her ankle, before climbing the length of her leg. As soon as he reaches the curve of her ass, he stops. He digs his fingers into the soft flesh of her thigh and drags them back down. The pressure makes every muscle in her body tighten. Until his thumb swipes gently over the sensitive skin at the back of her knee, and she breathes out, loosening up again.
His mouth drags over her opposite thigh, pressing sucking kisses in no discernible pattern. Every once in a while, he digs his teeth down against her, the scrape stings before his tongue follows. It would be so easy, she thinks, for him to sink a fang into her. She wouldn't even fight it. She almost wants him to. Wants to feel his teeth dig into her, her blood filling his mouth, streaking down his neck, staining his lips and his chin, marking him.
She's breathing too hard; her heart is beating too fast; and her body is on edge, desperate for something he's keeping just out of reach. She can feel him smiling against her. If she didn't need him to hurry up so much, she'd find a way to wipe that smug look off his face. But right now, all she can think about is how much she wants his tongue right—
There.
He traces his tongue over the seam of her pussy and her knees just about give out on her, shaking as soon as she feels that familiar pressure. The hand at her waist tightens, and she wonders if maybe her knees did give out and he's just holding her up. But, her mind is soon consumed with other things, like how good this feels. Bonnie's long lost count of how many times she's had Damon's mouth on her. In the beginning, back in the prison world, she kept a mental tally of all the things she'd need to make amends for at some point. All the times that she gave in to that want and need, telling herself it was okay, it was fine, it wasn't really cheating. The numbers all blurred together eventually, and maybe that made a statement all its own. She can't find it in herself to be ashamed of that. Even if this all blows up in her face, she can't help but feel like it was worth it. Her sexual awakening happened at the dutiful hands and keen tongue of a man that knew what he was doing and she'd rather that than spend her life thinking her previous experience was a peak. This is what she wants, and even if she has to give it up, she'll take what she learned going forward. About herself and her body and her needs.
He sinks a finger into her, moving slow and shallow at first and quicker, deeper, when she's ready. He presses wet kisses against her thigh and nips at the curve of her ass before he stands. The hand at her hip climbs her back, kneading the nape of her neck gently. When his finger leaves her pussy, she groans his name in complaint, but he only slides his hand around the front for a better angle and sinks two back inside her, his thumb brushing against her clit and making her jerk her hips forward. He refuses to pick up the pace, even when she rocks her hips, pushing down to meet his fingers, grinding forward against his thumb. His other hand slides down her back, soothing and soft, and she turns her head, wishing she could see him so he'd know she was glaring.
"Damon," she says between clenched teeth.
"I used to be the impatient one in this relationship, Bon-Bon..." Still, he sinks his hand under her, pressed flat against her stomach, and draws her up, her back meeting his front. Her head spins for a moment, her vision blurring, and then he's lifting one of her thighs until her foot plants on the edge of the bed. He slides his hand over the hill of her leg and walks his fingers down the inside of her thigh; she feels it shake and clench under his touch. His other fingers are still moving at the same speed inside of her, curling at random, brushing up against that spot inside her that makes her breath catch. He grinds his palm against her clit in a slow circle and she tips her head back against his chest. Leaving her thigh, his hand climbs her stomach, teasing around her navel before it skitters up, curving around a breast, his fingers drawing circles around her nipple. He leans his head down and kisses her neck and her shoulder, sucking hard at her skin. She can feel her stomach beginning to clench, pleasure pulsing through her in shredded ribbons, growing and climbing. She reaches down and covers his hand, feeling the tendons move each time his fingers move inside her. She's vaguely worried he'll stop and she won't tip over the edge like she wants to.
"I've got you," he says, dragging his nose from the hollow of her neck to just behind her ear.
And then his fingers are moving quicker and his palm rubs against her clit just right.
She's panting, tiny cries climbing up her throat, her brow furrowed and her eyes wide, staring at nothing, seeing nothing. Until it hits her and her whole body feels like its simultaneously falling apart and coming together. She unravels, every limb of her body feeling independent of her, light and airy, like she's free falling and she doesn't care to stop. Her head swims and her body floats, and she is the embodiment of pleasure.
It might be seconds or minutes, she's not really sure, but eventually, she opens her eyes to find she's laying on the bed, not standing next to it, and Damon is laying next to her, head propped on one hand, the other drawing shapes on her stomach.
"Did I pass out?" she wonders, a little confused.
His mouth kicks up at the corner. "I don't think so. You were just a little preoccupied."
Stretching an arm up, she tucks it under her head. "I see you got undressed."
"See, if we just went with my nudity idea, we'd never have to waste time on that."
She raises an eyebrow. "Damon, it takes you like two seconds to get out of your clothes."
"Two seconds I could spend doing other, more interesting things." He wiggles his eyebrows and looks up at her, something light and happy in his face that makes her heart thud in her chest. Maybe it was being home, being free, knowing Kai was dead for good, or maybe it was something else. But, Damon's been happier lately. In the week since she's returned, he's smiled more, genuinely, than she thinks she's ever seen before. The anger that used to cloud him, the chip on his shoulder, is all but gone, and she likes it. She really likes it. Happiness looks good on him.
Reaching up, she brushes a loose piece of hair off his forehead and scrubs her fingers around his ear and down his neck. "You know I have to move back to Whitmore eventually, right? I have to get back to my old routine, going to school and living life... At least until the next Mystic Falls sized apocalypse comes to town..."
"You can take classes online these days." His hand finds her wrist and he draws her fingers to his lips, kissing the tip of each. "What are you even going to school for?"
She rolls her eyes. "You know I'm studying history and the occult."
"You're a regular Alaric in the making." He turns his gaze upward and sighs, long and loud and completely overdramatic. "I don't know why I keep surrounding myself with so many nerds."
"Not Alaric, like Grams." She smiles faintly. "I think she'd like that. Plus, it can't hurt to know these kinds of things, considering what we deal with all the time."
"Unless we didn't have to deal with it anymore."
Her brow furrows. "What do you mean...? Mystic Falls is basically a supernatural hot spot. It just keeps calling worse people to it. As soon as we get rid of one, the next one pops up. And since Kai is officially buried, it's only a matter of time before something else shows up."
He hums and drops his gaze. "Unless we're not in Mystic Falls..."
She pauses, her lips parted in surprise. "It's our home," she says, but if she's honest, her voice falls flat. She says it because that's what she's always said. Because this is where her friends are. It's where she's always been. But, that first day, when she came back, all she wanted to do was get away, and she still does. She's less scared of the wider world today than she was yesterday or the day before that. The boarding house does provide some comfort, but she can't live out her life in the safety of its walls. That wouldn't be fair to her or to Damon. He has a life to live as much as her.
"We can make a new home. Somewhere supernatural free. I don't know where that is, but I'm sure there's a list somewhere of the least supernatural places in the world. We can hunker down there, be the only game in town, leave the supernatural ass-kicking to everyone else. Like Donovan, he seems to like that kind of thing. He's turning into a mini-hunter... minus the mark, strength, or aptitude."
Bonnie rolls her eyes. "He's got a pretty good reason to hate the supernatural."
"If he's going to hate something that much, he should get better at killing it." He shrugs. "Anyway, I'm happy to pass the 'town savior' torch his way if it means we can spend less time killing or being killed, and more time like this. Specifically, naked."
Biting her lip to hide her amusement, she shakes her head. "You really think you could be happy with a normal life? I give it two months before you miss it."
"Miss what? The constant danger? Coming up with last minute plans to save our friends and family?"
"Even if we left, the others won't. Which means we'd just get dragged back here anyway." She taps his chin. "It's a nice thought, but I'm not sure how realistic it is."
He frowns. "This bites. I thought second chances were supposed to be about turning over a new leaf. You know, less blood and gore, more mini-vans and picket fences."
"Did you become a soccer dad in this fantasy of yours?" she jokes.
He looks at her searchingly. "It wouldn't be the worst. A couple mini-me's running around, causing havoc, scaring the neighborhood watch."
She snorts, her lips stretching. "They'd be a handful, definitely."
"What about you?" He shakes his head. "You really don't want out?"
"I..." She swallows tightly. "I want to stop waiting to die, mostly. I don't know if that happens here or somewhere else, but... I'm tired of waiting for my usefulness to just... run out."
"Bon..."
Her eyes burn suddenly and she breathes out, wishing she could take it back. Her moment of bleak honesty that has turned the happy mood in another, much sadder direction. "I'm just tired, ignore me."
He reaches for her instead, sliding a hand across her chest and cupping it around her neck, his thumb stroking gently. "From the second I got back to when I saw you standing in front of the cellar, the only thing I wanted to do was find you. I read every book Caroline and Ric had already gone through, three times over. When I got a hold of Kai, I strapped him to that chair and I never let up. It didn't matter how many times he told me you were probably dead. One way or another, Bonnie Bennett, I was bringing you home... And that had nothing to do with 'usefulness.'"
Her heart hurts, knocking against her chest a little too hard. "Damon—"
"No, listen to me." He meets her eyes, more serious than he's ever been. "If you wanna live out the rest of your life never lifting a finger to help anyone else, I'll support that. You wanna set fire to this town and never look back, I'll hand you the matches. Or we can go rogue and start traveling around, killing every supernatural asshole we can find. I'll load up the car and play Clyde to your Bonnie, any day of the week. If you wanna retire on a beach somewhere and sip fruity cocktails until you're grey and wrinkled, I'll take the beach chair next to you and spend every day of the next sixty years reminding you that you deserve ever last second of it." He shakes his head slowly. "It's your life, Bon, not anybody else's. You get to call the shots. Be selfless or selfish or somewhere in the middle, and I'll watch your back through all of it."
Her mouth trembles and her eyes sting with tears. "You're just gonna spend the rest of your life watching an old witch's back?"
He grins. "It's a nice view."
She laughs, thick and emotional, and reaches up to wipe away the tears that slip out.
Damon sobers slowly. "Tell me what you want," he says.
And in that moment, Bonnie truly believes he'd give her the world if she asked for it. There are no limits, no exceptions, nothing. He would give her whatever she wanted if only she asked. She wants to say it, that simple three-lettered word that manages to encompass so much. You. But, she can't. Because as idealistic and supportive as Damon is in this moment— and she knows that he thinks he means what he's saying— it's all going to change tomorrow. It's all going to fall apart when Elena tells him she remembers all of it. That everything they had is in HD color in her head once more. That they can go back to being what they were. And Bonnie will have to watch as he slips through her fingers, sinking back into the all-consuming love of one Elena Gilbert. How is she supposed to compete with that? A PTSD stricken witch that startles in crowds and dies more than she lives. The sacrificial lamb that walks herself out to meet her end, all in a pointless gesture to honor a Goddess who doesn't need anymore admirers.
So, she doesn't say it. She doesn't say anything at all. Instead, she lifts herself up and she kisses him. Burying her fingers into his hair, she pulls him down to meet her. She hooks an arm around him, fingers digging into his back, and draws his body forward. He slips between her thighs easily enough; it's a familiar place for him by now. He doesn't question it, reaching down to pull her legs up and around his waist as her hands drag down his chest, nails scraping against his skin. The lighthearted honesty of before fades, replaced with the heady need that's kept them going for so long. She keeps her eyes open as he sinks inside her. She doesn't close herself to any second of it. She watches his hands and his mouth and his eyes. She wants to remember all of it. Every word, every touch, every sound. She files it all away and tells herself it'll be enough. It has to be. And when it ends, she tells herself the tears in her eyes are from pleasure and not because she knows this is it. This is just another ending to add to all the rest. She wipes her tears and smiles through it.
Bonnie's always been better at goodbyes, anyway.
.
.
.
Bonnie is already mentally packing her bags. She and Damon shared a bath that morning and he was currently getting breakfast ready, but she can feel a clock counting down. Sitting on the end of the bed, her legs crossed beneath her, she chews on her lip as she texts Caroline.
—Elena's going to get her memories back
After it goes through, she waits, her stomach in knots. She's not sure what she expects Caroline to say. Maybe that it's for the best or that she's sorry. It's no secret that Caroline doesn't like Damon. And she's had a front row seat to the up and down relationship between Damon and Elena. Not to mention being a support for Stefan through his own heartbreak. Bonnie wonders if texting him for tips on how to get through it would be too much. Probably. She likes Stefan, but they aren't there yet. Maybe one day, in time. But not now. She's often thought they could be good friends, better than they are anyway, but things never quite got back on track. Maybe if things were different. It took a long time for her to get to a place where she could accept Damon. Where she could see beyond the bravado and the dramatics to the lost man inside. That didn't erase what he'd done, but it provided enough context for her to understand him better.
Her phone buzzes in her hand and Bonnie turns her attention to it, unsurprised that Caroline's personality isn't limited by letters and an abundance of emojis.
—What? Why? When did this happen? She never said anything yesterday or EVER. She's been anti-memory for months. Bonnie Bennett, what did you say to her!?
Bonnie sighs. —She told me yesterday
—I don't understand! She said she didn't need to know. She was happy with Liam. Why'd she change her mind? It was quickly followed by a second text, NVM I'm calling you! You better pick up!
Bonnie frowns, but answers. "Hey."
"Did she bring it up or did you?" Caroline demands. "Did she say why? Or when she plans on doing it?"
"I brought it up." Bonnie picks at a loose thread on the knee of her jeans. "I just needed to know how long I had."
"Bonnie!" Caroline groans. "She didn't care. She could've gone months, even years before she changed it. Or never, you don't know!"
Rolling her eyes, Bonnie shakes her head. "We both know that wouldn't have happened. She'd start to wonder and then, the next thing you know, everything would change."
"So, you thought you'd, what, hurry her up? I don't get it..." Caroline sounds genuinely confused. "I thought you wanted this. Or him. I mean... You love him." She says it softly, and not with the disgust that Bonnie's expecting. For some reason, it makes her heart lurch.
"I do. But, I can't stop the inevitable. I knew we were on a time limit. I always knew this was going to end. And I only brought it up because I know Elena. I knew she'd change her mind. She says she's happy, but you know her, Care. She'll never be happy with a simple life. She'll get bored."
"This isn't about her. This is about you," Caroline insists. "Whatever Elena wants, whatever she thinks she deserves, that doesn't matter. What do you deserve? What do you want?"
Bonnie bites down on her bottom lip until it hurts. "It's not that simple."
"Well, maybe it should be." Caroline's voice kicks up, stronger now. "You need to fight for this. If this is what you want, if Damon is who you want, then do something about it."
Her brow furrows. "I can't—"
"Why?" she demands. "Why can't you? Why don't you get to win?"
"It's not a competition," she murmurs.
"It is," Caroline insists. "Look, I've been where you are. And it sucks. It feels like no matter what you do or who you like or how much they like you, eventually you won't be enough. And it's not even a matter of Elena; it's just life screwing you over again. Well, screw life for once. It doesn't get to tell you who you love or who loves you. I don't like Damon most of the time, you know that. But, at least I know that when it comes to you I can count on him to come through. I don't know how he feels about you. You'd know a lot better than me. But, Bonnie... You can't spend your life wishing things were different. You have to make that happen. So, if you want to live, if you want to love, if you want to run away from here and never look back, okay. Just make sure that whatever you do, it's going to make you happy in the end."
Bonnie stares at the floor a long beat, and then she hears Damon calling her from downstairs, telling her breakfast is ready. Maybe it's a sign, or maybe she just wishes it was. Either way, she takes a deep breath. "Okay. You're right."
"Of course I am." Caroline sounds light and breezy, but clearly proud of herself. "Call me after, okay?"
"After what?" Bonnie snorts. "What do you think's going to happen?"
"Well, either you declare your love for a certain idiot or you steal his car and take off for parts unknown. Either way, I want to be kept in the loop."
Rolling her eyes, Bonnie says, "Uh-huh."
"Just, no explicit details, please. I'm pro-Bonnie, but I'd still light Damon on fire if he looked at me the wrong way."
She laughs. "Thanks."
"Welcome."
With that, Bonnie says goodbye. After hanging up, she makes her way downstairs. It's time to deal with this. No more running or hiding or pretending it isn't happening.
Her foot hits the bottom stair just as the front door opens and Elena steps inside, smiling.
Bonnie's stomach sinks.
.
.
.
The kitchen door swings open and Damon looks up just as he pops a blueberry in his mouth. "You get lost? Breakfast is getting cold." He nods his chin toward the table. "You'll be happy to know I went with waffles instead of pancakes."
Bonnie glances at the table. Her mouth pulls up as she sees the same smiling fang face made atop her waffles. The whipped cream fangs are little more than white puddles, melted from the heat. She doesn't get a chance to linger on it, though, because Elena is following right behind her.
Damon's face twists in confusion when he spots her. "I didn't make enough for three," he says, his voice a little distant and caught off guard.
Bonnie folds her mouth and forces a smile. "Elena has something to tell you."
"Is it that she lost her phone and couldn't call ahead to say she was coming? Because that's the polite thing to do." His brows hike. "I'm not much for manners, personally, but if I have to make more waffles, someone needs to tell me..."
"I'm not hungry, but thanks." Elena rolls her eyes lightly. "I know we haven't talked much in the last few months, so this is probably a surprise for you, me showing up."
"We haven't talked at all and for good reason." He puts his spatula aside and turns off the waffle-maker. "I told you when you said you weren't going to help with Kai that I didn't want you here."
She frowns. "You're mad because I didn't want to help you torture someone?"
"You say that like it's a bad thing, but I had a pretty good reason for torturing him." He drags the towel off his shoulder and wipes his hands clean. "Just because you and Matty Blue-Eyes got a little squeamish over some blood—"
"You removed his fingernails," she interrupts.
"He wasn't going to need them." Damon smirks, but it's all teeth, and his eyes are sharp.
Bonnie suddenly feels like maybe she should intervene, because this isn't what the conversation is supposed to be about and, really, it's only delaying the inevitable. "Guys, Kai is dead. I think we can put it behind us."
Elena glances at her, smiling briefly. "Yes. I agree."
"You would," Damon mutters, before shuffling around the kitchen, grabbing up dishes and bringing them to the sink. "You wanted to talk, so talk. My breakfast is getting cold and my patience is running thin."
Bonnie frowns at his back. Is the cold shoulder because he's hurt? He hasn't talked to her much about Elena's memory loss, just mentioned it in passing and moved on to other topics. He's never been one to linger on things, at least not verbally. He's always preferred to pretend something doesn't hurt, put on a strong face, and then drown his misery away until it gets to be too much. She likes to think he's grown beyond the days where he'd take his pain out on other, usually innocent, people. But this, the attitude and the dismissal, it's new, and not something she's used to seeing him throw at Elena. Not since the early days, when he'd get mad that she was with Stefan and not him. Maybe that's it. The knowledge that she's dating Liam now.
Elena crosses her arms, her brow furrowed, and then takes a deep breath. "Look, we've been on the wrong page since you got back. That's my fault. I know you were expecting something different when you got home and I... I took that from you. But, I've been thinking about it and I owe it to you and to me to remember everything."
Damon goes still. "What?"
Letting out a relieved sigh, Elena nods. "Yeah, I talked to Alaric and he says it'll take some work, but we can do it. He can remove the block and get my memories back."
Turning the tap off roughly, Damon turns around, his eyes wide. "Since when?"
"Well, I talked to him about it yesterday..." Elena looks from him to Bonnie and back. "I'm sorry, I'm confused. I thought you'd be happy... All anyone ever tells me is that you were madly in love with me." She shakes her head. "Isn't this what you want?"
"Yesterday?" Damon's eyes cut toward Bonnie, his brow furrowed. "Did you know she was gonna do this?"
Bonnie clenches her teeth.
Before she can answer, Elena does for her. "She's the reason I rethought things."
"She is?" He's still staring at Bonnie and she can feel her stomach hit her toes.
"We started talking about relationships and she wanted to know if I regretted it, erasing you. And the honest answer is that I don't know. I can't miss what I don't remember. What I do remember about you isn't exactly flattering. It's hard to imagine a version of me that could fall in love with you. But, Bonnie said that you aren't who I remember. The guy you were when all of this started isn't who you are now. That you're a good person who's grown and changed and maybe I need to see that. Maybe, if I could remember everything, I'd know that." Elena lets her arms fall to her sides. "So, I want to try."
"I've been back for months, and it takes Bonnie telling you I'm worth something for you to change your mind?" Damon stares at her. "You didn't even want to help me get Bonnie back!"
Elena sighs and shakes her head. "I didn't like your methods for getting Bonnie back. I didn't agree with what you did to Kai."
"You didn't even know Kai!"
"He's still a person."
Damon's eyes widened. "A psychotic killer who murdered his family and then stabbed and psychologically messed up your best friend. What more did you need to know?"
Elena looks away. "Look, I'm trying to become a doctor. I didn't think that the way you were doing things was helping. And I was right. He never helped you."
"Yeah, well, he still deserved everything he got." Damon's mouth screws up in a sneer. "And you'll be happy to know that his death was long coming. And bloody. And if you ever feel like digging him up and giving him some kind of dignified burial, he's scattered in three different places. Have fun!"
Scoffing, Elena turns her gaze upward. "I should've expected you'd somehow make this my fault."
"Your fault? Oh, it's not your fault. The fact that you're standing here telling me you want a redo isn't on you, it's on you." He turns to Bonnie accusingly. "You convinced her to get her mind unwiped? What the hell, Bonnie?"
"Hey, don't get mad at her!" Elena defends. "I made up my own mind. I just... needed a little push."
"What push? Nobody asked you to remember," Damon snaps at Elena. "Was I pissed that you thought erasing me was an appropriate reaction? Yes. Did I tell you to fix it? No."
Elena frowns at him. "I don't understand... Everyone said—"
"Fuck everybody." He threw his hands up. "'Everybody' wasn't in the prison world with me. 'Everybody' didn't spend four months thinking there was no way back. 'Everybody' wasn't forced to leave their best fucking friend behind with a psychotic killer while they got to go home. 'Everybody' doesn't get a say in what I think or what I want or who the hell I love."
Elena stares at him, shocked, her mouth agape. "I..."
Damon turns away, focusing on Bonnie again. "You wanted her to remember?" He shakes his head, hurt and confused. "What, you were trying to get rid of me?"
Pain lances across her chest. "No. Of course not."
"Then what, Bonnie? Why would you convince her—?"
"I didn't convince her. I asked if she was going to get her memories back."
"Jesus, you just can't help it, can you?" He throws his hands up and lets out an incredulous laugh. "You couldn't leave well enough alone."
"It wasn't like that." She grimaces and crosses her arms over her chest. "She was telling me about Liam and I just wanted to know how she felt about you, about the memory stuff. I wanted to know how long..."
"How long before what? Huh? Before we got back together?" He stares at her searchingly. "That's what you expected, right?"
She purses her lips, swallowing the words collecting in her mouth, sharp and edged in anger and hurt. "That's not such an impossible idea," she musters.
"It's been seven and a half months since I died. Half of which I spent between your legs, so excuse me if I thought I made it pretty clear that I wasn't waiting to jump back on the Elena train to Crazy Town."
"Wait, what!?" Elena's hands are up as she looks between them, wide-eyed. "You're sleeping together?"
Damon glares in her direction. "Play catch up on your own time, this is personal business."
"Damon," Bonnie bites.
"What! She doesn't even remember we were together." He rolls his eyes. "This isn't going to hurt her feelings."
"Hold on." Elena shakes her head, her brow furrowed. "Bonnie, you said that Damon and I were together, that I was in love with him... and you slept with him?" Her voice wavers with hurt, her expression coiled in confusion and pain.
"Again," Damon sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, "you don't remember us being together. It's not cheating if I don't exist in your romantic memory!"
Elena turns on him, glaring. "As far as you knew you existed so it definitely matters. My best friend fucked my boyfriend!"
Bonnie flinches. "It wasn't like that."
"What was it like then?" Elena stares at her. "How long were you in the prison world before you stopped pretending you owed me anything and slept with him? How long before my friendship didn't matter to you anymore?"
Her teeth dig into her lip before she forces herself to say, "Six weeks."
"Six weeks. Are you serious?" Elena's eyes widen. "I've known you since pre-school and you lasted six weeks before..." She trails off and a laugh catches her. "I can't believe this. I can't believe you."
Bonnie crosses her arms over her chest and lifts her chin, defensive. "We were in hell. We didn't think we'd get out. We were scared and angry and lonely. All we had was each other. I didn't choose to die. I didn't choose to be thrown into a prison world."
"No, you just chose to screw my boyfriend. Someone you thought was the love of my life."
"That's enough," Damon says.
"And you!" Elena turns to him. "I can't believe I let what everybody said get to me. I can't believe I thought for one second that you could be anything but a selfish, self-serving asshole... Of everyone you could pick, you slept with her."
Damon's jaw clenched, a muscle ticking in his cheek. When he speaks, his voice is steady; though he doesn't raise it, there's a thread of steel throughout. "I let it go that you gave up on me and Bonnie. I forgave you for forgetting me. I didn't force you to help me get her back. In the three months that I was home, I stayed out of your life. I didn't ask you for anything. I let the whole gang know that I had Kai. You made your judgements and you left. As far as I'm concerned, you can stay gone."
Elena pulls back, surprised. "What?"
"I don't love you, Elena. Right now, I don't even like you. You can judge me for that all you want. You can hate me for whoever you think I am. You can be disgusted by the lengths I'll go to for the people I care about. But, I'm not going to stand around listening to you tear into Bonnie after she saved your ass more times than I can count. Yes, she fucked up. But considering you don't even remember the person she fucked up with, I hardly think it's any reason to get your panties in a twist. Whatever me and Bonnie are, it has nothing to do with you."
Elena stares at him, her mouth set in a line. "And if I do get my memories back?"
"It's your head. Do whatever the hell you want with it. Just don't do it here." His brows hike. "We're done."
She scoffs. "Whatever." To Bonnie, she says, "Keep him. I don't care anymore." With that, she speeds out of the room, leaving a swinging door in her wake.
Bonnie stares at the space Elena used to occupy and chews on the inside of her cheek, overwhelmed.
"Your turn."
She lifts her head and looks at him out of the corner of her eyes.
Damon's waiting, an eyebrow raised. "You wanna tell me what you were thinking?"
For a second, she considers lying or brushing the whole thing off. But, so much has happened in such a short amount of time and she's honestly stunned. Whatever she expected to come of Elena's arrival at the boarding house, this wasn't it. Tears of happiness followed by awkward guilt, maybe. But, not a dismissal by Damon. 'I don't love you, Elena.' That's what he'd said. It repeats in her head; once, twice, a third time, before she finally speaks. "I needed to know how long I had before she changed her mind."
"You thought that's what I wanted?"
She sighs, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. "Damon, you've been in love with Elena for years. You nearly destroyed your relationship with your own brother for her. A year ago, you would've killed me and everyone in this town if it would keep Elena alive... What you feel for her—"
"Felt," he corrects.
She purses her lips. "Whatever you feel, it runs deep. She was a huge part of your life. For months, you wished you were back here, with her. Why would I expect that to change? Why would I expect you to stop wanting her? She's the love of your life... She's the reason you wanted to be a better man. She's who you fight for and who you die for and who you would risk everyone else for. And I should know, because I've been the one you turned to, the one you demanded help you in whatever life-threatening plan meant saving her. Don't get me wrong, because I volunteered half the time. Elena has been my friend since I was four. Taking on the world for her just made sense. It's who I am, it's what I do. Those are the facts."
"No, those are some facts. Other facts would be that I go to you because you're the only one with half a brain in this town. And yes, you're the only one with the power and ability to actually change anything. It doesn't make it right. Asking you to risk your life for her was a screwed up thing to do, but we both know that I'm selfish and I don't always think about the consequences." He shakes his head. "I did love Elena. I still do, to some extent. She's my friend and, you're right, in a lot of ways she helped me be a better person. Not entirely on purpose. But, she did get me through a lot of things and, if it wasn't for her, I'd still be worshipping at Katherine's fucked up altar. But, what I felt for Elena wasn't much better than what I felt for Katherine. I don't know if that's a doppelganger thing or a me thing. I just know that both of them had a way of twisting my head up so much I didn't always see straight. Look, I know what kind of person I am, Bonnie. It's not always a good one. The problem is I kept falling for people who liked that. This isn't all on Elena. Her wiping her memory stung, yeah, but it was also convenient. If she didn't remember, then I didn't have to go through the whole awkward spiel where I break up with her and then try to convince her that it's totally okay I'm dating her best friend."
Bonnie stares at him.
His mouth curves up faintly. "Look, I screwed this up. Everything that happened over there, it shouldn't have gone that way. I made excuses for being with you. I told you it wasn't cheating like that could just wipe it all away. Like maybe if we let ourselves believe that, we could skip the guilt. And it lasted for a while, but you don't spend four months with someone without getting to know them pretty well. Once that happened, there wasn't any going back for me. Maybe it was having Elena as a buffer or your explicit dislike of me, but it was a lot easier not to care about you before all of this happened. Now that it has, I don't really think there's any going back."
Her heart is pounding so loud, it echoes in her ears, and for a moment, she's not sure she's hearing him right. "You..."
"I gotta spell it out for you?"
She raises an eyebrow.
Damon sighs. "Bon... You're the best person I know. The only reason I survived that four months was because I had you with me. And it wasn't just the spectacular sex, it was talking to you and laughing with you and even those shitty board games that yes, I cheated at."
She's not sure when he crossed the space between them, but suddenly, he's so close, and his hands are cupping her shoulders. Her head tips back as she stares up at him, eyes so blue and intense and serious.
"I wasn't alone because you never let me be. You kept me going," he tells her. "And when I came back here without you, I've never been so lost before in my life. How the hell was I supposed to just settle down and move on without you?" He shakes his head. "Even if I could, I didn't want to... So, when you got yourself back, it was like a miracle. As far as I was concerned, that was it. We had a chance to do this right. To be together and live our lives however we wanted..." A muscle ticks in his cheek. "I thought I was telling you that last night, but obviously I didn't make myself clear... I'm in this. You and me. If you want me."
She swallows, the heaviness of the moment swamping her. In all the months that she's struggled with how she felt about him, she's never imagined a moment where he might feel the same. She never let herself truly believe that he could love her, too. Not when Elena existed; the unspoken elephant in the room. A weight lifts from her shoulders. He doesn't want Elena. That simple fact almost seems too unexpected to be real. Bonnie tries to gather her thoughts, but the only thing she can think of is that everything she thought she'd lost, everything she's been preparing herself to walk away from, isn't out of reach anymore. And so, she laughs. Thick and emotional, her eyes bright with happy tears, a choked laugh leaves her, and then another.
"All right, not the reaction I was expecting," Damon mutters, his hands sliding down her arms.
Bonnie shakes her head and catches his hands before he can pull them away and hide in that self-deprecating place he goes to when the world tells him he's not good enough. "I tried to let you go," she says. "I tried not to love you or want more or hope that maybe you might want that, too... I tried to walk away. Run away. I told myself as long as you were happy, I could be okay with it." She twists her mouth up as a tear spills down her cheek. "But, I was scared. That I'd never feel this way about anyone again. That I'd never find anyone that held me like you did. You make me feel strong and loved and wanted. And I don't know— I don't know how we got here or how you became such an important person to me, but I don't want to go back. I don't want to lose you." She squeezes his hands. "You're my best friend, and I love you."
He pulls on her hands until they're chest to chest, and then he's cupping her face as he grins down at her. "Was that so hard to say?"
She huffs a laugh and rolls her eyes. "Shut up."
Damon drops his forehead to hers. "For the record... I love you, too."
And then he was kissing her. For the first time since any of this started, there was no shadow of guilt haunting everything they did or said or shared. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she revels in the fact that he is all hers; nothing and no one can change that. He backs her up until she hits the table, and she could laugh at how predictable they are. He picks her up by her hips and drops her down on the edge.
"What about breakfast?" she says, glancing down at the places laid out on either side of her.
He hooks his hand in the collar of her shirt and drags it down until the fabric dips and tears, peeling apart. "Oh, I could eat..."
She laughs as he dives forward, burying his face against her chest. Bonnie puts up a half-hearted defense. "We really shouldn't..." She's thinking more of the food covering the table and the mess they'll make than anything.
But, Damon's not. He looks up at her, his face light and cheerful. "It's not cheating if you're mine."
Shaking her head, she pulls him into a kiss. "You're ridiculous," she says against his mouth.
He just laughs, and presses her back against the table, wiping everything out of the way with a swing of his arm.
They make a mess; shattered plates, soggy waffles, and an overturned syrup bottle litter the floor. But, as beginnings go, she'll take it.
...
author's note: that's a wrap! or it can be... technically, i also wrote an epilogue. from damon's pov, you'll be happy to know. i wanted to explore a little more of their future after they get together, since i felt like there were some loose ends in terms of the whole bonnie's a witch that will inevitably die and technically, elena could get her memories back, so what does that mean for them? hence, an epilogue that ties all these little things up. :)
thank you all so much for your awesome reviews. i'm so touched and encouraged by each one. i know we're all pretty angry and frustrated with the direction the show keeps going in, so fanfiction is a way for us to see what should've been on our screens explored in the way these two deserve. i'm happy to be a part of that, and always happy to share the many and different ways these two could've/should've gotten together.
please try to leave a review! i really appreciate any and all feedback!
thanks so much for reading,
- Lee | Fina