(a/n: so many female social links)
Cop and Robber
RANK 2.5
"You know what?" said Sakamoto Ryuuji. "I dunno what kind of bull you said, but go right back and apologize for it."
Police Squad 29 was currently scattered around the cushioned chairs of the conference room down the hall. They were supposed to be pouring over the case files of NPD-014374, the Phantom Thieves case, but the morale was somewhere down in the pits of Tartarus. Though the air conditioning was at eighteen-point-something Celsius, the atmosphere felt stuffy and condensed, hard to breathe.
"So I was thinking we could start with a recap," Makoto forged on.
"C'mon, man. You can't seriously think that this is a legit assignment." Ryuuji shook his head. "It's a retaliation. For somethin'. What the hell did you say to Chief?"
"Don't blame her too much. That exchange was leaking misfortune all over the place," said Mifune Chihaya. She was playfully spinning a tarot card in her fingers, but her eyes were knowing beneath her signature black headband. "Denying it was a good choice."
"Says you." Kawakami Sadayo waved around the room, her curly brown hair bouncing into her chin. "Look at this unit. Just look at this damn unit. Police Squad 29, all women. Gawd, they threw us into one big boat. And now we're going to sink because of her."
"I," began Sakamoto Ryuuji, but was interrupted by Suzui Shiho.
"Don't blame the leader, Kawakami," she said. "She's your superior. Show some respect."
"I'm older than her, dammit," Officer Kawakami muttered.
"Yeah, you sure look like it," said Ryuuji with a touch of venom.
"Break up the catfight, girls." Officer Suzui turned to Makoto. "Boss, you were saying?"
Makoto massaged the headache balling near her temples. "Basic recap."
"Want me to handle it?"
"Bless your soul, Suzui."
Officer Suzui rapped a marker against the whiteboard. "The Phantom Thieves Case has been ongoing for seven years. Since then, it's passed under the jurisdiction of several groups and districts."
"Seven years," snorted Ryuuji. "What a joke."
"The case is unusual in many aspects. Primarily, there is no information on the modus operandi. Victims seem to completely change their minds of their own accord. We suspected blackmail or psychological oppression, since there were no signs of physical damage. However, after further perusal of their assets, financial accounts, and states of mind, nothing unusual was found."
"Their brains just did a one-eighty," Officer Kawakami mused. "Conveniently the day after the calling card."
"It's due to the unknown nature of the crimes that the case is still unsolved. End report," concluded Officer Suzui.
"What about some other stuff?" called Ryuuji. "Like, the fact that this damn case is only assigned to people that the bigwigs want to screw over?"
"I've had people patting me on the back all day, saying that they're all sorry, hey, on the bright side, it'll only be a few months, all that crap," Officer Kawakami said.
Makoto ignored both of them. "Mifune, read the profile."
"Because I'm a good profiler, a good reader, or a good fortune teller?" said Officer Mifune.
"Just read it."
Officer Mifune cleared her throat. "Before the sudden turnaround, every victim received a calling card. The calling cards were distributed in an extremely public manner. They were, essentially, public declarations of war. This leads us to believe that the perpetrators are seeking attention likely due to being neglected in the past, whether from peers or family. The calling cards also specifically target alleged or confirmed crimes committed by the victims. Therefore, the perpetrators are strongly propelled by their innate sense of justice. They hold strong moral convictions according to their personal standards. Ergo, we're looking at people with little external influences on their lives such as peer pressure or media. They will tend to keep more to themselves. They may be strong advocates of religion or humanism. The calling cards also indicate that the perpetrators feel comfortable putting themselves in the seat of judgment. This indicates self-righteousness and emotional immaturity. It is very likely that they are juveniles, but they may be young adults."
"Hold up," said Sakamoto Ryuuji. "What?"
"They're judging others for their crimes," explained Mifune Chihaya. "That means that they don't believe they've done anything wrong themselves, or they would feel too guilty to judge. Otherwise, they'd investigate for evidence, but ultimately send it to the police."
"Maybe they just had some crappy experience with the police and they don't trust them anymore," Ryuuji said.
"Unlikely," said Officer Mifune. "They've never posted inflammatory comments against law enforcement or the government."
"Maybe they don't want to sound like terrorists."
"What the hell, Sakamoto," cut in Officer Kawakami. "Are you defending them?"
"I used to hate cops back in the day," said Ryuuji simply. "I'm just saying that I think I understand how these guys feel."
"Well, don't," said Officer Kawakami. "They're criminals."
"Should I keep going on the profiling?" Officer Mifune asked. "That was just the first bullet point. We haven't even gone into the state of the victims after the crime is committed. For example, the nonlethal and purely psychological nature—"
Makoto waved her hands. The commotion obediently died down. She took a moment to turn the information over in her head.
"I think I have an idea. But keep in mind that the Phantom Thieves began seven years ago," said Makoto, "so while they might have started out as juveniles, they will be adults by now. Perhaps some are married."
"So we've got nothing," Ryuuji translated.
"There's a reason that this is called the Case From Hell," Officer Kawakami muttered.
"Stop being so negative," said Officer Mifune. "You're bringing down the feng shui."
"This is the optimal time to be negative," said Tohgou Hifumi. She was playing shogi against herself somewhere in the corner. "It would be far worse to be struck with despair in the middle of a high-speed pursuit."
"That literally never happens," said Officer Kawakami.
"I think it's, 'That figuratively never happens,'" said Officer Suzui.
"In this case, no, it's very literal," said Officer Kawakami.
"THOUSAND DRAGON TEMPEST," Officer Tohgou screeched at her shogi board.
Makoto kneaded her aching temples again. "I suggest that we hit this from a completely different angle," she said.
The team quieted and turned to her.
"Look," said Makoto. "People have tried all the common ways. They haven't worked. So we're going to play a little differently."
"How's that?" said Officer Kawakami.
"Let's predict the next victim," she said.
"They have already tried that. Aside from general debauchery, victim commonalities are scarce," said Officer Tohgou.
She looked evenly at her team.
"We'll succeed," she said, "because for one week, we're going to pretend to be the Phantom Thieves."
.
.
.
From that day forth, Police Squad 29 only messaged each other in code names, deliberated on the best potential target, and went on long monologues about justice and curing Japan of corruption. Makoto thought that it came a little too naturally to everyone.
.
.
.
DRAGONHEART. What is on the agenda for the day?
SKULL. Can we finally get a target? I'm getting really bored.
MISS FORTUNE. One must not prompt Fate before it chooses to move.
QUEEN. I think I've found some potentials, but we'll have to split up and get some recon. You guys ready?
SKULL. Finally! Who we looking at Queen?
QUEEN. One is the executive officer of the department store chain Junes. Another is the famed live drama producer, Itawa Ghamson. And the last is
Queen is typing...
MAID. Can we get an ETA on this name, Queen?
Queen is typing...
QUEEN. Munakawa Asao, Chief Superintendant of the Shibuya Station of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department.
SKULL. WTF
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| POLL: "Are the Phantom Thieves invincible?"
YES: 52%, NO: 48%
| CHATBOX
"I meaaaaan no ones caught them yet LOL"
"hell no but the police are just ****ing incompetent"
"one of these decades someone will get em amirite"
"ALL THE STEALING"
"PT and PD, lmao the irony"
"MARRY ME PHANTOM THIEVES 3"