Chapter 3 (Denial)

"You appear to be looking forward...but in reality you're looking downward. You dwell in the present, but yet you drag your past along. Is that why you are weak? Is that why you think you can't change the future? No? I see then...so that is the key...to the lock in your heart. Now that you have realized that...take a step forward because time will not stop for you..."

"Ugh...where am I?" the young lady mumbled softly as she squinted at the bright light that was in the room.

"You're in Balamb inn Rinoa, and it's me Quistis," Quistis said in an explanatory tone, "rest up a bit more, and don't get up yet."

The young lady looked at her and simply stared when she suddenly became aware of another presence in the room. Turning her head she saw a blonde haired girl with a very worried look on her face.

"Yeah Rini, you were out in the rain for a really long time," Selphie told the young lady in a worried tone.

Rinoa looked around once more, and slowly things seemed clearer. The once blurred room was now easy to identify after she had focused her eyes. It was indeed Balamb inn. She felt tired...and she just lay there in the bed...no words spoken. She can hear her friends' voices...they were talking among themselves, but Rinoa did not really pay attention to what they were saying. Her mind was troubled...as if it was trying to recall something very important. What happened? Where was she? What was she doing? How did she end up there? Thinking hard...she tried to recall all she could. She could only recall a bit...only some fragments of the fading memory.

"Yes...it was raining...I...was walking...but...why? Why was I...walking? I don't know...why...? Why was I walking...was I? Was I running away again? Why do I run...? Wait...I remember...yes...that at least I can remember. I run...because reality hurts...that's why..."

"R...Rinoa? Are...you okay?" Qustis asked as she stared at her, tears forming in her eyes. Why? Indeed...why? Why did this happen to her? Back then...it just seemed like yesterday that she...that she was so full of life. Where has it gone? Her smiles that seemed to come so often before...where has it gone? Now that it has indeed disappeared...this was all that was left. A being that lived on without hope...almost like a mindless doll. Loneliness and sadness had engulfed her heart...in the end...she couldn't do anything to stop it. Still she protects her heart...but because she does...she had destroyed herself. A being that cannot even care about others or herself...nor even know why she existed...or cared if she existed. That is the result...it is not hard for one to think that death...could be a better choice.

Rinoa stared at Quistis, for she had been staring at her for quite a length of time, and Rinoa could see tears in her eyes. Still...she didn't say anything...but just stared. Quistis...realizing her tears, turned around and headed at the corner of the room by herself. Concerned, Selphie went to console her. Rinoa still could not figure out what she should do...or even want to do. All she knew was that she had to think...that she had to remember...what happened. It was important...she could feel it in her heart...though it was filled with darkness. If her heart was practically numb, but yet could still tell her that what she had forgotten was needed...then it must have been something that she truly needed to know. That's when she felt it...that fleeting feeling in her right hand. It felt...different...somehow warm...as if...someone has held it. But who? Who held it?

"Hey...are you okay?"

Rinoa's eyes opened widely as she recalled. That voice...that voice! Suddenly...the fragments started to fit.

"Who are you?"

"Is that suppose to be a 'thank you?' Nobody...just a stranger."

Rinoa's head immediately arranged the fragments of her memory. Slowly the pieces fitted together. Yes...there was a man. A man had held out his hand to her.

"A man...yes...he held out his hand to me...I...took it...the man...the man...he was..." Rinoa mumbled fitting in the pieces.

"Rinoa...are you alright? Do you feel okay? Wh...What are you talking about?" Selphie said immediately by her side, Quistis following quietly behind.

Suddenly...the answer hit Rinoa. The last fragment had been put in place. That man...the one with the icy blue eyes...

"Squall! I saw him!" Rinoa cried, quickly bolting out of bed.

"Rinoa! You're still weak, don't get up!" Quistis commanded Rinoa,trying to push her back to her bed.

Her efforts were futile, her action rendered useless. Now recalling what needed to be recalled, Rinoa knew she could never turn back. Prying Quistis's hand off her arm she ran out of the room as quickly as she could. She saw Zell and Irvine by the door, and they too made an attempt to stop her once they saw and yelled at her to come back, but she ignored them and kept running. All that was in her mind was Squall. Actually...nothing else could ever remain in her heart but Squall. That was why she had protected her heart. His last words...they still rang in her head clearly. Though destroying her own being, she insisted to protect her heart and continue existing because of those words. She ran out into the rain again, quickly drenching her new clothes that her friends had put on her just a while ago. The wind was much stronger, and the rain beat down much harder than ever before, but she did not care. She kept on running, looking this way and that, looking for him.

She kept on searching, and kept running. She had no desire to stop. If she stopped now...she might never ever see him again. That little light in her darkness will disappear and she will no longer do anything in life but wander in that eternal darkness. Determined never to stop, she kept running until she felt her legs no more, until her hands went numb with cold and her face turned pale and ashen gray. But yet she kept running, looking for him, tears leaking out of her eyes. It hurt...it hurt so much. It was so cold...so very cold. Every single drop of rain that dropped on her body was like a needle going through her. Even so...she still would not stop. She looked everywhere in the town, on where he could be, but still nothing. Seeing no one...nothing, most people would give up. But not she. She did not give up but kept on searching for him, as the winds howled and the storm raged. Her will was incredible. No doubt, I'm sure you could tell that she would not stop until she had found him.

But...incredible as her will was, her body could not handle the strain. No matter how much she never wanted to stop and falter...it did not matter. Her body could not take it anymore, her body can only hold on for so long. She had regained strength of heart...but it does not matter for her body lacks the strength to support itself. Her body was tired and she had been pushing it to the utmost limit. Ones body can only hold on for so long. But yet she still refused to stop. It was as if she did not care...if she died. It was as if...if she did not find him...the consequences would be her death. But no matter how much determination and spirit she had within her, she knew her body could not handle it all. Slowly her steps slowed and her breath quickened, and she tasted the vile taste of blood in her mouth. Her knees began to tremble, wanting to give in. But she refused to collapse and tried to slowly walk, refusing to give up. But her body could not also withstand that. Slowly her body caved in, even though her will did not. She began to collapse, but was caught by two strong arms.

"It's you again..." said the person that had caught her.

Rinoa gasped as she recognized the voice. She looked up and saw the man that had caught her as she fell. It was the same brown hair and blue eyes. The hair was longer...but there was no doubt about it...it was him. Rinoa smiled for the first time in two years, tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

"I don't believe it..."Rinoa cried out as tears leaked out of her eyes more than ever before. "It really is you...after all this time!"

The man looked at the poor young lady. He had learned that her name was Rinoa but have never met her before. She gave the same kind of response as the people that he had met in the inn. She too must have thought that he was that person that Zell said died 2 years ago. She must think that he was this 'Squall'. He sighed. She looked so pitiful. So frail and weak. She was drenched to the bone, and her face was so pale and ashen gray. Did she run out into the rain again just to look for him? For a person that's not really the one she was looking for? He sighed again, this was going to be hard to explain.

"Did you come out here just to look for me?" the man asked in a monotone voice.

"Yes...I did. I looked all over for you, but I couldn't find you," Rinoa said as she leaned up against him, "but now...I have..."

"I'm sorry," the man said sighing, "But I'm not the Squall you're looking for..."

Rinoa gasped, unable to believe her ears. What he was talking about?

"What are...you talking about? You're Squall...what could you possible mean?" Rinoa asked aggravated. "What are you saying?"

"I'm sorry...but I'm not him. My name is Leon." Leon responded feeling uneasy because she was so close, "Your friends thought the same thing, but I just look like this friend of yours that died a long time to go. I'm sorry, but I am not Squall. I don't even know who Squall is."

Rinoa was unable to believe what he had just told her. She held on to him and pulled him close. He's had to be Squall. He just can't be anyone else. He dressed so much like him, looked almost identical, and even had his voice. Except for that scar that was not there, he looked exactly like him. It couldn't be...it had to be him! There could be no one else!

"No! You are Squall, you are him! No one else would be so much like him! You're lying, YOU'RE LYING!" Rinoa screamed as tears poured out of her eyes and ran down her cheeks.

Her heart hurt so much at that moment. Why? She had finally found him...but why? It can't be... Squall is saying he isn't Squall? It just cannot be. If a person was impersonating Squall, he wouldn't have the same exact voice. And he wouldn't have that same look on his eyes...that look of a wounded wolf. That sad look of longing. There was no doubt about it...it was the same...the same look on his eyes. She couldn't mistake it as someone else...it was exactly the eyes that stared at her with definite loneliness and pain... It just can't be true. This was Squall, it had to be.

"I'm sorry," Leon said uncomfortably, "but I'm just not him."

Leon sighed."She's so depressed and miserable that she's convinced herself that I'm 'Squall'. It's like she can't accept reality," Leon said in his mind.

"No! Of course your Squall!" she answered back aggravated shaking her head.

This time she pulled away from him and looked him over, and her eyes spied something familiar. It was his gunblade. It was the same lion, it was Griever. Griever was carved onto the gunblade. There was no way Rinoa could mistake it as something else. It was Griever, every single bit of it. The same exact pattern...there was no change in it. It was the same. It it wasn't...she would have noticed.

"That gunblade! Where did you get that gunblade?" Rinoa asked him, expecting a quick answer.

Leon's mind suddenly went blank. He never did know where he got that gunblade. He didn'tremember purchasing it somewhere And that lion carved on it, he never remembered where he had gotten it. All he knew was that he had had it for as long as he could possible remember. He never actually knew where it came from, but he knew that he had never remembered a day where he did not have it. But how? How could he not know?

"I...don't know..." Leon answered not exactly knowing what to say. "I just don't know..."

"See, you have to be him! Because that's Squall's gunblade! Only he would have that, and if you're not Squall, you wouldn't have that lion carved into it. Because Squall's gunblade has the exact same lion on it, nobody else would have it but him," Rinoa explained to him as she shivered in the cold rain. She was about to continue when he spotted something on Leon's chest. It was a silver chain. Her silverchain, with her ring on it.

"That chain...that necklace..." Rinoa whispered as she pointed at it. "That's mine...how did you get it...?"

Leon looked down at his chest and spotted his necklace. He did not remember how he had that either. Just like the gunblade, all he knew about it was he had had it for as long as he could possibly remember. He held his head because he had started to develop a headache. He too was starting to get confused. How? Just how can he not remember where he had obtained his possessions? He took out the silver chain from his neck and held the ring that was looped into it. He looked at it carefully, and he didn't know why he had not noticed before, but there was something written inside the ring. His eyes widened as he read the few letters that were engraved on the metal ring.

"It says 'Rinoa', right?" Rinoa asked him as she watched his eyes widen with fear and realization when he was looking over her ring. "It says that because its mine.

Because I gave it to you...so do you remember where you got it now? You couldn't have possibly gotten it from someone else, because I gave that toyou myself...before we were seperated..."

Leon didn't say anything. He was speechless. Speechless...confused...and also horrified. It couldn't be! Tears leaked out of Rinoa's eyes as she struggled to continue. She raised up her right hand and it showed a ring on it. She took it out of her ring finger and held it up to his eyes.

"See? You gave me this one after I gave you mine..." Rinoa said as she held up her ring with the lion Griever on it, "You see, it matches the lion on your gunblade...and my necklace too...it has the same lion on it...because you gave them to me..."

Leon was now extremely confused. The ring did match the lion that was engraved on his gunblade, and the lion on her necklace. It was the same lion, no mistaking it. He couldn't possible mistake it when he had stared at that lion on his gunblade for as long as he could remember. But how? Why? Why would he have a ring that belonged to her? The gunblade...the ring...her ring...the necklace...they all were tied together, but yet Leon did not know how he ever got them, why he had them in the first place. How could he have recieved his ring from her when he had never met her before? But how could he argue with the fact that the ring had her name engraved on it? Her story made perfect sense...but...it couldn't tie up! He knew he wasn't Squall, but with all the evidence that seemed so real...he...he...could he really be?

Dropping the necklace he grasped his head. Now he was so confused. Suddenly images appeared in his mind. He had seen these images in his dreams quite often before. It was a group of people, all young teenagers thathad weapons. But this time the images became clear. He used to think it was just an odd dream. He never knew these people before, but they appeared on his dreams so often...the same people too. But now...it was clear. He remembered these people that he saw in his dreams. It was the people he had met in the inn, and this girl. But yet he did not see anyone that looked like him. He saw them jump into some sort of portal and disappear. But the girl lingered. She turned to a person he could not see. Could she be turning to him? She started to speak. "You'll get through safely, won't you Squall?" she asked him tearfully, "Promise me okay?"

The girl then jumped into the portal with tearful eyes. Then the images faded away, and Leon stood therein the rain feeling stunned. For all that time, he had thought that those images that he had seen with those people before were just dreams. But now, they can't be dreams. Those people were unmistakably the people he had met inside the inn, and that girl that jumped on the portal was unmistakably this girl that was standing right in front of him. Leon couldn't take it all. He went into denial. He just can't be this 'Squall' person, he never knew all this people, he had just met them. But yet how could he have seen them in his dreams so often when, he had never met them before? Before he could think more, he was interruptedby a voice.

"Are you okay?" Rinoa asked him as she saw all his emotions that was on his face. He seemed very confused indeed.

"I'm sorry! But I can't be him, okay? I just can't be! I don't know you! I've never even met you!" Leon responded aggravated. He didn't know what else to say. He couldn't say that he was this 'Squall' person because he knew he wasn't, he just couldn't be. "Look! I don't know how to explain to you how I haveyour ring or this gunblade, nor would I know how to explain how you have the same lion on that ring and necklace of yours, but I do know I'm not that guy that you think I am! I just can't be! If what your friends said was true, then I just can't be! A dead person can't come back to life!"

Leon finished his sentence both confused and aggravated. He looked at her, she looked sadder than ever, and more tears poured out of her hazel brown eyes. The sadness in her eyes...was so deep...that it even transcended the loneliness in his own eyes. He wanted to say something...he did not mean to hurt her so badly. But he did not know what else to say to her. So he just said-

"I'm sorry..."

Rinoa's eyes widened and she ran over to him and buried her face in his chest, sobbing as if her heart would break.

"What do you mean? You've got to be him! Everything adds up! What are you saying, why do you keep lying to me?" she said pounding her fist hard on his chest. "It can't be true...you've got to be him. You justhave to be..."

Then Leon suddenly felt her hand go limp. She had fainted again. Leon sighed. He wanted to run away, nothing seemed to make sense anymore. He stared at her face. It was that girl in his dreams...there was no mistaking it. He stared at her more...his mind still confused. But suddenly he felt a deep urge. Slowly he got closer to her, until their face was only inches apart. What was he doing? He didn't even know. But before he knew it, he pressed his lips against hers and closed his eyes. As he pulled away, his eyes widened as he realized what he had just done.

"Wh...why in the world did I do that?" Leon asked himself horrified, "My body...it's like it just moved on itsown...what's happening...what's happening to me?"

Well, that's it for the 3rd chapter. I hope you liked it. It was quite long...so sorry! Believe me it took a long time to type too! My fingers are so tired now! Read and review ok? Just a little fact here...Leon is not Squall with erased memories or amnesia or something...if that's what you're thinking. Yes...I know Rinoa is so depressing...sorry. Don't worry...it won't stay like that for too long. I mesed up my openinq quote...gah...it's not a proverb. Oh well...I thought it fit with the feeling of this chapter in a way. Anyway, it's time to thank everyone who reviewed my second chapter. Thanx so much and I hope you review this chapter too!

Paige: Thanks a lot for the review! Glad you like my story and hope you keep on reading!

Royal Fanatic: Thanx so much for the review! I'm really happy that you like my story. This is my only story that I think is actually well written, but if you want you can go ahead and read my 2 other stories as well if you like this one.

Hyylo: Thanx for the review! Well here's what happens anyway...I hope you liked this chapter!

skygodesera: OMG! Someone actually noticed! Yes my title is the title for the 5th episode for Cowboy bebop. I am a big fan of the anime, and when I was thinking of a title, it came up. And I was all like, OMG! It fits! Rinoa's an angel...and by the theme of my fanfic...she's a fallen angel. And a ballad is like a poem/story, and Rinoa's the main character. So The ballad of the fallen angel actually really fits! I'm surprised you noticed! Hope you like this chapter!

Cerulean crystal: hehe...thanx again for always reviewing my stories. I hope you like this chapter.

Silent Angel510: Thanx for the review! I do try as hard as I can to be original.

Alucius: Thanx! I think I'll continue my story, so please continue reviewing if you like it!

Requiem's endless ballad: New reviewer! Glad you like my story! Thanx for the review!

Thanx for all the reviews everyone! I'll see you all in my next update, and if you can please read and review my 'You're not the only one with a broken heart story', my latest chapter is really really good! Bye Bye!