Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon or any of its characters. I do not make money from the writing of this story.
Author's Note: Satirizing doomsday cults with a children's video game is probably objectionable, but who's reading.
Rated T for irreverence and sassy euphemisms
Melemele: The Untold Stories
Chapter 3: For I Once Was Lost
Litten was spryer than Eevee. They'd gone through a maze of passageways since they left the grand hall and Eevee could barely keep up. The number of Yungoos, Ratatta and Diglett dwindled the further they went. Litten took another sharp turn and Eevee almost tripped over his own front paws to follow. Finally, the black cat slowed in front of a burrowed entryway.
"Where. Are. We?" Eevee asked, inhaling between every word. Litten nodded toward the opening. Eevee perked his ears at the sound of a melodious voice within. He immediately recognized it and poked into the burrow.
It opened into a small theater. At least twenty Rattata sat close together on five rows of stacked logs along one wall, their mustachioed noses and fiddlehead tails unmistakable. At the center, on what appeared to be a stage, Eevee saw Pichu.
The mouse Pokémon looked a little different than Eevee remembered. The black cuff around his neck only had two points instead of three, and his yellow fur cut down the middle. Maybe he'd just never noticed before. Pichu addressed the group with authority, and his bright cheeks mesmerized them like two little suns.
"I am here to give testament that the prophecy is true. Allies, hear me, for I have seen the Cosmic Child!"
The Rattata spoke to one another softly, questioningly.
"When the Sacred Beast comes to plunge this island into eternal darkness, only those Pokémon whom prove themselves will be spared. Indeed, the Cosmic Child will show us grace and deliver us from this wretched fate. It will take us to a new place; a beautiful dimension beyond anything we've ever known, where the ancient ones reside. But, to receive this divine gift you must believe in the power of the Cosmic Child." Pichu scanned over the front row. "You!" He pointed. The unsuspecting Ally nearly fell backward. "Do you believe the Blessed One will come in our hour of need?"
"Yes," the Rattata squeaked.
"What? Speak up!" Pichu demanded.
"Yes," the grey-bellied rat said again. Pichu shook his head and wrinkled his button nose. He marched up to the Rattata and came in close as if he were trying to get a better look at a pesky insect.
"I can't. Hear you." He enunciated into the Rattata's overwhelmed pupils.
"Yes!"
"Yes?"
"YES!"
"Yes! That's it!" Pichu scampered back to the center. "And if you believe, oh, the strength you shall receive! Do you believe?"
"We believe!" the two dozen Pokémon all spoke in eerie unison.
Pichu rose up on his tippy toes, "If your faith is true, the Cosmic Child will deliver you! Do you believe?"
"We believe!"
"If you believe in the Cosmic Child, say its name, faithful Allies! Say its name!"
Their fangs ground together, they jounced and wiggled, and some fell off the log seats and rolled onto the stage. "We believe in you Cosmog!" "We believe!" "Cosmog will save us!"
Pichu tapped them one by one and a burst of ethereal flame stoked their bodies like hot orange coals. The entire room became a swirling tornado of magical fire. Pichu charged the atmosphere with static and the air seemed to snap, crackle, pop. Sparks teased Eevee's fur into a fabulous bouffant coat that would be the envy of any Furfrou. Pichu rallied a final cry of surrender before his thundershock cracked a hundred threads of lightening over them, jolting the Rattata stiff in a deafening, blinding flash. They dropped like swatted Yanma.
The brunette fluffle puff checked with Litten in shining wonderment. Litten's tufted tail flicked back and forth with only mild interest. The Rattata lay on the logs and on the floor in an increasingly awkward silence. Finally, one sprang to life.
"That was lit, Ally Pichu!"
"Of course," Pichu combed static off his diamond-shaped ears.
The room filled with chit-chat as the rest of the group stirred and leisurely found their way past Eevee and Litten. Eevee heard, "I can't wait until eternal darkness consumes this stupid tropical island!" followed by a burst of chortles.
Eevee rushed inside once the last of the Rattata squeezed past him. Pichu was digging around a bowl of assorted berries on a well-stocked table behind the stage.
"Pichu, that was amazing! How did you do it?"
Pichu whirled around as he stuffed a Leppa Berry into his cheek.
"Eevee, Ally Litten," he chewed. "What a surprise."
"I didn't know something like that was even possible!" Eevee sparkled.
"There are many things you do not know, dear Eevee. Excuse me."
Eevee was so caught up, he barely noticed Pichu toss the contents of the wooden bowl in to a blender. Pichu slid the attached cord through his paws until he hit a plug.
"I'm so glad to see you! Ever since you were lost -" Eevee continued.
BBBBZZZZRRR….!
Eevee jumped and pinned his ears shut.
….RRRRRZzzzRRRRRRzzzzz. Arcs of current petered out. Pichu opened the lid of the slurry and tasted it with one finger. He used his teeth to uncork a bottle with white powder and added it to the blender.
Eevee took a deep breath. "Ever since you…" BBBBZZZRRR… Eevee spoke louder, "…got lost on the road…" BRRRRRzzzz, "…looking for you…" RRRRRRrrrrRRRrrrBRRZZzz! "…two days!"
The screeching blades quieted. Eevee sighed. Nothing bothered him more than startling noises.
"Anyway, I've-"
BBRRRRRZZZ!
"Stop being an Absol, it's blended already!" Eevee yelled. Pichu looked at Eevee blankly and dropped the cord. The appliance went dead.
"It is very draining to be the Director of Aurae Awareness, Eevee. I need to replace my electro-lytes."
Pichu poured the blender contents into what appeared to be a pewter goblet festooned with jewels like nothing Eevee had seen on Melemele. It was almost as tall as Pichu, and yet he showed little trouble sipping it with one hand around the stem.
"Now, what brings you to the Order?"
"You were lost," Eevee began again.
"Oh yes, yes I was. Like so many of us, I was lost. Lost for so very long. But alas, dear Eevee, it was in the Order that I was found." He placed a tiny hand on Eevee's furry shoulder. Eevee succumbed to the two black pools that gazed into him. They were as profound and pure as a secret well spring hidden in an enchanted forest beneath a snowcapped mountain peak.
Litten nudged Eevee.
"Oh," Eevee said, "what was I saying?"
"The kid?"
"Right. I've come to take you home."
Pichu chuckled and hid a knowing smile. "Only until the Cosmic Child lifts us from this doomed island will I finally be home."
Eevee scrunched his face and looked to Litten for support. The feline shrugged. Eevee took another deep breath as Pichu savored his goblet smoothie.
"What about an adventure with our master? He caught us! We are going to battle in the island challenge, complete trials, get stronger, and be the very best!" Eevee tried to sound excited. Litten cleared his throat as if embarrassed and Pichu looked unimpressed.
"You speak of Hau. The human revealed the Cosmic Child to me." Pichu seemed deep in thought as he took another extraordinarily lengthy sip.
"Yes. I will go with you."
"You will?"
"I must." Pichu's tone darkened. He balled up his fist and glared through the floor.
"You too?" Eevee asked Litten.
Litten let out a lingering sigh. "After what you've done, I can't stay. Number One is going to rip off my whiskers the first chance he gets…"
"That's wonderful!" Eevee exclaimed.
"What?"
"We'll be a Party again!" Eevee wriggled with joy. "We did it! We did it! We did it! Hooray!" He spun and hopped and spun and hopped.
"I didn't agree yet," Litten muttered.
Eevee's victory dance seemed to rattle the floor, until he realized it still rattled after he stopped. A pulsating chant echoed through the corridors. The trio looked at each other and hurried out to the commotion. Yungoos and Rattata paraded through a hall across from them. They caught the words as the procession continued:
The echoes of Verdant resound
Hear, Spook, now and tremble
Hark to our step on the ground
Heed our tongues, the Totem comes…
"What's that about?" Eevee asked.
"My guess is Totem Gumshoos is going to battle that Haunter," Litten responded.
"A spook trespassed these sacred halls?" Pichu looked horrified. "We must bear witness to the cleansing of this desecration!" Pichu dropped his goblet, spilling berry juice everywhere as he leapt away on all fours.
"Wait!" Eevee called, but Pichu already disappeared into the hoard.
Litten poised, ready to follow. "How would you like to see a real trial?"
Eevee paused, ready to retreat. "Can the Totem win against Haunter?"
Litten smiled for the first time since Eevee arrived. The gesture was reassuring. Eevee couldn't help but smile back. With the three of them together, he didn't feel so afraid. Litten dashed through the hall with Eevee close behind, and they joined the parade of fervent Allies. Eevee spotted two yellow diamonds in the light and guided Litten toward Pichu.
The echoes of Verdant resound
Hear, Spook, now and tremble
Hark to our step on the ground
Heed our tongues, the Totem comes!
The corridor split into capillaries just big enough to crawl through. The procession spread out single-file. It was completely dark, but the exhilaration of their bold song carried them forward. Eevee never felt so elated.
They spilled out of the borrows into a cavern open to the sky; the result of a cave-in long ago. Eevee pulled fresh air into his nostrils and warmed in the sunshine. Songs of exultant Yungoos and Rattata echoed over the craggy slopes. They gathered along high rocky terraces that framed a central arena at least sixty feet in diameter.
Eevee, Litten and Pichu were pushed to the very edge of a slippery, moss-covered ledge. Eevee struggled to maintain his footing against the burgeoning mass. Pichu sprang onto Eevee's shoulders. He nestled between Eevee's ears and pointed to the figure of Gumshoos presiding over the arena below them.
"Look, there! Our Beloved Totem!"
"They'll stop coming through this way right?" Eevee watched nervously as Yungoos after Yungoos popped up to the terrace. Eventually the hole became plugged. Eevee puffed a sigh of relief.
The crowd's chant faded. Gumshoos opened his arms to his adoring Allies.
"You have heeded the call of the Blessed One! You are wise and watchful, my Allies. There has been an intruder of the vilest kind. It is drawn to the radiant energy of the ancient ones that bless this place."
The black and tan clumps of Rattata and Yungoos murmured anxiously. Some hung over the terraces to get a better look at their leader. The giant mongoose paced with an stable bearing, each step positioned carefully. His arms were pressed at his back, and he never turned his thick neck to look at his audience. It made him appear immovable and enduring.
"This creature is jealous and greedy, for it was borne of the dark. Not the holy dark which the Sacred Beast will bring; or the natural dark after the sun has set. No. It spawns from a void reserved only for endless nightmares and undoing."
Eevee whispered, "Is he talking about Haunter?"
"Shh!" Pichu pinched Eevee's ear.
"Ow!"
The sandy cliff that rose behind Gumshoos rippled and swayed, and a tide of gasps swept along the contours of the arena. The Totem held his arms out with his palms up, and the same red flames that Eevee saw in the theater flickered above the points of his black claws. The rippling rock traced an outline of a form, huge, three times the size of Gumshoos. A Pokémon? Eevee didn't recognize it. It illuminated Gumshoos in elegant silhouette. "The ancient ones are with us..."Eevee heard a Yungoos say. They were all dumbstruck by the beauty of it.
"This fire has been bestowed upon me, that I may give it to you, and you may become free of the corruption of this so-called paradise. This land tempts you with empty promises of ever-yielding fruit, clear mornings and starlit nights, but make no mistake, the Sacred Beast is coming. The ancients know what is to pass, and they sent me to warn you, so that you might be saved by the power of the Cosmic Child. With the light of the Blessed One, we will not succumb to the end of this Era, but return to our true home with the ancient ones."
The glorious light dimmed and the cliff side returned to a solid state. Gumshoos swung his arms forward and scattered the flames into a thousand embers that drifted over the enthralled Allies.
"With this fire, this devotion, we will surmount any evil that comes our way! The Spook will not…"
"Aaaoooooooaaaaooooooaaaaaaahhhh!"
The earsplitting screech from above flabbergasted the crowd. A Chandelure appeared from the sky and swept over the heads of the rodents. It flopped and flailed its wicked blue torches wildly. The Rattata darted away from the carnage, and the Yungoos' bent backwards with their long bodies. Many spilled over the outcroppings and clamored around pell-mell.
The Chandelure dumped into the middle of the arena and its globe of a head shattered with a shriek of disordered laughter. One Rattata screamed while the rest of the crowd was stunned into silence. Gumshoos hid his brow beneath a claw and shook his head.
Out of the flaming carcass Haunter emerged, greeting the onlookers with an outstretched tongue and a princess wave. A pit opened beside the Chandelure. Ropes of wet, slapping tentacles twisted out of the hole and wrapped over the lamp Pokémon, crunching it to pieces and slurping it into the abyss. The pit zipped shut.
Eevee felt queasy. "Are all ghost Pokémon that freaky?"
Pichu's expression went sour and he whispered sharply, "Spooks are not Pokémon! They merely pretend to be Pokémon in order to steal the one thing none of them have."
Pichu seemed to be requesting him to finish the sentence. Eevee gave it a thought.
"Noses?"
"Souls, cotton brain!" Pichu knocked Eevee's tufted head.
"We will defeat this Spook together! Number One!" Gumshoos announced. The Yungoos jettisoned from a burrow so quickly it was as if he spontaneously generated next to his Totem. He bristled and snarled with as much bravado as a foot-tall rodent could possibly hope for.
"Oh, we can bring friends?" Haunter clapped merrily. His left hand disappeared, and then re-appeared, dangling Eevee by his tail.
"What's happening?" Eevee shouted hysterically, flapping like a Magikarp out of water.
"Eevee, use tackle!" Haunter flung Eevee at Number One. Number One only had time to express shock before he was decked by Eevee's rump, careening them across the ground.
"Traitor!" Number One yelled as he kicked Eevee off. Eevee rolled to his feet and tottered.
"I'm sorr-"
Number One charged into Eevee, eliciting a boisterous cry of delight from the Allies. The two Pokémon tumbled forward in a somersault. Eevee squeezed out of Number One's grasp and beat him with his fluffy tail, forcing the Yungoos to backpedal away in a fit of sneezes. Eevee took off.
"Get back here!" Number One pursued and caught Eevee's white tail tip, jerking him up until his hind legs batted at the air.
"Let me go!" Eevee squalled. He paddled his front paws frantically against the dirt until grit pelted Number One in his eyes and mouth. Number One released Eevee and spat, gagging and wiping his face full of sand. Eevee fled. He saw Haunter ahead and veered right.
A pile of Ratatta greeted him with bared teeth and scowls on one side of the arena. Eevee skidded and made a 180 degree turn before their fangs could sink into him. He sprinted and yelped and changed direction upon every wall of angry looks. With each turn the Ratatta and Yungoos hurled insults and snapped their jaws like angry Carvanha. Spook sucker! Evo whore! Dirty Ratatta! I mean, Patrat!
He could hear Haunter's laughter rising above the jeers and the now too recognizable icy sensation wrapped around him. The next thing Eevee knew, he was back in his spot next to Litten and Pichu. Dazed, he nearly toppled over the ledge, but Litten grabbed Eevee and pulled him up.
"How'd I do?" Eevee was too lightheaded to see straight.
"Well, you're still alive," Litten offered.
"Fool!" Pichu smacked Eevee. Eevee twisted sideways and fainted.
The arena vibrated with the clacking of hundreds of fangs as the audience heckled and booed. Gumshoos calmed them by raising his arms. The cheering died out, and the arena was quiet except for the hacking noise coming from Number One.
"Spooks are lifeless cowards! They take advantage of the weak because they are incapable of possessing true power; the power of a living soul! They all must be banished from this world." The Yungoos and Rattata boomed: That's right! Soulless scum! Take it down! Send it to the void! Spook!
The points of Haunter's eyes bounced around the vicious calls of affirmation. His usual glib smile gradually curled into a sneer, but then promptly disappeared behind a jocular facade.
"So then! What are you going to do? Bite me?" The taunt was delivered as an invitation. The shouting ceased. "I know it should be impossible, since I'm so exceptionally impalpable, but I'll feel it. What other option do you have?"
Number One inflated with confidence. "I've identified you! You cannot escape any of my attacks!" He tensed, about to pounce, when he felt something in his hand. He looked down and saw a red tootsie pop. He looked up again. Haunter's fist slammed directly into his face and knocked him flat. Everyone booed as the fist bungeed back to Haunter.
Gumshoos uttered an unappreciative growl as he looked down at his Ally. "This is not what we discussed," he hissed. "What are you doing?"
"Providing a spectacle… or two."
A pair of horn rim glasses poofed over Gumshoos eyes. He ripped them off with a grunt and smashed them under his heel. He had about as much as he could take.
"Totem Gumshoos will destroy that spook with one Bite!"a suspiciously falsetto voice shouted from somewhere in the audience. A cheer swelled over the cavern. The crowd stamped their feet and the arena rocked with the pounding of tails and clicking of nails against stone. Bite the spook! Bite the spook! Bite the spook! Bite the spook! The mantra reverberated.
Haunter swished his disembodied hands as if conducting an orchestra. "Don't want to disappoint them, do we?" he harmonized.
Gumshoos roared at Haunter's impudence. An inferno blazoned around him and his golden mane swept up in the heat. The cheering became wild. Pichu's heart leapt into his throat as he watched the aura engulf his Totem, and Litten's expression slackened in amazement.
The Totem thundered forward, his weight no obstacle to speed. Haunter presented a blithe smile as Gumshoos lunged with the force of a wrecking ball. His maw screwed open like an iron bear trap big enough to swallow a Raticate whole and serrated teeth tore into the purple visage, ejecting slick black fluid that sprayed over them both. Gumshoos flung over Haunter by the grip of his bite and launched him like a cannon shot forty feet across the arena. The Totem struck the ground, sturdy on his hind legs and splattered with ectoplasm.
"Eat me!" "Eat me Totem!" Several frenzied Ratatta shrieked over the whistles and applause. "Put me inside you!"
The Totem's irate glare fixed on the gored ghost. Haunter hung like a limp doll with a plastic grin at the edge of the cavern, streaked with ooze from wounds that covered his spiked head. Wisps of acrid vapor seeped out of the punctures.
"Whatever you do, don't come after me! ... I am the rat-catcher!" He shuddered with a snigger that gurgled and hitched the levity of madness.
"Aaaaaah!" someone howled. The triumphant applause wavered, confused by the onset of distress. A Rattata in the top tier pawed at his mouth. "My teef? Where are my teef?" he cried. Another howl pierced the air, and then another.
The din of rodents squealed shrill as wrangled Tepigs when they realized every single one of their fangs and incisors and molars were missing. A Yungoos grabbed Litten and shook the cat with crazed horror, "How can I liff wike dish?" he flapped. Litten pushed him away. A second Yungoos nearly knocked him down as it sailed off the terrace in a fit of hysteria. Litten and Pichu were surrounded by foaming, falling Yungoos.
The pit squirmed with manic bodies that pitched against their comrades in a panic, pouring into the arena like a spilled bag of grain. Hapu Koko! Hapu Koko! Oh pleash! My teef! My teef!
Gumshoos fumed as he heard their cries for the guardian deity instead of him. He cast a bloodshot eye at his Allies. They clutched their muzzles, weeping, gnashing their gums, scratching the dirt, mounding in towers of agony and pleading for their pearly whites to return. He focused back on Haunter, and color drained from his expression.
A black shroud enveloped the ghost until nothing but gleaming red eye slits could be seen through the vapor. Darkness swept in a circle around him and spread over the grass and weeds, shrinking them into ashen tangles of rot. Haunter drew a windless breath that sucked a toothy, massive gap into the growing cloud. It roiled with purple lightening and sizzled from ionic disturbance as the radius of spoiled earth spread in a flood of death over the arena.
"We should go," Litten said. Pichu, for once, could not find his words.
The fire cat, Litten, electric mouse, Pichu, and genetic freak, Eevee trotted together down the country path of Route 2. The sun was low and pink, lending a neon glow to ocean waves that broke tenderly against the beach side. The day was almost at a close and the salty breeze tousled their fur.
"Thanks for the revival herb Pichu!" Eevee chirped. Pichu's brow creased in brooding concentration. He didn't respond. "Totem Gumshoos won, right? Was it exciting?" Eevee asked.
Litten glanced back at the top of the hill far behind them. A billowing, polluted cloud as tall as the hill itself loomed above Verdant Cavern, heaving a gloomy shadow over the region as it slowly drifted skyward.
"Oh, nothing exciting. Don't worry about that." Litten kept Eevee from looking back by throwing a clumsy paw around him. "So where's that boy we're supposed to babysit?"
"This is about where I last saw him."
"All may not be lost," Pichu declared. Eevee and Litten stopped and stared at him simultaneously. Pichu paid them no mind but kept a brewing gaze on his paws. "Yes, it is a sign. I will spread the good word to all of Alola. The day of reckoning will soon be at hand." He blazed with crimson resolve, curling his wee fingers into steely hooks. "I will rebuild the Order and raise a Pokémon army so formidable that even the Sacred Beast will tremble in awe!"
Eevee and Litten exchanged worried looks.
Suddenly, Eevee couldn't see Litten anymore. He was gone, and Pichu was gone. He looked down. The sandy beach road was gone. The comforting, orange sky was gone. He was enclosed in an inky haze. Eevee twirled in circles, trying to figure out what was going on.
"Litten? Pichu? Where am I?" His calls echoed.
"Apologies, I got a bit distracted. Where can I find Lillie?"
That gliding cadence; it was Haunter! Eevee crouched down low in the emptiness. He couldn't see anything. Whatever held him up gave way, and Eevee tumbled through space. He drifted, still and quiet, no sights, smells or anything to touch. Repressed fears thumped around his skull like a sopping blanket knotted in a poorly balanced washing machine. Chump! Chump! Chump!
Eevee couldn't stand it. "She's at the beach house! It's at the south end of the island," he confessed; such was his docile nature.
"Excellent! I don't mean to be rude, but I shouldn't keep my vanilla Casteliacone waiting much longer. For ever, and for ever, farewell, Brutus! If we do meet again, we'll smile indeed; if not, 'tis true this parting was well made!" the mouthless voice faded.
The path felt sturdy against Eevee's back. The haze cleared and the hum of dusk returned. Litten hovered over him.
"You okay? Why are you screaming about a beach house?"
Eevee gulped, his four paws tucked against his belly. "I think I just did something bad."
"The human is over there," Pichu alerted. The boy sat on his backpack at the side of the path, scarfing down on a Big Malasada drenched with tears. Each bite was accompanied by a sob.
"I'm never going to be a real Pokémon trainer," he groaned, spattering crumbs into his shirt. "I'm good for nothing but a tax credit, just like auntie Ubo says." He inhaled a glob of filling from the deep fried dessert. "So good…" he sniffled.
Through bleary eyes he noticed something move, and looked up to see three Pokémon. Litten, Pichu, and Eevee sat in front of him, their shadows long in the sunset. Eevee wagged his tail. Pichu's cheeks lit up. Litten groomed his whiskers.
"Haaaahh!" Hau nearly ripped his hair out. "You're all here!" The Malasada fell to his feet as Eevee jumped into his arms, licking the sticky chin of an overjoyed eleven year old. Pichu's grin became strained. Litten gave him a stern eye. He gritted his teeth and scrambled up onto Hau's shoulder.
"Piiii!" he squealed sweetly.
The boy laughed and played with his three friends. Reunited at last, their fantastic Pokémon journey could finally begin.
To be continued...