A/N: Not much Wincest but it's coming, don't worry. Lyrics by J. Geils Band
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Smashed a hole through my TV screen, Too much too soon if you know what I mean
I lost my mind by the count of ten, Nobody ever gonna put me back together again
You gotta knock it out rock it,You gotta sock it out rock it
You gotta rock rock rock it,Til the walls come tumbln' down
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Sam's head jerks up.
He's instantly on the alert, the low scrape against the outside of the door making the hairs on the back of his neck rise up, stopping his crying jag instantly. He swipes the tears away from his face and presses his ear closer to the wood, listening intently.
There it is again.
A light scratching, like a fingernail, is sliding along the frame outside, too close for it to be a tree branch or bramble in the wind.
Sam's heart starts to pound in his chest as he realizes that in his misery about Dean, he forgot about Lillith. He shakes his head at his own stupidity, his hunter's mind quickly assessing his situation: his power's been diminished to almost nothing, Dean still has the demon knife and, he groans aloud when he remembers, Dean's got the Impala with all the weapons in it.
He doesn't know if he drank enough of Ruby's blood to do him any good. He can't even begin to consider what Ruby told Dean about him turning into a demon but one thing's for sure - there's no way he's strong enough to take on Lillith now.
Shit! Holding his breath, he reaches up to snick the deadbolt into place as quietly as he can and he backs up, scanning the room quickly, counting entrances and weighing options. He grabs his duffle bag, pulling out salt and holy water and drops to his knees in front of the door, sprinkling a line of salt in front of it before moving to one of the windows.
He hears a tapping on the door as he's laying down salt as fast as he can, and a woman's voice, laughing, reaches his ears through the wood, "Sam. Sammy…come on! Let me in to play!"
Sam moves to the next window but before he can put down any more salt, the glass starts to tremble and shimmer in the lamp light, bending and moving until it bursts into pieces and he yells, covering his eyes as he drops to the floor, curling himself into a ball, shattered glass raining down on his hair and back.
The wind blowing in from the broken window scatters the salt, tossing it into the air, rendering it useless, and a stealthy sound reaches his ears, making him stare incredulously at the door where he sees the dead bolt handle turn slowly by itself, sliding loose and unlocking and then the doorknob, spinning slowly around until-
The door pushes open silently and a figure stands there, silhouetted against the lights outside, waiting for a moment before saying mockingly, "Well, aren't you going to invite me in, Sam? You don't have very good manners."
He rolls over onto his knees, trying not to get cut on the slivers of glass glittering all over the floor, and stands up, holy water in one hand, salt bag in the other, waiting.
The girl steps carefully over the broken shards of window, moving into the light and it's Ruby, still wearing the gore-covered shirt she was killed in, her face splattered with drops of blood, hands stained red and white orbs where her eyes should be.
She looks down at herself and spits out the words, "Do you see what that bastard brother of yours did to this beautiful meat suit? I had to sew it up just to keep her intestines in so I could use it. I promised Ruby she would be the one to kill you and I always keep my word. So here she is, in body if not in spirit, and here I am."
Lillith smiles at him, tilting her head, examining him like he's an interesting specimen, "And here you are, Sam Winchester…no weapons, no power, no brother. Tsk, tsk, tsk, you really didn't plan this very well, did you?"
"Come on, you know you can't hurt me, Lillith! I don't care what Ruby told Dean. I'm no demon and you and I both know it."
The demon shrugs at him, "Well, Ruby has been known to tell a little white lie now and then, as long as it served her purposes. I imagine if she'd told Dean the truth, he'd have made her suffer a lot more than he did before he killed her."
"What truth?"
"When Ruby first started you feeding, she was giving you full strength demon juice and your power grew so fast, you could barely control it. You should have seen your face when ever you would send one of my 'employees' to their death. I was watching you through Ruby's eyes. It made you feel so good, you were wild with it and it wasn't too hard to keep you coming back for more. Hell, all you wanted was more…more power…more invincibility and soon, you were begging Ruby for your fix. Once we had you there, once you were addicted, we started added a little bit of Lillith love to the mix."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, silly boy, that Ruby was drinking my blood at the same time you were drinking hers. So my blood is in your veins and now, your power is mine."
Lillith lifts her hand and a blinding white light pours out, enveloping Sam in its intensity, covering him in shine.
Sam stands his ground, a smile on his lips, knowing he can't be hurt when suddenly, he's thrown backwards against the wall, cracking his head and back so hard the plaster behind him splits wide open. The wind completely knocked out of his lungs, he gasps frantically for air as Lillith walks in front of him, shaking her head.
"You always were a little too full of yourself, Sam. My blood is special…it eats away all human blood in a body and replaces it with my wonderful essence. I've ingested thousands of souls this way, each with their own energies, their own powers. Once I drain your force, your human soul will die and all that will remain is the demon that's inside you, just waiting to get out. Then, you will take your place at my feet and serve me with all the loyalty of a faithful dog. You may as well get used to the idea, Sam because you're already too far gone. All that's left is this – where I take what's mine."
Sam struggles against the force holding him to the wall, pulling his head free with a mighty effort, a strangled "Ahhh" bursting out of him when he finally gets there, and he narrows his eyes, focusing all of his power on the evil bitch in front of him.
He sneers at her, "I'll never serve you!"
Lillith replies with a smile, "Too strong for that, huh? Never is a very long time, Sam and I've seen many strong men broken down to nothing in the pit, begging me to make them the same offer. Look at your brother. So, let's talk again after you spend forty years in hell."
She flicks her hand, pinning his head back against the wall expending no more effort than swatting a fly, "You don't have the power to defeat me, Sam. Not anymore."
Suddenly, a blur of movement bursts through the open doorway and grabs Lillith around the neck. It happens so fast that by the time Sam sees it's Dean, Lillith is already screaming from the knife being plunged into her back.
Lillith loses her focus on Sam and he's free, dropping to the ground, rolling onto his feet, ready to spring into the fight where he can.
Dean's crushing her throat with his forearm, Dean's stabbing her in the back with the demon knife as fast as he can, Dean's snarling in her ear, "I killed you once, you bitch and I'll do it again!"
Lillith grapples with his brother, desperately pulling on his forearm where he's got a steel grip on her neck and finally, reaching a clawed hand over her shoulder, twisting her wrist quickly to send Dean flying across the room. With a sickening thud, Sam watches him crash face first into the wall and fall into a heap on the floor.
"Dean! NO!" Sam hollers and he swings around on Lillith, a rage shooting through him such as he's never known before, a mad growl erupting out of his bared teeth, his vision murky, blood red and all he can see is that bitch smiling at what she did to Dean.
Sam watches Lillith's face change, the smile faltering and a look of surprise, a flicker of fear casts a shadow in her eyes.
He doesn't reach out a hand, doesn't need one as he feels the latent power, hidden for weeks now, surge up through his body and out, almost shimmering out of him in a wall of strength. He gathers it around him and forces it into a fiery ball of seething hatred, mighty and deadly and throws it at Lillith with his mind, slashing it at her in one giant wave.
It hits her hard, holding her stiff and rigid, slamming into her, making her scream out with pain and Sam sees her flesh split, gashes opening all over her skin, all at once, not bleeding because the body had already bled out from Dean's wounds so the flesh is gaping dry and white.
Slashes rip her skin, burn into her, sizzling and popping and she throws back her head, mouth torn wide open and out of the dark cavern comes a torrent of black smoke, pouring into the room, the stink of sulfur and death filling Sam's nose and the acrid plumes gush out through the window, through the door and into the night.
Sam drops to his hands and knees, gasping, weak and trembling with reaction, trying to get his bearings when he realizes that Dean is still huddled near the wall, quiet and unmoving, a smear of blood trailing down the plaster to his body.
"Dean! Dean!" Sam scrabbles across the floor to where Dean lays and rolls him over, heart pounding like a freight train. He sees the busted nose and the bloody mouth, Dean's head lolling back on his arm and he frantically feels for a pulse.
With a sob of relief, Sam finds one, strong and steady, throbbing under his fingers and he closes his eyes against the fear that still trembles along his spine, thank Christ, thank Christ.
Sam sits, back pressed tight against the wall and pulls his brother close, hugging him protectively, lips against Dean's forehead, rocking him back and forth, murmuring softly, It's ok, it's ok…
*
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Dean comes to swinging.
Sam has to dodge a mean left hook, almost catching it on the chin, "Whoa, Dean. It's ok."
"Awwww, shit!" Fully alert now, Dean sits up, touching his nose gingerly, wiping away the blood smeared on his face and looking at it in disgust, "Damn, Sammy, that's like the sixth time, man…is there a limit on how many times a nose can be broken?"
"I don't think so. Well, at least now I'm the better looking one. Not that I wasn't before but with your ego, you never would've admitted it." Sam smiles, just glad Dean's awake and here.
"In your dreams, bitch." Dean grumbles, his voice nasally and sounding stuffed up, then looks around, "Where is she?"
"Lillith? She's gone."
Dean scowls at Sam, "Gone where?"
Sam shrugs, "I guess the knife wounds in her back did the trick. She took off like a bat out of hell as soon as you went down."
Disbelieving, Dean searches his face, "Really?"
Sam nods, knowing Dean knows he's lying. He knows how the dance is done and Sam's taking advantage of the Winchester way of life, don't talk, don't tell. Dean will accept the lie, stubbornly refuse to ask him again and the rift between them will grow but at least Sam won't have to put into words how freaked out he is at what just happened between him and Lillith.
Sam looks at Dean and opens his mouth to finish the lie but before he knows it, before he can stop himself, he's shaking his head, looking down at the floor, bangs hanging in his face and he mumbles, "No, not really."
He feels Dean give a start of surprise and he looks up, staring into his brother's face, astonished at what he's gonna do and he takes a deep breath, "Dean, I want to tell you the truth."
*
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Twenty minutes later, Dean is just as freaked out as Sam is, "So, you have Lillith blood in you…"
"That's what she said." Sam is washing away the blood on Dean's face with gentle hands, using a plastic cup filled with water and a soft cloth and Dean's letting him for once and Sam's grateful that he is. While they were disposing of Ruby's body, he told Dean everything that happened once Dean lost consciousness, holding nothing back, the fear, the rage, the shooting power that rocked his body.
Even though he's still scared, Sam's strangely relieved that Dean knows the truth and the weight on Sam's shoulders isn't just his to carry any more.
"And you still have your own blood in you? Ow!"
"Sorry…I'm sorry." Sam goes more slowly so as not to hurt, "I don't know, Dean. If I had to take a guess, I'd say that our bloods mixed together in me and made something even more powerful than either of us was before."
"Great. That makes me feel a whole lot better, Sam."
"It's scaring the hell out of me, too, Dean." Sam shakes his head in amazement, "You should have seen it…what it did to her. It cut the shit out of her, just sliced her up and pretty much ripped her out of that meat suit. If I had known how to control it, I probably could have killed her then. As it is, she got away."
Dean stares at him, as scared as Sam's ever seen him and Sam tries to lighten the mood.
"Look at the bright side, Dean. If Lucifer comes in and kicks your ass into a wall, I can take him out with no problem."
"That's not funny, Sam."
"It's a little funny, dude." Sam gives him a dead-pan look.
Dean presses his lips together, refusing to crack a smile, "Now I know why you hate it when I say that."
"Dean, Why…why'd you come back?" Sam watches his brother's face carefully, dipping the cloth and wiping blood off Dean's chin.
Dean looks shame-faced, "I never left, Sam."
At Sam's look of surprise, Dean shrugs, "I couldn't leave you in danger, no matter what problems we got between us. You're my brother and I love you and I had to take care of you. I'll always take care of you, Sam. I just had to leave to make sure Lillith followed through on her plan to kill you tonight but I was right outside, watching and waiting for her."
Sam smiles at him, "I'm glad you came back."
Dean shakes his head, "Sam, it's not for good. It was only to make sure that you were safe."
"Wait, you're still gonna go?" The circling of the washcloth stills as Sam holds his breath for Dean's answer.
"Sam, The ultimatum still stands. Until you give this up, we can't be together."
"But, Dean, I don't have control over this now. I don't know how to stop using it because I don't know what I did to start it. I thought my power was gone, that's why I went back to Ruby's – to try to get it back. This thing…this new thing just came out of me when I saw you get hurt and then it was so fucking strong!"
Dean scowls at him, "You can choose, Sam. We always got a choice."
"What choice, Dean? What choice do I have in this?" Sam puts the cloth and glass down, glaring at his brother.
"You can just let it go, Sam. Concentrate on helping me find other ways to kill Lillith and stop the breaking of the Seals. Don't try to make yourself stronger or try to control this thing. Just let it go, man. But more than that, if you just can't let it go, then you need to tell me. Love me enough to tell me the truth cause I swear to God, I can't watch you change into something evil. It would kill me, Sammy, it would end me."
Sam starts to protest, "But, don't you think we should try to figure out how we can use-"
"No, Sam. I don't."
"So I do this or you leave."
Dean's eyes are hard, "Yes. That's the deal."
Sam feels Dean's words hit bottom in the pit of his stomach, churning and grinding in his gut and suddenly, Sam is overwhelmed with all of the shit that's come down on him today – Dean finding out about him drinking demon blood, being told he's turning into a demon, having some serious mojo fly out of his body from God knows where and kicking Lillith's ass with it, losing Ruby in a swick of Dean's knife and now-
His brother, coming back into his life to save him but ready to walk out again, quick as lightening if he doesn't capitulate, if he doesn't bend to Dean's will.
Sam pinches the bridge of his nose against the sudden headache, feeling a slow anger start burning in his belly, working its way up around his heart and he feels himself unraveling, breaking down and coming undone, and he knows he's gonna bust wide open but he can't seem to stop himself, can't stop the hurt from spewing out of him. It's like an open, gaping wound that splits wider with each passing second.
"No." It comes out of his mouth like a surprise and before he knows it, another one bursts out of him, loud and decisive, "NO!"
Dean flinches at Sam's harsh voice, "Sammy-"
Sam takes a deep breath and the fury in his eyes flashes over Dean's face as he grits out the words, "All my life, all my fucking life everyone's told me what to do and how to do it and the only time I tried to make my own choice, I had to fight you and Dad so hard that it broke us. And then, I still ended up giving in, the minute you came and got me from school, I came back and did what you wanted, again."
Sam's voice is low and harsh, "Last time, Dean, I let you make the call. You decided you were the problem in my life. You decided we couldn't be together. It was all you, Dean and you refused to let me have any kind of say in the decision, just like always. And God help me, I went along with it because at least I still had you in my life, you were still there even if we couldn't have each other and be lovers. But now-"
Sam shakes his head, resolute, determined and damn pissed off, "No more. Not this time. I'm not going along with it, not again. After all we been through, you are not leaving me, Dean. Period. Not gonna happen."
Dean's starting to get mad, "And how do you think you're gonna stop me?"
Sam is suddenly up close, in Dean's space, on his knees in front of him and Dean pulls back instinctively but his shoulders are grabbed in an iron grip and he's yanked forward, stopped when he's a hair's breath away from Sam's face, nose to nose, lips almost brushing and he can feel the heat, the anger from Sam coming off him in waves.
Sam's breath is hot on his face as he hisses, "Because I'm not letting you out of here until we get this straight. You and me, we're gonna do whatever it takes -- fight and yell, throw some punches, and then we're gonna kiss and hug and fuck each other senseless, 'till we can't even stand up and we're gonna keep doing it as long as we have to, until this shit is settled between us. And I'm not giving you a choice. We clear?"
Dean stares up into Sam's face, green eyes glittering, angry as hell and his hands hit against Sam's chest, giving a mighty shove, "Get out of my face, jerk!"
Sam rocks back on his haunches with the push, giving Dean a sweet smile but the glint in his eyes is untamed fury. Sam's reached the edge and he's not backing down any more.
"Ok, man, you asked for it…" and he pulls back a fist, slugging Dean in the jaw as hard as he can, being careful to miss his nose.
Dean's head whips around, and he comes back, hand to his jaw, eyes incredulous "Did you just fucking hit me? Oh, you did not just do that."
"Oh, yeah I did." And Sam scrambles to his feet, beckoning with one hand, "Come on, dude…let's do this…"
"Your ass is mine, Sam." And Dean rises to the challenge, broken nose forgotten as he lumbers in, swinging.
*
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Ten minutes later, Dean is on top of Sam on the floor, Sam's arm twisted behind his back and Dean pulls up on it, panting harshly in his brother's ear, "You give, Sammy? You give?"
Sam groans with the pain, trying to get up on his knees so he can throw Dean off and Dean tightens his legs around Sam's hips, squeezing tightly and yanks up on his brother's arm again. In truth, Dean's thoroughly enjoying this position because Sam's ass is clenched tight between his thighs and Sam's body is rolling around underneath him, rubbing warm sensations on his crotch, his hardening dick pressed into Sam's backside.
"Shit, Dean!"
"Sammy, give! Say it, man!"
"NO! Not if it means you're gonna leave. You're gonna have to break it 'cause I'm not saying it!"
"Jesus!" With an exasperated breath, Dean releases his arm and unclenches his legs, pulling Sam over by the shoulder. Sam's face is banged up good, swollen eye and cut lip, bruises on both cheeks but he's still not quitting.
Sam had made sure to avoid punching Dean's nose, having sacrificed strength for accuracy, so Dean's bruises aren't as pronounced as Sam's but his face is still puffy and broken."What the fuck, Sam, you got a death wish or something?"
"Dean, I told you, I'm not letting you go! Not as long as I'm conscious!" And Sam tries to swing again but he's got nothing left and Dean easily catches the fist, holding it tight and bends over, his sweat dripping onto Sam's forehead, mixing with his brother's, the smell of Sam wafting up into Dean's nose, making him slightly dizzy, a wave of desire sweeping through his belly, washing over him.
Panting hard, trying to control the passion that's rising up, Dean smiles in grudging admiration at Sam, "Christ, you're a hard head, aren't you? I'm too tired to go anywhere tonight anyway. Want to just take this up in the morning?"
Sam's eyes are suspicious but he nods in agreement and Dean studies his brother's face, his eyes hot and passionate, excited from both the fight and Sam's warm body writhing underneath him. He licks his lips, staring at Sam's bruised mouth, wet and parted as breath is pulled in, and Dean bends to whisper in Sam's ear, "But I pinned you so I win and you have to pay up."
"What-what do you want?"
"I want your beautiful ass, Sammy, up in the air, spread wide and waiting for me." Dean makes his voice soft, sensual and Sam gives him a shiver in return, the tremor working its way up his whole body and his eyes are shadows and lust, full of the image Dean's just put into his head.
"But, first things first…"
And Dean touches Sam's lips with his own, rubbing tenderly across the bruises, pushing open Sam's mouth and sliding in his tongue, dancing and tickling over Sam's delicious taste. God, his mouth is so hot and sweet. He feels Sam move, trying to get closer to him and Dean deepens the kiss, drinking Sam's essence, drowning himself in the flavors of his brother's mouth, savoring every tang, every drop of honey he can pull from Sam's lips.
Down below, Dean is bucking up against Sam, hips rocking into his brother's dick, and Sam's hands have slid behind Dean's head, pulling him close, holding him there.
Dean breaks the kiss, resting his forehead on Sam's and gives a deep sigh of contentment. "Mmmm, you taste so good. Do you remember when you came into my shower that time and you just washed me? Got me all hot and bothered and then just left me there?"
Sam chuckles at the memory, "I was trying to drive you crazy."
"Yeah, it worked. So…"
"So?"
Dean gives a grin, "I want a do over."
Sam's eyebrows shoot up "In the shower?"
"Yeah, in the shower…gotta shower, right? I'm all sweaty and so're you so we may as well get clean and then…we can see what happens next."
Sam feels a smile spread across his face, stopping in pain from the split lip he's sporting and his eyes caress Dean's face lovingly as he murmurs his agreement, "Uh, ok..."
Dean stands up and takes Sam's hand, hauling him to his feet and leading him into the bathroom.
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