When he woke a second time it was to the feeling of someone being with him, very close, hovering. He was confused as to what had happened, his mind fuzzy, and his body didn't seem to respond to his brain's commands.
Spikes of pain radiated from his shoulder and abdomen, and he didn't even want to think about the other parts of his body that felt terribly bruised and battered. His back seemed to be the center of the mess, closely followed by all limbs.
It was a distant pain, dulled by medication, but it was there.
Chuck tried to remember why he hurt, but he drew a blank.
The presence drew closer, calming him as panic flashed because he couldn't remember, soothing his fear.
Someone touched him, drawing gentle fingers through his hair.
The presence inside him came closer and he drew an immense comfort from his alpha's nearness. His mind was a mess and he couldn't really think straight.
::I'm here, kid::
His father's voice.
XOXO
Time passed. Chuck was drifting in and out. He felt someone close by, but whenever he managed to pry his eyes open, he was still alone.
His brain, rattled and completely out of whack as it was, kept pushing memories at him.
And emotions.
And something else. It was this connection outside his pack, one that was palpable and real, one that spoke of a familiarity he was still fighting.
He swam in a gray sea of nothingness. There was no light, no shadow, no pain, no nothing.
Pain.
A faint memory of pain stole itself upon him and he looked down his body - only to stop in surprise. He had no body. But the memory of pain remained.
Pain and the voice of a friend.
Puzzled he tried to drag more of the memories to the surface of this strange state of consciousness.
A shadow, passing through a dark tunnel.
Pain.
A shadow and the immediate sense of danger.
Pain. Incredible, unbelievable pain.
Someone called his name.
Then he was lost in darkness for a while.
Light washed over him and he groaned. The pain shot through him, consumed him, burned itself unto his waking thoughts.
Someone begged him to hold on. Someone was out there, somewhere in the grayness, still begging, still calling. The voice changed, became darker and more insistent, telling him not to give up, to hold on... to fight. With an effort he tried to move from where he was and get to the voice. He wanted to know the one who called him, though he faintly thought he knew him. But he couldn't move. Every time he tried the pain increased. It was like a living barrier between him and the voice.
Weak.
Tired.
Sleep.
The grayness around him was oppressive. He fought against the ever tightening walls of gray against gray, but it was a fight he was loosing. He was too weak, too tired. The pain was omnipresent. He slipped back into nothingness, his awareness fading.
Someone yelled, but he couldn't hear the sound anymore. He just wanted to go, but something held him back. It was gentle, warm, covering him in a blanket, and he stayed.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
He opened his eyes and saw white. Focusing, he realized he was staring at a white ceiling, with a large, bright light hanging down from a fixture overhead. The light hurt his eyes and he closed them again. Then he heard a voice calling his name. It sounded familiar and his mind sluggishly tried to remember more. He opened his eyes, carefully this time, not to be blinded again - and looked straight into a pair of dark eyes.
"Hello there, good-looking. Glad to see you're up from your nap."
Dr. Ling Kei smiled and there was a lot of relief accompanying the words.
Chuck tried to talk, but found that he couldn't.
Actually, he had no vocal cords.
Gray fur on small paws with two thumbs greeted his gaze.
Oh fuck.
He had… hadn't he?
Double fuck.
"Easy there. You shifted a while ago, just after surgery. It appears your alpha blocked you long enough for us to help you treat the injuries, then let you shape-change."
Oh. Huh. Okay.
"Are you in any pain?"
He thought about her question, slowly taking inventory of his body. As he did, he became aware of a great deal of pain, wincing when he tried to move. He nodded.
"Okay, I'm going to give you something. You just relax, lie back and don't try to move that much, understood?"
He nodded again, trying to follow her orders. His memory was still rather sketchy, but he recalled Operation Pitfall, their failure to detonate, feeling the desperation and pain, trying to get out... and then nothing. Well, almost nothing. There had been someone... someone close… calming him.
And now he was in his third shape. He hadn't shifted into the wolf but into what some would call the Mr. Hyde version of a koala. Talons, speed, flexibility and wolf strength inside the cuddly, fluffy form of a male koala.
Great…
When Kei returned with the pain medication he gestured weakly since he was unable to talk.
She frowned.
"Something wrong?"
He shook his head, gesturing at everything, then shrugged - at least as much as the burns let him.
"You're back at the Shatterdome. Your alpha insisted you stay close."
Dad…
He felt the presence, calming, stable, balancing. His father wasn't far. And there was something else, at the edge, keeping him warm from a different side.
Who…?
Chuck stared at the ceiling. The pain medication started to work and he felt himself drift off. He didn't even try to battle the exhaustion, just slipped into the darkness of sleep.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
He was released from the medical ward to stay with his alpha, who carried him home. Chuck hadn't found the strength to actually shift back to human shape. Frankly, he couldn't give a flying fuck about what he looked like at the moment. He knew it would be painful to change shape right now and reopen wounds, so he listened to instinct and let himself get carried home.
Through silent, dark corridors. The Shatterdome appeared massive, cavernous, dark and foreboding with no one around.
"Almost everyone is with their families," Herc said softly into one furry ear.
His voice was a low, reassuring murmur.
"I let them go. It's time to celebrate life, that we won. Nothing is more important now."
Chuck managed a soft little grunt.
His father smiled. "Just an emergency crew here. We still got a job, kid. I got a job. The PPDC isn't ready to deal with the future right now, but I know they won't shut us down again. The immediate threat is gone, but there are already voices out there calling for a permanent guard."
Another mumble.
"It's nothing you need to think about right now, Chuck."
Herc felt warm and strong against him, the Henley barely a barrier between them. Chuck was lulled into a sense of peace, of calmness, and he closed his eyes, burying his nose against his alpha's neck.
The scent was familiar. It meant safety.
He was too tired to fight the need. He wanted to crawl somewhere safe and warm, be away from it all, and heal.
Parties were happening elsewhere. He didn't really feel like celebrating anything.
He wasn't even awake when they arrived at their current quarters and his father settled down with him, on the bed, holding him protectively.
Chuck was out like a light.
XOXO
Herc's expression was soft, mixed with lingering worry, his fingers drifting over Chuck's fur in a barely there caress. There weren't enough places for long strokes because of all the bandages.
Chuck was still a bit fuzzy about the extent of his injuries, but Herc knew every little cut and bruise. The stomach area was completely shaved, lines of stitching marring the soft skin. There were burns, there were deep cuts and lacerations, he had broken bones and a concussion.
Yeah, he was a mess.
A koala-shaped mess.
But his son was alive.
XOXO
In the end he stripped and shifted into his wolf shape, curling around the smaller koala. He licked gently over the few areas not bandaged or burned.
Chuck murmured in his sleep, snuffling a little, and Herc rumbled softly.
It was how he dozed off, safe in the knowledge that his son was alive and with him.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
The world was breathing again, safe from Kaijus, the Breach closed.
The Walls would be torn down, the cities rebuild, but it would take years. Maybe decades. In some cases it might never be the same.
Nuclear strikes did that to a landscape, to a place.
But humanity was resilient. And celebrated.
XOXO
He slept through it all.
For once in his lifetime Chuck Hansen didn't stand in front of the cameras, a celebrity, a hero.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
The dreams came.
Winding down from the post-Apocalypse high, Raleigh Becket crashed like a bag of bricks the moment medical was through with him.
He slept for almost twelve hours.
He ate.
He was there to get back-slaps of relief and joy, for the hugs, the well-wishes, the celebrations all over the Shatterdome.
He smiled, he nodded, he shook hands, and he let people pose with him for the camera. It was surreal and he felt detached from it all, the aches and pains not relevant, the victory nothing at all, really.
He felt like he was in a zone, a fugue state. Raleigh felt something thrum through him, something that could be powerful and all-encompassing, now numbed and distant.
Aside from him and Mako, Chuck Hansen had survived as well. Part of him had already known, like an instinct deep inside him. He felt Chuck, even though he shouldn't be able to feel at all. The scarring…
Raleigh sighed.
Apparently Hansen had scraped by on his teeth, hanging on with dogged determination, while Raleigh had barely a scratch.
Part of him wanted to see him.
Another part fought that.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
"They told me I could never bond."
Mako tilted her head. "How would anyone be able to tell, unless you have broken a bond?"
"I'm brain-damaged, Mako. Tearing a co-pilot out of a Drift, interrupting the neural handshake like that… you lose the part that was with him. You keep his ghost with you, that moment when you were one mind. And I felt his death. I still do."
Raleigh's hands clenched around his mug of hot tea.
They were in the Jaeger bay, looking through the partially open blast doors out over the ocean. Behind them workers were busy, ignoring them most of the time.
"I felt his ghost," she said.
Raleigh winced. "Sorry about that."
"I have my own."
He looked at her, taking in her fine smile, the sadness in her eyes. Pentecost's funeral had been the day before and the shadows still lingered. There had been no body to bury and the service had been symbolic in nature.
Yes, Mako had her own shadows, her own ghosts, but she hadn't lost part of herself.
"You feel something is there, Raleigh," his co-pilot said. "I felt it with you. It's weak. It's trying to grow."
"It's not a bond."
"What else could it be?"
"Echoes. Things that could have been if not for Leatherback. My own brashness. In a way I thought we were invincible. I paid for that mistake."
She shook her head, bang flying. "You are a very stubborn man, Raleigh Becket, just like your mate."
The blue eyes widened and he stared at her. "What?" Raleigh stuttered.
"You and I know what happened, but you don't want to hope, nor will you acknowledge."
"Mako…"
"Neither does he."
Raleigh shook his head. "I can't bond," he insisted.
"A neural handshake is not a soul bond. It is close, but not in the same place. The wounds you bear don't make it impossible for you to find your partner. You can and you have connected."
To Chuck Hansen?
Raleigh wanted to laugh. Of all the people in the Shatterdome…
But inside him was something small and warm, something that had responded to Chuck in a way he had never responded to another person before, not even among his pack, his siblings. It was growing stronger and it had tried to tell him that his intended bond partner was alive.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
That was when he dreamed in bright, surreal colors.
Saw alien figures, with too many eyes, gangly limbs and strange shapes.
A world of red and blue, orange and yellow, purple and silver, and Kaijus. Alien and incomprehensible.
Rows upon rows, the breeding chambers with different stages of development. Preparations made for another assault wave.
Raleigh felt paralyzed in those dreams. He felt terror and helplessness, time ticking away.
And then there was the explosion that took it all away.
Raleigh woke with a start, heart racing, body trembling with the aftershocks.
Somewhere in the back of his mind something stirred, tried to break through the weakening shields around his soul, but he didn't really listen to it.
He had suffered nightmares in the past, always about Yancy, about the broken neural handshake, about Knifehead tearing his mind apart. Now those nightmares had a different twist.
His lips were thin lines in a pale face as he got up and dressed.
He wasn't a stranger to interrupted sleep. He knew how to deal.
That's how Raleigh took up late night running again.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Mako Mori had Drifted with her co-pilot twice.
It was enough for her to understand the pain and fear residing deep within the other man. It was enough to feel the tears in his soul where Yancy had been.
It was enough to feel the jagged, barely healing scars.
But the scars weren't debilitating. They weren't permanent, a handicap, something to limit his abilities to bond.
Raleigh only thought they were.
She knew there was something happening between Raleigh and Chuck. The electricity was there, in the contact, in every word and gesture.
And Herc had realized it, too.
XOXO
"He doesn't believe in being able to touch another soul," she told the alpha wolf. "His soul is under layers of protective shields. It's automatic. It's hard for him to consider letting it all go."
Herc frowned, then his eyes widened a fraction. "Knifehead."
She nodded once. "He has scars, but those wounds can heal. Even if he does not believe it. He Drifted with me. Yes, he went out of alignment, but his wounds are still so very much open and painful. Still he helped me as I chased my own nightmares. He is very, very strong, but he no longer believes in himself."
Herc's gaze wandered around the empty Jaeger bay. "I've felt the changes. I know Chuck's responding more strongly to him than he wants to. And if I leave it to my son…it'll end in bond shock." He shook his head. "Bloody stubborn kid!"
Mako smiled slightly. "They both are, Marshall. Raleigh won't listen to the signals and Chuck will… be himself."
He snorted a little laugh. "Oh yes, Miss Mori, he will. Right now he's an obstinate ball of fluff and bandages, glaring at everyone, hating everything, and turning his back on the one who could help him so much. He'd bite my hand off if he could."
"I heard he shifted," Mako said neutrally, tilting her head a little.
Herc grinned. "Third form shift. The were-koala."
She chuckled. "Only he would call himself that."
"He does look a little like a nasty mix between a wolf and koala. Cuddly with a side of prickly and nasty."
"Raleigh doesn't know that about him."
Herc heaved a breath that sounded almost like a sigh. "There's a lot neither knows about the other. All I can do is push my beta into the right direction. Raleigh himself… he feels like pack already. He responds to me outside Marshall-Ranger hierarchy. Part of him knows."
"Then maybe we should work on making him realize that he can still bond," Mako said calmly, a fine smile on her lips.
"While convincing the little bastard that is my son that a soulmate is not the end of the world, taking the pack from him."
"Which might be the hard part."
Herc nodded. Yeah, it would be.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Sometimes Raleigh was running in his wolf form. He was free in that shape, his mind disconnecting from the human problems, just enjoying the world at a different pace and in a different light.
When he let the wolf past the barriers of humanity, instincts were all that guided him.
The Shatterdome was his territory, though he wouldn't challenge the Shatterdome's alpha for it. He was allowed to be here and he was aware that in a fight, the alpha would kick his ass.
So he stayed out of the higher ranking wolf's way and just took to the areas where he wouldn't be seen as an intruder.
No one stopped him.
Sometimes he thought he felt the alpha near-by, and part of him was drawn to the silent call.
He longed for a pack, he realized. He had been part of one and that instinct was still running hot. Herc was a strong alpha and Raleigh's wolf side readily accepted him.
Too bad the pack's beta hated his guts.
tbc...