Brittany walked into school the next day even though she wanted to be at the hospital with Santana. Her girlfriend told her to go to school and get all her books for her. Kurt and Brittany decided that they would go see Santana at lunch. The first half of the day seemed to drone on without Santana there. "Hey," Finn cheered, passing her in the hallway. He didn't know what happened to Santana because Kurt promised her not to tell Finn. "Where'd you go after your girlfriend slapped me?" Finn asked with arrogance. He said 'girlfriend' as though he didn't believe they were dating.
Brittany slammed her locker door and glared at Finn. "I went to go console her." Brittany snapped back.
"Why are you consoling her? I'm the one who got slapped in the face." Finn retorted, showing Brittany his still reddened cheek. His skin always did keep its changes in pigment.
"You're about to get slapped again if you don't shut up." Brittany cocked her head to the side, mimicking Santana's usual head gesture.
"Why are you so angry with me?" Finn asked. Brittany scoffed and turned on her heel but Finn grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back.
"First, you call me an idiot, then you out my girlfriend in school just because she made a few fat jokes. You knew she was joking." Brittany replied, crossing her arms. Finn shook his head, disagreeing with what she was saying. "I know you don't realize the impact you made on her life. When you outed her in the hallway, the niece of some candidate for office heard. He's using it in his next commercial against Sue. You did this, Finn. Now you have to make it right."
Brittany saw Kurt wave at her at the end of the hallway. "I'll let that sink in. I hope you know you ruined someone's life." Brittany tapped Finn on the shoulder and skipped over to Kurt.
Brittany and Kurt entered Santana's hospital room and saw her sitting upright. Her hair was nicely combed and braided to the side, her eyes were wide and alert, and the face was full of life. "You look so much better!" Brittany exclaimed. She ran over to Santana, grabbed her face in her hands, and kissed her.
"Ow," Santana whined. Brittany got up and smoothed on the sheets with a pout on her face. Santana pulled Brittany by the fringe on her Cheerios' skirt and kissed her again.
"Ahem." Kurt cleared his throat to make his presence known. "I know you girls have some catching up to do but for my sake save that for when Santana's 100% better." Kurt walked over to Santana and petted her head. "You do look great though." Kurt admitted. He placed two bags on her bed and pulled out its contents. "These are Missoni sheets! I got them for you. Your sense of color is impeccable so I knew these sheets would be perfect for you."
"Thank you, Kurt, but you didn't have to get me these. Keep them." Santana replied, pulling in Kurt for a hug.
"I had Blaine snag me some before this drugged out Anna Nicole type woman got to them." Kurt said with a laugh. He pushed the sheets toward Santana. "These are for you. Let's put them on." Kurt encouraged.
Santana got out of the bed gingerly and held on to the side of it while Kurt tore off the hospital sheets and replaced them with the colorful striped sheets he bought. Brittany reached in her bag and pulled out Santana's clothes. "These were in your gym locker. Do you need help putting them on?" Brittany asked.
Santana walked around the bed and took the clothes from Brittany. She winced when her leg grazed on the rough fabric on Brittany's skirt. Santana didn't let anyone come in her room to dress her cuts. She didn't want anyone to see them. Santana nodded weakly. She grabbed Brittany's hand and pulled her into the bathroom.
Brittany shut the door behind her while Santana peeled the hospital gown off of her body. Brittany turned her head slightly. "What's wrong? You've seen me naked before." Santana shrugged. Santana slipped on her underwear and Soffe shorts and pulled her blue polo shirt over her head.
"Not like this. Not with those scars all over your body." Brittany remarked. "Why?" Brittany looked Santana in the eye. "Why did you do it?"
"Because no one loves me and no one appreciates me," Santana snapped back, crossing her arms. There, she openly admitted to why she attempted 'suicide'. She never fully believed Brittany when she said, 'I love you', Santana always thought Brittany would say it just to say it, not knowing the real depth to its meaning.
"Hello, I'm standing right here! Do you not see how much I love you? What do I have to do to show you that? Do I need to cut myself too? Do I need to overdose? Do I have to die to make you realize that?" Brittany yelled.
Santana took a step back, her mouth open in shock. She'd never seen Brittany this way before. Brittany had never gotten angry with her.
"I love you more than I love myself, Santana. If you needed an arm, I would cut mine off and give it to you but you can't see that. You're stuck in this damn oblivion that no one cares about you. Why is Kurt here? Because he has nothing better to do? No, he wants to know that you're okay because he cares about you. Mercedes cares about you. Quinn cares about you. Even Rachel does but she has a weird way of showing it." Brittany yelled.
"You don't love me like how I love you. I do everything I do for you. The other night, I did that because your life would be easier without me in it." Santana whispered.
"My god, Santana! Have you not heard anything I just said? I would die without you!" Brittany shouted.
Santana shook her head. "No, you could bounce back from it. You're strong enough to do so. You don't need me in your life. No one does."
"Oh my fucking god, Santana, just shut up! Stop being such a brat!" Brittany yelled but immediately regretted it.
"Leave!" Santana said. Brittany shook her head and took a step towards Santana but she put her hands up in front of her. "Get out! I never want to see you again." Santana yelled.
"Babe, I'm sorry. I'm just upset. Please, I didn't mean it. I love you." Brittany replied, tears streaming down her face.
"No, fuck you! Get the fuck out of my room!" Santana yelled again. When Brittany stood there, Santana pushed past her and flopped on her bed. Kurt stiffened as Brittany came out in tears.
Brittany looked at Kurt. "I have t-to go. I'll s-see you b-b-back at school, Kurt. Bye," She managed to say in between heavy breaths. She ran out of the room, the squeaks of her sneakers and her cries filling the corridor.
"What did you do to her?" Kurt asked, instantly outraged.
"She called me a brat, so I told her to leave." Santana replied, summing up the conversation. Kurt raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips, knowing Santana wasn't giving him the whole truth. "Look, I know you don't want to be here. I'm sure Brittany forced you to come. Since she's gone, you can leave."
"You're so guarded." Kurt blurted out. "That explains why what you're going through is tough. Now that everyone will know that you're a lesbian, you feel like you need to put up five other walls to block people out and now you're blocking out the one person who would die for you: Brittany." Kurt said. "Can I ask you something?"
Santana shrugged. "You're not leaving so you might as well."
"Did you want to kill yourself?" Kurt asked. Santana nodded slightly. "You want Brittany to be happy and reach her full potential?" Santana nodded again. "You thought that if you were gone, she could do it?" Santana nodded. "When we were waiting to hear the news, she told me that if you were to die, she would kill herself. She can't reach the potential that you want her to if she kills herself, right?"
"Jesus Christ, Kurt, I get it. If I were dead, she would kill herself and my heroic attempt to make Brittany's life easier would be futile." Santana sighed. "I just want her to be happy."
"She was happy with you. She was so glad to see you alive. At school, she was looking forward to seeing you. On the way here, she couldn't stop talking about the first time you kissed, your first date. She loves you but because you don't love yourself, you're rejecting the idea of anyone loving you." Kurt replied. "You need to go get your girlfriend."
"I doubt we're girlfriends anymore. I made her cry. I've never made her cry. I promised myself after her and Artie broke up that I never wanted to see her like that but I broke that promise today." Santana said, taking her head in her hands. "I'm a horrible person." Santana stated with seriousness in her tone. "I don't deserve someone like her."
Kurt paced around the small hospital room. The longer Santana bitched and moaned about how she doesn't deserve Brittany is one second closer to Brittany realizing it too. "Santana, I'm going to say something and you're not going to like it but you need to hear it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop feeling like you don't deserve anything. Everyone needs someone. Your someone is Brittany." Kurt went off. He was getting more and more frustrated with Santana. He wanted to help her genuinely but you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
"No, Kurt, I'm alone. She's not going through what I am!" Santana shouted back, seething with rage. Everyone was ganging up on her. She was the victim.
"So because you're alone, you're pushing her away. You can only push so much, Santana, before she stops coming back and then you'll really be alone!" Kurt countered, he put his hands on his hips and stomped his foot.
Santana got off the bed and took a deep breath. "You don't know me, Kurt." Santana said in a hushed tone.
Kurt raised his chin and looked down at Santana. "You're right. No one will ever really know you, Santana, because you don't want anyone to know you. And when you need help, you push people away because you don't want them to know the root of your pain. You push and push until there's no one there. One day, you're going to wish you hadn't." Kurt turned on his heel, grabbed his bag and left the room.