Part III: Stronger and Part of Me, but I Want You All to Myself
Rose stood on tip-toe to shelf the book that had been returned. She looked back at the stack she held in her arms; reading the code on the bottom of one of the spines. It had been several weeks since she had been in the hospital. She had been terrified of her fate, but somehow, she had been able to get out with the help of Emma and Mary. Regina had not been pleased with the situation and had been very vehement on keeping Rose at the hospital. The final step to freedom had been when her father had visited her. Neither of them had spoken, but when he saw her, tears had formed in his eyes, shame and regret evident in his features.
They spoke for a while, him apologizing to her for all that had happened, all that he had put her through. She had expected to feel resentment, injustice, but instead, she had felt nothing but understanding. Forgiveness. She had never really blamed her father for how she had suffered within this life or from the one before. They had spoken several times since then, making up for the time they had lost, and the bad memories that refused to fade.
After that, everything started moving so fast that she could hardly keep track. She had found a job as a library assistant and had moved out of Mary's home. She had a small place of her own now, no longer dependent on her father or any man. Regina's attitude towards her had taken a complete turn and she had even invited Rose to a gathering at the town hall building. Even though she seemed genuinely cordial, Rose knew that there was another motive behind her kind smile. Rose was always on her guard with her. Even from before when they had first met, Rose had always felt that there was a need to stay away from the woman. She knew better now; she should have listened to her intuition instead of her feelings.
Doing her best to adopt the life that the Queen had created for her, Rose pieced together things to make herself seem like any other citizen of Storybrook. As the days passed, she realized that she was happy. She loved the modern wonders of this world, and she was happy with the life she had made for herself. She knew that without a doubt. Or at least, it was closest thing to happiness that she would ever hope to find. There was still a small part of her that was empty; it seemed to grow whenever she saw Mr. Gold on the street, acting completely indifferent to her, or when she happened to be passing close to his shop.
"Hello." A small voice said up to her, waking her from her thoughts. Rose looked down, seeing a little boy with brown hair looking up at her. She had seen him with Regina on several occasions. He was her adopted son. Emma's child who thought that they were all characters from a story.
She stepped down from her stepping stool, straightening out her white peasant skirt that she had worn with a dark blue V-neck knit sweater. She greeted him with a warm smile. "It's nice to finally meet you Henry."
"Likewise," Henry said, curling his hands over the straps of his backpack on his little shoulders as he looked at her.
"Was there something that I can help you find?"
He thought for a moment, "Do you have any of Grimm's Fairy Tales?"
Rose frowned, knowing that the library had a sorry selection of fairytale novels available.
"I don't think we do." she told him sadly, and he looked disheartened.
"How about this," She told him as she leaned down as though discussing a conspiracy, "Why don't we pull all the books we can find on fairytales, and I'll tell you all about the Grimm Fairy Tales."
His face practically lit up from within, "You've read it?"
Rose grinned, "Twice."
...
They pulled the books from the shelves on any fairytales that they could find. The small collection was set on a table in back for them to sit at and go through. Business was slow during this time in the afternoon, and the elderly librarian woman had given them permission to use the back table as long as they were quite. Rose told bits and pieces of the tales that the Grimm's wrote about, watching as he leaned forward at certain parts, sitting at the very edge of his seat. Both of them marveled at the underlying darkness within the stories though they still ended happily. Of course, they were both making comparisons to another life that neither of them could acknowledge as being real. He was even as baffled as Rose had been when he found out that in the Grimm version, Snow White hadn't been awaken with a kiss, but simply that her casket was being moved and the piece of poison apple fell out of her mouth, causing her to wake.
He then sighed as they flipped through the books, "None of these have the same stories that I was looking for."
"What kind of stories did you have in mind?" Rose asked him.
He shrugged, "I had this book about all of the classic fairytales, but I lost it. Only...they weren't like the ones that we have here at the library, or the ones that the Grimm brothers wrote about."
Rose felt her fingers go numb as she flipped through the pages of one of the books. Her heart started to pound as her memory served another small piece of conversation that Emma had shared with her. The book that Henry had lost; all of the stories were meant to be the ones of everyone that had been cursed. Everyone she knew.
"I know," She said, causing him to look up at her, "Why don't you tell me about the stories from your book. Thinking about it might help you to remember it better. Even people in ancient Greece would remember entire stories and tell them regularly so that they would never forget them." Her mind started to churn, question. How much did the book reveal about the people inside of it? Would even such a character as Rumpelstiltskin have a part within the book?
"That might work," But then he looked at her, his eyes seeming to be much more perceptive than a normal boy his age. "Which story would you like to hear?"
Her resolve wavered, would he catch on to her motives and tell Regina about it? Rose sighed, shaking off the idea. Emma had said that he was not like his mother, he was always eager to help the people in Storybrook, even if it meant meeting the dissatisfaction of his mother. Even now, sitting with him, she could sense the goodness within him and trusted him instinctively.
She smiled at him, a touch of sadness in her eyes, "Why don't you tell me...about Rumpelstiltskin. Before he was powerful; when he was just a man."
He frowned in confusion, "You want to hear about Rumpelstiltskin?"
Rose shook her head, her concern returning, "Only if you want to, you could tell me another story if you like."
"It's okay," Henry reassured her, "I think I remember most of it."
With that, he began to tell her the tale of Rumpelsiltskin, before he was powerful, when he had been just a man. And how his story had ended.
...
It had taken force of sheer will to make herself attend the little gathering that night at the town hall. She had dressed with her mind elsewhere, having to change several times before deciding on a simple blue dress with no sleeves and a square neck line. She threw a maroon peacoat over the ensemble and slipped on a simple pair of red pumps before leaving her home. Now she stood with a glass of red wine in her hand, feeling out of place surrounded by people that she knew, and yet didn't know.
She no longer knew what to think. She was furious. She felt cheated and upset. At the same time, she had felt incredibly sympathetic and curious. She had listened to the story of Rumpelstiltskin attentively, before he was cast as the Dark One. The description of him, of his shame at his cowardice and desperate drive to protect his son. How he had been ostracized and eventually hated by his only child for what he had become. He had wanted so badly to use his powers for good, but every odd had been against him and his heart had changed. She kept seeing him as a man, powerless, friendless, and then as the Dark One, confident, mocking and bitter at how the world had treated him.
Her heart had twisted inside of her at the tale. Her mind was at war with her feelings, making her feel like she was being pulled into two separate directions. When Henry had seen how upset she was by the tale, his eyes had widened, knowing.
"I never got to thank you for saving my life." A smooth accented voice said from beside her shoulder. Rose felt her heart begin to hammer even as she tried to put on a look of cool indifference.
"Don't mention it." She said, not being able to meet his eyes just yet until she had more control over herself.
Mr. Gold raised his glass, "I'd ask you to dance, but I fear I'm not quite as adept as I used to be."
She couldn't keep her gaze from turning to him, flickering over his form. He looked incredibly sharp with his tailored dark pinstriped suite and pants. A slash of a red tie cut through the black to disappear into his jacket. She looked at the black cane he held, gold handle gripped tight in his grasp. She thought back to his tale, of how he had once been an insecure man, and then a self-assured and malicious wielder of magic. She thought of him as he was now, almost like he was three different people. Now, he seemed more like a combination of the two from his other life, human, but still with the confidence of someone who had the power to do whatever he pleased. His use of sarcastic humor had lessened, seeming less mischievous and more bitter than ever before.
She looked up to catch him starring at her. Averting her eyes, she took another sip of her wine. What had bothered her the most about his tale was the very end. When he had found out from the Queen that Belle had thrown herself from the tower.
Why would he believe her? Rose had thought. Why, of all the people in the world would he believe her?
Before Henry had left the library, he had turned back to look at her, "I used to think that he was bad. But I can see why he acted the way he did. He was just afraid. If he was truly evil, than he wouldn't have regretted losing her." Then, Henry had given her a pointed look, again seeming much more knowledgeable than he should be, "Sometimes, people just need a second chance."
The information had been hard to take, but it certainly served as an explanation to the role that Regina had placed her in within this world. The scars on her wrists and on her body were a constant reminder for both of them as to how much power she had, but like the dreams Rose had had when she was imprisoned, the markings never felt real. She never tried to hide the scars or act as though she were ashamed of them, even though it frustrated her how people would look at her once they saw the pale lines on her skin.
"Yes," Rose answered, finally pulling her muddled thoughts together, "But as I recall, you were more adept to crashing celebrations than dancing in them."
When he didn't say anything, she looked over to see him smirking in amusement, "Social gatherings have never been my forte."
Despite everything, she couldn't help but smile at him, "Nor mine. I find I'm much more content with being at home with a book."
He smiled, "Yes, I do remember your fondness for them."
"I noticed you had quite a collection of them at your home."
He sighed, "Yes well, I do like to live in comfort."
She gave him a sly look, "Is that meant to impress me Mr. Gold?"
He raised an eyebrow, "On the contrary dearie, it's meant to intimidate you."
She grinned as she looked back out towards the gathering of people, "I'm afraid you lost that element of surprise when you asked me to skin children for their pelts."
He chuckled, not his usual maniacal laughter that she had grown used to in their last lives. "I told you dearie," He said, leaning forward, his voice low and husky, "It was just a quip."
Rose felt a shiver run up her spine, his breath barely brushing the bare skin of her shoulder. She looked at him and felt a sense of melancholy steal over her at their banter, she wanted to cry, she wanted to ask him questions. So many questions.
"Mr. Gold." Both he and Rose turned to see Regina walking towards them, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to steal Miss French away for a moment, there are some people that I would like to introduce her to. Can't have you monopolizing her time now can we?"
He nodded his head towards her, "Of course."
Regina led Rose away; the touch of the mayors hand on her lower back feeling a little more forceful than necessary. When she was introduced to David and his wife Kathryn, Rose felt herself falter. She knew who they were, but a sudden pain in her elbow made her realize that Regina was gripping her arm in obvious warning. Regina looked at her steadily, her features still set into a pleasant smile. Subtly, Rose pulled her arm from her grasp and smiled, explaining that her lapse in memory was due to the horrible car accident she experienced years ago, but assuring the couple that she did remember them. She looked over to Regina, her eyes heated and vibrant. Regina stared back at her, an unspoken challenge set between the two of them, a secret that they both were aware of but would never share.
...
Even from across the room Mr. Gold could feel the tension that the two women were trying to hide from the rest of the crowd.
"Interesting." He muttered to himself as he took a sip of his brandy. He had seen her instantly when he had entered the room. The image of her had completely robbed him of all thought. The royal blue dress complimented her creamy skin, her hair shined dark auburn in ringlets that curled over her shoulder and back. Her red pumps matched the color of her red lips. He had always been plagued by those lips. Even after he had thought her to be gone forever. He knew the bow shape of her mouth, how her lips would quirk into a smile at the smallest inclination. He knew how they stretched into a smile, how her whole face seemed to light up as he gray-blue eyes danced with merriment. Eyes that would appear gray one moment and then crystalline blue the next. He knew now, he should have never accepted the invitation to come. Regina was simply testing them, seeing how close they were and what she could do to drive them further apart then they already were.
He saw Rose talking to David and Kathryn, but then a young man joined the group, an introduction being made by Regina to Rose. Ever so subtly, Regina pulled David and his wife into conversation, leaving Rose to converse with the other gentleman. Mr. Gold felt himself tense when she laughed at something that was said. Her head slightly turning back, auburn hair drifting down her back. Mr. Gold gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to march over. He wasn't sure what he would do if he did. Tell the gentlemen that he had a claim on her; the she belonged to him and him alone. Taking a swing at the young man's lecherous face didn't sound too bad either. Taking a deep breath, Gold tampered down his emotions. Instead, he gripped his drink and swigged the rest of it down. Enough, he thought with a sense of weariness as he gently sat the cup down and walked out.
He couldn't stop thinking about her, thinking about how she had saved his life. He could not remember another person ever taking such a risk and not expecting something in return from him. He couldn't stop asking himself, if she had known this entire time that he was responsible for the curse, then why had she risked her life for him? He was responsible for the most atrocious event that had ever befallen on everyone she had ever known, and yet she had still bothered to save his life. Why would she do such a thing when she should hate him?
Fool, He thought to himself, You know why, you just won't believe it.
...
The rest of the night seemed to pass by in a blur. The gentlemen she spoke with for most of the night seemed nice enough, but her thoughts kept drifting to how Mr. Gold had left abruptly after Regina had guided her away. He had let her be led away, hadn't bothered to seek her out. She should have known better. He had never bothered fighting for her before, even before they had all been cursed, she was foolish to think that anything would be different in this world. Claiming that she felt fatigued, she went to leave. Outside the building she buttoned her jacket to ward off the chill.
"Hey." Rose looked up to see Emma walking out of the building with her own coat thrown over her dress shirt and slacks.
Rose smiled earnestly, glad to see a friend.
"Need a ride home?" Emma asked when she saw the same lost look in Rose's eyes that she had seen when Rose first left the ward.
She shook her head, "I wouldn't want to trouble you."
Emma waved off her concerns and motioned to her yellow Volkswagen parked on the other side of the street, not taking no for an answer. When they were in the car driving to Rose's home. Rose felt her mask slip, she was so tired of playing a part, acting like their was nothing wrong.
Emma didn't say anything, but she could sense that Rose was upset. She was trying too hard, holding back tears that she didn't want Emma to see.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine." Rose said, her voice wavering as she looked out the passenger window.
Emma didn't say anything for a moment, knowing it wasn't any of her business. But her resolve to not ask anything soon gave way, "This wouldn't have anything to do with Mr. Gold would it?"
The question broke through Rose's mask, a floodgate of emotion overwhelmed her, "I hate him!" She burst out, tears flowing from her eyes. "I hate him so much." She said as she rubbed her tears away with angry swipes of her hand and tried to focus on the dark shapes passing by them outside her window.
"No," Rose said, retracting her outburst. "No, I hate her." Emma didn't feel the need to ask who she was talking about.
"I hate them both. These games that they play, I can't stand it. It's so exhausting. It's like there in a whole 'nother league from everyone else here, like they have their own little "club" and enjoy just manipulating and deceiving everyone around them just so they can have an advantage over the other." Her entire vent was accompanied with air quotes and angry gestures before she finally sighed in frustration and crossed her arms over her chest.
"Feel better?" Emma asked.
Rose pursed her lips, thinking. "Yes." She finally conceded as they pulled in front of her home.
Emma looked over to Rose, "Are you still in love with him?."
"What?" Rose asked, shocked and taken off guard. She made a quick recovery, but wouldn't meet Emma's eyes, "No, no I don't love him."
She seemed to be sincere, but Emma knew better. Emma's talent had never steered her wrong, and right now, she could tell that Rose wasn't telling the truth.
"How could I?" Rose found herself saying, "After everything he has done. What he did to my father. He never even bothered to find me, never bothered to get me out of that ward when I was alone. It was my father who saved me, not him."
"There's something you should know." Emma said, Rose looked over to her, tears still evident in her eyes, waiting to fall. "Henry was the one who found the files on the ward. I went to Mr. Gold because I thought he might know something. He swore us to never tell anyone so that Regina wouldn't find out."
Rose frowned, "What are you talking about?"
Emma told her, "Mr. Gold is the one who convinced your father to let you live with us after you were let out. He's the one who had all the paperwork signed so that Regina wouldn't have the power to put you back in solitary confinement."
Rose felt another wave of emotion rush over her, the breath she had been holding suddenly leaving her in a bemused sigh. She suddenly felt like a beat up punching bag from the onslaught of things that she was constantly learning about the man she had once loved, the one who had torn her heart out and never bothered to find her when he had thought her gone.
Rose rolled her eyes in complete bewilderment, looking up to the car ceiling as though there was something there that might help her. She realized that neither of them would ever be able to have a life here regardless of what he had done for her. He would never be with her because he would never want Regina to have the upper hand. And she could never be with him because she could not bear to go through the pain again.
My power means more to me than you.
She shook her head, feeling helpless but not being able to stop a bitter smile from gracing her features, "Hate him." She whispered. Damn him. "Hate him." She figured that even after two lifetimes, she would always continue to be dumbstruck by the things he did. She could spend the rest of her life, and would probably be no closer to understanding him than she was now.
...
Rose shut the lights off and shut the doors behind her, locking the library securely. The sun was just setting, the golden light fading into a velvet twilight. It had been another several weeks since the gathering at the town hall. She hadn't seen Mr. Gold since, not even in passing.
"Miss French." She heard her name being called and turned to see the mayor catching up to her on her walk home.
"Madam Mayor," Rose said as she smiled. She expected to feel fear or anxiety whenever she met the Queen, but strangely, now she felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.
"I wanted to see if perhaps you would be interested in attending another party," Regina said, her hands tucked into the pockets of her coat, "Kathryn will be having one at her home in a few days and she wanted to know if you would be able to come."
Rose knew that that wasn't all; the Queen was watching her, trying to find out what she knew, what side she was on. In this world, you were either with the Regina or against her.
"I would love to," She forced herself to say.
Regina looked pleased. "I'm glad to see you on your own. Mr. Gold is not a good man to be associating with, and what he did to your father..."
"Yes." Rose answered, "I could never forgive him for what he did. I could never be with such a cowardly and monstrous man." She felt tears sting the back of her eyes. It still hurt her to say the words, but not in the way that the Mayor interpreted them.
Regina smiled in satisfaction, "I'm glad to here that." She paused before continuing, "That wasn't the only reason I wanted to speak with you. There's something else we need to discuss."
Rose felt her heart stutter, "What would that be?"
Regina leaned forward ever so slightly, "About how you remember your other life."
Rose gasped, her hand flying to her throat in panic.
Regina smirked as she slowly walked a bit closer, "I have every confidence in your discretion Miss French. That's not what concerns me. What concerns me is your connection with Mr. Gold. "
"I have just made a life for myself here." Rose explained, "I am not looking for a relationship with anyone at this point."
"Well, you see, that doesn't guarantee to me that you have no intention of ever being with him ever again." She paused, "Of course, I'd hate for you to meet another tragic accident, one that would entitle me to place you back into solitary confinement at the psychiatric ward."
Rose closed her eyes, letting the fear take hold of her, the terror of being locked away and isolated from everyone. She was sick and tired of being locked away. She let the fear fade away, and when she opened her eyes, the fear was gone. She knew now, knew without a doubt that the Queen was responsible for the reason why she had not been able to speak, why her nightmares had been a cross between this world and the other. Dreams of him hurting her, doing things to her that he had never done.
Rose tilted her chin up, refusing to back down now, "I will be a citizen here, I will respect you as the Mayor of this town. This is the life you have given me and I accept that, but as far as my decisions from here on out, as far as my personal life," Rose said pointedly, "That is no longer any of your business."
Regina raised an ebony eyebrow in amusement. "Tell me, one woman to another." She said with a malicious smile, "Was True Loves First Kiss everything you had hoped it to be?"
She felt it then, the rage and hate that she felt for this woman. It burned through her fear and left Rose with nothing but assurance and an unbreakable certainty. "You cast your hand when you laid the final step of the curse. I will fight for this life that I have, I'm not going to give it up." Rose said the words with total conviction. " But we both know that isn't who I am, in this life or in any other."
The mayor gave her a tight smile, "I'm sure I have no idea what your talking about."
"Of course not." Rose said, knowing that they were stepping back into their roles. At the same time, she couldn't help but questions as to how someone could be so bent on the unhappiness of others. Whatever had happened to this woman must have been truly horrible for her to be filled with such hate.
"I will tell no one, and I will not fight you on that account. I could never hurt Henry like that." Rose gave Regina a smile, a genuine smile, "He is a remarkable boy. That fact alone convinces me enough that there is a goodness in you. But as far as this life, I will make the best of it that I can."
Some strange emotion seemed to flicker in Regina's dark eyes before it was quashed by her usual malevolent personality; her lips set into a grim twist of a line, "Don't delude yourself, I can make your life just as miserable here as I did before. This isn't even close to being over."
"It is for me," Rose told her, "You can waste all the time that you like on trying to bring others down and make them unhappy, but I'm through with it. No one else is responsible for my happiness but myself. If you would even bother to look you would see that happy endings are not an impossibility here. They may be harder to come by, but they are real. Not even you can change that."
She saw the burnets eyes widen as Rose turned and stalked away. She felt a moment of uncertainty at what she had just said, afraid that perhaps she had revealed too much of what she knew. But then she realized that the reference was far too small for the Queen to make a sure connection that Rose knew anything about the spell or the origins of the curse. But there was one detail that bothered her, even now. When she had read the spell at the time, during her stay in Rumpelstiltskin's castle, the spell had only been partially finished; it had not been completed.