Loosing You

Chapter 3

B'Elanna stood there wide eyed in the doorway between the sitting room and the kitchen looking at the back of the beautiful admiral who had turned from her to hide her tear. B'Elanna getting more and more angry as she thought about what she had just heard. It was Kathryn who broke the silence first saying softly "I am sorry you had to hear that."

B'Elanna shook her head and growled "It's that P'Tack that should be saying sorry. He started it by insulting you."

Kathryn turned to face her friend with her deep blue eyes full of emotion she shook her head "B'Elanna I don't want you to fall out with him or get angry just because he and I are having a disagreement.

B'Elanna spat back angrily "is it true?" then hissing through gritted teeth "Chakotay and Seven." Kathryn could see she was trying to hold in her anger and disgust. Kathryn nodded and B'Elanna blurted out "P'Tack!"

Kathryn sighed "I wasn't absolutely sure, even when I accused him just then I didn't know with certainty but now, he didn't deny it."

"How did you find out?" B'Elanna asked gesturing towards the kitchen so she could finish cooking.

Kathryn followed her into the kitchen saying "We grew apart, we had once been close but overtime we lost that closeness." B'Elanna just glared at her friend in disbelief as Kathryn added "I didn't own him. I shouldn't have accused him of betraying me."

"You are defending him?" B'Elanna asked shocked as she chopped at the onions with a kitchen knife.

Kathryn shrugged her shoulders "I had spent seven years pushing him away and telling him it would never happen, I guess he moved on. Who am I to complain when he does?"

B'Elanna looked really confused as she began to fry the onions "I don't understand, you and Chakotay weren't together?"

"no" Kathryn replied.

"What like not ever, never?" B'Elanna asked shocked.

"no" repeated Kathryn.

"wow" B'Elanna gasped truly surprised by this information "We all thought you and Chakotay were..."

"having sex" Kathryn finished off B'Elanna's sentence "that would be a no... not ever"

B'Elanna was still stunned and looked very confused as she asked "but I don't understand, did you like him, I know he liked you"

Kathryn turned to look at B'Elanna as she said seriously "I love him B'Elanna, I always have."

"Then why never?"

"It's more complicated than that, we were so far from earth, I had a duty to the ship, to the crew, that was my priority." Kathryn insisted.

"but we would have understood, we would have been so happy for you both" B'Elanna reassured her and she stirred the chicken into the onions and peppers frying in the pan "we all really wanted you and Chakotay to get together."

"I couldn't, he understood that." Kathryn insisted as she helped prepare the pasta.

"You had talked about it?" B'Elanna asked surprised.

Kathyrn shook her head stirring pasta boiling in the pan "not in so many words" B'Elanna didn't reply she just stared at the older woman. Kathryn threw the wooden spoon in the pan and threw her arms up in the air and snapped "I really don't know, I suppose it was kind of the unspoken thing between us, of course I knew he liked me, who didn't?" B'Elanna just snorted in reply to that as Kathryn added "I liked him too B'Elanna I really did, I just couldn't show it like he could, I was his commanding officer."

B'Elanna finished frying the meat and drained the pasta as she said "we were in the Delta Quadrant Kathryn, command wasn't quite the same as in the Alpha Quadrant" When Kathryn just stared at her she added "well at least it didn't have to be."

Kathryn handed her friend the cheese pasta sauce she had just replicated and sighed saying "perhaps not but it doesn't matter now, I thought I was doing what was right."

"And Seven, when did she come in?" B'Elanna asked stirring all the food of their simple dinner in with the sauce.

"I don't know exactly" Kathryn admitted as she got the plates ready for the food "towards the end of our journey, of course we didn't know that though, but Seven came to me asking about exploring her humanity" B'Elanna snorted and looked at her friend "of course I encouraged it"

"What?" shouted B'Elanna as she plated up the food "you encouraged Seven to explore her humanity by having sex with Chakotay?"

Kathyrn raised an eyebrow as she picked up the plate of food in front of her admitted "not exactly that crude, but yes I suppose"

B'Elanna walked over to the dining rooms setting the plates and asked "what does that mean?"

"it means I encouraged Seven to peruse relationships with members of the crew. I had no idea she had Chakotay in her sights, or that she had that kind of relationship in mind" Kathryn admitted sitting at the table to eat dinner with her friend "I only had myself to blame, I had pushed him away for so long, I suppose he didn't resist when a younger, more attractive model showed interest in him."

B'Elanna threw her fork on her plate and shouted loudly a great number of Klingon insults.