Tami leads me into the corridor near the courtyard, again. It was weird how much tranquility that courtyard brought me. There were white lilies, pink daisies, and purple irises surrounding little tables and park benches. There were some women sitting on the benches. I longed to be them. Tami and I made our way up to into the main entrance. A flashback of the past night came to me, but I quickly brushed the thoughts off. Tami stopped when we arrived in front of a huge oak door. I immediately knew this was Dr. Sylvia Gearing's office. I looked to Tami for support and she nodded her head, egging me to go inside. I decided Tami's smile wasn't as fake as I thought because this time I noticed quite a bit of concern in her face. I push the big oak door and I walk in.
Once I get inside Tami quickly closes the door behind me and I look at my surroundings. There was a soft-blonde haired lady sitting at a polished oak desk. (I guess she was a fan of oak?) She looked up at me from the corner of her sliver-rimmed glasses, as she quickly pulled them off. She was older maybe in her 50's, but she looked good. She had a fairly good-sized figure with black slacks and a shimmering silk waistcoat. Her makeup was done well, but nothing over the top, just some concealer to hide fine lines and a little mascara. She could tell that I was noting every detail of her and by her facial expression I could tell she was doing the same to me.
She got up to shake my hand and introduced herself, "Hello Demi, I'm Dr. Gearing."
"Hi," I shook her hand and I was already dreading this. She went to sit back down at her desk. On her desk was a silver macbook. She noticed me looking at it and said
"I'm just going to jot down some notes while we talk." So this was an interview. Lord knows I have had enough of those. But there was something about her. I'm not sure if it was because she asked all the right questions or because I wanted to get it all off my chest. I told her about my dad. My birth father. How his very existence makes my life so much harder. It would be better to have no one there rather than having someone always let me down. I told her about the cutting, I had seen it on Degrassi when I was eleven. I wanted to try it, so I did. But I could never really stop. As years went on it meant more and more to me. My release, my 'treatment' for my eating disorder. That's another thing I let out. My eating habits.
FLASHBACK
Everyone was staring at me. Did EVERYONE know? I mean it was just a picture. I have seen my sister Dallas put up pics like that all the time with her boyfriends. Why was it such a big deal? I went to my table of friends. For the first time in my life, I had made friends with the popular girls. They were the coolest kids in school, and they were my friends. As I sat down two of them started getting nervous, and they were hiding a sheet of paper. I asked the 'main' girl Britney
"Hey, what's that?" She answered with a shrug, so I snatched it from the two other girls. I read the title it said "Sign If YOU Hate Demi Lovato". There were at least 30 signatures on it. There were only 90 kids in the seventh grade. Why would my FRIENDS have this? Of all people. I looked up at Britney; she shrugged and went about eating her lunch.
My eating habits were not what they should be. Food was my enemy. But Dr. Gearing allowed me to stop after realizing I had a problem. And I was crying so hard that might speech turned into blubbering anyways. She said it was too much for one session. That she would be happy to meet with me later this week. Honestly I was a little eager to see her again. She gave me hope.
Tami was still waiting at the door after Dr. Gearing granted me permission to leave. Dr. Gearing must have noticed my puzzlement because she said
"Tami has been assigned to you. She will be like your little shadow, she will be making sure you have everything you need." Hmmm… That statement made me feel a lot better. A grown person who follows me around usually wants an autograph for their child or something. I was not willing to deal with any media related stuff while I was here.
Tami took me back to my room and gave me the schedule.
7:30-8:00 Morning Reflections / Quiet Time
8:15-8:30 Community Meeting
8:30-9:00 Breakfast
9:00-10:30 TK Academy
11:00-12:30 TK Academy
12:30-1:30 Lunch
2:00-3:00 Electives
3:30-6:00 Core Groups / Individual Sessions
6:00-7:00 Dinner
7:15-8:15 12 Step Meeting
8:30-9:00 Recovery Actions
8:00? Fucking 8:00? I was used to waking up at 6:00am or 8:00am, but only on special occasions like interviews or morning appearances. But everyday? This was going to take some getting use to.