DAY 13
April 13th, 12:30 AM
Zelda is reading a magazine while sitting at the island in the kitchen. Saria walks indoors from gardening, her hands yet again covered in soil. She makes her way over to the sink to wash them.
"You were gardening AGAIN??" inquired Zelda.
"Yep."
"Is gardening all you ever do..?"
"Nope."
"Why do you like gardening so much?"
"I like nature."
"But all you EVER do is garden.. Do you even sleep? Or do you just stay up all night to garden?"
"Depends."
"How do you garden in the dark anyway? You can't see and I thought plants need sun to grow.."
"Just because they need sun to grow doesn't mean they die every night. And it doesn't mean I can't plant seeds in the dark. And I have garden lanterns all around so I can see perfectly fine."
"Okay okay jeeze.. I was just trying to understand you a bit better."
"Hah hah hah... Sure. Whatcha readin?"
"Horoscopes!!!"
"Oh god, PLEASE don't tell me you believe in those. Then again, coming from you, I wouldn't be surprised."
"Of course I believe in them!!! I read my horoscope EVERY DAY.. and it ALWAYS comes true!"
"I find that hard to believe."
"What's your sign?"
"Virgo."
"No wonder you're such a bitch!!"
"Excuse me?????"
"Nothing!! Heheheh... let's seeeee virgoooo... ah got it! 'Try to keep your patience today, as those around you seem to be rapidly escalating your frustration. It is best to avoid an outburst today while Mercury is weakening your sign.' "
"Funny.... It's actually coming true so far."
"How?"
"Nevermind." swiftly replied Saria, with a self-pleased smile.
Impa, Nabooru, Link, Rauru, Ruto, and Malon enter the room
"What are you guys talking about?" asked Ruto.
"Zelda is reading about horoscopes. As if she couldn't get any more airheaded."
"Ohhh what's my sign?!" asked Ruto.
"When is your birthday??" asked Zelda.
"October 29" replied Ruto.
"Scorpio!"
"What does it say for Scorpio!?"
"Today is an excellent day to pursue a secret (or not so secret) love interest."
"Really!??! Eheheheheheheheheheheh" Ruto giggled, eyeing Link. Link took a few steps back.
"This is lame. Everybody knows these things aren't real. Only someone as stupid as you would think they are, Zelda." said Link.
"You guys just don't understand! It's definitely real!"
"Shucks, I'ma Taurus! What's it say in their 'bout lil ol' me??" inquired Malon.
"Resist the urge to go shopping today; you're not in a good financial situation to be spending unneccessarily." answered Zelda.
"Gosh darn it!! I was gonna head down to the mall and get that charmin' new top they just got in!! Awww" Malon frowned.
"Isn't today Impa's birthday? What does that make her?" asked Link.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY IMPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" everybody shouted all at once.
"Thanks guys!!" said Impa, smiling.
"She's an Aries."
"Yes I am!! Impatient, angry and creative.. heh heh" replied Impa, still smiling.
"We need to celebrate!!!!!" cried Zelda.
"Nahh you guys really don't ne-"
"You guys start decorating, and I'll make phone calls and invite EVERYBODY we know!!!"
"Please d-"
"OKAY!! I'll go get the booze!!!" shouted Link as he ran out the door.
Over the course of the next 5 hours, Midna, Ganny, Rauru, Ruto, and Nabooru decorated the whole house and set up chips and drinks.
5:45 PM
"I'll make some lights!!" said Rauru, conjuring several color changing lightspheres that levitated around the house.
"And I'll make it a full moon" added Midna, sweeping her hand across the sky and illuminating the moon to a bright, full glow.
"Ruto, can you warm the pool water?" asked Midna.
"I can do more than that!" answered Ruto, making the pool water warm, and causing the pool water and hot tub water to glow.
"Awesome! Where's Saria? We need her to make some flowers.. It smells like barf and fart in here." said Saria.
"Sorry.." Ganny apologized, looking ashamed.
"I'll go get her." said Ruto.
"GUYS!!!" shouted Zelda running into the room. "Okay is everything set up??? I just finished the invitations, people are going to start showing up here real soon!!"
"Yup!! We're just taking care of some final details. Where's Impa?" asked Midna.
"I'm right here.. You guys really didn't need to do all of this!! But I appreciate it. Thanks!"
"Aww you're welcome!!" said Zelda and Midna, hugging Impa.
Link ran in the door carrying 30 bags of booze.
"GUYS I GOT THE BOOZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he shouted.
".......Oh, I had no idea.." replied Midna, as she and the others tried to count up the amount of bags he was holding.
"I bought like everything in the store, so I think we should be pretty much set."
Ruto returns.
"Where's Saria?" asked Midna"
"She said she's not going to help us, that parties are stupid and that she doesn't want to have any part of it."
"That girl really needs to loosen up.."
"I can take care of that!" shouted Link, as he dropped his dozens of bags and ran into Saria's room with a keg of beer.
"Uh oh.. this should be interesting."
Suddenly, an intensely bright golden light shone in the patio door and made its way into the house. In a bright flash, the triforce appeared. The three triangles began spinning independant of one another, and began emanating blue, red, and green light. In another flash of light, the goddesses appeared.
"The goddesses made it!! Awesome!" cheered Zelda.
"Hey guys!! Let's get this part-ay started!!!!!" shouted Farore.
Eventually, Natalia, Venus, Tingle, and even Dark Link showed up.
9:18 PM
Link and Saria stumble out of Saria's room, and make their way into the living room in a wobbly fashion.
"HEYYYY GUYYYYSSSSSSS" yelled Saria as she struggled to maintain balance.
"SARIA!?!? ARE YOU DRUNK!?!?!?" shouted Zelda.
"Me?! Drunk!?!? Hahahahah nahhhhhhh...." said Saria, giggling uncontrollably and playing with Link's hair.
"You're definitely drunk Saria!! Holy shit guys look, Saria's drunk!!! I can't believe you actually DID IT Link!!!"
"Zelda... you.. you need to stop with the booze.. your ass is drunk.. g-gimme your drink I'm cutting you off..." replied Saria, and then she passed out on the floor.
"... Should we wake her up?" asked Midna.
"Nah, just leave her." said Link. "WHY IS DARK LINK HERE!!!!!!!!!! ZELDA YOU INVITED HIM!!?!"
"YES!!!"
"WHY!!?!?"
"Because he's a good conversationalist!!"
"You're such a bitch!! You did this on purpose!!" Link was particularly frustrated.
"Ohh calm down and enjoy yourself you're at a partyyy. GUYS I WANNA MAKE A TOAST"
"The toaster's in the kitchen!!" yelled a drunken Tingle.
"NOOOO I wanna make a toast to IMPA THE BIRTHDAY GIRLLLL give it up for Impaaaaa"
"Woohoooo!" everybody cheered, raising their glasses.
"Thanks guys!!! This means a lot to me!! And thanks for inviting Natalia, Zelda!!"
"You're welcome!!" shouted Zelda across the room.
Midna stumbled into Dark Link, who happened to be making out with Link.
"Oh sorry da- WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
"Leave them BEEEE Midna!!"
"But they're .. and they're not!!! I'M SO CONFUSED"
"They do that at every party!!" exclaimed Zelda, and then she began making out with Midna, who did not appear to fight it, mostly because she was drunk off her ass.
On the other side of the room, Din, Nayru, and Farore were busting dance moves underneath a congregation of light spheres. In their drunken state, they began incoporating their powers into their dance moves for special effect. This resulted in several pieces of furniture getting incinerated, as well as the doors and windows being blown out by wind. Nayru accidentally froze the television and pool while Ruto was swimming. After their destructive tyrade of dance moves, they all passed out on the floor.
Malon approached Ganondorf, holding a lightsphere.
"Hey Malon!! I'm really drunk right now!! When did you get a twin!?!?"
"Shut up you immature, overly rambunctious butthead!! Help me trap Rauru in this lightsphere."
"What!? Why!?"
"BECAUSE he annoys me more than a baby chicken pecking at your feet for a bite of your waffles!!"
"...uh... OKAY!!!"
"Okay let's go."
Malon and Ganondorf snuck up on a drunken Rauru, who was dancing with Impa, Natalia, and Nabooru, and enveloped him in his own lightsphere.
"HEY!!! Let me out you kids!!!!" shouted Rauru as he floated around the room within the lightsphere. Malon and Ganondorf were laughing too hard to care though, and Rauru was too drunk to remember he could use his powers to get out. Instead, he just kept beating at the sides of the lightsphere.
Impa, Natalia, and Nabooru all laughed at their practical joke, and then began conversing in private, before retreating to Nabooru's room.
"WHERE ARE THEY GOIN!!!" shouted Malon at Ganondorf, trying to be heard over the loud music.
"I DUNNO!!!! I'M TIRED!!" Ganondorf shouted back, and then passed out on the floor.
"WAKE UP YOU GREAT UGLY BUFFOON!!!" shouted Malon angrily while kicking at Ganondorf's side. This was a futile effort, however, as the kicking propelled Malon into a state of excess drowsiness, and then she too passed out, on top off Ganondorf.
DAY 14
April 14th, 4:28 PM
Most of the housemates just started to awaken, wincing at the hideous mess in front of them.
"Owwww my head.... What the hell HAPPENED last night??" inquired Midna, rubbing her forehead.
"I don't remember.. Ow my head hurts too" exclaimed Zelda, holding her head and frowning.
"Oh my god you guys this place is a MESS............." exclaimed Ganondorf as he awoke, pushing Malon off of him.
They scanned the room, observing the trash and stains all over the floor, the frozen tv, the missing windows and patio door, and the goddesses all asleep on top of one another.
"Um.. Why is Rauru asleep in a lightsphere??" questioned Midna. "Somebody wake him up and get him out. Where's Ruto??"
As Ganondorf banged on the lightsphere, waking up Rauru, Midna and Zelda searched the house for Ruto, finally finding her frozen in the pool outside.
"G-G-G-G-G-G-GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!" shouted Ruto angrily.
"I'll go get Din!!!" Midna ran inside and woke up Din, dragging her out onto the patio, though Din was still half asleep.
"Whaaaaaaaaa-" moaned Din.
"Unfreeze the pool Din!!! Now!!" cried Midna.
"Okay okay jeeze.." replied Din, rubbing her eyes and the holding her hands out in front of her and melting the water in the pool.
"THANK YOU!" yelled a furious Ruto, who stormed off into her room.
Zelda and Midna walked back into the house to find that Rauru got out of his lightsphere prison. Link and Dark Link walked out of their room and into the living room, holding hands and yawning.
"Dude... That was an AWESOME party last night.." said Link, still trying to open his eyes.
"Me and Zelda don't remember a thing.." replied Midna.
"Me neither, but I'm guessing it was pretty awesome." added Link, looking to Dark Link and winking. "Why is the tv frozen...?"
"DIDNT SHE JUST SAY WE DONT REMEMBER ANYTHING!?!?!?!? WE DONT KNOW WHY THE GODDAMN TV IS FROZEN!!!!!" shouted Zelda.
"Is she always this temperamental?" Dark Link asked Link.
"Basically, yes. And usually worse."
"Well how am I supposed to remain calm when I feel half sick and the house is in utter chaos!? Has anybody seen Impa and Nabooru?? And somebody should really wake up Malon and Saria!"
Link walks over to Saria and starts nudging her with his foot. "Saria! Wake up!! Sariaaaaaa........ Yeah she's out cold."
"I don't think Malon is going to wake up anytime soon either..." said Dark Link, nudging her with his foot.
"UGHHH BUT ITS 4 IN THE AFTERNOON!!!" exclaimed Zelda.
"Just let them sleep. Come on, we better get this mess cleaned up...."
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO THE REAL WORLD: ZELDA EDITION!!!