I have seven assessments in the next week and I have no idea why I am still writing this. I do, however, know that I own neither Glee nor Dalton.
"Hi Wes!"
Halfway down to breakfast. Wes was forced to grab the banister to avoid another collision with the new boy from last night, who had somehow appeared out of nowhere on the step below him.
"Laurence, hey-" he began, but was cut off almost immediately.
"I need to talk to you. Do you have a minute?" Before Wes could so much as blink, he found himself being dragged back upthe stairs and into a darkened dorm room, the door slamming shut behind them.
"What on earth-" he rubbed his eyes, wondering if he were still dreaming.
"Wes?" came a bewildered but familiar voice from the darkness in front of him.
"..David?" And at last, the lights flickered on to reveal not only David but also Reed, Joshua, Blaine and Logan scattered around the room, looking just as confused as he felt.
"What the hell is going on?" Logan demanded of the small boy who had swept into the room after Wes.
"I am declaring war on the Brightman twins," he replied without preamble. His tone was casual, as though this was something he did regularly. "You, as those who know them best, are going to assist me in targeting their weaknesses and striking when they are most vulnerable."
The others gaped at him. Wes closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This had to be a dream. There was no way this could really be happening. He opened his eyes to find everyone frozen in the same position as before, still staring in shock. Well then.
"Who areyou?" Joshua asked eventually.
"The Wrong Alice, apparently. Laura Bancroft," the boy clarified.
Wes' intrigue at the Wonderland title was overridden as he attempted to process the name. "Bancroft?" he repeated, stunned.
"Well, yes. Justin's my brother."
"Laura?" Reed managed to choke out.
"Oh, right." And without further ado, Laurence- Laura- pulled the cap from her head and shook a mane of long blonde curls free. The boys' mouths dropped open as they blinked disbelievingly, and Reed actually toppled off his chair with a small shriek.
Even Windsor's crazy has nothing on this, Wes thought faintly. Laura looked rather pleased with their reaction.
"Right, well, getting down to business-"
"What makes you think we'll help you?" Logan interrupted.
"Because you want to be on the winning side," she answered simply.
"You're very confident about your chances," Blaine observed, making an impressive attempt at keeping his voice neutral.
Laura blinked at him as if she hadn't actually stopped to consider an alternative outcome. "Of course. Because while I have multiple sources of information on their typical tactics and strategies," she paused to gesture around the room, and the boys realised that there was no way they were going to get out of helping her now, "they know nothing about me or how I operate."
"That's probably not true," Wes said thoughtfully. "They have their ways of finding things out. At the very least, they'll know your name by now." Blaine groaned at this, muttering something about a Caterpillar under his breath as the other boys snickered at his obvious discomfort.
"Why are you so worked up about this?" Joshua asked curiously. "It's not like they actually attacked you or anything.."
"It's a matter of pride," she answered lightly, the flash of steely determination in her eyes belying her casual tone. Each of the boys recognised the warning sign from their own sisters, girlfriends, mothers, and shrank back accordingly, forcefully reminded of the vengeance it foretold. Wisely, none of them protested any further.
"First item of business," she fished out a tiny golden key from the pocket of her Dalton slacks. "Anyone know what this opens?"
The boys passed it around, examining it curiously but shaking their heads. It was Logan who finally spoke up.
"Might be the key to their secret weapons cache," he offered nonchalantly. The others stared at him.
"What sort of weapons are we talking about?" Laura asked.
"The usual. Nerf guns, air rifles, paintballs, maybe a super-soaker or two.." Logan paused, watching her note this down. "You'll want to get that key back to them soon, or they'll notice it's gone."
She looked up, smirking. "One step ahead of you," she announced, pulled several identical keys from her pocket. He raised an eyebrow, impressed, but said nothing.
"Next item: weaknesses."
There was a long silence, during which Laura looked around at them expectantly. The boys traded uneasy glances, not knowing how best to break the news to her.
"I hate to say this," David finally spoke up, "but I'm not sure they have any."
Laura stared at them incredulously. "Not one? No phobias, exploitable habits, irrational fears, Achilles heels, nothing?"
They shook their heads, watching her warily.
She paced back and forth before them, muttering furiously under her breath, finally bursting out, "There's got to be something that those two are scared of!"
The boys considered this for half a second, then snorted.
"No. No way. Absolutely not."
She whirled around so suddenly that they started back as one, cowering away at the dangerous glint in her eyes.
"Then I shall become it."
The two Brightmans strode unhurriedly down the fourth floor corridor, their eyes fixed on a door ahead. When they were halfway down the hallway, the LED screen mounted on the door started flashing red, and words began to appear on the display.
"Tweedles," the brothers chorused together before the machine could even finish scrolling through its sentence. Ahead of them, the screen flashed green and the door hissed open, spilling a thick cloud of swirling white vapour out into the corridor. The gas dispersed as they reached the doorway and disappeared through it without once breaking their stride.
In the centre of the room, a boy's figure was silhouetted in black against the bright computer displays lining the walls. As the twins approached, he swivelled around in his computer chair, smiling benevolently up at them.
"Tweedles," Han greeted them. "What can I do for you?"
"We're looking for a girl," Ethan cut straight to the point.
Han's eyebrows shot up. "That is somewhat beyond my area of expertise-"
"On campus," Evan clarified. "She's passing off as a transfer student. Arrived just before curfew, a few nights ago. Have you seen anything?"
Han was typing before Ethan had even finished speaking. In a few seconds, he had retrieved the security footage from the previous night, playing it for the twins to see. When the intruder's face came into view he paused the recording and looked up.
"That's her," Evan confirmed grimly.
Han nodded thoughtfully and resumed his clicking, opening a program on one of the monitors and dragging the security footage over to it. A photo of the girl's face filled the screen; Han clicked again, and a number of bright green dots appeared over her face as the twins watched, fascinated.
He swivelled in his chair, bringing up a folder full of school photos on a second monitor. Another click, and similar sets of green dots appeared on each of the Dalton boys' faces, the machine humming as it processed its orders. A pop-up window materialised, notifying the three watching of the scan's progress as the students' photos flickered rapidly on the screen, each picture flashing for only the briefest of moments before being replaced by the next.
They must be ordered by class, Evan noted. Yes- those were the freshmen, and the sophomores, and-
The machine beeped suddenly and the twins jumped, craning their necks and staring at the screen where the photo of a Hanover junior was frozen in place next to that of the intruder. And now that they thought about it, the girl had born a remarkable resemblance to-
"Justin Bancroft," Evan breathed softly.
Ethan frowned. "Which makes the girl-"
"-Laura, Laura Bancroft," Han mumbled, scrolling through an absurdly detailed file containing what appeared to be the Hanover student's personal information.
"Laura Bancroft," Ethan repeated slowly, as if testing out the sound of the name. He stole a sideways glance at his brother, the corners of his lips twitching upwards.
"Welcome to Wonderland."
Wes was late to study hall that morning. After making his excuses to the teacher in charge, he made his way over to where the Windsors were sitting, dropping a letter onto his desk with feigned carelessness.
"What's that?" Ethan asked at once, looking up from where he and Evan had been idly attempting to curl their hair around their pens with the aid of the small amount of gel which they had siphoned from the heads of those nearby.
"For the Tweedles," Wes recited wryly. "An invitation from one Laura Bancroft to discus the terms of war."
Ethan raised an eyebrow, but took the envelope and passed it to his brother. "From one Laura Bancroft. An invitation for the Tweedles to discus the terms of war."
Evan raised both eyebrows, but took the envelope and tore it open. The two bent their heads together in order to read simultaneously, and the other boys were forced to stifle their sniggers when their curls became entangled.
The note read as follows:
Tweedles,
Tumtum tree, 12pm.
Absence will be considered surrender.
It was not signed with a name, but with a drawing of a black bird. The twins considered it for a moment, puzzled.
"Why has she signed it as a raven?"
"Maybe she's like a writing desk."
Evan smirked. "What, because she can produce a few notes, but they're very flat? Or because she has inky quills?"
"No.." Ethan sniggered, "Because you can't just ride her like a bicycle!"
Evan stared at him for a second, and then both boys collapsed, howling and choking and thumping their desks, in fits of uncontrollable laughter.
Wes, impatient with their antics, leaned over and snatched the note off them. His eyes widened in alarm as he read it, and when he finished he smacked the two over their identical blond heads.
"You idiots," he hissed, "that's no raven. It's a crow."
The twins sat bolt upright, the smirks wiped clean off their faces.
"A crow, hm?" Evan murmured. "We'll see about that, little bird."
The lunch bell rang, and the twins gathered up their things before moving out of the room. They wandered silently across the courtyard before sitting down against the appointed tree. There was a long pause before Evan finally spoke.
"You can come down now, little bird. We know you're up there."
There was a soft thump as Laura Bancroft dropped to the ground in front of them, folding her arms and scowling. Ethan raised an eyebrow at the Dalton uniform she was wearing, but made no comment.
"So," she began. "Have you decided to surrender?"
The twins exchanged glances before Ethan answered, a hint of amusement evident in his tone. "That wasn't quite what we had in mind, no."
"Then why are you here?"
"We find your theatrics amusing," Evan said, smiling up at her in what was obviously meant to be a patronising manner.
Laura's eyes flashed dangerously. "You're not taking this seriously."
"Should we be?"
She knew they were deliberately trying to provoke her, but couldn't help reacting.
"Yes!" she snapped. "I know your type. You've had a few years to build up your reputation, and you think you've got everything figured out. But let me ask you this- when was the last time you were challenged?"
"Uh," Ethan paused, trying to remember.
"-Never!" Laura concluded for him, smiling triumphantly. "No-one has ever challenged you before, so it's entirely likely that you've become complacent about your prowess. And that is where I come in."
"And what are you proposing, exactly?" Evan asked levelly.
"I can help you," she told them, her tone suddenly businesslike. "The two of you have potential, but unless you get your acts together-"
She broke off, scowling in irritation as the twins fell to the ground in renewed fits of laughter. For the second time that morning they clutched at each others' arms, gasping for breath between howls of hysteria. Ethan sounded as if he was choking, and Evan looked close to tears.
"The alternative," Laura continued loudly, pointedly ignoring their antics, "-is war."
"We'll take that then," Ethan decided once he had recovered enough to reply. He and his brother clambered to their feet and dusted themselves off, preparing to leave.
Laura raised an eyebrow disbelievingly. "Are you really ready for war?"
"As we'll ever be," Evan shrugged. "But are you really ready for this?"
In a move perfected by years of practice the twins simultaneously reached into their blazer pockets, pulling out identical Nerf guns with a smooth flourish and, before she could react, shooting her decisively in the head. Matching smirks spread across their faces as the bullets pinged neatly off her face and fell to the ground.
"Didn't think so."
Her cheeks, already smarting red from the impact of the foam, flushed further as her anger grew. The twins, still smirking, turned their backs on her, slinging their weapons carelessly over their shoulders and ambling away. Behind them, her eyes narrowed.
Evan and Ethan stopped dead in their tracks upon hearing the muffled splatters and feeling something impacting the smalls of their backs. Their eyes widened as they turned slowly to each other, eying the creamy white paint staining the backs of their dark blazers almost like- bird droppings.
They started back towards the tree immediately, swinging their Nerf guns around in preparation for a return assault, only to find that Laura had already vanished.
"Evan," Ethan said, his gaze still fixed on the tree, "I think we need to up our game."
Reviews and feedback would be much appreciated; alternatively, if you could copy and paste the following comment:
WHY AREN'T YOU WRITING YOUR ASSIGNMENTS?
I AM AN INTERNET STRANGER AND I AM JUDGING YOU
DO YOUR WORK, YOU INCOMPETENT HUMAN
to the review box, that'd be swell too.