: Let Me Through :

Kagome walked up the path to the house nervously. It had been quite a while since she'd seen all the people coming to this party, and she wasn't sure what to say to some of them. That, and she'd been unable to buy anything but a two-piece swimsuit, exposing the odd scar on her side bequeathed by Mistress Centipede. She didn't feel like answering the questions she might get…or not. She could but hope.

Kagome pushed aside the gate to the backyard of Eri's house, smiling as a beach ball sailed over her head. No doubt someone had started a game of water polo…both Ayumi and Yuka were on the same water polo team, and it was something everyone liked.

"Hi Kagome!" Yuka came running after the ball. "Ready to help me beat Hojo and Eri? I'm losing the game…" Yuka smiled widely.

"Of course….just let me get dressed first! I wouldn't want to get my clothes wet." Kagome smiled back, and headed into the house. She set down her bag, and quickly changed in the bathroom. She looked nervously at the mirror. The bathing suit consisted of shorts and a top that came almost to the bottom of her rib cage.

She'd liked the pattern of this one especially, a black and red tie-dye. Even if it hadn't been in such nice colors, the only other swimming gear the store had had were in shades of brownish, disgusting yellow.

Why was it that almost every store she'd visited was out of swim suits? A number were been completely out of stock, and the others had had just remnants of what they ought to have had. Nothing really good in her size. Eventually she'd found one that with a few things left. The store had been short of one piece bathing suits, so it had been either a two piece, or a bikini. Kagome wasn't too fond of bikini's, so she'd gone for this. It wasn't bad, actually. She'd just rather have had a one piece suit.

Kagome smiled to herself. She wondered what had happened to her old suit in the feudal era. Perhaps some archeologist would find it one day and ask questions. Perhaps Sango had found it, and had held onto it. She'd promised to return home after all…maybe Sango and Miroku would still be there. Shippo…she missed him. She'd said she'd take care of him, and she hadn't…she hadn't meant to seal the well. She hoped he was ok…

Enough of this.

She'd better get out there and help Yuka, or there was a good chance the other girl would come in to get her. She'd go, and have fun. After working like she had earlier today and yesterday at the museum, a break was definitely in order. She didn't need to brood any more than she already did.

She grabbed her pants, stuffed them in the bag, flipped the bright red towel over her shoulder, and walked out onto the wooden deck. The wood was wet beneath her feet, and she smiled at all the splashing. Easy to see how all the water had migrated onto the deck the way Hojo was fighting for the ball…

She hoped this would be ok. It was a little soon…too soon? Would he really be fine, after she had told him how she felt? She hoped he would be. She didn't want a fight with him, much less one with Eri, Ayumi, and Yuka as spectators. Kagome frowned slightly. Where was Ayumi? She'd been late, so the other girl must just be later.

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Hojo paused as Kagome emerged, missing the ball and getting smacked on the head. He'd already told Eri and Ayumi about them breaking up, and no doubt Yuka knew by this time as well.

Why did she have to look so damn good in her swimsuit? He frowned slightly, noticing something. Where had she gotten the scar on her side? It looked like a dog bite. A very large dog… He sighed. They'd never gone swimming together, had they? He wondered why not….then shook his head to clear it of fluff. That was over, so they wouldn't be going swimming together, just the two of them. They could have gone to the ocean…

Hojo smiled with an effort. "Hi! You and Yuka going to try and beat us?"

"Oh yeah! You're going down!" Yuka took a running jump at the pool, swamping the two people already in there with a wave of massive proportions. She popped up, and made a lunge at the ball. "Come on Kagome! We can take them!" She dodged Eri's grab for the ball, carrying it towards the net. Kagome jumped in behind her.

"Ayumi's not here yet then?"

"Hey, cool necklace Kagome," Eri called. "Where did you buy it? I'd love one like that."

"Somebody gave it to me." Kagome called back, watching as Yuka narrowly avoided Hojo. "Sorry."

"Nope. Called on her cellphone and…" Yuka started coughing "…damnit Hojo! No dunking!" Yuka took off after Hojo, wiping the water out of her face.

Hojo smiled from behind the ball, and took off for the other end of the pool.

Kagome smiled, and focused on the game. It was always good to see her friends again after such a long time. They had a way of cheering her up.

…Unless it was them causing her grief in the first place of course.

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Yuka sighed tiredly, grinning. "That was a good game guys. You almost beat us."

Ayumi pouted slightly. "Even with me on their team too…" She sighed dramatically, and then laughed. "It was a good game, though. Wish I'd gotten here sooner."

"Ah well. Maybe next time…" Hojo smiled.

"Who wants snacks? There's chips inside, and cookies. Moms got raspberry pocky too."

There was a mad dash for the glass enclosed deck, where the food had miraculously come through the wild game of water polo unscathed.

Kagome laid out her towel, and stretched out on the deck with a plate of snacks. "Why haven't we done this before now? I've missed seeing you guys for a while…"

"I don't know…I guess I just never thought of it." Eri paused, enjoying the hot sun. "You'll probably have less time now that you're working though, right?"

"Yeah."

Ayumi flipped on her side and propped her head up on an arm "I don't think you ever said what you were doing, did you? Where are you working?"

"I'm an intern at the museum…pretty good pay, and it's interesting. I might just do what Chihero did, and become a curator."

"Jeez…dusty bookworm…why not do something fun, Kagome? You live in the past too much already. Learning to be a miko for your shrine…actually, living at a shrine in general…"

"That's to help grandpa!" Kagome laughed "He'd never admit it to anyone, but taking care of the whole shrine the way he does, at his age…he just can't do it anymore. Stubborn old man that he is." Kagome smiled fondly. He was too pig headed for his own good. To even let her help him she'd had to tell him it was to learn more about her heritage. He'd given in willingly after that.

It was true though. She'd been able to help her grandpa out a lot, and had taken a great deal of the maintenance of the shrine into her own hands. It just wasn't right to sit and watch him strain while she could be helping.

"Still…I'd never do that. I'd rather be at the university, learning to be a teacher."

"True. You'd make a great teacher. You could even go to our old high school to work."

"Yeah. I loved that school…" Yuka sighed. So many good times spent there…

"You could teach water polo!" Hojo smiled and laughed along with everyone else. Poor students…Yuka with a water polo ball was scary. Very scary. To have her teaching you would be frightening…almost permanently traumatizing, in fact…

The rest of the afternoon passed quietly as the five lay in the sun tanning. They discussed what their future plans were, laughing together at times spent in high school, and what would come.

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At five, Hojo got up slowly. "It's been a great afternoon guys, but I have to get back home to start dinner. Talk to you later, ok?" He picked up his towel, and started looking for the bag with his clothes in it.

"Bye!"

"See ya!"

"Come back soon."

"We'll beat them at their own game next time!"

Hojo laughed, and disappeared into the house to get dressed. After all, it wouldn't do to arrive home just in swimming trunks.

As soon as he'd gone out the front door, the three girls rounded on Kagome.

"I heard you two broke up. Why?" asked Eri. "You seemed so happy together…"

"I…"

"You really hurt him you know." scolded Ayumi. "He never blamed you, and he didn't say what had happened other than you were still friends…what did you do?"

Kagome sighed, and looked at the deck floor. It was cedar. "We're still friends. We didn't fight. I've known for a while…almost since the beginning…that he was one of my best friends, but…I wasn't in love with him the way he was with me. If I let him keep thinking that, I'd be hurting him more than I already did."

"You weren't really in love with him? Sure fooled me."

Kagome's bangs fell in front of her eyes as her head tilted further down. "I just wanted to make someone happy…" she whispered, too low for them to hear. She'd felt guilty about dating Hojo from the start, feeling as though she was somehow betraying Inuyasha's memory. Besides that, she'd felt guilty for using Hojo to forget. Louder, she said "I hoped it would work if I gave it time…but it didn't."

"I see. This wouldn't have anything to do with Inuyasha would it? That's the other thing he said, that you knew you weren't in love because it wasn't like the way you felt about Inuyasha…something along those lines."

Kagome's head snapped up, and her eyes hardened. "He said that, did he? Inuyasha has nothing to do with this. I'm not going to see him again."

So Hojo hadn't really believed her when she'd said it had nothing to do with Inuyasha, had he?

It didn't, after all. Inuyasha might still haunt her sometimes…more than sometimes…but she wasn't about to break up with someone only to leap into another's arms. Even if Inuyasha had been around to leap at!

It had been a month after he'd died that she'd gone out with Hojo. She wasn't that kind of person, but apparently Hojo had doubted her word enough to share her little slip of the tongue with Eri and Yuka. Once those two knew, it was as good as telling the third member of the group, Ayumi. None of the three were much good at keeping secrets.

"So he's not back in town or something then?" Ayumi asked curiously. She'd thought it might have something to do with that, but Kagome had never seemed like that sort of person to her. She'd been wrong to think it was Inuyasha, then.

Unless Kagome was lying…but when was the last time she'd lied? Kagome was one of the most honest people she knew, and one of the most caring. She wouldn't set out to hurt someone, least of all Hojo.

"He's never going to be back in town, no." Kagome looked down again. So they thought she'd broken up with Hojo because Inuyasha had come back into her life? She'd told them all he'd gone back home. They still believed he lived in a different city, though she'd never said which one. They must have assumed he was back and she'd go running the moment he was within the city.

They weren't too far wrong either, which was what hurt the most. She knew he had chosen to die with Kikyou in his final moments. Had he had never really thought of her as more than a good friend?

Was she nothing but a sentient shard detector after all?

No. He wouldn't have cared as much about her then. He had cared. She was sure of that much.

It was clear to her now that he'd felt attracted to her more as a friend than anything else. At least at first. She had been sure at the end…the last year…If they had had time…they had gone to a movie once, and he'd taken her to see the sunset, the night before the battle. Just them and the dying sun.

If they had been given time together, alone…he might have been hers. It grated, loosing to a dead woman.

Kagome shook herself. It had never been a contest. Why was she thinking about loosing something she'd never had, and had never had any right to? That wasn't like her. She'd always put Kikyou ahead of herself, knowing he still loved her. She'd always stepped aside for her. She could have made sure she won the 'contest' more than once. She'd known she couldn't do that, and so she'd let him go, however it cost her personally.

It had been her school girl fantasy, to live with him in the past. Shippo, Inuyasha and herself as a family wouldn't have happened. She knew it with her head. Her heart…her heart said differently. It knew she would have come running the moment he appeared.

It hadn't been a fantasy to want to live in feudal Japan though. She really had wanted to do that. It was home…even without him. She was still going to go there to live…once the little problem of the barrier was solved.

She smiled. Of course she'd have gone running if he came back…he was dead. She'd want to see him alive again if for no other reason than that he was her friend. They'd had that if nothing else.

But…she'd been so sure…he'd promised once, that he would stay with her. That sunset…they'd said what they would do after the battle. She'd told him she was staying in the feudal era, and he had said he'd stay with her. They'd talked of a home with Shippo, talked of being together….

He had said he loved her.

He couldn't have been lying. She'd have known. He had to have loved her, somehow.

What if he'd just been sorry he'd let Kikyou down? He could have just said her name at the last because of that. What if he'd not decided to die to be with her at all?

She couldn't really believe that, much as she wanted to. The seeds of doubt planted by that one, final word, were sprouted. She hadn't yet been able to get rid of them. She really did wish she could believe he'd only said that because of guilt, but it was impossible for her. Her will wasn't strong enough. She wasn't strong enough.

Why had he chosen to die? She could have saved him if he hadn't told her not to waste a wish on the Shikon. Had he truly thought she shouldn't waste her wish on something 'worthless'? He couldn't have…he had never been worthless. He never would be.

"Um, Kagome? Kagooommeee…."Yuka snapped her fingers underneath Kagome's nose, and she blinked. She'd been thinking again…thinking along all the same paths, all the same possibilities she'd gone over many times before. It was a dead ended circle.

Kagome was somewhat disgusted with herself for allowing that to happen. She didn't need to go over everything again. It ended nowhere.

"Sorry…I was thinking…" Kagome winced. She'd not gotten lost like that for a long time…

"I see. Well, how about we don't think about Hojo now? It's already happened…and there's nothing we can do about it."

Kagome started for a minute, before realizing they thought she'd been thinking about Hojo.

"Hey Eri, wasn't there someone interested in Kagome where you work? You said he was 'pretty cute for a Wacdonalds employee' as I recall…"

Oh great…Yuka thought she could play matchmaker again. Kagome hated being pushed around like that. She'd put up with it at first, the times they'd pushed her into going places with Hojo, but now… "Yuka…" Kagome said slowly.

"Yes?"

"Stop trying to set me up. You kept doing it till I went out with Hojo. I don't need you arranging my life for me."

Yuka flushed slightly. Had she been that obvious? Drat. It would be a lot harder to set her up if Kagome was onto her…

"Fine." Yuka pouted "You're no fun."

"No. No I'm not."

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Kagome sighed as she fell back on her bed. It had been a good day, apart from the brief session with the Spanish Inquisition (which she hadn't expected) after Hojo left. She turned on her side, thinking back to some of the things said.

'Who do they think I am? Do they think I'd play Hojo along like that for fun? I've been with him long enough to know I couldn't be happy with him. He might have been happy, but I wasn't. I'd never hurt Hojo. I'd never try and hurt any of my friends! Just who do they think I am?

I know they don't know everything…why don't I tell them? Why don't I just sit and tell them the whole story right now? It would make this so much easier…' Kagome looked at the ceiling, unblinking before answering herself dryly. 'Because they wouldn't believe me, that's why. If they don't believe me when I say why I've broken up with someone, if they don't trust me enough for the small things, how would they react to time travel?' she flipped back onto her front, unable to lie still.

'Ayumi's a confirmed skeptic, and so is Yuka. Eri…she's prayed at the shrine a few times when she's been here, but I don't know if that's because she actually believes somewhat, or if it's out of habit. Hojo…he gave me amulets when I was 'sick.' He's also recommended a few home remedies. He might believe me too…

…Or they might all just agree I'm crazy, smile and nod, then phone the nuthouse.' Kagome laughed softly 'Wouldn't that just be awesome?'

Kagome sighed, and sat up. Apart from that, today had been fun. She talked to her friends every week on MSN, but somehow that wasn't the same as having a face to face conversation. Certainly, you couldn't dunk people in the pool over the Internet. She'd had a lot of fun playing water polo. The scar on her side had never come up either. Kagome looked down at it. Perhaps she'd been worried over nothing. After 4 years, it was quite faded. The only other major scar was on her arm, but they already thought that was from running with scissors.

Funny how one could pass off a wound meant to be fatal as something gotten from falling on a pair of scissors. She'd said…what had been said? Something along the lines of 'running, tripping on Buyo, and going down the stairs head-first' according to her grandpa. He really did need to learn how to spin better stories…

It was positively sickening how many lies she'd told to her friends, or how many more of her grampa's she'd supported. She thought them up easily now, not having to think long before a ready story popped into her head. She wished she could just tell them the truth. And yet, she couldn't.

Kagome got off the bed, and walked over to where Shiro was stirring. He opened an eye, and then opened the other one. She smiled at him, and opened the gate to the hamster house. He peeped at her, and left his heated nest behind to wander over to the water dish.

Shiro slept a great deal, and she'd never had trouble with him. She'd asked her mom to watch him the first day she was at work, to feed him and see if he'd need anything else while she was gone, but apparently leaving him with water and a well heated house worked well enough now he was a bit older. She'd been worried he would need her and she wouldn't be there, but he'd shown he was fine for small periods of time by himself now. She still got Souta to watch him though, when he was around. It made her feel better.

Kagome idly ran her fingers through the seeds in the bag, choosing a few of the largest sunflower seeds and held them out in her hand for the little bird. He looked inquiringly at them; then started to eat. Kagome had to smile at the way he wrestled with the shells around them, pecking furiously. He'd finally graduated from mushy bugs and bread (for which she was glad. She didn't like mashing up bugs. At least Souta had helped her there) to the occasional seed.

Determined little guy. He didn't give up till he'd gotten to the meat, swallowing them in satisfaction. Kagome smiled sadly, and stroked his downy feathers. He was so soft…

He'd grown since she'd rescued him. He wasn't half bald anymore, for starters... he was at that scrawny age where feathers were starting to come in.

She wondered if she should try the well again. It had been almost 2 weeks since she'd last fought with it. Not since she'd healed Shiro at least. Perhaps since then, she would be better at getting through. Kagome hoped so. She really wanted to be able to go home again. She sometimes felt like an exile, cast out. Tokyo was wonderful, as was her family. Yet…the past was her home now, even though she'd not been there for most of a year.

Kagome stood up, resolved to try and break through again. Kagome carefully put Shiro back in his home, and stood up straight. Yes. She would go down there, and blast that barrier to hell.

She marched out of her room and back to the well-house, feet walking on automatic. She'd gone this way so many times…Kagome's hand reached up to the necklace with the Shikon on it, and held onto it tightly.

She'd always been afraid there would be more youkai on this side of the well like the Noh mask, youkai that might attack her family to get to her. She'd almost wanted them to come, crazy enough to want even that odd bit of connection to the past.

She'd started to think the Noh mask was an anomaly…she'd never felt anything else. Even youkai she'd known, like Shippo…he might have survived to this time. Kagome hoped she would one day walk into him, or Kouga. Anyone. But it had never happened.

Why not?

She refused to believe they were dead.

Even though a small, nagging voice whispered that that was probably why she'd never seen anyone, she refused to believe that she would never see them again, at least in this era. She was quite determined to see them in the feudal era again.

Kagome stopped in front of the sliding doors to the mini shrine, and gently pushed them to one side. She picked up her bow and arrows. She wanted to try sending a purifying arrow at the ward again.

There it was. The well…she smiled at it. There were so many memories in here. Fears and hesitations before taking the plunge into time, and the relief to have made it back. All locked away behind a barrier. Her face hardened.

Her family had always been so good about supporting her, even when she'd started to think more seriously about staying on the other side of the well. They'd always been there for her when she got home, waiting with a hot bath and food.

She loved them to pieces for it.

Hopefully she would get though. She readied her bow, and drew back an arrow, eyes narrowed ferociously. She prayed it would work this time, and wouldn't turn out like the other time she'd tried this…

"Here goes nothing…"Kagome whispered, and let the arrow fly at where she could feel the barrier hovering. The arrow shot forwards, slamming into thin air…and bounced off.

Kagome dived, hit the floor as it came right back at her, cursing.

Damn. It still did that. She set her bow aside, wishing that the arrow wouldn't skip off like that. She wasn't sure why it did that. It had almost hit her the first time her missile had rebounded. It meant she had to try things differently. The hard way.

Kagome sighed, and stepped into the well house. The moment she did, she could see the purple bubble swirling hypnotically within the well. She'd have to try putting her mind to work, try to break it down mentally, rather than with arrows. It really sucked. She had hardly any experience with that.

She wasn't sure how she'd created the barrier, or why it continued to resist all attempts to break it. It was as smooth as glass…smoother…and she could find no crack in its surface to pry at. Kagome opened her senses, and ran her mind along the outside of the bubble, the same as she had the last time.

Perhaps this time there would be some way to get inside…she hadn't tried to shoot at it so much after her first attempt sent the purifying arrow rocketing off the surface and around the well. She had managed to find a way to attack with mind alone. But she still kept trying the arrows, cautiously. Mind alone was hell to do. So far, it hadn't worked either. Why had she been so stupid?

Damnit…she couldn't blame anyone but herself. What the hell had she been thinking? She'd been crazy…

Kagome sighed. What was done was done. She'd been hurt and not herself when she'd done the incredibly idiotic and sealed away her home. Now, she had to deal with it.

Kagome finished her run over of the barrier, and frowned. Nothing new since her last attempt. She'd have to try and smash it the hard way…again…

She hoped she'd have more success this time than on any of her previous attacks.

Kagome clenched her hands into fists, and imagined her power as a hammer. There weren't really words for what she was doing, but it was a lot like taking a mental sledgehammer and just hitting madly at the wall of the barrier. Not a lot of finesse.

Strike…strike…harder…invisible sparks danced in the air, mocking her. Kagome closed her eyes, and lost herself in the swing and fall of her mind against the adamantine of the well.

Harder…Harder…HARDER…

Kagome's eyes flew open, and she leaned back against the wall, gasping. It took so much effort to do that. Gods, she was tired. She glared at the barrier. It wasn't any different from when she'd started.

Kagome glanced at her watch. She never knew till she was done how much time had passed. Sometimes only minutes. Once, a day. This time, only a little more than an hour. When you closed your eyes and blocked everything but the magic of the barrier, it was impossible to know what was going on in the real world. No doubt there were people who were talented enough to concentrate on both the barrier and their surroundings, but Kagome couldn't do that. Maybe if she got back, she'd be able to learn the proper way to do so.

When she got back. Not if. When.

She was never going to give up. She had friends…family almost, back there. Shippo would be missing his adoptive mother. She couldn't let them down. Even if Inuyasha was gone, there was a lot more in feudal Japan than him…although she wished he could be there too.

Kagome put a hand out to the rough wood of the door-frame, and pushed herself up off the floor.

'When did I end up on the floor? I don't think I ever sat down…' Kagome frowned, then shrugged. Who cared? She was so tired by now that the only thing on her mind was getting up the stairs to her room…and falling on the bed…nice soft bed…

Kagome's face fell forwards onto her chest, and she jerked upright. She really did need to get to bed soon, or she might fall asleep in the well-house! Not fun. She could remember doing that once, and it wasn't an experience she wished to repeat in a hurry.

Kagome got up, and stretched out the kinks in her shoulders, wincing slightly as they sent needles into her bones.

She looked down. She'd gotten accustomed to defeat by now, though it hadn't stopped her. The first few times she'd failed, she had cried, screamed at the barrier even. It hadn't noticed. She'd gotten used to disappointment….too used to it, if you asked her.

But she had just tried to fix the problem, and hadn't changed it. Why was it so damnably hard to break through? She didn't understand it. She couldn't remember ever having this much trouble with any other barrier.

Kagome abruptly turned on her heel, and dragged herself off to bed and a shower. She wouldn't worry about it now…deal with it in the morning. Morning…oh crap. She had to work again. She nearly groaned at the thought of the supervisor's cheery smile as she handed out a stack of chores to do nearly as high as Kagome.

There really should be a law against morning people in the morning. Kagome had nothing against them in the afternoon. She just didn't like morning people at 5 am…or earlier.

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Well, there be another installment to the story, as promised. Sesshoumaru shows up again soon by the way. Next chapter, I think, actually.

Come visit my website, link located on author profile page, and my newly unveiled graphics site, in which there be wallpaper, and layouts, and a hell of a lot of art, at darkgardens dotcodotnr

Until next Wednesday!

---D.B Sidhe