A/N: Joss is Boss, no profit being made. Did I mention that BDM didn't happen in the realm of this fic?
Four months had passed. Simon had tried on several occasions to bring the subject of the pregnancy up to Captain Reynolds. Maybe we could simply just slip away while in port one night.
"Not trying hard enough". Simon turned; River was settling herself onto the exam table. "I don't want to go without saying goodbye". No, I suppose that would be too easy, Simon thought, trying to suppress a yawn. To avoid prying eyes he had taken to examining River and the baby in the early hours of the morning when the crew was asleep.
He turned on the imager and lifted River's baggy sweatshirt. If the crew had noticed River forgoing her usual flowing or tight fitting clothes in favor of looser, baggier garments they hadn't voiced it. At sixteen weeks she was beginning to show. Perhaps I could avoid answering the question of the child's paternity.
River rolled her eyes. "They would want to know". Simon simply nodded, continuing his work. "Would you like to hear the heartbeat?" Already assuming her answer Simon filtered the audio into the room. River smiled brightly and turned her head to share the moment with her husband, but there was only the doctor, intent on the data in front of him. Her smile faded and she closed her eyes to keep from tearing.
Mal stretched his arms behind his head and heard their familiar pops and snaps and kept from groaning. No reason to wake the rest of the crew just because he couldn't sleep. Although it could be on account of Wash and Zoe having 'private couple time' rather loudly next door. He continued down the corridor and saw his sweet mechanic emerge from her bunk.
"Hey capt'n. Couldn't sleep none either?" Kaylee rubbed her eyes. "Nah, lil Kaylee," Mal ruffled her hair and glanced over to the merc's bunk. "Looks like Jayne and the Sheppard are still contemplating the question of why there's no Saint Jayne". Kaylee stifled a giggle and took her captain's arm as they continued to shuffle down towards the galley. "Maybe Zoe and Wash'll be done sexin' by the time we're done a cup of tea," Kaylee yawned.
Simon was droning on. "The fetus is coming along…" Anger flared in River's eyes. "No. No. No. Simon!" she pleaded for his attention. Simon blinked at her outburst. "Not 'the fetus', not 'the baby'. Simon this is our child, " River pleaded.
Kaylee had convinced the men that an Irish coffee would help them all sleep better. I don't know about sleep but it certainly has loosened everyone up, Mal thought as everyone was enjoying a good laugh at Jayne's expense. Who knew the man knew some Earth-that-Was show tunes? That's when they all heard the first crash, followed by some colorful mix of Chinese and English cussin'.
The group proceeded to the area outside the med bay and saw that Zoe and Wash were already there watching River flip over another tray of instruments, causing another crash of noise. "Thought the moonbrain was gettin' better," grunted Jayne. Mal and Zoe shared a look. The spectators watched as River continued to throw whatever was in her reach at the helpless doctor. "Perhaps one of us should intervene…"started Sheppard Book. Wash gave a small laugh, "Heck, I'm thinking of selling tickets!"
"No, Simon! I'm perfectly lucid and I'm certainly not helpless!" River marched up to Simon, her long slender finger pointing in his face, almost causing him to cross his eyes. "You tell them or, or, wo hen yi forever!" River burst from the room and ran passed the others.
Simon hadn't noticed they had drawn an audience. He took a hesitant step and cleared his throat. "Evenin' doctor. Mind telling us what all that was about?" The captain edged his voice, clearly indicating he expected an answer. "Ah, yes. Um, let's see...Captain, can I discuss something with you, in, well, private?" Mal was enjoying watching Simon squirm. "No, I think whatever you need to say can be said in front of all".
Why isn't it ever easy? Simon sighed, and lifted his chin to look the captain in the eye. "River is pregnant, sixteen weeks actually." A collective gasp filled the room. Kaylee's hands flew to her open mouth. Simon heard someone whisper 'Whoa de ma', although he couldn't quite tell from whom.
"Who's the daddy?" Kaylee asked. Simon bowed his head, Yes, I suppose they would want to know. Simon's hesitation was long enough for Mal to jump to conclusions. In the blink of a second he had pushed Jayne to the wall, his arm under Jayne's chin. Commotion erupted around them.
"Captain!"
"Tickets, I should be selling tickets!"
"Sir!"
"Wait just a second!"
Jayne struggled, his face flushed with anger. "Whoa now! What makes ya think it's me?!" The captain applied more pressure to keep from hitting the big merc, he wanted him pinned, not unconscious. "Well let's see now, I gotta married man, a preacher, and a brother on board. That's leaves you."
"Yeah?! Well what about you?" growled Jayne. Mal's eyebrows shot up, "What about me?" "I'm justa saying..." Mal shoved the big merc harder into the wall, "Just sayin' nothin'! I'm not the one going around molesting little girls!" Jayne pushed Mal back away from him.
"She's eighteen," Jayne barked. Zoe tried to keep amusement from her voice, "Not really helping your case Jayne." Simon's head was throbbing. That, mixed with lack of sleep and the stress caused , what later he would call, a 'momentary lapse in sanity'.
"The baby is mine," Simon called over the arguing voices. Everyone froze as his declaration sank in. It lasted a moment before Jayne and Mal had him pinned to the ground and pandemonium erupted once more.
"You son of a whore!"
"Wangbadan!"
"There's a special hell..."
"Hun dan! How could you!"
"Ai ya! Stop!" River yelled over them, causing everyone to freeze once more. River stepped towards the group. She had changed into an old flowing skirt and a form fitting top that showed her motherly condition. River's face glowed as she gently stroked her abdomen.
"Simon. Tell them."
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