You Serious?
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"I'm taking the Joker to Arkham." Batman picked Joker up bridal style and headed out the back door, calling for the Batmobile to pick him up.
"You're Bat-shit crazy!" Joker shouted. "I could've gotten hurt!"
"But you didn't." The car pulled up and Bruce put the clown in the passenger's seat, closing the door quickly. He got in his side and immediately started driving in the direction of Arkham Asylum.
"But, Bats, there's no conjugal visits at Arkham!" Joker pouted.
"We're not married, Joker." Batman grunted. He couldn't let this keep happening, or else he might actually start developing feelings for the crazed clown; maybe it was starting already. No, Batman was not ending up like Harley Quinn. "And don't even think about it." He saw the jester make a dreamy face in the corner of his eye.
"Aw…" Joker pouted again, but instantly perked up, getting an idea. "You know, dear, when you take me to the funny farm, a doctor's going to give me a physical. And guess what they'll find?"
Batman's eyes widened and stopped the car abruptly. He didn't think of that… dammit…
"I'll try to cover for you, saying I was raped by a monkey or something, but it won't matter. They'll still take a DNA test. And they will find out who that monkey is…" He cackled loudly. The Bat cringed. The doctors would find out his secret identity, and proceed to tell the whole damn world. "Sitting is really uncomfortable, you know. I mean, what are you waiting for? Take me to Arkham where I belong." He giggled evilly.
The Dark Knight growled and drove into an empty alleyway, stopping right before hitting a condemned apartment building. He got out of the car, pulling Joker with him. He grappled up to a random window and jumped inside the empty room. He undid one of Joker's arms from the cuff only to attach it to the metal bedpost. Joker tried pulling at the cuffs, but he wasn't going to get out that easily.
"I always thought you were into this sort of thing." Joker smiled. "Maybe next time."
"I didn't want there to be a next time." Batman found an old newspaper on the floor. He picked it up and started writing numbers on it with his finger pen. "But since there's no choice…" He gave the paper to the jester. "You call me directly the next time. I don't want the police or the news getting involved in your new games."
"Gasp! I get to booty call Batman?" He looked at the newspaper. It was a 900 number. "I guess it's untraceable, yeah?"
"It is." Batman went to the window.
"Don't forget about those numbers I gave you." Joker grinned darkly. "It's actually pretty Riddler-like of me; so unoriginal. Who will I steal from next?" The Bat heard enough, and jumped out the window, leaving the pale man behind to figure a way out of the Batcuffs.
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Bruce typed the numbers from the timer into the Batcomputer. "21252212252121". Now, what did they mean? Was it a series of dates? No, nothing significant of that. He tried matching them to letters in the alphabet. That didn't make any sense. Maybe in reverse? No. "Joker gave them to me as double-digit numbers." He thought out loud. He tried matching them that way, but it still didn't make sense.
"Did the Joker leave you with a present after escaping, Master Bruce?" Alfred walked by, putting his Master's afternoon tea down in front of him. Bruce told Alfred, Tim, and the Commissioner that Joker managed to escape instead of practically letting him go.
"Yes, he said these numbers meant something important." The billionaire said. "Maybe a different alphabet?" He had the computer cross-check every alphabet in every language. There was only one that made any sense: German. "süβ küss."
"That means 'sweet kisses', sir." Alfred saw Bruce flinch after saying that. "Now what could that have to do with the price of bananas?"
"Not bananas, Alfred, but chocolate." Bruce put it all together. "There used to be a Swiss chocolate store in Amusement Mile that sold chocolates called sweet kisses. And what language do the Swiss speak?"
"German." Alfred said. "So he's hiding there?"
"I doubt he's there right now." Batman said. "He should have known I would figure out this code quickly."
"Don't get a swelled head, Master Bruce." Alfred walked away.
"Right." Batman took a sip of the tea. He's been 'generous' to the hostages so far… I suppose I'll just wait for him to call.
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Three nights later, while on patrol with Robin, the Batman received that call. He really didn't want Tim to be around when this happened. He pressed a button on his wrist computer to answer the call.
"Hey, Bats. Miss me?" Joker's high voice seared through his brain.
"You have no idea." The Bat said. He had been thinking of the clown non-stop, even though he tried stopping.
"Who are you talking to?" Robin asked. Batman held a finger to his own mouth, silently asking for him to be quiet.
"I hope you figured out that message. Oh, duh, of course you have! I'm waiting for you, and so are a few of your crime-fighting friends." He snickered before hanging up.
"I told him not to get the police involved, but he does anyway." Batman sighed.
"Was it Joker?" Robin wondered to himself how Joker could call them that way.
"Yes. Listen, I'll take care of…" He stopped himself. "Actually, come with me. We're going to make sure he doesn't get away again." He was not going to continue this game with the crazed clown, no matter how much 'fun' it was. It's wrong, and it has to stop… it's wrong… He kept saying to himself.
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Batman and Robin landed on the roof of the Swiss chocolate store. The Dark Knight used Detective vision to look inside the building. He saw one person in the front of the store and several people in the back locked behind a huge door. "I knew it." Batman turned off the detective vision. "Joker's keeping the cops in the freezer."
"How did you know where he'd be?" Tim wasn't informed about Joker's plan. He noticed that Bruce hasn't been talking to him much lately; you know, less than usual.
"He left me clues." The Bat handed Tim a weapon. "Use this to break out the hostages while I distract the Joker." Robin looked at it. It was a heat laser gun that could go through any surface like a knife through hot butter. "Try to be as quiet as possible."
"Alright." Robin jumped to the back of the building to get started on rescuing the detectives while the Bat climbed down to the front door. He went in almost casually, hearing the doorbell ring as he entered. And there was Joker behind the counter, in his orange button-down shirt with an apron that said 'Kiss the Clown' on it. He was pretending to stir something in a pot until he saw his Dark Knight walk in.
"Willkommen, Bat-love." Joker smiled. Batman looked behind the clown and saw the freezer door only a few feet away. The door had a little window, so he needed to keep Joker away from it until Robin was done. He jumped over the counter and stood in front of the freezer, looking inside. The police officers were tied up and shivering. Tim was already starting to cut the wall from the outside. "What can I get for you? Kisses? Suckers? A cop-sicle?" He laughed at his own sick joke.
"Where's the key?" Batman tried asking, but knew he wouldn't get anywhere.
"Bats, you should know how this works by now." Joker tisked. Bruce looked at the clown, just now realizing he wasn't wearing pants under the apron. He could nearly see through the white cloth, too. He gulped quietly. "Thought I'd make it easy for you this time. And this time I really want it rough. Don't ask me if I'm okay, don't apologize, just fuck me, using any tools in the kitchen that you like." Batman looked in the window again. Robin had opened the wall and was working on the first hostage.
"Batman, there's a tank of laughing gas in here." Robin was whispering in the earpiece. "It looks like it would only detonate with a remote that Joker probably has. I'll get the police out of here ASAP."
"I told you not to involve the GCPD, so you twist my words and do this instead." Batman walked up to Joker and backed him against the wall.
"Funny, isn't it?" The jester giggled. "The freezer thing isn't quite my shtick, though. That's more like something Freeze or Ozzie would do."
"Bruce, I got them all out. You're clear." Robin said. Batman smirked and grabbed the Joker's neck, choking him against the wall.
"Ooh, just can't wait to get started?" Joker choked out.
"We're not starting anything." The Bat threw the clown against the freezer door, pressing his face against the glass. Joker gasped, seeing the hostages gone and a big hole in the back wall. "Because it's finished. And this time…" He turned Joker around to face him. The madman was not amused. "No DNA attached."
"You had the brat with you." Joker punched the Dark Knight in the face, causing Bruce to trip backwards and hit his head against the counter. "I thought we could finally trust each other, that maybe we could meet without me having to threaten anyone… but you just had to keep being the Detective." He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a vial with green powder inside and opened it. He pinned Batman to the counter with his free hand and put the vial under his nose. The Bat breathed it in and immediately started feeling the effects, feeling dizzy and hot.
"Wh-what…" Bruce started feeling aroused, getting an erection quickly. That powder… it smelled familiar…
"Told you I kept stealing everybody's ideas." Joker giggled, throwing the vial away. "It's Ivy's junk. Borrowed it from her a while ago." He cupped his Bat's face in his gloved hands. "I really didn't want to do this, but you left me no choice." He roughly kissed Batman.
He kissed back hungrily, not being able to control himself any longer. His deepest desires were taking over; his desires to mercilessly fuck the Joker. He tore off the clown's clothes and pushed him to the floor, cuffing his wrists together and putting them above his head. The Bat clutched one of his hands around the pale throat and started kissing and biting the clown's shoulder down to his chest.
"That's it…" Joker was gasping for air as Batman bit one of his nipples so hard it drew blood. This time it didn't stop the big bad bat; he just licked it up and bit the other one. "AH!" Batman's hands explored Joker's white body, using the claws to leave welts and some bleeding scratches. He grabbed the clown's erection and squeezed it hard. "Ow, I still want to be a man, you know!" He joked, but he still liked it. He liked it… but he didn't love it. After all, his Bat wasn't really here right now and would much rather have him than a mindless sex zombie, but the Dark Knight forced this upon himself.
Batman could only think of one thing: making the Joker his. Making him scream and beg for him, making his mark on him… mark. That was a good idea. He took out a batarang and held the sharp end out, pressing it to the skin just below the jester's ribs. Joker gasped as he felt it carve into his skin oh so slowly, making it painfully enjoyable. He felt the object being removed from his skin and looked down, seeing the bloody bat insignia on his stomach. He threw his head back as he laughed hysterically.
"I hope that's permanent." Joker growled, looking the Bat in the eyes. Bruce was losing his senses further as he looked into the eyes of the crazy man who he wanted. He freed his erection from his uniform and pulled Joker's hips up on his lap and, without any lube or preparation, pressed his dick inside the clown slowly until he was all in. Joker screamed in sheer pain but still tried to laugh. His whole body was shaking and felt weak and for fuck's sake almost passed out.
Batman didn't feel anything but extreme lust and started pounding into the clown, still biting and clawing at the clown's abused flesh. Every erotic sound the Joker made drove him to go faster and faster. The clown couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his face and screamed louder when the Bat struck his prostate over and over. It hurt so bad but it felt so good. He could feel Batman getting closer to his climax, and just as he was about to touch himself, his partner did it for him. "Oh, fuck, Bats… fuck…"
"Batman?" Robin came through the front door, looking around for his mentor. He was taking too long and wasn't answering any of his calls. Tim heard screaming and panting from behind the counter. "Batman, are you…!" He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Batman had just released inside Joker and the clown had come all over himself. He was still inside the clown and was actually getting ready to plow into him a second time until he felt someone grab him from behind, pulling him away from his jester. "Batman? What the fuck are you doing?" He struggled as Bruce tried to get away.
"Beat it kid, mommy and daddy are talking." Joker sat up, trying not to sit on his abused hole. Robin looked at the crazy clown in disgust, and some worry, noticing all the blood on the floor where he was sitting and the bruises on his neck.
"What did you do to him?" Tim snarled, holding Bruce in a full nelson.
"Why don't you blame the plant lady? She invented the stuff." Joker started dressing, realizing that his fun was over for now. Tim was so grossed out by the whole situation that he couldn't speak. "Well, tell Bats I'll see him again soon. Gotta run, or rather, limp!" He laughed and walked the best he could to the kitchen's back door, stopping only to find and put on his pants. Robin didn't bother going after Joker, he had to take care of his partner first this time.
"God, Bruce, what did he do to you?"
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A/N: Thank you for all the support I've been getting! Luv everyone!
Taru-chan