Disclaimer: See ch. 1
Spoilers: Through 14
A/N: Thanks again to everyone who's reading and reviewing! You guys are awesome. I'm glad you all appreciated Ghetto Ranger ;) We'll be seeing a lot more of him before the story's over. I should probably also warn you that from here on out, this story will NOT be Cupcake friendly. I don't have anything against Joe, really, it's just how the story happens to be unrolling. Enjoy!
I must have fallen asleep shortly after the boys bundled me into the Explorer, because I woke to hear them arguing about how to get me into my apartment. I kept my eyes closed and pretended to still be out. This could be interesting.
"Should I carry her?" Bobby was asking from somewhere very nearby.
Lester snorted. "Well, shit, man, don't wake her up."
Bobby hesitated before answering. "It's just…you know how the boss gets about people touching his woman."
His woman? Why did that phrase make me feel all warm inside when it should have been igniting my Italian temper? For some reason, the idea of belonging to Batman didn't bring about any feminist rebuttals. No, it was actually rather…exciting.
Lester's laughter nearly startled me into opening my eyes. "B, man, I'm pretty sure Ranger'd understand under the circumstances." He laughed some more.
"Well, if you're so sure, you carry her then," Bobby said.
Les was quiet for a moment. "Shit. Fine, but if he asks, she woke up and asked us to carry her."
It was too much. I could barely hold back the laughter. "Guys," I said quietly, my voice thick with sleep. "Guys, it's okay, I'm awake." I blinked my eyes open and stared up into Bobby's hazel eyes. He looked almost afraid. Lester was behind him, eyebrows drawn down in the middle. "It's okay, guys, I can walk."
"You sure, bombshell, I mean one of us could…" Lester began.
I cut him off. "Yeah, yeah, just give me a minute."
In the end, Lester kept one arm firmly around me as we made our way through the lobby, up the elevator – clearly they were taking pity on me – and to my apartment door. He probably thought that if he let go, I'd fall over in exhaustion. I had to admit, I was feeling rather weary.
Les took my keys and unlocked the door, then stood back while Bobby searched the apartment.
"All clear, bomber, no crazy psychos tonight."
Not yet, I thought silently. But it's only a matter of time.
"Thanks, guys, I really appreciate it," I said, pulling away from Lester.
Bobby stepped around me and headed for the bathroom. "Let me put some antibiotic ointment on your neck, bomber. Wouldn't want it to get infected."
I sighed and sat down on the couch. All I really wanted was to be alone so I could eat a few Tastycakes, wait for Ranger to call, and go to bed.
Bobby came out of the bathroom with a washcloth, the ointment, and a new bandaid. I let him clean and re-bandage my cut with minimum complaint, Lester looking on with an infuriating smirk.
"Only you, bombshell," he said. I rolled my eyes.
When Bobby was finished, he cleaned up then dragged Lester to the door. "We'll go now," he said. "I'm sure you want to relax."
I nodded and bid them goodnight.
Lester popped his head back in just as he was about to close the door.
"Lock the door, beautiful. And try not to let in any boogiemen." He laughed softly and pulled the door shut. I locked the door and looked out the peep-hole to see Lester wave, then walk away towards the stairs.
I grabbed the last Butterscotch Krimpet from the cupboard and plopped down in front of the couch. I turned on 'What Not to Wear'. That Stacey and Clinton really crack me up. If I didn't think it would bring out super rhino mode, I'd nominate Lula for this show. America would get a kick out of that. I ate my snack, snuggled in under my blue fleece throw and promptly fell asleep.
I'm not sure what woke me. I'm too honest with myself to pretend that it was the almost silent tumbling of the locks. I was getting better, but I wasn't that aware of my surroundings. I figured there was really no point in getting up, seeing as my gun was in the kitchen and probably not loaded anyway. Any psycho who wanted me dead could definitely do it before I got to the kitchen and managed to load my gun. Besides, I was fairly certain it was Ranger, so I relaxed into the couch and waited for the familiar tingling.
It didn't come.
The door swung open, then closed. Footsteps made their way through the entryway and into the kitchen. No tingle. I began to panic. Should I make a break for the bedroom window? Should I hide in the bathroom and lock the door? Probably pointless since this guy was obviously pretty good with locks.
I listened as the footsteps passed through the kitchen, then a dark figure filled the doorway into the living room. A large, dark figure. Crap.
"Cupcake?"
I let out the breath I'd been holding and swore under my breath. Then some more out loud.
"Shit, Joe, what the fuck are you doing? You scared the hell out of me. What time is it?"
Joe stepped into the room and I could make out his profile in the light from the TV. He was wearing his cop face.
"It's a little after eleven, and I came to make sure Manoso didn't get you killed on his little clusterfuck tonight. 'Course I'm not sure why I came here, he'd probably just hide the body and tell everyone you left town."
I rolled my eyes and let out a long-suffering sigh. "Joe, I'm fine. And Ranger wouldn't have hid the body. He probably would have called you then disappeared."
Joe grunted and sat down next to me on the couch. "If that guy got you killed there wouldn't be anywhere for him to hide," he growled. That got my attention.
"Are you saying that you would kill Ranger if one of his skips got the better of me? It wouldn't be his fault."
Morelli's laugh vibrated the couch. "It would be all his fault, cupcake. He's the one who gets you into these situations."
I narrowed my eyes. "What situations, Joe? I hope you don't mean all the cars exploding and getting shot at and having crazy stalkers, because those are all me, Joe."
"Because of your stupid job," he exclaimed. "If you'd just quit like I want you to, these things wouldn't happen."
"What things, Joe? What's happened?" I asked, jumping up from the couch to stand in front of him. "Nothing happened tonight. I'm fine."
"Oh yeah?" Joe said, standing up, too. I took an automatic step back from him. "Well, then what the hell is this?" He asked. His fingers came up and touched the bandage on my throat. My hand flew to it automatically.
"It's…nothing," I told him. "Just a scratch. Mary Lou's cat doesn't like being petted."
"Mary Lou's cat?" Joe yelled. "Stephanie, Mary Lou's cat ran away! A year and a half ago!"
Shit. I'd forgotten about that.
"It's nothing, Joe. I'm fine."
"It's a fucking hickey, isn't it?" Joe demanded. "Fucking Manoso branded you and you're trying to pass it off as a cut. Take off the bandaid, Stephanie."
I stared at him. "You've got to be kidding me."
"I'm not. If it's not a hickey, then take off the damn bandaid."
"I don't have anything to prove to you," I yelled. "There's nothing going on between Ranger and I."
"Then show me!"
"Get out," I hissed. "If you don't believe me, then get the hell out, Morelli."
Morelli pulled in a tight breath and nodded once. "Fine." He turned and headed for the door.
"I trusted all of your 'business meetings' with Gilman," I shouted after his retreating form. "Why can't you trust me with this?"
"Because it's fucking Manoso," he said at the door. "I'll call you tomorrow to discuss this."
"Don't bother," I muttered just before I heard the door click shut and the locks fall into place.
I fell back onto the couch with tears pricking the backs of my eyes. They were tears of anger. I was pretty sure it was over, and I was surprisingly un-upset about it.
I woke again to pitch black. The display on my TV said that it was 2:15. The tingling on my neck told me that I wasn't alone.
"Ranger?" I called into the darkness. There was no reply. I pulled myself into a sitting position and flicked on the lamp beside the sofa. I was alone. "Ranger?" I called again.
I walked into the bedroom and flipped on a light, then did the same in the kitchen and bathroom. The apartment was empty. I checked the locks on the door and found them intact, as were those on my bedroom window. This was weird. Maybe I'd imagined the tingling. Maybe it was leftover tingling from the dream I'd been having. I shut off all the lights, crawled into bed and forced myself back into dream land.
The sun was shining through my window when I woke up again. My head felt like it weighed about eight hundred pounds. A yelling match at 11:30 at night, followed by a short crying jag, would do that to you, apparently.
I dragged myself out of bed and did the shower and hair thing. I dressed in jeans and a stretchy blue t-shirt which did great things for my eyes, not to mention my breasts, and headed to the kitchen. Now, I thought, what to eat for breakfast? I had half a box of stale Cheerios in the cabinet, but no milk. I threw a handful of Cheerios into Rex's cage and watched as he came out to collect them then scurried back into his soup can.
I was pretty sure I had a slice of cake left from dinner at my parents'. I opened the refrigerator and heard someone scream. Okay, so maybe I was the one doing the screaming. Staring back at me from the depths of my Frigidair was a head. A pig head, to be exact. He was staring at me with his beady black eyes and his big hairy snout and the room tipped around me. I managed to close the refrigerator and stumble to the counter where my cell phone was lying. I tried to think about who I should call but the face of that cold dead piggy was etched into my mind and I couldn't drag in enough oxygen to make my head stop spinning.
I hit speed dial one and slumped down to the floor to wait for an answer.
"Yo."
"Head," I gasped out. "In my fridge. All dead and cold and…"
"Babe, breathe," he said. I heard the squeal of tires and then the engine revving. "Now tell me what's wrong."
"There's a…there's a head in my fridge. I…I can't…" I couldn't breathe, that's what I couldn't do. Someone had killed a perfectly innocent little piggy and stuck his head in my fridge.
"Steph, I'm on my way, you need to breathe."
I took a deep breath and felt a little bit better.
"Babe, is there anyone still in your apartment?"
I shook my head. Oh, wait he can't see me. "No," I said.
"I'm going to hang up and call the cops, babe. I'll be there in two minutes. Just keep breathing." Then he hung up.
I sat on the floor, my back against the cabinets and focused on breathing. I was still breathing when my front door opened and Ranger stepped in. He went straight to the refrigerator and opened it. He took a quick step back and closed the door, turning to me. He crouched down in front of me and put his hands on my knees.
"Babe, that's a pig head."
I nodded.
"You didn't tell me it was a pig head."
I stared at him. I hadn't? What the hell difference did it make? So, it was a pig head. How was that any better than a person head?
Ranger squeezed my knees and bent forward to plant a kiss on my forehead.
"You okay, babe?"
I nodded. Now that Ranger was here, I was feeling much better. I might even be able to stand up.
My friend Eddie Gazarra walked in just as Ranger was helping me to my feet. He smiled at me, then turned to Ranger.
"Where is it?"
Ranger pointed to the fridge. He didn't mention the fact that the head wasn't human. Clearly Ranger was feeling playful.
"Holy shit!" Eddie exclaimed as soon as he'd opened the fridge. There were shouts from the hallway.
"You okay, Gazarra? What's going on?"
"You guys gotta see this," Eddie called back. Andy Zajack and Robin Russell trouped into the room and poked their heads into the refrigerator. "I don't think anyone bet on this."
"That's a pig head," Andy stated. We all stared at him. Way to state the obvious.
Morelli walked in two minutes later. Gazarra repeated the 'You gotta see this' gig and Joe took a peek in the fridge. He was laughing as he came over and put an arm around my shoulders.
"Only you, cupcake."
I glared at him. I would have shrugged his arm off my shoulders, but that would have caused gossip and I didn't need my mother on my ass right now.
"Do you have any idea who put it there?" Ranger asked.
I shook my head. Then I remembered the phone call from the night of my accident.
I played the tape for them.
"Shit, cupcake, another stalker?"
I glared at him. "It's not my fault, Joe. They just show up."
Ranger looked like he was thinking about smiling.
"Steph, why don't you go sit down on the couch for now. It might be awhile before we can get the forensics guys here," Eddie told me.
I nodded and was almost to the living room when the phone rang. I looked back and everyone was staring at me.
"Probably it's just my mother," I said. Yeah, sure, and I really was Wonder Woman.
"Answer it," Ranger instructed me. I narrowed my eyes at him, but obeyed.
"Yo." That gained an almost-smile from Ranger and a scowl from Morelli.
"Did you like my present?" A voice asked. The same voice from the creepy message. I put it on speaker phone.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I said. Play dumb, that was my plan. Get him to let something slip.
"Don't lie, Stephanie. I saw him arrive. Nice of him to make time in his busy schedule to make sure you're okay." I glanced back at Ranger and Joe.
"Who are you talking about?" I asked the voice on the phone.
"Your man, Stephanie. I saw him leave last night. Why didn't he stay? Does it make you wonder?"
"I don't know who you're talking about," I said, keeping my eyes studiously fastened on the telephone.
"You deserve better, Stephanie." Then he hung up.
I turned back to find both Ranger and Morelli staring at me, blank faces firmly in place. This here is one of the downsides of loving two men. How was I supposed to know which of them this psycho was talking about? Yes, I was technically dating Joe, but it wouldn't be the first time someone had misjudged the relationship between Ranger and I.
"Um," I said. Real intelligent, Steph.
"This isn't about you," Ranger said to me. "He's concerned about your man's actions." He turned to Morelli.
Joe glared at him. "Seems to me last year some psycho thought she was yours. How do we know he's not after you?"
All this talk of owning people was starting to get on my nerves. I stepped between them. Probably not the brightest move; the tension there was like a physical pressure.
"Well, it has to be Joe, right?" I said, trying to diffuse the situation. Eddie and Robin were watching us like a good soap opera. I'm pretty sure Andy was taking notes. "I mean, he was the only one here last night."
Ranger's nostrils flared almost imperceptibly.
"What?" I asked.
His eyes flicked from Morelli back to me. "I stopped by. You were asleep so I left."
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Joe clench his fists so hard his knuckles turned white.
So Ranger had been here. My bat-sensor wasn't offline after all. I took a deep breath.
"I'm not going to a safehouse."
Ranger's eyes widened fractionally. "Babe."
"I'm not, Ranger."
"Cupcake, you can't stay here, we don't know what this guy wants."
I rolled my eyes. "He thinks I'm too good for…one of you. Maybe he's just trying to warn me. I'll stay away from both of you for awhile and see what happens."
Joe gaped.
"Or he could be waiting for you to ditch us so he can have you for himself," Ranger said.
"He's right, Steph," Robin spoke for the first time. "He said you deserve better, maybe he thinks you deserve him."
"She'll stay with me," Joe stated. Well, if that didn't get my hackles up…
"No, I won't." I still hadn't forgotten our fight from last night.
"Cupcake."
"I'll stay with my parents," I said. It wasn't ideal, but it was better than giving in to Morelli or causing him to combust by going with Ranger.
"I'm putting a man on you," Ranger said, pulling out his cell phone.
"No. You're not."
His eyes narrowed.
"Listen, it's just a pig." A poor, cute, defenseless pig. "When he starts sending human body parts, then you can put the men on Steph-watch."
"Stephanie." Usually Ranger doesn't scare me, but he had his I'm-the-boss, mercenary face on and he'd called me Stephanie. I forced myself to stand my ground. I wouldn't admit it, but having a Merry Man watching my back 24/7 was exactly what I wanted right about now.
"Ranger, I'm fine. You don't need to bleed money over a pig head." This got his attention. He stiffened and for a moment it looked like he wanted to argue.
He nodded once and turned back to Morelli. "We both need to make lists of people we put away who got out recently."
Joe nodded.
"Or the family of people we recently put away."
"Or killed," Joe muttered. Ranger ignored him.
"I've got to go, Babe." He kissed me on the forehead while Joe looked on with narrowed eyes. "Call me if anything happens." Then he was gone.
I looked back at the assorted cops standing in my kitchen. Joe opened his mouth to speak.
"Not a word," I said, then went into my bedroom to pack.
A/N: No pigs were harmed in the making of this fic.
How's that for upping the ante? Let me know what you thought. Predictions, questions, and suggestions are also welcome, though I can't promise not to be evilly secretive about what will actually happen.