Things that Voldemort won't do or say
Saturday:
"Go on Lucius, put the dvd on" Voldemort ordered, pointing at his new dvd player that he had bought.
"I don't know my lord, I don't like these sort of films" Lucius replied "I wouldn't let Draco watch something like this."
"Just stick the DVD on. I like these sort of films, now PUT IT ON." Without hesitation, Lucius put the disk in the player and pressed play. Voldemort sat on the sofa with a big bucket of popcorn.
"oh, oh, it's starting, come and have a seat Lucius" the dark lord ordered.
"No thanks, I think I need to, smooth Draco's hair" Lucius said, rather uncomfortably.
"AVEDA...................." Voldemort yelled.
"Alright Alright, I'll watch your stupid film with you" Lucius sighed, plonking himself next to Voldemort.
"Trust me, you'll thank me for this one day" Voldemort said. Lucius rolled his eyes and sulked.
A few minutes later.....
Both Voldemort and Lucius where singing.
"When I hear my favourite song
I know that we belong" thy both sang.
"You are the music in me" Voldemort sang to Lucius.
"It's living in all of us
And it's bought us here because......." they both sang.
"You are the music in me" Lucius continued. Draco who seemed to be passing by, saw his father singing and dancing.
"Oh my god Father, what are you doing?" the young Malfoy demanded.
"Watching High School musical 2" Lucius replied.
"It's my favourite movie" Voldemort blurted out.
"And now it's miiiiiiiiiiiine" Lucius squealed. Draco screamed and ran out the room. He hated Disney movies, unlike Voldemort who loved them.
Sunday:
Today, Voldemort was skipping through his lair, dressed in pink robes, a flower crown sat on his head plus he was scattering flower petals all over the place and he was singing!.
"I feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty
And witty
And gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay" he sang happily as his fellow Death Eaters watched on in horror.
" He should really lay off the happy potion" one Death Eater suggested. The others nodded in agreement. Voldemort continued skipping through his lair when he came across a cute fluffy bunny.
"Awwwwww, what a cute little bunny you are" he cooed as he scopped up the bunny "I will call you flopsy and you will be mine."
"He definatly should lay off the happy potion" the Death eater said as he watched Voldemort snuggle with Flopsy.
Monday:
"I have a plan" Voldemort stated "tonight, we raid Hogwarts." So, Voldemort and his goons snuck into Hogwarts and into the great hall where a party was in full swing. Voldemort used his wand to make a gun sound so the people stopped partying.
"Good evening ladies and Gentlemen" he called out to the whole great hall.
"God damn it Voldemort, what are you doing here?" Dumbledore demanded furiously.
"We are tonight's entertainment" Voldemort replied, looking around the great hall "and I have one question.....who wants a snowball fight?." The great hall was silent before erupting into hysterical laughter. Voldemort looked dumbfounded.
"What, I wasn't joking, I really do want a snowball fight, I love those" Voldemort protested.
"let me get this straight, you came bursting into Hogwarts unannounced just for a snowball fight?" Dumbledore asked. Voldemort nodded.
"That's it, I thought you came here to destroy us all" Dumbledore said.
"No, I want a snowball fight. Now, who's interested?." The students and teachers stared at him blankly.
"I'll take that as a no then?" he asked. Everyone nodded.
"Ok" he turned to his goons "ok boys, back home."
Tuesday:
Voldemort was looking around for his beloved Flopsy, he had gone missing.
"Flopsy, Flopsy where are you?" he called as he searched his lair from top to bottom. There was still no sign of his beloved flopsy. Voldemort was about to give up when he saw Lucius passing by so he thought he would ask him.
"Lucius, hey Lucius" Voldemort yelled, running up to Lucius "have you seen my beloved bunny, Flopsy?."
"No, I haven't seen your stupid rabbit" Lucius replied coldly before walking off. Voldemort flipped Lucius off and continued searching for Flopsy.
It had been almost six hours since Flopsy went missing when Wormtail came to inform Voldemort of some news.
"My lord, you are not going to believe this" Wormtail panted.
"Can't it wait Wormtail, I'm kind of in the middle of finding my bunny here" the dark lord barked.
"That's just it my lord, your snake Nagini abducted your Bunny and now she is eating it" Wormtail said.
"WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Voldemort screamed, running to his room to find nagini devouring the rest of what used to be Flopsy.
"You stupid snake, I hate you so much, how dare you eat my beloved Flopsy, AVEDA KEDAVRA" and he killed Nagini.
"I've had enough of that motherfucking snake in my motherfucking lair" he admitted.
Wednesday:
Voldemort made his way nervously into Lucius's room, hiding something behind his back.
"Hello Voldemort" said Lucius.
"Erm, hi Lucius" said Voldemort. Lucius noticed that Voldemort was kind of edgy.
"What's the matter with you?" Lucius asked.
"Well erm I" Voldemort stated nervously. Lucius was getting impatient.
"Spit it out" he demanded. Voldemort sighed and got down on one knee. Lucius looked at him with a blank expression on his face.
"Voldemort, what in god's name are doing?" Lucius asked as Voldemort took out a ring and held it out to Lucius.
"Lucius malfoy, will you do me the honours of making me the happiest man on earth?" Voldemort asked.
"You don't mean............"
"Yes, Lucius, I'm asking you to marry me" Voldemort said. Lucius screamed, ran out of the room and informed all of the Deatheaters that Voldemort had proposed to him.
Thursday:
Voldemort was in a bar, drowning his sorrows, he had lost his beloved Flopsy and Lucius had rejected his marriage offer. He was downing his fourth pint when Harry Potter came sauntering in and plonked himself next to Voldemort.
"What are you doing in here Potter?" Voldemort asked.
"I'm drowning my sorrows" Harry replied "how about you?."
"Same as you, why are you drowning your sorrows?."
"Because the people I live with treat me like a compete bastard and Snape hit me" Hary replied glumily.
"I'm in here because I've lost my beloved bunny, flopsy and Lucius malfoy refused my marriage offer" Voldemort replied.
"Guess we have it tough huh?" Harry asked. Voldemort nodded and burst into tears. Harry did the same and now the pair where hugging.
"waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" they both sobbed.
"Let's kill ourselves" Harry suggested "right here, right now."
"Good idea" Voldemort replied.
"hey" said the bar tender "no suicides in my pub."
"Ok" both said Voldemort and Harry said before leaving.
Friday:
"Oh oh, the post man is here" Voldemort said as the postman post a parcel through the letter box. The dark lord ran to his parcel like a child on chrismtas morning and picked it up.
"At last, it has finally arrived" he said in truimph "the one thing i've been dreaming off ever since they came out".
Lucius was cleaning the dishes in the kitchen when he heard some body singing. He put down the wash cloth and followed the source of the singing. It seemed to be coming from Voldemort's bedroom, so, Lucius peeked inside and saw something that almost gave him a fatal heart attack. Voldemort was in his bathrobes (which were pink by the way) and he was singing along with a pink I-pod mini.
"I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick, I kissed a girl just to try it,I hope my boyfriend don't mind it". Lucius shook his head.
"That's it, I'm referring him to a phycologist."and he took out a cell phone and started dialling a number.