The Neji files

Chapter two: Hinata and Sasuke!

Neji sighed. He was in for a long night. Tally Mai had just told him moments ago that she was going to bed and that he was going to be on his own. Neji really didn't want to spy on his cousin. It. Felt. So. Wrong. On oh so many levels.

"Um, i-i-is s-somebody there?"

Neji, using his ninja reflexes, quickly hid around the corner of a building. He was 20ft away from the window to Hinata's room. His byakugan was activated. He sighed with relief when Hinata backed away from her window then inwardly berated her for not being more careful.

Neji carefully snuck back around the corner of the house that he hid behind and quickly, quietly made his way to Hinata's window. He ducked under it when he felt his cousin pass by it.

He watched her through the wall under the window. He gasped and closed his eyes when he saw Hinata start to take of her shirt.

Hey I wanted to see that!

Neji's jaw dropped. That wasn't Tally Mai's voice.

Who the heck are you!

Me? I'm Hidan. Who the (censored) are you?

Hidan? I thought that Shikamaru killed you or something.

Yah he buried me in a hole.

Wait what the heck are you doing in my head!

Well I just getting a midnight snack when I saw Tally's door opened so I came in. I saw the monitor and this microphone thingy.

O.o so that's how she gets in my head.

Yeah- WHAT THE FRIG!

Neji had sub-consciously opened his eyes again. When he focused his vision on Hinata he swore out loud too.

There standing in the middle of the room was a shirtless Hinata.

Hinata was a guy.

WHAT THE HECK! SHE-HE LOOKED JUST LIKE A GIRL!

I-I-I-I I never knew……my own cousin.

Dang and I thought Deidara looked like a girl.

That blonde guy?

Yep Oh I gotta go. Tally's wakening up. Oh tell Tsunade-chan that were going drinking tomorrow.

Wait, what?

Yeah Tsunade and Tally go drinking with us, the Akatsuki, every now and then.

Neji was just too shocked.

See ya later kid!

Neji leaned against the wall. He sat there speechless for hours. He felt the suns rays crawl across his skin.

Hey! Neji-san! Why are you just sitting there? Come on! I have a target for you. It was Tally Mai.

Neji could only say one thing.

You and Tsunade go drinking with the Akatsuki?

Oh? You found out about that? Yeah there great drinking buddies. You wouldn't believe how many jello-shots Itachi can drain down. And Hidan. He can drink a bar dry. Leader is really funny when he's drunk, he and Tsunade do karaoke together. There pretty good too.

Oh my pie.

Oh yes the mission! Neji I need you to get some black mail on Sasuke oh and did you get anything good on Hinata?

Um I'm going to go find Sasuke.

Neji jumped up onto the roof and rum off the find Sasuke.

Neji! I asked you a question… Dangit! He's ignoring me! Oh well guess that I'm going to have to watch the tape.

It was now 10 am and Neji was still on the hunt for Sasuke. After the Uchiha was welcomed back to the village he spent most of his time at the training grounds. Neji made a beeline to the closest training area. And was lady luck with him today.

Sasuke was absent mindedly throwing Kunai at a tree stump. He looked quite troubled.

I wonder what's on Sasuke's mind. Somethin' seems fishy.

Neji walked up to the Uchiha survivor. "Hey Sasuke."

Sasuke threw another kunai, acting like he didn't hear the Hyuuga.

"What's your beef" Somehow Sasuke always got on his nerves.

"Why are you bothering me?" Sasuke turned slightly. He stared at Neji out of the corner of his eye.

"Can't I say hi to a fellow ninja?" Neji scoffed.

Sasuke's only reply was a quiet, "Hn"

Neji sighed. "So tell me. What's bugging you?"

Sasuke was now staring Neji in the eye. "Do you really want to know?"

No Neji thought. "Yes"

Sasuke looked at the stump. "I, I love your cousin…Hinata"

It took all of Neji's self control not to rip out all of Sasuke's guts out.

That Frigg head! I'll kill him! I'll…. Neji remembered Hinata secret. An evil grin appeared on his face. "Sasuke" He begin. "I hate to break it to ya but-"

"Yeah I know, Hinata is a guy."

Neji's jaw dropped. "Then your gay" More self-control stopped him from adding a 'too' at the end.

"No" Sasuke turned his attention back to Neji. "I loved him before I found that out."

"Then how?"

"I'm getting a sex change."

"…."

"Neji. You gotta promise me that you're not going to tell anyone. I'm afraid that someone might try to stop me."

"…"

"I understand that Hinata is your cousin and all but I love him. I love him enough that I am willing to toss away my manhood. See ya later. And remember. If you try to stop me or come between Hinata and me… I will kill you." Sasuke walked off just like that.

"…"

Hinata is a guy! Oh my pie! Sasuke is a transvestite! It's the apocalypse!

….

What has this world come to! What am I saying? This is black mail gold! We could make millions off this. The fandom community will die from shock! Then….then I'll have the entire male cast of Naruto to myself! MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

….

Your stuck speechless aren't you?

….

Whatever. Don't tell Naruto this. It'll kill him. Him and his poor gay heart. Oh well he did have a better chance with Kakashi than Sasuke.

…

Okaaaaaaay….Neji? Hello? You still with me? NEEEEEJJJJJJIIIIII... I think that the shock killed all of his brain cells….Wow poor kid. I hope the brain cells come back to life… (sighs) Long range hand seal-less brain cell reviver jutsu!

…WHAT THE HECK!

Yay Neji your back! Whew! I though that I lost you for a sec.

Sasuke! He…he…

Yeah I know. Man, Itachi is going to freak when I tell him. Take the rest of the day off Neji-san….you deserve a break.

Yeah... I'm going to go crawl into my emo corner

… You do that.

And another chapter gone! I've decided for this fic to be crack! You guys will love the ending I promise! Also I'm looking for some one-shot ideas! I have a few myself like doing a HidanxTsunade thing and a TentenXKisame one…. Yeah I like the rare parings that could never happen in the series. Well sue me! So if you have any ideas for me…please tell me. I will give you credit for the idea. That's all for now! Bye, bye folks!