"You're kidding right, Hijikata-san?" Okita asked in his usual deadpan.
"Of course not." Hijikata answered. "This is payback for last week's exploding toilet incident." He added in a menacing undertone which only Okita could hear.
"Great idea Hijikata! Since Yamazaki's undercover already, he can't do it, so Okita's perfect."
"One day soon, Hijikata-san, you'll be giving me orders from the afterlife..." Okita snarled in an equally menacing undertone.
Okita eyed Kagura, who was disturbing him by running her eyes over his body. It was to him as if she were sizing up a steak she was deciding whether to inhale herself or give to Sadaharu.
"Does he have any spare clothes we can...er...borrow?" Kondo asked Shinpachi.
"For a fee of course," Hijikata added.
"Yeah, sure." Shinpachi said. "It's not like he has only one set of clothes."
He led them to the next room, as the smell of fresh meat had caused Sadaharu to knock down any barrier between him and it, and Kagura stayed to try and wrestle him back into the kitchen. The closet opened to reveal 5 identical white and blue kimonos, black pants, and black shirts.
Again, there was silence for a minute, while the Shinsengumi digested the contents of the closet.
"So...did he...get these on sale or something?" Hijikata asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
"We've never had the courage to ask," Shinpachi said.
More silence.
"Heck, I just do the laundry," he continued. "I don't ask where he originally got them, what he does with them, or how they replenish themselves."
"Maybe they spontaneously generate in here," Okita said, peeking further into it and sniffing.
"Will they fit Okita?" Kondo asked, now running his eyes over Okita, and disturbing Okita more than Kagura did.
"I think so, with a few tweaks." Shinpachi said.
The 3 Shinsengumi now appraised Shinpachi.
"You can be amazed what a few strategically placed safety pins can do."
--
Kagura spent ten minutes getting Sadaharu back into the kitchen. When she finally escaped, dripping with drool, she looked around for the Shinsengumi. She only found Shinpachi, whom she could tell was nervous from the familiar twitch of his eye.
"Shinpachi?"
"Oh, Kagura, you're still alive." Shinpachi remarked. "It sounded scary in there so I didn't come to help."
"Where did they go?"
"Well, they already left. Seemed they needed a wig. Seriously, what we do for money around here..."
"I mean, dumbass, where's the place they went to meet the guy?"
"How should I know? Maybe you should take Sadaharu if you want to track them down. Here, take these too."
"Geez, and I just got him back in there," Kagura sighed, and hurried to get Sadaharu.
"Don't mind me... I'll stay here and try to reason with Gintoki when he comes back to murder us... If I'm in pieces when you get back, you'll know what happened."
The door slammed.
"Promise you'll try to have them put me back together..." Shinpachi yelled after her.