"Asta, no, don't go up there." I marched furiously up the steps to the commander's office, deciding not to just ignore Kai.
"I dare you to stop me." That was enough to make Kai stop in her tracks and stay at the foot of the stairs. I quickly reached the top and barged into the room. I didn't know what kind of trouble I could get into, but I couldn't have cared less. Without knocking, I barged into the room, both Levi and Erwin stood up and both surprised to see me.
"Asta..?" Levi gave me the 'don't you fucking dare' look that used to intimidate me when I was a Cadet, but I returned with a glare that made him turn his head to avoid it. I walked up to Erwin, who was a good foot or so taller than me, and punched him square in the jaw.
"Keep your affections away from my sister, Commander!" Erwin looked up at me, completely bewildered, looking at Levi for some kind of help. Levi shrugged and started to walk out of the room.
"I'm useless against a woman's scorn, sir." Erwin smiled a little, rubbing his very sore cheek as Levi closed the door behind himself. Suddenly, I felt embarrassed by my behavior. Fuck, I just decked my commander.
"This is what it takes, then?" Erwin looked at me with an expression I wasn't too sure about, and it was certainly not one I had ever seen on his face before.
"Excuse me?" I was starting to feel anxious about it and I was pretty clueless as to why.
"To be completely honest, Miss Grimm, I wasn't entirely sure it would work since nothing else has." He leaned against his desk and crossed his arms, keeping that expression on his face. Was that... No.
"I'm not entirely sure what you mean, sir." I felt my face flush and started getting angry with myself, what was going on with me? Erwin smiled slyly and shook his head,
"Do you recall when you challenged me to hand to hand combat, while you were training Cadets a few years back?"
Crap, I had wanted to show the Cadets how to use size to their advantage just as Commander Erwin walked by, I was surprised I had the nerve to ask him at all but I was completely taken aback by the fact that he had agreed at all. Now that I think about it, I had embarassed him in front of at least a dozen Cadets and probably hurt his pride a little. I didn't really want to say anything on the matter, so I only nodded.
"I told myself when I joined the military that I couldn't fall in love with a female soldier, I would suffer many heartaches because everyone around me always got killed." He looked at me again, but his expression changed to something different. What was he thinking? And, why the hell was he telling me this? "So, when I got my ass handed to me by none other than you, Miss Grimm, I had a sort of wake up call. You were completely unashamed and comfortable with your strength. It's your confidence in your abilities that I find particularly..." He paused for a long moment, and it made me realize I had been holding my breath. "Beautiful." What?
I felt my face get hot as I just stared at him. There was no way he just said that, is there? It was at this moment that I remembered something Hanji had said to me once; "Asta if you keep this cold heart routine going, you'll become some kind of mindless drone. Love a little."
I think its now that I realize what she meant. Then, it dawned on me. It was Erwin who had given me flowers whenever Adal was sick, he was the one who fixed my gear when I couldn't do it and left it for me in my office the next morning. Did he stay up all night doing that? He sent Levi with me on those Special Ops, his best man, to make sure I was safe. I looked up at Erwin, determined to thank him for all that but I was caught up in the startling blue of his eyes. He had moved closer to me.
"Miss Grimm?"
"Y-yes?" God, did I just stutter? He smiled in amusement and reached for my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. My skin tingled when he rested his other hand against my cheek, his fingers in my hair. Despite all the confusion I felt, my body put up no resistance, like it craved to be near him. I look into his eyes again, he mumbled something but all I could do was see the fire in the icy blue. After all those times I just ignored the gifts and flowers, why would he keep trying?
"Sometimes when I sent those flowers to you, I would have cards attached to them telling you how I really felt about you." How did he know I was thinking about that? "But every time you had them tossed out."
I blushed again, it hadn't even come to mind that it was meant as a romantic gesture. I felt as if I had been blind before, or was it always this obvious. Levi had to know, didn't he?
"Asta. I don't give up. I had to have you, no matter what the cost. I never had intentions for your sister but it was the only way I could think of to get your attention." He touched his bruising jaw, "I never thought you would hit me..." He smiled again. "But, I'm willing to take all the abuse in the world just to tell you this." I pulled away from him and looked toward the door. My face was hot again.
"Sir, I think I should probably go." I started to reach for the door, but I was pulled back to him and before I could protest, his mouth was on mine. God, what a glorious heat! I felt him pulling me in closer, and just before I could lose my head, he lets me go.
"Something to think about, Captain. I'll have your answer when we return from beyond the wall." He seemed confident and magnificent now, or had he always been that way?
I bit my lip and walked out the door, nearly slamming it shut behind me. I rushed down the stairs past Levi and Kai, and down the hall until I'm outside breathing fresh air again.
I opened my eyes to a dim lit room, my entire body in some degree of agony. It was only a moment before I remembered everything I went through, and having to lock myself in the bell tower... I screamed out and sat up a little only to feel the sharp pains going up my back and my arm. My head throbbed a little, but I held out my arms and my feet to make sure all limbs were attached. Thank you, cosmic power, they're there! Before I could think of anything else, I heard the sound of boots coming closer and suddenly I was surrounded by Nikolaus, Kai, and my closest friends. Nikolaus and Kai were practically in my face, asking me if I was okay over and over again. I shooed them back a little and nodded.
"I'm fine." I looked directly at Kai, "Adal?" She nodded and smiled, and I was nearly overwhelmed with relief.
"How are you feeling, Captain?" I looked over and saw Petra.
"Well I'm not dead, and all my limbs are here. I'd say I'm in great shape, guys!" I smiled like some fool and Kai pressed her hand to my forehead and grinned.
"I think the fever's gotten to her head, guys." Everyone laughed a little and I rolled my eyes. I looked at Erwin, who seemed so deeply concerned that I blushed a little, only to have Hanji notice and wink at me.
"In all seriousness, Asta, how are you feeling?" Levi's ultra-calm demeanor had broken a little just to let me know how much he cared, I smiled warmly before sitting up all the way. Fortunately for me, I was wearing a tank and pajama shorts, most likely courtesy of Kai. I slowly got out of bed, the shorts hiking up just enough to make a show of how intense the harness bruising was around my legs. I stood on the ground and reaching my left arm over to gently trace my fingers along the gash going from my elbow to the nape of my neck. That one would heal quickly enough, but it will leave a nasty scar; the banister did a real number on me. I turned so they could see, I heard a gasp from Petra, Hanji and Kai, and when I looked over, the guys were wincing. I lifted the back of my shirt best I could, doing my best to not show the pain I felt when I moved. I have broken ribs, I could tell that much. Hanji stepped in and held up the back of my shirt, and there was nothing but silence for a very long couple of minutes. I felt Hanji gently trace her fingers down the length of the gash on my back, and I looked down at the floor, my eyes tearing up a slight. It was an awful wound, I can handle most scars, and I have plenty, but this practically disfigured me. Some of my tears fell to the floor as Hanji let my shirt down.
"How the hell are you able to stand?" Levi's voice sounded surprised, and I only shrugged. I couldn't talk right now, and let them know I was crying. They weren't supposed to see this side of me, not the 'Grimm der Gott', right?
"I need a few minutes, guys..." I never turned around to face them, but I heard them all leave the room and close the door quietly behind them. I turned around expecting to see no one, but instead I saw the blue eyes. A few more tears fell from my eyes and he looked so sullen, so relieved, and so worried all at once. A complex man, who was really quite simple if you thought about it. I looked away from him. My Commander, of all people, should not see his soldiers when they are weak.
"I can still fight, it won't take much time before I can get back on the f-"
"I don't care about that, Asta." I looked up at him again, surprised. He doesn't care? More tears fell from my eyes and then I was in his arms. I cried harder than I ever had in my life. I cried for everything; I cried in relief, I cried in pain, and I cried in grief. I don't know how long I cried but Erwin never complained, he didn't say a thing, he knew all I needed was a shoulder to cry on. When I stopped crying, I felt lighter. I looked up from his tear stained shirt and wiped my eyes.
"You said you wanted an answer when you got back..."
"Asta, you don't have to answer me r-"
"At first, I didn't know what the question was, but when I was in the Bell Tower nearly certain I was going to die there, I felt lonely. I have my brothers, and my sister but somehow it doesn't fill the hole I've had in my heart." Erwin smiled a little, wiping a stray tear from my cheek.
"Then what is your answer, Asta?" His eyes were gentle and felt like I would burst with how much I felt for him, what I had always secretly felt.
"I need you to fill this hole in my heart, and I think you knew you were the only one who could see it." My reward for such complete honesty was Erwin's heart melting kiss, and everything I didn't want to feel just disappeared.
"Are you sure about this, Asta?" His voice sounded concerned, but I just nodded. Right now he was acting the role of a lover, when I really needed him to be my Commanding Officer. I took a deep breath as I looked down, then closed my eyes and dropped down. I opened my eyes just before I hit the ground and hooked onto the closet tree, narrowly missing Erwin who had been ready to catch me. I yelled out in excitement and weaved between trees, probably doing more spinning and flipping than was necessary. But, when in doubt, spin!
"Asta!" I looked over at Erwin, the alarm in his voice frightened me and I missed hooking onto the next tree and started to fall. Before I could panic, his body crashed into mine as he had swung up to catch me. I looked up at him, then hit a fist against his chest.
"What the hell was that about? You scared the daylights out of me!" He lowered down to the ground and put me on my feet gently, then moved away to recall his hooks. He turned and looked at me seriously. Crap, here was the Commander I wanted earlier but now he didn't look happy.
"Are you telling me you didn't feel that at all?!" His tone was rifled with worry, and I felt ashamed for some reason. He always had the knack of making me feel like a child who had done something wrong. I shook my head, honestly confused. He sighed and pulled me into his arms, being careful of my back, and kissed my forehead. "You need to be more careful, you pulled your stitches again."
It was then that I noticed the blood on his arm where he had cradled my back.
I decided to peel off the over shirt I was wearing, it hurt a little to pull it off over my head and it didn't get past Erwin that I had winced. He helped me pull the shirt off the rest of the way, leaving me in half-cut undershirt and making me blush a little. I turned so he could mop up the wound with the shirt. He didn't do anything for a few minutes, so I turned my head back a little just as he started tracing his fingers along the stitches, running from my shoulder to the small of my back. I looked away and down at the ground, feeling the prickling of tears forming in my eyes.
"I wish I could see it..." As soon as I spoke, he started to dab it with my shirt.
"Why would you want to see it?" There must have been only a little bleeding, because he stopped touching me altogether. I shook my head and sighed, turning to look up at him. He had a new expression on his face, another one I had never seen on him. I raised an eyebrow and was about to ask what the look was for, but he stopped me before I could by kissing me. This kiss was different than the others, it felt needy and wanting. His hand unbuckled the harness at my chest, and the straps slipped off to my sides. It took me awhile to realize I was barely breathing, and I pulled away from him just a little so I could catch my breath.
"You shouldn't be out here so soon, Asta." We both jumped and looked over to see Levi. I blush brightly and Erwin took his hands off me, clearing his throat. Levi eyed the bloody shirt in the grass beside us and looked at me more seriously. "You really shouldn't be out here so soon." Well, in his own way, at least he cared.
"I just got carried away and did too much. It's been a week already, I was getting antsy." My defense was weak, and Levi just looked at me. I frowned and crossed my arms, successfully hiding that it hurt to do so. Levi turned his attention to Erwin and almost looked angry.
"You know as well as anyone else that she shouldn't be out here for at least another two weeks. She took more damage to her body than I have ever seen someone live through." He shot me a look when he saw I was about to protest, then I started to realize that he was actually scolding our Commander, too. You've got quite a pair, Levi. Then he looked at the shirt again. "That shirt is filthy, you need to clean it." Despite everything he had said and the serious tone of the scolding, I wanted to burst out in laughter. Levi, the clean freak. I certainly don't miss all the cleaning I had to do when I was in his squad. A slight snicker escaped me and my heart dropped when Levi's expression matched that of a serial killer.
"Sorry, I had to sneeze." I looked away and rubbed my nose to make it a little more believable. Levi exchanged a look with Erwin, and then walked off. Geez, mood killer. I sighed a little in relief once he was out of sight and looked over at Erwin. Oh man, what did Levi do? He looked upset with himself. "Hey, don't put it on yourself that I got a little hurt, okay?"
"The whole reason you were hurt this badly in the first place was because I wasn't able to get back fast enough." Oh man, he felt that responsible for it? I reached up to kiss his cheek, then rest my head against his arm.
"The reason why I got hurt was because I dumb enough to do things on my own, to take on challenges that were too much for me. Of course, if I were given the chance to do things differently..." I smiled a little, "I would only make sure I had spare blades and gas canisters stowed away in my basement." Erwin looked down at me, and despite himself, smiled. I'm not half bad in the comfort department. I yawned a little, unable to hold it back, and snapped off my new 3DMG. Before I could do anything else, Erwin picked me up and started to carry me. I decided not to argue, and before I knew it I had fallen asleep.