Day 3:
Josie didn't know why it was such a terrible day, but it was. Everything felt heavy today. Her legs, her head, her shoulders, and every part of her ached with a pain she could not help. She hasn't seen her mother in about a month, her father spends three-quarters of his time at the school, Dean-ing and the other quarter, trying and failing to make normal, not-awkward conversation with his daughters. And Lizzie, is, well, Lizzie. Hasn't been doing anything specific to make Josie's life terrible, and yet her presence feels suffocating in a way that weighs on Josie's conscience most of the time.
All in all, a clusterfuck.
And that was why she made her way to this tiny room on the topmost floor of the school building, and was sitting, alone, staring at the door. Being the daughter to the Dean may not have a lot of benefits, but it did mean that she had keys and access to most of the rooms in the building, places where she could just sit and chill in peace. With no one around to bug her.
With no one around to bug her.
With no one around to bug her.
"Yes, I heard you, Josie," Penelope says, head still poking through the just opened door "Be hard not to, what with you saying it thrice."
"Three is a very significant number, isn't it?" she replies "You wanna summon Bloody Mary, say her name thrice. You think Satan goes away if you repeat "Fuck Off" three times?"
She feels bad almost as soon as she says it. These days, she has been feeling more out of control than ever, especially around her ex-girlfriend. Her heart has started tap dancing again every time she sees her around; she's started to look for Penelope in every room she walks into, like reflex. It's been bugging her, because it reminds her of the initial days of their courtship, when life was all shy smiles and red cheeks. She thought it had been getting better, the trying to get over her ex part, and now it's all screwed up again. It's like a fucked up game, where she takes one step forward, and then Penelope walks into her vision, and her heart pulls her about five steps nearer to her.
The worst part of it all, the part that she's afraid to admit to herself, is that she isn't even sure what winning looks like anymore.
She's brought back to the real world by Penelope, who laughs.
"Your comebacks are getting better, JoJo," she points out, walking in like she owns the room, and sitting next to Josie "Been practicing, have you?"
Josie opens her mouth to reply, then closes it back again, suddenly feeling, exhausted "Penelope, I….am really not in the mood."
Penelope nods, her eyes turning serious "I know. That's why I'm not here to bug you."
"Then why are you here?"
She considers that question for a while, tilting her head slightly so her dark hair falls into her eyes, and Josie tamps down the urge to brush it off her face "That's a…long story? I noticed that you weren't eating at lunch today, and considering you have your breakfast really early in the morning, you always have a heavy lunch because you're so hungry by lunchtime. Your not eating lunch properly meant you were either sick, or had had coffee in the break, which you only have when you haven't slept well at night. And I know what you sleep like, Josie, it takes something really terrible to ruin your mood enough to ruin your sleep cycle. Ergo, you were in a bad mood."
"I'm worried you're stalking me," Josie replies, after a full minute of staring at her with what she assumes is a very gobsmacked expression on her own face, because she has no idea why someone would care enough to notice these stupid insignificant things about her.
"I don't need to, JoJo," Penelope answers, eyes soft, like she knows what she actually meant to say "You're just, really, really obvious."
"I am?"
"Yeah," the girl shifts beside her, pulls a packet of M&Ms out of her jacket and hands it to her "Like the fact that these are the only things that bring you any peace if you're upset."
Josie opens the packet on autopilot, and pops one into her mouth.
"Well, this and," Penelope fidgets again, and continues looking away "A hug from yours truly."
And God, Josie wants to. She wants to fall into her ex's arms like the last six months never happened, she wants to bury her head in Penelope's hair and surround herself with the sweet fruity scent of her shampoo, wants to feel her pulse beating in her throat against her lips. She wants to feel her arms around her, just the right amount of tight enough to make her feel like home. She wants to never leave again.
It is that last thought that has her shaking her head, eyes fighting against the sudden, sharp prick of tears "I can't, Pen. I can't."
Penelope nods, sharply and moves her hand over her hair, smoothing it down (Josie knows it is to hide her own tears, and feels an ache in her chest, again) "Okay. Okay. No worries."
"Um, although," she continues "Would it be okay if I held your hand? Only if you're okay with it, I don't want you to feel pressured or anything."
Josie closes her eyes, tired of having to fight her own heart all the time, and holds out her hand. Penelope gently takes it in hers, and threads her fingers through hers, pressing tightly once, twice, and then letting their entwined hands stay between them. Josie doesn't know how much time passes, but she starts feeling lighter and lighter, as the room starts darkening. Penelope sits beside her the entire time, a solid force.
She isn't ready for a hug just yet, but the hand holding hers feels like one, just the same, and for the first time in a long time, Josie is content.