It's Raining Naked Men

Harry Potter Fanfic

by EC and Shanchan

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Authors Notes:

First off, the disclaimer: we don't own the character and so we're not taking credit for their creation. PLEASE don't hurt us. Secondly, we take credit for all the insanity that occurs in this story. If you steal our ideas, we'll strip you naked, gut you like a fish, and pulverize your intestines and bury it underneath our octopus tree. And Finally, THANK YOU FOR READING OUR LITTLE STORY. If you give us FEEDBACK, we'll LOVE YOU forever!

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Chapter 2

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Hermione and Ron only had time to look up stupidly at the entering and departing Harry, Hermione still groping Crookshanks' chest. Only when the boy's dormitory door snapped shut did Crookshanks suddenly seem to come to his senses, shrugging awkwardly free of his owner's loose grip. He licked his hand and smoothed his saliva across his cheek in an oddly catlike motion before seeming to realize Ron was still staring at him in confused horror.

"I'm FREE!" A deep male voice cried from the transformed Crookshanks' throat and he flung himself at Ron, kissing him full on the lips.

"YUCK! GET 'IM OFF! GET 'IM OFF!" Ron cried, desperately trying to get free from Crookshanks' deathgrip. "I'M NOT BLOODY GAY YOU RUDDY-!"

"Crookshanks?" Hermione asked timidly, her eyes focused solely on the man whom was trying to molest Ron. "Is that you?"

Crookshanks turned around to focus his gaze on Hermione, but he was pulled along as Ron angrily turned about in vane attempts to shake him off. Rather then achieve his goal, however, Ron simply came off as looking like an earthworm squirming on the ground.

"GET 'IM OFF ME HERMIONE! WHAT ARE YOU BLOODY WAITING FOR?" Ron screamed at her.

"You're an…animagus?" She asked in shock, completely ignoring Ron and Crookshanks' lack of reply.

"Mm…Yes… sorta… once this is over with," Crookshanks said and tried to purr, but only ended up making a gurgling sound.

"Ron let him go so he can explain what's going on," Hermione said patronizingly, rolling her eyes.

"I'M NOT THE ONE BLOODY HOLDING ONTO HIM!" Ron shouted angrily, still squirming.

"You're going to wake the entire House with that racquet," Seamus came down the stairs and surveyed the scene passively. "Do any of you know what's wrong with Harry?" He asked. "He's up there in the room rocking back and forth in a corner…"

"SEAMUS—GET HIM OFF ME!" Ron tried to cry for help from the newcomer.

Seamus blinked in surprise when he seemed to finally realize that there was an unknown person who had seemed to wrap himself up around Ron like a living coat. "When did YOU finally get a boyfriend, Ron?" Seamus asked with a knowing smirk. "Or is he Hermione's and she's just willing to share?"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Hermione snapped angrily. Luckily, Ron was too busy trying to save his virginity to hear what Seamus had just said.

"Oh," Seamus said a bit fearfully, immediately backing down. No one ever crossed a royally pissed off Hermione—Malfoy had learned that the hard way. "Nothing, just that it's a bit of a running joke since he hasn't asked you out and all…"

He took one look at the expression of displeasure on Hermione's face and decided to make a run for it, bolting back up the stairs. "I think I'll go join Harry in that corner, just came to tell you in case you wanted to do something about it—you all being best mates and all—."

"The nerve!" Hermione huffed after Seamus had left, and turned back to Ron. She glowered at the scene that met her eyes. Crookshanks was rubbing his face against Ron's ignoring the disgusted looks Ron was giving him, but besides this Ron seemed to have given up on trying to disentangle himself from the onetime cat. "Unbelievable!" She said angrily.

With that, she strode over to the duo and pulled them apart. She pushed Ron away, giving him an angry look and took Crookshanks' hand.

"Thanks Hermione," Ron said, sounding extremely relieved.

"Oh no you don't!" Hermione said, frowning angrily. "Of all the unbelievable things Ron—what were you THINKING making a scene like that!"

"What was I THINKING?" Ron said just as angrily back. "WHAT WAS I THINKING? I WAS TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM THAT RUDDY—RUDDY THING! THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING! DO YOU THINK I ENJOY BEING KISSED BY A GUY LET ALONG BY A GUY WHO USED TO BE A RUDDY CAT, ESPECIALLY YOUR RUDDY CAT? WELL I DON'T!"

"WELL YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE EGGED POOR CROOKSHANKS ON!" Hermione shouted equally loud back and then said soothingly to the cat. "Isn't that right Crookshanks?" She cooed. "You were just a bit confused that's all…it isn't easy turning into a human after being a cat for so long. Ignore Ron-everyone else does most of the time anyway."

"Hey!" Ron protested, but was mostly completely taken aback with shock that Hermione had interpreted the events that had just happened in such a distorted way. Crookshanks looked at Hermione in slight confusion, and gave Ron a slightly woeful look, which he returned with a glare. "What's your problem anyway?" He asked gruffly, directly addressing the cat.

Hermione shot him another glare and then phrased the question in a nicer way. "Why didn't you reveal to us that you are an animagus before, Crookshanks?"

Crookshanks shrugged, "It's not my fault. I was cursed. I don't have control over my animagus abilities; not until the curse is over… Damn that Tom. He was hot too!"

"What do you mean Crookshanks?" Hermione asked, completely ignoring the fact that her cat was not only human but one with quite an erection. "Are you telling me some guy named Tom cursed you?"

"AREN'T YOU AT ALL STARTLED THAT YOUR CAT JUST TURNED INTO SOME HORNY GAY HUMAN!" Ron screamed, scrambling up before Crookshanks could jump him. Again.

Hermione gave Ron a blank look, "Why should I be startled?"

Ron gaped at her, shook his head, and stormed upstairs, slamming the door close behind him.

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Ron paused in telling the story when he heard someone clear their throat. "Yes?" He questioned, trying to pinpoint who was about to ask him a question.

"I'm very sorry to interrupt," Luna Lovegood said in her characteristically slow voice from across the room. "But…this all seems a bit farfetched to me. I mean, we all know of Crookshanks, Hermione's cat who has been with us for many years now…but a cat turning into a human?"

From the table that held mostly friends, Remus could be seen placing a hand on Rylee's leg to calm him down. Harry shifted uncomfortably at his podium, trying to figure out how to form an answer to Luna's question. Ron had a bewildered look on his face. No one who had heard the story before had ever thought they would be questioned on the validity of it…

Hermione merely smiled calmly. "It's no more farfetched then any of the articles in your newspaper Luna, and believe me…all of this really happened. Perhaps I can offer you a bit of proof after we're done telling this story?"

"Proof would be nice," Luna conceded, completely ignoring Hermione's attempt at jabbing her pride by bringing up the Quibbler.

"Alright…so if I can continue," Ron said, but Hermione interrupted him now.

"I think, if you don't mind, I'd like to take a turn at this," She said with a smile. Ron smiled back and her and nodded for her to continue. "If I'm not mistaken I'm alone with Crookshanks at this point…"

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Authors Notes:

WHEEEEEEEE! Another chappie! Please review! Pweeze?

Oh, and I'm uploading this tonight b/c EC's busy. We'll try to get more chapters out… once school starts and we fall into a pattern. Sorry for taking so long. China was a blast. Lol! Enjoy!

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