Written for: [Harry Potter Pick Up Lines Challenge #8]; [scrumptiousinternetllama's Founders era prompts: (Object) The Sorting Hat and ron prompts: "You are absolutely infuriating; you do know that, right?"] [loveneverdies chapter title prompt: #77 Breaking the Rules] [Song for this chapter: Black Cherry - Goldfrapp - seriously listen to this song it's amazing]

Thanks to notsing, banzi, scrumptiousinternetllama, ladyarturia, guest, ksouza3, and guest (thanks so much!) for reviewing!

Warning: tacky medieval twang, puns and some innuendo. Sorry to any real medieval people if I got your dialect completely wrong, sorry I'm trying!

3.

Knight and Bad Puns Offend the Lady

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"I told you no Ron."

"But thee art faire..." he says in a painfully bad medieval twang.

"Absolutely not."

"C'mon, don't you like it just a little?" He kisses her down her neck. Completely drunk off the four butterbeers they shared after they arrived back at their flat. His neatly pressed suit now has wrinkles in it (and the perfectly made, hand-knotted tie she did up for him is a loose collection of knots around his neck). "Don't you liketh it just a little?" he asks more drunkenly than ever.

"Not one farthing." She tugs at his short hair, slipping her fingers through the soft dark red silky strands.

"If you were wearing a corset, I'd rip it off you," he murmurs in between nips at her collarbone.

She should really pull his hair, give it a great big yank that'll make him scream in pain. Because he's being a prat...but she enjoys Ron Weasley's hair, and even his drunken dirty talk, a bit too much. She smirks for a second before quipping (and it's partly due to the two butterbeers she drank herself that she lacks in better judgment). "Tis a terrible thing to destroyeth a lady's corset."

He grins against her lips. "Oh, now you are getting into it."

"You are a very bad influence."

He chuckles and hoists her onto the marble table top of their kitchen counter. "Now that is true. It was after all, me and Harry who first got you to break rules..."

"Yes and that was ever such a long time ago..." she says, her eyes closed and trying not to shudder as Ron does things to her body that shouldn't even be legal. Because they feel so good. She slips off her heels as her legs dangle over the edge of the counter.

Ron grabs one of her feet and massages the ankle, rotating it in his hands, easing out the stress of every nerve with his soft warm hands. "But I taught you much more than Harry ever did..."

"You really get an ego, Ronald Weasley, when you're piss drunk." She bites her lips and leans back, relaxing her shoulders. "But yes, I don't think Harry would've ever have suggested I take up wearing corsets or learn how to—"

"Don't say it," he silences her with his hands going down the zipper of her dress. "Tis too filthy to be spoken by a lady."

"Oh honestly, it was you who—"

"I know and very sorry I ever suggested something so crude."

"It wasn't actually that bad." She grabs that ridiculous tie she made him wear and finally tosses it out for good.

"No?" He leans in, hands either side of her thighs.

"You just suggested it at the wrong time, and honestly, I'm not really into experimenting right now.."

"And then you complain that I'm not romantic...or inventive," he tries to say in between nibbling her ear, and his kisses are sloppy and wet. She shudders as Ron's warm tongue flicks against the shell of her inner ear.

"More infuriating, than unromantic." She holds back a laugh. "Bloody maddening."

"Who would've guessed?" he mumbles as he throws his jacket off.

"Yes, who would have guessed, Ronald Weasley is a complete.."

"...maniac..."

"Maniac is not the word. More outrageous."

"Well, the Sorting Hat placed me in Gryffindor. I think it's because like Godric himself, I too have an impressive sword."

She screams as he throws her over his shoulder and, bad pun aside, he's not actually half-bad. For a drunken amorous knight. And his lady.

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A/n: The line "Well, the Sorting Hat placed me in Gryffindor. I think it's because like Godric himself, I too have an impressive sword." is one of the Harry Potter pickup line prompts from screamingfaeries Harry Potter Pick Up Lines Challenge! Thanks to her for running this writing challenge and I hope somebody liked this bit of fluff :-)