Okay, so a giant thanks to everybody who reviewed this. I love all of you to death. Also, this hasn't been proofread because I'm exhausted so feel free to point out any mistakes for me to fix.
As she turned the cool metal key in the lock she couldn't help but think that her life didn't turn out as expected, not at all. Only minutes before she had effectively told the guy whom she once thought she'd be marrying to piss off, while simultaneously defending her boyfriend, Richard Castle. Life had definitely thrown in a hell of a lot of surprises; twists and turns just like the suspenseful plots of her favorite books. And yet, she loved her life now. She embraced the routine she'd settled into, nights with his family, quiet dinners alone, working by his side everyday doing something they both cared about, had a passion for, it was almost too good to be true. But it had taken them a while to get there, a lot of misunderstandings and awkward moments before they'd finally gotten over the fear and the insecurity. Placing her phone on the kitchen counter, but not before texting Rick to say she was going to be a little late, she headed for the shower. Peeling her clothes off as she crossed the apartment, the smell of frozen sweat piercing the air as she lifted her shirt off of her body. And then, just as she was about to shut the bathroom door, she heard the familiar melody of her phone ringing, an alert that someone needed to talk to her. She immediately began to close the door again; it was probably just him, but what if it was the precinct? She was on call tonight, so the captain might call if something came up. Half closing the door about a hundred times before finally deciding, she walked back over to her phone.
"Beckett." If the night kept going the way it was she was never getting over to Rick's.
"Hello, is this Katherine Beckett?" The voice was an unfamiliar one, unmistakably female. With such a formal greeting her heart began to race, eyes immediately widening.
"Yes, this is she." She tried to hear any and every sound in the background, any clues that would give away where the call was coming from, but all she could hear was the shuffling of papers.
"I'm sorry to inform you Ms. Beckett, but your father has passed away." And just like that, her world imploded.
"What? I mean, how? Oh my god!" She could feel the tears streaming down her face, she was sure the mystery woman on the other side could hear them, but she didn't care. All she wanted was her father, she wanted to go to a baseball game with him, she longed for the days when he'd come home from work and they'd watch TV, she wanted to spend Thanksgiving with him, Rick and Alexis. Rick was supposed to meet him on Thanksgiving, now her father would never get the chance to see the man who'd made her so happy.
"He was hit by a taxi earlier today, died of a subdural hematoma, or bleeding in the brain. The man who called the ambulance said he was reading a newspaper and stopped short in the street, he just stood there and kept saying 'Katie! Pregnant?' Again, I'm sorry, I really am." She couldn't speak, her throat had suddenly gone completely dry, she couldn't force any sounds out.
"Thank you." She choked it out after a few minutes, but anything more than that would be too much.
So, to save herself from more conversation, she hung up the phone and promptly dropped it to the ground. It wasn't too long before she followed, crumbling onto her floor while the tears now freely flowed. Just a week ago they'd spoken on the phone, he was cheerful, said he'd be happy to come to Thanksgiving at Rick's apartment. She thought about all the moments she wouldn't share with him, everything she could've done differently in order to somehow save him. That's when it hit her, the woman she still didn't know the name of had said before her father had died, it still took her breath away to even think it, he'd said something about her being pregnant while reading a newspaper. The tabloids, shit. She all but flew to her computer, typing Kate Beckett pregnancy into the search bar, and what came up almost had her crying again. The first article was from the Daily News, accompanying a picture of her and Rick was the headline Real Life Nikki Heat Pregnant. After reading the first few sentences she began to only skim it, she still wasn't used to having her life, especially the parts related to whom she was dating, displayed on page six for the world to read. But there it was, there she was on that page, the page that had gotten her father killed. A new wave of tears consumed her as the computer screen blurred, salty droplets hindering her vision.
She could hear the buzzing of her phone on the wood floor; she just couldn't bring herself to answer it. She knew it was him again; calling for the twenty-seventh time, she'd counted. He'd probably worked himself into a frenzy, worry and fear flooding his body, but she just couldn't bring herself to make the trip over to the phone. It was now 11:00; far past the time she'd told him she'd be at his apartment for dinner. But she couldn't answer, even if she wanted to. She'd made her decision, and now she had to live with the consequences. It was the right thing to do; she'd ultimately decided it was for the best. She couldn't ignore the fact that in some way, at some point, everybody left her. She could deny it all she wanted but in the end it was a fact of her life, everyone important to her disappeared. She had to do this; she had to protect herself before she got in too deep.
Hell, she was already in love with him but if she kept going like she was then she'd just fall for him more each day, then she couldn't back out in time, she wouldn't be able to walk away before he did. And that would mean an unimaginable amount of pain, a kind of pain she didn't want to deal with. She was going to be happier this way, sure she wasn't at all happy right now, but with time the wounds would heal. No, they wouldn't heal completely, she knew that she loved him enough for this ache never to cease, but they'd dull until she'd learned to deal with it. Her phone buzzed again and she jumped up, ready to answer, until she forced herself back down. No, it can't happen, stay strong. She'd be better off this way; he was only going to end up leaving her. Her mantra was repeated until the phone ceased the vibrating, saying it over and over in her head. But just as soon as it ended it started up again, the phone beginning to writhe around on the floor for the thirty-first time, she was still counting. Sure, he cared now, but what about six months down the road, a year, ten years? She didn't know what would happen then, and that's what scared her the most. Everybody left her eventually, why should he be any different? No, she couldn't let him in any further. She had to push him back out, out of her heart and out of her life.
Steeling herself she picked herself up off of the couch, grabbing her jacket and heading for the door. It was now or never, she was sure that if she allowed herself to believe that maybe, just maybe, he might be different she'd never do it, and it needed to be done. Just like that, Fortress Beckett was rebuilt to it's former glory, towering high and intimidating all that tried to even sneak a peek at her heart. She headed for the elevator before she stopped and changed directions, heading for the stairs, the elevator was too slow and she needed to do it before she could stop herself. She couldn't let her feelings affect her, even if they were of love, she had been so good at squelching what she felt before, why was it so hard now? But by the time she entered the cab, giving the driver Rick's address, she'd fallen back into her old routine, sacrificing her own happiness in order to protect herself. She had to send their relationship crashing and burning, because if she didn't, at some point he would, and if she kept falling deeper and deeper in love with him, she was sure that she wouldn't survive the aftermath.
And the angst hasn't even begun yet. So, review? I'm sure that all of you have something to say about this, don't even try and deny it.