Chapter 3 - Surprises
The hours were terrible, most of the work was either repetitive, dirty or both and she spent a lot less time doing "nature" things than she was hoping to. Even the job of forest ranger was somewhat romanticized, she thought. I spend more time cleaning toilets and picking up trash than helping kids learn about nature. At least the kids were being fed nature-related messages through other means. The movie "Avatar" had done amazingly well, grossing over $2.6 billion worldwide. When she'd gone, she swore she heard children crying as Hometree fell. There was definitely cheering when the RDA's shuttle exploded instead of bombing the Tree of Souls, and someone actually applauded when Neytiri took Quaritch down.
Sigh. At least thinking about Pandora made cleaning bathrooms easier. Someone had decided to miss the toilet, requiring use of the truck-mounted hose. If the human race couldn't even do number two correctly, there really wasn't much hope left.
"Hey Lauren!" Steven's voice jolted her back to reality. "I found a knife, or something!" People left all sorts of strange stuff in the Forest Preserves. They were, as one Ranger had cynically observed, "the backyard you never have to clean up." Everything from food containers to pots, pans, knives and in one case pornographic magazines had been found in Forest Preserves. In a typical day, it was considered unusual if none of the cleanup teams found a used condom in a parking lot.
Running over to where Steven was standing, she stared goggle-eyed at the huge implement in his hands. "Whoa, that's no knife! That has to be, a foot and a half long!" The only time she'd seen oversized knives like these were on cooking shows. Steven was still talking "… best costume ever, or something that seriously doesn't belong here."
Lauren looked up. And fell backward.
"Is…is this yours?" Steven was inquiring of a very large, woman-like blue creature. And if Lauren didn't know better, she'd swear this, this thing had walked straight out of the IMAX theater on Route 35.
"I..I did not mean to frighten you." The blue woman was talking now. And sounded strangely familiar. Again harkening back to the IMAX on Route 35. "Yes, this does belong to me. I woke up here and do not know why or how I came to be here." "Well then," Steven replied, "Welcome to Earth." Steven had to reach up to offer his hand. It was Neytiri's turn to recoil in shock. Everything she'd seen pointed to this being a planet controlled by humans, but Earth? Earth was dead, brown and lifeless. And yet the small brown animal, the noisy feathered ones, they lived. The trees were alive, though why the leaves were not green was puzzling. Perhaps something humans did to them.
Neytiri slowly took Steven's hand. She remembered when Jake had first been brought to Hometree, how he'd offered his hand in a similar way to Eytukan only to set off a storm of consternation among the Omaticaya. This must be some kind of human greeting, similar to Oel ngati kameie. Speaking of which…
"Oel ngati kameie." The female human, Lauren, spoke the language, or at least that phrase from it. This only added to Neytiri's confusion. Neytiri started to reply, but before she could more than open her mouth Lauren cut her off. "If you are who I think you are, I'm going to save you the trouble and say that's all I know."
"What do you mean, 'who you think I am'?" Neytiri continued "Have we been introduced before?"
"You're Neytiri, right? The tsahik-to be? At least that's what 'Avatar' says." Steven knew he was risking either coming across as insulting, or worse yet sounding like a complete moron. Having seen the movie "Avatar" roughly once a week since its release, Steven was much more well-versed in both Na'vi and "Avatar" in general than Lauren. However, like many of the "Avatards" (so dubbed by the media) or "Pandorians" as they referred to themselves in places like the Avatar Forums, he kept his fascination with Pandora to himself.
"How do you know who I am? Or about tsahik?" Neytiri was really confused now-this is Earth, but it is green and animals roam free. By Jake's description, this should not be. Yet the humans here know (some) Na'vi and at least a small amount about our tribes. How does this work, Neytiri wondered.
Steven responded, "There's this movie called 'Avatar' that chronicles the story of a guy name Jake who gets shipped off to a planet called Pandora. Jake's in a wheelchair, but he gets to control one of these bodies so he can walk again. He ends up meeting one of the natives, a Na'vi named Neytiri. He was originally sent to convince the Na'vi to move, but starts to change his mind. He tells the tribe, the Omaticaya, of his original mission. Real dumb, in my opinion. Neytiri and the rest of the tribe get pissed at him, kick him out and are about to kill him when the humans show up. They burn Hometree to the ground. Jake and some of his friends steal a link chamber after escaping from the human base. Jake becomes Toruk Makto, is accepted by the Omaticaya again, and the RDA gets its ass handed to it on a plate by Pandora's wildlife. Then Jake kicks them off the planet." He finished, having told the entire story in one breath. "It's too bad the Thanator died though" Steven continued. "Total tactics FAIL-you don't rush a guy with a knife." "Sorry" he adds, realizing he'd just told Neytiri that she "failed." "I'm sure you were angry and…" Neytiri stopped him. "Please. Slow down, I am having a difficult time understanding what you are saying." She continued "Are you saying that what happened to us, to me, that you know about it?"
"Oh man. Boy do we know, or we think we know anyway. Listen, there are whole books about it. And websites. Lots of websites. In fact…"
Neytiri playfully punched him. "Skxawng. What did I just tell you?"
"Oh right. Sorry." Steven pulled out his cell phone. "I don't even know if 'pics or it didn't happen' works here…Lauren, can you…" Lauren took the sleek iPhone out of Steven's hand. She'd wanted one for a while, but that wasn't happening. Not on a Ranger paycheck. Even though she had money, investments only grew if you left them alone, not if you constantly spent them. Steven jumped up onto the table behind Neytiri. The click came as Neytiri was half-turned toward the camera. Lauren turned to Steven. "Okay, my turn." The process repeated, except Neytiri was fully facing the camera in Lauren's picture. "You stink, your picture is better than mine" Steven complained. "Oh well, here we go!" Steven tapped his iPhone. "No! Wait! Don't…" but it was too late. Lauren's protests came too slow. Steven uploaded the picture to his Facebook account. Then to Avatar-Forums. Before he'd even finished making a post on the forums, his phone notified him he had a new Facebook notification.
"lol nice shop. i almost thought neytiri was standing in the middle of heron lake fp."
"Oh Sarah, if only you were here" he thought. Sarah was another seasonal employee of the Forest Preserve District. Steven was kind of crushing on her, kind of not, but in any case he never talked about Avatar in front of her. Pretty girls didn't talk about Avatar, or so he thought.
Ding.
"and aren't you at work now? how did you do that?"
Steven finished his post. They're going to either think I'm crazy or try to figure out where I live. Seven more comments had appeared on Steven's Facebook. He didn't bother reading them-Lauren would probably be annoyed enough with his internet surfing.
"Steven. STEVEN!" Lauren was, in fact, annoyed. But not for the reason he thought. "You do realize, if this is as real as it seems, there's going to be a royal mess hitting here real quick. The government, the Avatar fans, and practically anyone with a pulse will be descending on this county!"
"Oops. Hadn't thought of that. But this is so awesome! Hopefully they'll write it off as Photoshop."
"Let's just hope" Lauren replied.
A hundred computer keyboards began clacking madly across the world.