Wow, you, my friends, are lovely. 16 follows in just about 24 hours. I'm glad you like it.
Well, keep reading my lovelies. My head is just bursting with words.
"Sakura," Tsunade tried to approach her apprentice quietly and carefully, "I think it's time to give up." Sakura's eyes flashed and she glared at her teacher.
"Don't you dare say that," her voice was low and dangerous. "Her heart's still beating. It's not time to give up yet," she said sharply. Tsunade was taken aback. She couldn't force Sakura away, she knew that was true. Sakura would fight her to her last breath and she knew this wasn't the time. "I'm not going to take three people away from him," she added softly. The heartbreak in her voice was what made Tsunade walk quickly to the little body, rolling up her sleeves.
"What do you need?" she asked, voice clipped. She didn't usually do this. Hell, she never did this. Her student needed her though or else she would continue to work until she collapsed where she stood.
"She isn't getting enough oxygen, but there's internal bleeding that's more important that I work on," Sakura answered immediately. Tsunade went to work on the baby's lungs, helping the girl breath easily. Her breathing was only labored because she had the internal bleeding. She needed oxygen, though, or her brain would shut down and this would all be for nothing.
Sakura and Tsunade were silent as Sakura worked. The baby girl wasn't under sedation, but the older woman was quite sure she didn't feel pain. Sakura was good at what she did. The girl's stomach was cut open and Sakura was working on fixing the veins that were causing the internal bleeding. She had been doing this for a while, three hours to be exact, and she had also been helping the baby breathe. Sakura just wouldn't give up.
Tsunade watched Sakura work for hours, stitching tiny veins together and healing damaged organs. There was so much wrong with the baby girl, but Sakura wasn't willing to give up.
"Sakura," Tsunade said sharply.
"No," she answered defiantly.
"Switch."
Sakura looked up at her in surprise for a quick moment before nodding and switching jobs with the older woman. She was low on chakra, but she hadn't about to give up. She had come too far to give up now and Tsunade knew that. The baby would be fine now with a couple more minutes. It was just her heart that needed help and Tsunade knew Sakura was too low on chakra to be able to complete it. She was too exhausted to be able to focus properly. Tsunade had no doubt Sakura could do it, but she could too and she had more than enough chakra left.
"There," Tsunade breathed, standing back. The baby girl was tired, but she let a weak, hungry cry. "She'll have to be quarantined for a couple weeks, just to make sure she won't get sick, but she'll be fine." Sakura nodded lethargically. "Go, Sakura. I know there are other things you have to do, but I'll take care of the baby." Sakura nodded.
She still had to write up the report of what happened. She had to tell the husband that his wife had died in childbirth, but they had saved one of the twins. The other had been stillborn. She had to make her rounds before she could go and finish her paperwork. She had already been at the hospital for ten hours, but she had the day off tomorrow. She could keep going.
She walked into the waiting room and found the husband rather easily.
"So?" he was up the moment she approached him. "Are they all okay?" He was a civilian male and didn't do much with shinobi around the village. He had never had a loss and her heart was sinking with what she had to tell him. She couldn't hesitate, though. She was a doctor.
"I'm sorry, but your wife has passed away. One of the twins didn't make it and the other baby girl was severely traumatized by the birth. Another doctor and I worked on her and she has to be quarantined for a couple weeks to keep her from getting sick. She'll be okay and you can see her. You just can't hold her." The man was crying.
"Did you try and save my wife? What about my other child?" he wasn't angry, not at all, but he was severely upset. He was fishing for information and Sakura knew it. She had to give it to him, though.
"We tried our best, but the second twin was stillborn and your wife's heart gave out soon after. We could not resuscitate her. I'm sorry," she was speaking in her clipped doctor's tone, but that was only to save face. She couldn't start crying in front of him. She was the one that had to be calm and softly supportive.
"Thank you," was all he said. He was calming down, she supposed, but she couldn't see how he'd be alright.
"Go see your daughter," Sakura said softly, gently taking hold of his arm and leading him to the front desk. "She needs you." The man nodded and she smiled thinly before walking away. She still had too much to do.
She settled in her office for a while and calmly began the report on the matter. She ignored her feelings and the overwhelming sadness and anger that was threatening to swallow her up. She pushed it away and shoved it down. She would get to that later. It would come back up, but when she wasn't busy and she knew it. How would she survive the night?
As the first baby was birthed, it was obvious she would not survive outside the womb. She did not cry and did not open her eyes. She died a few moments later.
She had lied to the man. The first baby had breathed a few breaths outside the womb, but she could not bear to tell him that she had. It was already terrible he lost two people; she could not bear to tell him that she hadn't died beforehand. It was a small mercy. She had found it would soothe the people a little more and they didn't see the report. Those were only for the hospital. The baby would not be given a birth or death certificate, either. The baby had not been alive for more than a few seconds. The hospital didn't issue things like that unless the baby had been alive for more than five minutes.
Just as the second twin was born, breathing and crying, the patient went into cardiac arrest. Attempts to resuscitate failed. The second twin had major internal bleeding and damaged organs. Doctor Haruno and Lady Tsunade treated the baby. She is now in intensive care, under quarantine for two weeks.
Sakura finished writing her report and sighed. She wouldn't look at this one again, didn't want to. She tucked it into the file and put it away inside her filing cabinet. This was only for her records. It would be brought out if another doctor needed the case or Tsunade wanted to look over it. She stretched and picked up a change of clothes she often kept around. Hers were soaked with blood, including the labcoat. They were destined for the garbage.
The other nurses and doctors seemed to be mildly surprised when she made her rounds. Did they not expect her to be around still? She had things to do, she wasn't about to go home. She didn't make much small talk with her patients, but they didn't seem to mind. It was about nine-thirty at night. Most were sleeping anyways. She finished and walked back to her office.
Her paperwork wasn't too bad tonight, but there was still quite a bit of it. She had to add notes to her patients' files of how they were doing that day. She had to file away who was discharged during the day and look over the last checkup a nurse had performed. Nothing seemed too wrong and she was glad. She could only imagine having to call someone back to the hospital at ten at night because a nurse had fucked up.
Finally, when the clock was nearing eleven, she shut the last file away. She took a quick look over her office, making sure everything was neat, and walked out the door. She didn't take the window tonight. She didn't want to. She was so exhausted, so sad, so mixed up inside. She didn't have it in her to stick the landing tonight.
"Goodbye Sakura," some of the night nurses waved goodbye at her. She didn't answer, only nodded in whoever's direction when they spoke to her. She made her way slowly along the streets of her home, coming to her building a mere ten minutes later. It should have only taken five, but she was way too tired for that.
She got into the shower when she got into her apartment. She washed vigorously, trying to wash the scent of blood and death from her skin and her hair. She used about half of her shampoo and nearly an entire bottle of body wash. This is what always happened when someone died on her. She washed and washed, trying to get the stench of them off her, but it clung to her for days.
She collapsed at her bed, but couldn't sleep. She was so, so tired, but couldn't close her eyes. She could only stare at the ceiling. It was too quiet. The room was too dark. She felt so very alone. She heard her whimpers, felt the tears and the sobs, but didn't quite realize it was herself until the pain hit her. She curled herself into a ball and cried, sputtering and whimpering as she did. She didn't want to be alone, not right now, but here she was.
She wiped her eyes and padded softly to her door. She climbed the stairs quietly and softly, standing before Shisui's door for a long five minutes. She just stared at the white painted wood, her hand resting lightly on the doorknob. She knew it was open. Shisui rarely locked the door when he was home. She just fought with herself for a long time, tears fighting past her eyelids all the while. She finally opened the door.
It was dark and quiet on the other side, but she knew he was here. He was asleep by now, but she didn't want to be alone. She couldn't be alone right now. She shut the door quietly behind her and walked through the apartment. She couldn't even flare her chakra to let him know she was there. She had so little, he probably didn't even know that she was there.
His bedroom door was open and the soft light of the TV filtered into the hallway. She stood on the threshold for a long moment, tears still sliding down her cheeks, watching him sleep for a little while. She didn't want to wake him. She really didn't. She needed someone, anyone, though, and he was the easiest to access. She slowly made her way across the room and pulled back the covers, sliding into bed.
"Sak?" Shisui mumbled sleepily, sitting up and staring down at her. "Hey, Sak, what's wrong?" he was fully alert in the next minute after noticing she was crying. He pulled her into his arms and pressed her face into his shoulder, brushing the tears away that he could reach. "Shh, shh, little baby, what's wrong?" he cooed. That didn't seem to help. More tears, coming faster by the second, soaked into his shirt. He reached for her waist and pulled her onto his lap, his arms tight around her.
"I've been at the hospital all day," she whispered, voice hoarse from all her crying. She didn't look at him and he only ran his fingers through her hair soothingly. "A woman came in and she was going into premature labor. She and one of the twin girls died. Tsunade and I worked over the other twin for four hours before she was okay."
"Why'd you work so hard on her?" Shisui asked, holding her tighter. Sakura was obviously upset because she'd lost two people today instead of none. Sakura never dealt with deaths well. She was still so innocent even though she'd been subjected to death since she was a child.
"I couldn't take all of his family away," she sniffled, burying her face in his chest. He only tightened his hold on her. "She was still breathing and her heart was still beating. I wasn't going to give up on her," she said softly, her voice just a tiny little thing that Shisui could hardly hear.
"Sak, you're a good doctor," he said softly, still stroking her hair. "Don't ever forget that." She seemed to have calmed down some. She had. She just wanted a hug and Shisui always let her when she needed it. She was feeling better just from his touch. His soft words helped too, she couldn't deny, but the feeling of his arms around her and his body below her was a greater comfort.
"Can I sleep?" she asked, rubbing her cheek on his chest.
"How could I say no when you're being so cute?" he asked cheekily. He managed to get a thin smile from her. "Come on, here we go," he said softly. He slowly slid back down in his bed, lying down. She went easily enough and didn't complain when he turned on his side, pulling her close. He kissed the top of her head. "It'll be okay, Sak, you saved one instead of none. That's more than anyone else could do."
"I should have been able to save them all," she said dejectedly.
"You aren't a god, so don't try playing one," he said, tightening his arms around her in a hug. She was molded to his body, pressing harshly against him. She needed it. He didn't mind, not at all. "We all wish we could be, you know. You saved him some pain, and that's enough. Don't beat yourself up about it," even though he said it, he knew she still would. That's just how Sakura was. She could beat herself up about things out of her control.
"I know," she said quietly. He knew she was just saying it to make him feel at ease. That's just how she was.
"You sound and look exhausted, Sak. I didn't even notice your chakra in the apartment. How low are you?"
"Extremely," she answered, forcing her body to relax and her head to fall on Shisui's chest. "And I have to go spar in the morning!" she groaned. Shisui rolled his eyes.
"Cancel for once."
"I can't. This one's with Sasuke, Naruto, and Itachi. You can come with me if you want. I don't mind." She only offered as an afterthought, but she didn't really mind Shisui tagging along. He was funny and offered a pretty good challenge when he got into it.
"Of course, I'll follow you anywhere," he said with mock gallantry. "Go to sleep now, Sak, I'll still be here in the morning," he assured her. She nodded tiredly and her cheek didn't move from his shoulder after. He rubbed his hand over her back until he heard her breathing turn slow. She wouldn't wake for a while, even if he moved, but he didn't try to disentangle himself from her. He settled into his pillows and closed his own eyes.
"She's not usually late; we should go check on her!" Naruto yelled arms over his chest. He and Sasuke were worried about their teammate, but Itachi couldn't seem to care less. He sat near them, eyes closed and hands neatly in his lap.
"She's fine, idiot, she can take care of herself," Sasuke rolled his eyes. "She's allowed to be late every now and then." Sakura was always on time, but every so often she would be a little late. "Look, idiot, there she is," he jerked his chin towards the entrance of the training ground. Sakura was walking towards them, Shisui behind her. He looked incredibly laid back, hands in his pockets and in an almost leaning stature.
"Why are you here?" Naruto asked. It seemed a little mean, but Sasuke just shook his head. Shisui only shrugged.
"I was invited after some late night canoodling," he laughed. Sakura hit his shoulder, but there was a small smile on her face too. "That was mean."
"Say we were canoodling again and I'll break your shoulder next time," she shot back, rolling her eyes. Itachi was already there, had been the first to arrive, but didn't mind waiting on her. He stood, nodding his head to her in greeting.
"Well, now the teams are uneven!" Naruto whined.
"Get your girlfriend," Sakura shot back.
"Really?" he was extremely excited in the next second and she shook her head, rolling her eyes. Of course she meant it. If it meant that much that the teams were uneven, he could get someone to even it out.
"Duh." She shook her head. "Go get your girlfriend or the first person you come across that wants to partake in fake battle," she said. She flopped on the ground. "We'll spar while we wait for you," she shrugged.
"I'll be back soon!" Naruto said, his excitement tangible. He ran off towards the entrance, hoping he could find Hinata. Sakura only rolled her eyes and fell to the ground. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at her. Something was off about her. She didn't seem to have as much chakra as she usually did and she looked like she'd had a rough night. She wasn't even wearing her usual ninja outfit, just a loose fitting t-shirt and some shorts. He knew she wasn't in a good mood, but wondered how deep that ran.
"Stop staring at me, Sasuke, or I might think you're checking me out," Sakura said flatly. Sasuke flushed and looked quickly away while Shisui snorted.
"Will we not be sparring right now?" Itachi asked, raising a brow. That's what he had been dragged here to do, why weren't they doing it?
"You and one of the other two can go for it," Sakura said lazily. "I'm saving my energy for the mock battle." Itachi watched her now, too. She didn't usually say no to a spar, especially with one of her 'boys.' There was something just a little wrong with her, he could sense it. Sakura didn't snap at him like she had his brother and he wondered why.
"Come on, Sak," Shisui said, standing over her. "We can go easy today, how bout that?" Shisui's voice was just a little softer when he spoke to her and there was a sliver of worry in his eye. Sakura let him hoist her up and she shrugged.
"Sorry, I guess Shisui really wanted to tire me out early," she said sharply, rolling her eyes. Shisui only shook his head and laughed. He tugged her to the side and began throwing punches at her. Sasuke looked at Itachi.
"So, what do you think?" he asked. "Want to spar with me?" Itachi sighed.
"Let's go," was all he said. He and Sasuke moved to the other side of the training ground.
"Hey, I'm back!" Naruto yelled hands behind his head as he led Hinata onto the training ground. Hinata was a little shy, as always, and seemed to turn bright red when she noticed the three Uchihas around. She didn't really make a habit of speaking to them, any of them, and she didn't really know if she'd be able to hold her own against them.
"Don't worry, Hinata, we're just using taijutsu," Sakura said as she flipped Shisui onto his back. He was laughing. They were having a much more playful mock spar than anything else. He hadn't wanted to tire her out too much and decided he wanted to make her laugh. Hinata flushed as she watched Sakura flip the older man so easily.
"So, teams. How should we do it?" Naruto asked, a huge grin on his face.
"Well, it should be well balanced out," Sakura sighed. "I can take you and Sasuke pretty easily, so one of you should be on my team. Shisui and Itachi definitely need to be on different teams, we'll let them decide which. That leaves Hinata on either Sasuke or Naruto's side," Sakura had this all figured out. Hinata just had to decide if she wanted to fight with Naruto or not.
"I'd like to fight against Naruto, if I could," she flushed. She didn't want to be on the same team as he was. She wanted to see if she could fend for herself against him.
"Naruto, you're with me," Sakura said, beckoning him. He nodded and stood beside her.
"To balance out power, Itachi's going to go with Naruto and Hinata," Shisui said, walking to Sakura's side. "You've got me." Itachi was just a little stronger than Shisui was, but that didn't bother the older man. He could still hold his own against him in a fight and had even won against him a couple times, but knew to admit when he was stronger.
"Alright. Start," Sakura said without preamble. They all shot away from each other, into separate sides of the training grounds and in the trees.
Hinata was way out of her league. They were going easy on her, she could tell, but she couldn't help but think her cousin would have been better suited for this. Sakura was darting between people, doling out swift punches to her opponents. She was still able to take on Itachi as she did and he could barely keep up with her. Naruto was clashing with Sasuke, back to back with her as she fought Shisui. Sasuke had a challenge with Naruto and Shisui, not bored looking per say, had a blank expression on his face as he dodged and weaved between her attacks, getting a hit in every so often.
Sakura darted between Naruto and Sasuke, giving the second a quick jab to his abdomen, winking as she did, and whirled around to block Itachi's punch just as Sasuke doubled over for a quick moment, allowing Naruto to get a hit in. She grinned at Itachi and slid away from him again, darting between Hinata and Shisui, tripping the other girl in the process. She grinned at Hinata as she left the space.
"Shisui, I don't know how you do it," Hinata heard Itachi's quick comment as he whirled away after her. Shisui only laughed and offered a hand to Hinata. He hoisted her back to her feet and commenced sparring with her again.
"Hey, Naruto, switch!" Shisui called. The blond was in front of her in the next moment, giving her a bright smile as he threw a punch at her. He was going easy on her too, but he seemed to have a lot more fun with it. Shisui and Sasuke had left the immediate area, attacking each other rapidly not far away.
"Catch me if you can, Weasel!" Naruto turned and laughed as they watched Sakura dart around the battlefield. She got Sasuke in the stomach again, but ignored Hinata and Naruto. They seemed distracted; she wasn't about to try and attack when they weren't doing so to each other. Even Shisui and Sasuke were slightly distracted now, watching them. How was she faster than Itachi? Shisui guessed she used her great chakra control.
Itachi reached for her arm and whipped her towards a tree. She laughed as she stopped herself from hitting it just in time.
"I think we're done," Shisui laughed. "Though I do enjoy watching Sakura play tag with her opponent, I'm hungry."
"Me too!" Naruto said, wrapping an arm around Hinata's shoulder and laughing as he did. Sakura picked herself up and brushed the dust off of her. She patted Itachi on the back and smiled at him. It had been fun having him chase her around the battlefield.
"How do you do that?" Itachi asked before everyone noticed they were talking.
"Chakra," she winked. "Stream a bit into the soles of my feet and I can push against the ground harder and move further without having to move faster." Itachi was taken aback. She was smarter than he thought. She knew her shortcomings and went to extremes to try and make them go away.
"Where are we going to go for lunch?" Naruto asked loudly.
"My place," Sakura said before anyone else could suggest something. "You two stocked up my cupboards while I was away and I can't get through all of it myself." She had no doubt they did that on purpose. They knew she'd cook for them more often if they brought her the ingredients or stocked up her cupboards while on a mission. They liked being sneaky like that.
"Oh Jesus, I could go for something from your head," Shisui lamented. "You owe me anyways." He winked in response to her sharp look. "Don't give me that, you know you do."
"Shut up, dickface," she muttered, walking off. Shisui only laughed and followed her. The rest of them were slightly confused, but walked after them. They followed her to her apartment and all filed in. The space was a little small for all of them, but they managed to fit. Shisui joined Sakura in the kitchen to help her. He was worried about her. She hadn't really said anything when he had woken her this morning. She was still acting a little off, only he could see it, though, because he knew. She seemed to be keeping the others from worrying, though.
"You okay?" he whispered, so softly only she could hear when he passed her with some steak and a knife. Sakura only nodded in response. In reality, she just wanted to hug him again and bury her face in his shoulder until all the bad feelings went away, but that wasn't an option at the moment. He brushed a hand over hers and she smiled in such a fragile way that his worry increased. She wasn't doing well.
"What'd you think, Sakura?" Naruto asked across the room.
"Sorry, what?" she asked. Naruto shook his head.
"Who do you think will be married first, me or Sasuke?" Sakura raised an eyebrow. She scoffed and leaned on the breakfast bar.
"Obviously Sasuke," she said sarcastically, "didn't you know he proposed to me just the other day? The day's set for next Monday." Sasuke obviously hadn't been too interested in the argument and had just been letting Naruto talk, but he couldn't help the flush on his face. Sakura let out a bark of laughter and turned around.
"I might have something to say about you marrying Sakura, cousin," Shisui laughed. "I believe she agreed to marry me a year ago when I asked her after I woke up from a liver problem," he winked at her. Sakura rolled her eyes at him.
"I'd rather marry Itachi," she huffed. She wasn't about to let him get away unscathed by this conversation. "He's quieter and knows when to shut up." Sasuke grunted in amusement and Shisui placed a hand over her heart. "What are you doing?"
"Wondering how your ice cold heart is still pumping blood," he said slyly. She rolled her eyes and pushed his hand off her.
"I'm wondering which bone I'm going to break in punishment."
"Punishment?" Shisui raised a brow in amusement. The others were watching their exchange, finding it hard to keep their amusement at bay. Naruto was laughing and Sasuke was openly smiling, Hinata smiling shyly into her hand. Itachi was the only one that didn't outwardly show his amusement. He still watched the two.
"You just went to second base without my permission," she crossed her arms as she stared at him.
"Rude. Your heart isn't your breast. I thought you knew that," Shisui said back, "I thought you were the doctor here." She stepped back from him, a flicker of hurt in her eyes. Oh shit, oh shit, he said the wrong thing. She was really sensitive right now and he should have remembered that. Her easy banter had made him forget. The others watched as he reached out to her. "Sorry, Sak," he said quietly, hoping she wouldn't run to her room.
"Just don't," she said softly, turning to the counter. She began chopping onions, not in the mood to play anymore.
"Oh, have you taken Tori for a walk yet today?" Naruto asked. He was anxious to be out of the tense apartment now.
"She's in my bedroom," Sakura answered despondently. Naruto gave her a big grin and went to get the dog from her room. He tried to keep her from getting away from him when he let her out, but she went straight to Sakura. The woman only smiled down at her dog and fished out a treat from the drawer beneath her. Tori ate it within a second.
"Alright, I'll be right back. Coming Hinata?" he asked, smiling. Hinata nodded and caught up with him before he walked out the door. He handed the leash to her. "Sakura's trained her really well. She doesn't pull at all," he was saying as the couple walked out the door. Sakura paid no real heed to the door closing.
Sasuke pulled out the chessboard to challenge Itachi with, since they both weren't the type to talk much. Sakura didn't seem to want to talk anymore, either, so it didn't matter. They could enjoy a quiet round of chess.
Shisui didn't want to try to calm her down right now, not with the other two in the room. She was glaring at her cutting board, but he knew she wasn't so much angry as breaking down on the inside again. He reached out to her, placing a hand on her shoulder and she just erupted into tears. She had been trying to hold it in, had tried to push it down, but Shisui really shouldn't have touched her. With just a little touch, she burst into tears.
"Shh, shh," Shisui shushed her in the way he always did and pulled her into his arms. Sasuke and Itachi were watching, confused and worried. Sakura hated this. She didn't like crying in front of other people, really didn't, but couldn't help herself at all. Shisui was stroking her back and whispering in her ear. "Remember what I said last night? You're a great doctor and I'm sorry I said what I did earlier so thoughtlessly. Just calm down, okay? It's all fine. You're fine." He was just speaking nonsense to her, he knew it, but didn't care. She was sniffling less and less and the tears were becoming a little less heavy.
"You okay, Sakura?" Sasuke asked when she finally pulled out of Shisui's hug, wiping her eyes. She nodded slowly and just picked her knife up again. Shisui leaned on the counter beside her and rubbed her back for a few minutes, knowing she just wanted him to touch her, in any way. When she was upset, she didn't understand word, just gentle touches. Sasuke and Itachi feigned ignorance, returning to their chess game.
"Hey, we're back!" Naruto called as he busted through the door. Sakura didn't really answer. She nodded at him, but didn't do much else. The air was still tense and Naruto just ignored it. He sat beside Sasuke and began trying to give him pointers on what move to make. Hinata sat next to him and just watched silently.
"Here, Sakura," Shisui said quietly, taking the seasoned meat from her. "I'll cook it. You do your side dish." She only nodded. She was still upset; he could see it in her eyes. He thought he should have just kept her in bed today, holding her and hushing her. She wouldn't have cried again and he wouldn't have said anything so terrible.
The boys were arguing again and the tense atmosphere was dissipating. Sakura still wasn't smiling and Shisui was certain she was beating herself up again. He hated this. He hated that he didn't want to hug her and tell her the things he wanted to when there were others around, but the others were much the same. He knew they wouldn't say anything while the others were there either.
"Sak," he stopped her when she went to try and take over for him. "Calm down, you're okay," he whispered, watching her worriedly. She looked about to cry again. She only took a deep breath. "I'll join you tonight again, don't worry," he said, trying to quell her mood. She leaned her head on his shoulder for a moment before turning away. He felt a little better at her move. It made him a little calmer knowing she accepted his offer.
They cooked together, barely listening to Sasuke and Naruto's bickering. Itachi and Hinata were still just watching them, both wondering how the two could argue about anything. Shisui finished the steak first, but Sakura was soon behind him. He pulled out plates for everyone and helped her serve everything.
"Here we go," he said to the other guests in her apartment. He walked around, handing plates to everyone. He and Sakura sat on the stools to the breakfast bar, backs to the countertop. She was eating slowly and still wasn't speaking. He knew Itachi had caught on to something by this point. He was watching her closely, though Naruto was doing a good job keeping Sasuke distracted.
Itachi got up first and held his hand out for Sakura's plate. She handed it to him and just stared at her hands after. Shisui reached over and placed his over hers. "It's not there," he whispered. She only nodded numbly.
"Do you need anything before we go, Sakura?" Naruto asked. He had to take Hinata home. Her father would be wondering where she was soon. Sakura shook her head and smiled at Naruto before he left. He patted Tori's head on the way out.
Sasuke was the next to leave, wanting to find Shikamaru for something. Itachi was still doing dishes and Shisui was just waiting for him to leave. Sakura just wanted to go back to bed, he could see it, and he wasn't about to leave her alone. Not right now. Itachi finished putting away the last dish and stood in front of Sakura. He waited until she looked at him, which took several long minutes. He grasped her chin and held her still, checking her.
"You should get some sleep," was all he said after he inspected her. She nodded numbly. "I'll be by tomorrow to see you," he said, raising his hand in farewell as he walked out the door. She watched him leave, slightly confused. What was that?
"That's just how Itachi worries," Shisui shrugged. "When he cares about someone he tends to check them over and check in on them again." Sakura only nodded again. "Alright, come on." He pulled her up into his arms and carried her to her room. He checked on the dog, but she was just sleeping on a sofa, so he left her. He got Sakura into bed and in his embrace before he began talking again. "So what's up? Same thing as last night?"
"Yeah," she said softly. "I didn't mean to cry. I didn't want to. I'm sorry. I've worried everyone."
"You can't keep it inside forever you know," Shisui said quietly, pushing his fingers into her hair. "I'm just lucky I was your choice this time," he lightly joked. Sakura didn't want her friends to think she cried so much and so would often go to different friends at different times. They knew it was happening, but kept it from each other when it happened. She needed to be able to trust them. Sakura knew full well of this, but she usually acted much more nonchalantly than today.
"It shouldn't bother me this much," she said softly, staring at the ceiling as she rolled onto her back. "I should be able to push it down, ignore it, but I can't sometimes. It's just close to me, I guess," she whispered the last part so softly Shisui hardly even heard her.
"What do you mean, Sak?" he asked, staring at the ceiling with her. She didn't really speak about her past, but he had a feeling this was what it was about. She wasn't usually forthcoming about herself. She liked her friends to know her in the present, rather than remembering what had happened.
"My parents died six months apart," she said softly. He looked over at her but her eyes were dry. She was just repeating a story at this point, there were no more tears left to shed about it. "My dad died on a mission and my mom killed herself."
"Is that what you meant when you said you couldn't take the man's entire family away?" Shisui asked softly. He was paraphrasing, he knew, but thought it would work. She didn't respond for a long minute and he knew she was crying over her failure again.
"Yeah," she swallowed thickly. He leaned over and kissed the side of her face. "I guess that's why I cry over killing anyone. I know they have a family and I don't wish that feeling on anyone, knowing that their family isn't coming home," she said softly.
"That's why you protect us so fiercely," he said quietly, remembering how she had stood over him, defending him angry and violently against their opponents, not willing to give in. She never gave in. She had done this a couple times and those times were seared into his memory.
"That's why," she agreed. She would rather sacrifice herself rather than put their family through that. She was fierce and vicious and he never wanted to meet her as an enemy. He pulled her on top of his chest and hugged her tightly. He held her tightly like that for a few long minutes, trying to convey a feeling he couldn't put into words.
"Don't you ever get tired of giving it your all like that, though?" he asked. She was selfless, this little thing. She did everything and anything she could to help just because she didn't want anyone to go through the pain she felt. People she didn't know, family members of her enemies, even. She didn't want them to feel her pain and that was so very commendable.
"No," she answered strongly. "I gave a man a little girl instead of three dead family members yesterday. I've brought you and Sasuke back to Itachi. I brought Naruto back for Hinata and Sasuke once. I've brought many of my teammates back for their family members. I don't get tired saving people who have others that would cry over them. I can't get tired bringing all of you back with me. I already give too many people notices of deaths, I can't give more. I can't give my teammates' family members news of their death because I should always have their back and always defend them."
"Sakura, one day you're going to have to. One day you won't be able to save someone." Sakura shook her head.
"I'm tenacious, not dumb," she said, that familiar edge back in her voice. "I've already had to anyways." Shisui didn't ask who. He didn't want to. Sakura was a little calmer now and he didn't want to make her cry again. She'd cried enough for a year in the past twelve hours alone. "I'm tired," she sighed, rubbing her cheek on his chest.
"Then sleep," he laughed. "I won't try to go to second base again, don't worry. I'll ask you first next time," he winked at her and she smacked his chest, though she didn't put any strength behind it. She pressed her body to his, smiling as she got comfortable. He reached to her bedside table for the remote and flipped on the TV. He wasn't very tired yet, it was only late afternoon, but he wouldn't dare try and leave her. She would be a little more than hurt if he did.
"Why are you here?" Sakura raised a brow to the man in her doorway, who did the same right back at her. He pulled his hand from behind him and offered her the bag.
"I told you I would come see you today," he said flatly. She looked to the bag, but didn't let her eyes linger. He almost thought she wasn't going to allow him interest, but he was pleasantly surprised when she stepped to the side.
"Sorry," she said softly. "I was just a little surprised." Apparently, that's how she would have greeted Sasuke and Naruto if they had come by, he could tell from her tone. She didn't seem to want to be bothered right now.
"Shall I go?" he set the bag on the table, intending to leave it whether or not she wanted him there.
"No, it's okay. I could use some quiet company," she sent a glowing smile his way. She hadn't been alone with him since she'd forced him into her bed, and that was about a week ago. He hadn't been avoiding her; he was just a busy ANBU captain. He had made time to accept other invitations, like the spar yesterday.
Itachi pulled an interesting looking book from the bookcase and sat next to her. The dog, Tori, was napping on the carpet at their feet. Sakura petted her absentmindedly for a second before leaning into the couch and turning her attention to the TV. She had been watching something before he knocked and wasn't about to turn it off. She didn't mind in the least that he didn't want to watch with her.
"I felt bad that you cried yesterday," he said quietly, evenly. He didn't know how to broach the subject with her and so just went the blunt route. She blinked and looked at her hands. She didn't want to think about yesterday. She had woken up feeling so much better, especially since Shisui was still there when she woke up. He had stuck around until he'd had to leave for his mission. A simple A-rank guarding some dignitary or other.
"It's okay," she floundered for words. "I just don't want to talk about it," she smiled at him again, that glowing smile again. They were silent for a few minutes. "Jesus Christ, Sasuke, why don't you know how to leave me alone?" she glared at the far window. Itachi raised a brow. He had sensed Sasuke at precisely the same time she had.
"I wanted to make sure you're alright," he said grudgingly. "I brought you food." Sakura rolled her eyes.
"You stock my cupboards all the time. Why do I need more?"
"It's takeout, Sak," he said flatly, finally jumping in. He stepped over the dog, not even sparing her a glance, as he made his way to Sakura. Sasuke wasn't one for dogs, even well behaved ones like Tori."I didn't tell Naruto, if that's what you're going to ask. I can't focus when he's around."
"No one can, Sasuke, you aren't special," she rolled her eyes at him. This was quickly turning into a house party. At least Shisui was away or he would come barging in too. Perhaps she could run off to Ino's and push for a night out at the bar. She'd be happy about it and Sakura could get a night off from her crazy friends.
"Shut up and take it," he sighed, pulling out a container. He shoved it into her lap. "Sorry, 'Tachi, I didn't know you were here." He went to the kitchen to grab a plate. He'd split his with his brother. Sakura waited until he sat beside her, handing the plate to Itachi, before she began to eat. Though she was grumpy, Sasuke knew she appreciated it.
"Thanks," she muttered.
"Why were you crying?" he asked, his tone even. This was the way to talk to her. Ask her straightforward questions and don't look at her. Sakura shook her head, though. She wasn't going to tell him with Itachi around. "Come on, Sak," he said flatly.
"You know why," she said lowly, dangerously. Ah, so her parents. She didn't talk about them around people she didn't entirely trust yet. Sasuke only nodded. Itachi was interested, but knew better than to try and ask when she had that tone in her voice. He would have to ask his brother later. Sasuke pushed something onto her plate.
"You like shrimp," Sakura said, staring at him.
"You like it more," he said simply, returning to his container. Itachi watched their exchange, as he always did. He was very interested in how his little brother was acting and how Sakura was answering. She didn't even try to hide her grumpiness and his brother took it in stride. He had thought Sasuke was a little more impatient and short tempered.
"'Tachi, how'd the new recruits fare on the test?" Sasuke asked. He was bored. Sakura wasn't in the mood and he liked it when Itachi ripped new ANBU recruits to shreds.
"There were only two. One cannot aim worth a rat's ass. He almost hit me with a jutsu because he was 'nervous,'" Itachi sighed. "The other managed to become maimed via a clone. I did not have hope for either of them, but their performance was laughingly terrible." He was surprised when he heard Sakura laugh.
"Jesus Christ, you have to deal with that shit too?" Sasuke smiled to himself. That's how Sakura opened up. She liked to talk shit about terrible recruits. "Last time I went out with recruits I nearly passed out from my chakra levels. That's just what they did to me by accident," she sighed. "One of them didn't know how to use shuriken correctly and the other made my wound worse because he was pretty shitty as a medic."
"Was that for ANBU?"
"No. It was a test for medic recruits. They were trying to pass the test for chuunin medics, but failed. It was embarrassing to watch." Sakura shook her head. "Tsunade reamed them for it, too. She told them, 'how did you think that's how to heal a wound? Have you not listened to anything I've said?' I'm pretty sure those two would have been dead if she had gone out with them instead of me."
"I'm sure you broke a few bones," Sasuke said, giving her a skeptical look.
"Of course I did. I was pissed. I made them heal it themselves too. They took much better care of themselves than they did me, though, so I got a little pissed." Sakura finished off her food and put her container on the coffee table. "I made them scrub the public bathhouses," she grinned.
"You are ruthless," Sasuke laughed, a short bark of a laugh, and leaned back into the couch. He reached for the small woman and she entered his embrace quite easily. Itachi watched with a hint of jealousy. How he wished he could reach out for the woman as easily as his brother and cousin did. She went so very easily and he was certain she would have no qualms about doing the same with him. He didn't know how to comfort others. He really didn't. It frustrated him slightly. He did not have the same ease as his brother.
Sakura seemed comfortable in his embrace, smiling as she watched her show. She didn't seem uncomfortable with Itachi around. Would she enter his embrace as easily? He didn't dare try now. He could only imagine how Sasuke would think and react. He was sure she would choose Sasuke over him, anyways.
"Are you going to be okay tonight?" Sasuke was asking. He knew Shisui had the night before, but he didn't know if she had managed to silence the dark thoughts yet. Sometimes it only took a couple hours and other times it took a week. It just depended on how bad it was. Sakura smiled at how Sasuke cared.
"I think I'll be alright. I'm quite sure I'll have Itachi annoying me late into the night," she laughed. Sasuke raised a brow at his brother, but was only met with an unnerving gaze. There was a flicker of something in those dark depths. He didn't know what it was; it had already flickered away the second he looked.
"Alright," Sasuke said, hugging her. Sakura smiled. Sasuke didn't often want to hug her, didn't often want to hold her, but it was certainly nice when he'd decided to. For whatever reason he would shower her in affection for a few days if he caught her upset. She supposed she couldn't mind all that much. As she'd said to Itachi, everyone was lonely. Take what you can get.
They watched TV for a while, Itachi just reading his book, when there was knocking at the door. By the look on Sakura's face, she knew who it was.
"Well, boys, I'll be at the hospital until three am. Figure out who'll calm me down this time," she said grimly. She was out the door in the next minute, someone unseen immediately talking to her as she closed the door. Tori had followed her to the door and looked a little sad her mistress had just left without a goodbye.
"She was called into the hospital," Sasuke said, leaning back into the couch.
"Why did she say that before parting?"
"It had to do with her crying yesterday," Sasuke said shortly. He was trying to tell his brother this wasn't open for discussion, but Itachi wasn't going to let up that easy.
"Do you know why she cried?" he asked, keeping his eyes on his book. Sasuke shrugged. He clapped a couple times and Tori came running. He pet her. Itachi looked up to watch for a moment. Sasuke didn't like dogs, that was true, but he was petting her? Confusing.
"I can't tell you. I really can't. She would beat the shit out of me if she found out it was me. She'll tell you, when she's ready. It's another one of her tests."
"What does that test include?"
"Whether she can trust you or not," Sasuke shrugged again. He pointed to the floor and Tori laid down."You can go home if you want. I'll wait up for her." Sasuke said this so decisively, like he really didn't want to leave her house. Itachi didn't want to leave, had missed being alone with her. He missed bodily contact, had the very night he had left. He had wanted to obtain a hug, hold her a bit, be the one to make her feel better.
"Alright. Tell her I'll be by tomorrow," he said indifferently. He'd have to let Sasuke have this one. He didn't want to, not really. He thought Sasuke looked a little smug as he left the apartment. Itachi had walked away this time, but he wasn't going to let his little brother get away with it the next.
He stopped by the hospital to check on her a few hours later after he had sat by a stream for a while, meditating. She had just gotten out of surgery and was sitting with her head on the desk. She looked tired. He jumped in through the window and placed a wrapped riceball next to her. He had grabbed a couple from his mother before going to meditate. He laid a hand on her shoulder and she touched him briefly.
"Thanks, Weasel," she murmured. "I'll go home soon, kay?" He tightened his grip for a moment before letting go. He jumped back through the window, heading home. Sure, he had let his little brother stay up for her and undoubtedly hold her tonight, but he had checked on her without her flipping out. That was a win, in his book.
Sakura picked herself up off the desk and stretched. She was just tired. No one died on her today, thankfully, but she had spent five hours in the surgery room. She unwrapped the riceball and ate happily. It was nice of Itachi to bring it to her. She just had to finish her report and go home. It was a quick report, at least, and she was hopping through the window soon after.
"Oh, Sasuke," she smiled. She'd been expecting Itachi, especially after his little visit. Tori came running up and she knelt to pet her. "Thanks for waiting up. Sorry I was so grumpy earlier." Sasuke only shrugged and got up, turning off the TV.
"It doesn't matter to me. I was just worried about you," he said honestly. He had wanted to know why she'd been crying and wasn't giving up just yet. Sakura sighed and slumped in a chair, still petting Tori. Sasuke moved to stand in front of her and she leaned her head on his stomach.
"It wasn't anything, really, just me overreacting," she smiled sheepishly. "A man lost his wife and one of the twins he was carrying the other day and I let it hit me harder than it should have. Shisui said something that set me off, but he rectified it, don't worry." Her voice was cheery and she wasn't even really acting. She was okay now, she was. She didn't know why he worried.
"Ah. You were always prone to your emotions," he said softly, though without much emotion. He wasn't very good at this, showing her how he felt. He knew it was enough that he was there for her. He didn't have the words, but he had his presence to make her feel better.
"So, are you lonely or what?" Sakura asked, smiling at the floor. Sasuke was in her bed the least of her friends, minus Itachi. He made himself scarce most of the time, though. Naruto hardly came around, either, but he had a girl now. Ino had been there just a few nights ago, but she only came after a guy broke up with her or someone didn't call her after a one night stand or something.
"Kind of. I haven't gotten laid recently."
"Don't expect any from me."
"Wasn't planning on it. Sleeping next to someone is enough."
Sakura smiled at him, but it was such a sad smile. It was her understanding smile, the one that made her look far more innocent than she did already. She wrapped her arms around his middle. He didn't mind the light embrace. "You'll find someone, Sasuke."
"And yourself?" he asked, lifting her easily. It was time to get her to bed before she ended up pulling an all nighter again. He made sure the dog was on the sofa before heading to her room. Tori seemed to know that was her place at night.
"There's no one for me. I'll just be a serial cuddler for the rest of my life," she grinned at him. She said that a lot. She had sworn off men entirely over a year ago and had gone for the ANBU test not long after. Sasuke didn't think she'd even gotten laid since her last boyfriend, a year and a half ago. She just let her friends crawl into bed and hold her.
"You shouldn't say that. If there's someone for me, there's someone for you," he said, laying her down. He climbed in next to her and she instantly rolled over, letting him spoon her. He liked sleeping with her like that. It was funny and a little ironic. His brother liked it that way too.
"Sadly, Sasuke, that ship has already sailed," she said loftily. "It's not like I could betray my boys anyways. If I were to find someone, there's no one to crawl into bed with when you finally get lonely enough to do it. I'm just looking out for you," she grinned at him. He only scoffed and scooted her closer.
"I believe my brother is going to drop by tomorrow, by the way," he said. She was getting tired, he could see it, and he was calming down as well.
"I'm surprised he wasn't here," she said honestly. "He stopped by the hospital and left me a snack." Sasuke only nodded. What was his brother playing at? He didn't really understand. He could never try to understand his brother, though.
"Do you have to work tomorrow?" he asked lazily, finally relaxing against her warmth. It took a while, but he would relax against her eventually. It was what she liked most about Sasuke holding her. He took a while to relax, but when he did his embrace was heavenly. He was comfortable and knew the exact place to position himself.
"No," she answered softly, exhausted. "Tsunade doesn't make me come in if I was there for more than five hours on an emergency call." It had happened enough that it was a common occurrence. Sasuke nodded.
"Want to spar, one on one?"
"After our usual?"
"Yeah."
"Sure," she said, nodding along with her answer. He nodded too. He wasn't overly affectionate, like Shisui, who would stroke her hair or her back until she slept, but it was still a comfortable embrace. He tightened his hold on her. He liked to hold her tightly. It was a nice feeling. It made her feel safe. His grip often wouldn't slacken while he slept, either. "Hey, Sasuke?" she asked right before she fell asleep.
"Hm?"
"Thanks," she smiled, peeking at him over her shoulder. His eyes were closed, but he answered her smile with a light one of his own. "It's nice to know you care."
"I do, Sakura," he said quietly, ushering her to move back to her original position. "I just don't know how to tell you." She smiled. He wasn't usually that open. He would never say that to her if they hadn't been in the safety of her dark bedroom. She turned back and curled into a tight little ball, her hands held close to her chest. Sasuke moved accordingly, curving easily around her body. A hand was over hers and the other tight around her waist. She held his hand while she slept. She liked to. It had been a little odd for him at first, but he put up with it now. Anything to see her smile.