It was a dark and stormy night in Quahog, and a strange guy, only covered by a cloak and very stocky was walking in the streets of Spooner Street looking for something, even if he was lost
After, the guy snuck into a house, searched in the rooms, and eventually found a woman with gorgeous red hair, or orange, sleeping in the bed next to a man with brown hair and very overweight
The stranger wondered why one like her slept with that primitive fat man that was even scratching his buttocks sleeping and after a couple of seconds, the strange being approached stealthily, laid a hand to cover the woman's mouth and he captured her without waking the other, which he said in the meantime in his sleep
"Oh, I like you, oh oh, I like you, oh baseball bat..."
It came morning, and thanks to the rays of a rough sun the woman woke up but she was not lying in the bed of her house, she was in a raft in the middle of a river without her green blouse and she had all the hair messed up
After the initial shock, she said
"What the hell am I doing here? Peter, if this is one of your jokes like the one you have put poisonous ivy in the bra, it's not funny!"
*flashback*
Everyone in the house except the woman named Lois were seeing a program on TV about a girl who solved abnormal things with only a syringe and detergent, but they were interrupted by a scream and cry come from above; Peter was sniggering in the meantime
"Oh my god, aaahh, what happens to me, it burns me all!" but as she was going downstairs scratching she ended up tripping upon a small son's toy and fell badly with the face and the husband said, amused
"Ha, joke..." but when, however, he realized that his wife wouldn't get up, all the others worried and shouted
"Mom, mom!"
All went to help her and Peter slunk off in absolute darkness with a strange syringe.
*end flashback*
Meanwhile, the red housewife was still in that raft directed towards the unknown and was looking for a way to return to the mainland
"Wait, if this it's not Peter's joke, then who brought me here?" and the woman had an idea looking down
"Maybe if I dive..." but while Lois was about to plunge into the river, a hungry crocodile made her change her mind
"Stop there succulent chick, you would end up in my mouth?" asked him happily already savoring a hearty meal
"Um, no ...?" said her moving away from the edge of the raft intimidated
"Too bad, I don't eat for a week, fuck!" and the animal came back underwater leaving the castaway confused and sad
"Oh God, I wonder how he will feel Peter when he doesn't find me..."
Meanwhile, at Griffins' home...
"Oh no, she has run away from home!" Peter, after waking up and after not finding Lois anywhere, he went into panic and began to vomit strangely from all sides.
Passed an hour, the home woman was still travel to the unknown with the raft, and now she had no way out, because she was going to a waterfall, as a routine, and she tried to use his hands as oars, but the crocodile was lurking
In panic, the woman began to cry out loud
"I'm going to die, and I haven't yet had the opportunity to hear the Jennifer Lopez's new hit"
*start scene*
The singing woman had just read the text written by her agent, and she was furious and outraged
"What the fuck is this? So, specify that I want to say these words in a song, you think you seem normal?!" she asked menacingly pointing her finger, and the agent replied, moving away slowly
"Well, yeah"
"Get out of here!"
After he left, Jennifer took a pen and said happily to herself
"Well, now let's put some other words like ass and baby and do it in featuring with Pitbull" and after saying it, the man in question appeared magically saying
"Mr. Worldwide!"
*end scene*
The waterfall was getting closer and now desperate, Lois shouted, covering her eyes
"Somebody help me... EVEN MEG!"
But before falling into the waterfall, a hairy, grotesque being hanged on a liana took her and saved her from a sure death
After recovering from the trauma, the woman saw in amazement a brown fur yeti that had awakened her, shaking her and suddenly she screamed
"Aaahh, go away monster!"
The yeti, however, tried to tell Lois to be friendly gesturing it but she hit him with a series of punches and fled scared, something that didn't understand very well the yeti
At Griffins house, while the others were sitting in the kitchen for some reason, the family guy was usually dressed and said quickly to the others, making them not suspect the disappearance of his wife
"Guys, I go to work, if you look for your mother, he's gone out to buy something and he will not come back until she will not spent all the savings"
"Everything normal then" said Salvatore suddenly, turning afterwards
"Brian, you're the caretaker now, okay?"
"Surely Peter" said the dog raising the thumb
The boss came out of the house and everyone else continued to make their own chores but Stewie was suspicious...
"Doesn't seem strange, Brian?" asked to him with a high tone
"What?" he was surprised the dog as he gets up from his chair holding a cup
"The fat man had a strangely worried look, what should he really do?"
After drinking some coffee from the cup, he replied
"It will be his chores, what's wrong?"
The little friend, however, was skeptical and wanted to investigate, so he began to look in the kitchen evidences and talked to himself
"That guy hides something, maybe it will have gone Lois out and is now burying the body somewhere" and after trying under the table and in the fridge, the little kid said
"He was not so suspicious since he brought that strange red suitcase in the house"
*flashback*
Peter the man had returned home and decided to go straight to sleep, but along the way he lost a class case and her daughter found her shortly after and said to her husband, thinking one thing
"Wow Salvatore, did you give me a travel suitcase? You're my sweetheart"
He, however, replied confused
"No, it wasn't me, I swear it!"
Meg looked around and tried to open the briefcase, but Peter came back catching it and walked away, leaving the couple speechless
"What should he do with that briefcase, I want know..." Salvatore asked, still confused as the little child looked at the scene interested in its content
*end flashback*
Peter, meanwhile, went to Quagmire's home to investigate the disappearance of his wife and wondered if he had seen her, but he replied
"No, but if she walk around here, I'll let you know as soon as possible"
He was sad and worried, so he wondered
"Where will she ever go? I hope not on a farm far from here..." and he imagined Lois caring many chickens, and among them was his enemy chicken that made a tongue on the screen shivering the rival man.
After traveling in the forest in vain, the lost woman began to have the first symptoms of fatigue, and she was also eating her hair
"How I ended up here I still don't understand..." but that yeti reappeared in front of her, and she instead of escaping to him she tried to face him talking
"Look monster, I'm already having a difficult day, I woke up here in this bad place, I'm so wet and you try to scare me. What do you want from me?!"
"H-Hand..."
"Hand say, what are you trying to say?" she asked very confused
"H-Hand, I would..."
After a moment of understanding, Lois finally understood the message
"What, you want to marry me?!"
The yeti still said the same words and Lois still doesn't understand very well, because after he saved his life, was he asking for her hand?
"Well, I'm already married, I have a very worried husband waiting for me at home" but the yeti couldn't understand, and repeated the following words
"Hand, I want hand!"
"And I tell you that I cannot give you my hand, thank you for saving me, goodbye" and she left leaving the poor yeti very sad and angry, and after three seconds he starts to attack as seeking revenge.
At Griffin home, the others were very bored and watched the TV, but they immediately turn it off, so they started to talk to each other
"So, you think America and Italy can team?" Salvatore asked hoping for a nice answer, but it was not so...
"I don't think so, and unfortunately we can't answer at the moment" while the white dog told him, he oddly watching the camera
"Okay, shame..."
"Guys, I may have found what should be the murder weapon" he said the happy little genius holding a cat-shaped puppet, so it seemed
"That's a plush cat Stewie"
"Well... but it's cute" but as he pulled his tail, the stuffed cat Stewie came to life and launched Stewie out the window and brandished a gun taken from his coat and pointed it at all meowing furiously.
Meanwhile in the forest, the yeti was chasing the poor Lois, angrier than ever
"What has passed you now, leave me alone!" shouted Lois terrified
"HAND!" the yeti yelled as she almost hit her with a paw
She ran until she came to a precipice, she had no escape
"HAND, I WOULD!" he repeated as he approached the woman more and more
Lois couldn't be killed by a beast like that and decided she said
"Leave me alone or you'll be in big trouble, I'm a black karate belt!" but suddenly a guy with a red cloak and a sculpted body came flying and stood in front of the woman
"Why don't you pick on someone of your size, monster" he was Superman, and he wanted to save Lois, but the yeti killed him and ate him, and of him it was none left but the bones
"Okay monkey of c***, you want my hand? Come on and take it!" and she threw herself into the abyss fearless
The yeti didn't think it, and he also jump in and hear a harrowing scream from the bottom of the precipice, but the woman was hanging on a rock and she tried to climb the ravine but she was too tired, so she put himself in a rocky ground so as not to fall and rest in peace
"Peter, where are you...?"
A day was passed, and the man was still in desperate search for his wife, going to public baths, hospitals, and even at Cleveland's home, until he came to an idea
"I will ask help from Joe, so we'll instantly find her" but Joe's answer was not reassuring...
"I'm sorry Peter, I can't help you, the police patrols are strangely terrified by something today"
*start scene*
"Oh god, let me down that bad, ugly, creepy and robotic thing!" said a guard along with the others who were looking terrorized an innocent song album.
*end scene*
"And then I'm busy eating this nice turkey that Bonnie has prepared me, so search her alone..." he closed the door holding a turkey thigh on the wrong side leaving his friend with the white shirt very sad, but he not lost his hope, and he traveled to the unbridled pursuit of Lois day and night, but he walked only three hundred meters and exclaimed
"Crap!"
Meanwhile, after recovered, but not entirely, the lost woman named Lois tried to get out of that ravine and she almost fell
"I have to be careful!"
In the end she managed to get to the top and continued her journey, but an animal voice screamed from the precipice
"HaNd!"
Lois then ran like never before, but first she saw Superman's skeleton say to her something
"Careful to her hair, beauty"
At the Griffins' home, now normal, Brian and the others were still bored there wondering why those two still hadn't returned, especially the red-haired housewife
"How long it takes for Lois to go to shopping" said Salvatore irritated, standing up from the couch
But Stewie took advantage of it, and replied
"I know it man, Peter killed her and now he has left us here to decay locking the door"
Brian replied opening the door, discrediting him
"Don't say stupid things Stewie, maybe she went to Bonnie's house to share somethin' with her as she did time ago"
*flashback*
"This is mine and this is yours, understand?" said the wife of the disabled by giving Lois a cherry red shirt and she took a very chic lilac skirt
"Hey, that's mine and that's yours!" and suddenly she changed clothes, but the other didn't like very well this
"No, this is mine, you know it well!" and as she took her skirt, Lois got angry and shouted
"Let it go!"
She took her skirt, but Joe's wife would not let that go, and so that they pulled it they broke it and the two began fighting in anger but a dress nearly of there began to speak shocked
"Oh God, I hope the next doesn't be me!"
*end flashback*
"I don't think it Brian, let's go find out" and tried to pull Brian out of the house but his dog friend stopped him and said, putting a hand on his little friend's big head
"I have a better idea..."
Brian closed the door and announced his idea to all
"Why don't we play a game to pass the time?"
"Game game!" the blonde Chris repeatedly exclaimed happy and enthusiastic jumping
"The rules consist of drinking a glass of beer every time we swear, even when we get hurt, and the more sober of all wins" but almost everyone didn't agree with the game proposed by the home dog
"Brian, sorry, I can't stand so much the beer, and neither I like it, and then I want to know where she was go!" said Salvatore, annoyed, and his beloved replied trying to calm him
"Come on baby, it will be fun, and so you'll experience something new"
"A moment sweetey, but it will not hurt the baby, huh?" he asked immediately very concerned, and he was reasonable
"So nothing will happen, trust me"
"I hope so"
"Damn Brian, now we have to get drunk, fuck!"
Brian immediately, after Stewie finished speaking, said loudly, pointing him
"Stewie said a bad word, c'mon, go get you a glass of beer little one!"
"What? Damn, it will be a disaster like the young NBA" and he ran to the kitchen gesturing, making appear a gag scene
*start scene*
At a stadium was playing the game of the century, but to play were babies, and no one had score, but a child with stilts succeeded, and that was Stewie
"So what's up, suckers?"
*end scene*
Two hours passed, and Lois was still in the desperate search for home and someone who help her
She first found a lame pirate with wooden arms but she couldn't finish talking that he ran into a rampage of madness, she tried then to get something to eat, but she only found a crow and reluctantly she ate cooking it and she tried to make a smoke signal, however, her hair caught fire and eventually dived into the same river of before to extinguish them, but the crocodile was lurking and she had to immediately get out of there
"Stop persecuting me!" she exclaimed, exasperated by the reptile
"Sorry, but you're so inviting..." and the crocodile went back to the river disappointed again
In desperation, Lois tried to call someone but only received a very familiar cry
"HAND!"
Trying to escape from the yeti, the woman was blocked between several rocks and trees that blocked the escape route and shouted
"Enough, I told you I'm married, I won't marry you!"
After a while the yeti approach her and attacked her by surprise trying to scratch her but she hit him several times with a series of shots and he spat blood, and after growled, he hit her powerful in the face causing her to hurl right in a rock
Painful, the woman got up and then said
"If I must die, I will fight!" and she rushed furiously against the yeti to hit him, but he dodged all the shots and hit her in the back with a paw
Lois didn't give up and rose against the yeti hitting each other but a flock of birds looked at the scene with disgust
"Look there, they're slaughtering like cats and dogs" said the first
"And you're saying that there were no fights here as well, idiot" but as soon as the second had finished speaking, the poor bird was immediately killed by a branch launched by Lois.
The housewife, now exhausted, decided to hit him in the neck with a sharp blow but he bit her on the arm and then struck her with a blow that made her lose consciousness
It was the end for her, but before the yeti hit her again, suddenly a familiar man took her and ran away with her, but he was too fat and immediately slowed down
"What the heck this Earth..."
After she recovered, it was a joy to see a face familiar to her after all that happened to her
"Oh Peter, you're here!" she tried to hug him, but didn't make it for the pain
"Lois, but how are you over here, and why did Meg follow you with the intention of killing you?"
The man's wife, adjusting a bit, replied very happy but worried
"It was not Meg, he was a stupid yeti with the intent to marry me!" but they heard disturbing noises while Peter said
"Luckily I found you, I had to travel for heaven and earth, and I had even cut down a dyslexic tree for see you again"
*flashback*
After resting for a moment, Peter went on his way, but a tree immediately blocked the road, and after trying to cut it down, a voice from the tree said
"You, revoltinng tghing, now you'll pay!"
Peter then answered stunned
"Wow, a talking tree, now I fix you" and he took a branch, used a lighter to burn it and burned the tree with it, but it made a chain reaction that made going to fire the whole area
"Well, at least I will not find any more obstacles in my path"
"You say taht!" said the voice of the tree now appearing like a boy who shortly after Peter let him catch fire throwing him into the flames and ran away.
*end flashback*
The yeti from the brown coat approached threateningly and tried to attack the woman but Peter blocked him
"Wait yeti that looks like Meg, before you kill us, why you want to marry my wife?"
The yeti shouted again by showing his paw
"HAND, WOULD, POTATO, HAND!"
The red-haired woman was now confused
"You want to marry me or a potato, choose!" shouted
"What do I know what he wants, but you can have my hand if you want" said Peter, but he only irritate his wife
"What, you want to leave for that ape who tried to kill me?!"
"Don't worry Lois, it will end like the time than Stewie wanted affection by myself"
*flashback*
Peter Griffin here was drinking a beer in the sofa and the son Stewie approached to him annoyed
"Hey, change seat right now!"
Peter didn't understand very well, and he said
"Hi son, ready for cuddling and a little healthy TV?" and happily took him in his arms and put him close to him
"But you are imbecile, get away from here before you will regret having let me out of that little stick!"
"Bravo baby, that's Michelle Obama" said the father ignoring him, and Stewie irritated got off of the couch and took a sister's book and threw it at Peter's head but it didn't do anything
"Thanks Stewie, I needed a head massage, tomorrow I'll take you to the park and I'll buy you a nice ice cream"
In the end, the poor kid went out outrageously, having never been able to see his favorite show.
*end flashback*
The yeti then grabbed Peter's hand and led him into a dark cave nearby and Lois go after them to see, but the show that sees her change her mind
"Wow, what is this thing so soft and moist, it looks like a melon, hey, why you are doing these verses, you're happy that we get married..." and continued so for two hours straight
After a long day, the parents returned home safely to control their children, and hoping that the dog has kept his promise
"One thing, though, doesn't come back to me, Peter, who brought me there?"
As soon as they opened the door, however, what they saw it was not approving; the house was messed up, Brian was sleeping close to Stewie and above them was the stereo and there was no trace of the others in those parts, even though there smells like alcohol
"What the hell has happened here?!" Lois cried, but no one answered, or at least it seemed like that
"I'm going to check upstairs, you Peter wake up that bad dog!"
The housekeeper's wife ran fast upstairs, and shortly after she saw something awkward in her son's room; there were Meg, Chris, and Salvatore who were half-naked, drunk, and were saying nonsense things
"Then, there was a talking bean than said, hehe, I have been helpful for one thing, to grow a tree that leads to a crap giant!" Chris said with a drunken tone, making laugh the Italian
"Ha ha, drink, you said crap!" Salvatore said, but his wife answered him with sickly sweet tone
"Uhm, you also said it, hehehe..."and Chris and Salvatore tried to drink another glass of beer but Lois stopped them promptly shouting
"Oh god, you, what are you doing here? And why are you so drunk?"
"Hey mom, welcome back"
"Where have you been, not in the middle of a river with a primate to guard, uh?" Chris asked sobbing while the pupils in his eyes was shaking
"Now all you go in your beds, immediately, before I call your father!"
All three walked quickly to try to go to their rooms, but unfortunately they fell to the ground even before they got there
Meanwhile, Peter woke farting Brian and Stewie, but the child was badly furious with the dog
"What the... Brian, what the hell you've think for about making us this laming game?!"
"Sorry Stew, but at least they're back, everything's fine..." but he didn't finish the sentence that he returned to sleep deeply.
Peter brought Stewie upstairs and put him in the crib and Brian was left there, Lois instead, after dragging her daughter Meg and her husband with strength and woke up his son, who went into the bed with difficulty, she came from her husband Peter and said angrily and tired
"Oh damn, but what he had in mind?! So, in short, making everyone drunk, both Meg and Salvatore, but what he had I..."
Peter, happy and determined to do something, replied blocking her
"Okay Lois, but now how about a familiar little up and down to celebrate and relax?"
The woman, unable to refuse, kissed him and said
"Oh, sure, I can't wait, come here you..."
The two started to making up but someone was spying from the nearby window, was the male yeti, better, the female yeti, than wanting something else
The next day, Meg, Salvatore and Chris received the punishment of washing dishes and their clothes that having smell of beer with a bad hangover and Brian was immediately made to go out kicking from home and then later take out the trash
Annoyed, the dog threw it, but something moved behind the bush and approached to him, and shortly after he was taken by something, she was the yeti ready for the second round.
END