"Did you ever forgive her? Cora? For giving up after Daddy died?" Zelena asked from her place resting against the intricately woven wrought iron headboard of Regina's bed as she stroked her slender fingers through the long dark locks that pooled across her stomach.
It had been years since she had last seen Regina, nearly over a decade really, and so much had changed between them since when they were angst riddled teenagers wanting nothing more than to not be those girls the town's people always whispered about.
But despite the time and distance that had lingered between them it didn't change the comfort that Regina only ever sought from her big sister and that was something Zelena had missed more than she realized.
She'd missed being needed.
Regina took some time to mull over the loaded question, choosing to suck her lower lip between her teeth where she gnawed at the supple cracked skin. "If you had asked me a month ago I would have said no. Not really. But now? I don't know," she sighed heavily against Zelena's shirt beneath her cheek. "I understand now why she couldn't go on without Daddy. Do you forgive her?"
"No."
It was an easy answer for Zelena. The single syllable word reeked of the bitterness she still harbored for the woman who chose to die over being there for them all those years ago when they so desperately needed their Mother.
She would never forgive her Mother for following after their Father and leaving them alone with no one but their Aunt to care for them. "And I know you Regina, you won't forgive yourself if you just lay here and do the same to Henry and Robyn. You can't leave them without both of their parents like Cora did us."
"You make it sound so easy," Regina spat and roughly pulled away from the tender touch of her sister's fingers until she was sitting up with her arms crossed defensively across her chest, a scowl firmly in place. "You don't know what this feels like. What this hole where my heart use to be feels like Zelena. You don't know how much I just want to give up- how hard it is to not just give up."
"No, you're right. I don't know what that feels like. But I do know what it feels like to grow up alone without a Mom and Dad. I know you want to give up Regina but you don't get that option. Not now. Not when you're such a great Mom to those beautiful babies of yours. Don't take the same path our Mother did. You're so much stronger than she ever was."
Lowering her gaze to her lap, Regina refused to hold the hard blue eyes that bored into her. "It's so hard Zee," she whispered in a voice that wavered around the steadily growing lump in her throat.
"I know it is. The things that are worth it usually are darling. But believe me, you would hate yourself forever if you gave up on those beautiful little puppies you have. You have people to fight for. Don't lose sight of us. I still plan on growing old with you in this house with a thousand cats some day," she grinned pathetically, hoping that it would make her sister look up and when dark eyes lifted with a quirked eyebrow she continued with utmost seriousness, "I refuse to lose you Regina."
Swallowing thickly, Regina nodded her head in reluctant agreement. Her heart still ached beyond compare but for a moment the clarity Zelena's words provided gave her the nudge she needed to see the situation on a broader scale than she had been.
It was okay to miss Daniel.
To grieve for him and wish for oblivion. But it would never be okay to allow herself to sink as far as to actually succumb to it. It wasn't an option to give up on the people she had left in this world who still needed her. Not like her Mother had.
"I'm going to hold you to that."
"Hold me to what?"
Regina snorted out a breath, kicking her foot against her sister's shin with little strength behind the assault. "The growing old together here surrounded by a house full of felines."
"Oh!" She laughed with a wave of her hand. "That's a given. You're suck with me for life I'm afraid my dear little sister."
"Have you thought of moving back to Storybrooke?" Regina asked with her eyes down cast, focused on her fingers that picked absently at her chipped nail polish, afraid of the rejection that would more than likely be coming after that.
She knew that Zelena enjoyed her life in Tallahassee where she had surrounded herself with people who sought instant gratification over the slow simple lifestyle that she herself loved. It had always been that way for the two of them. Zelena wanting to rush off on some kind of adventure while she was happy to remain home working in the garden or with Auntie Mal on her latest casting. Zelena thrived on lust and love and frivolity- all the things that were lacking in their sleepy seaside town.
Zelena hummed noncommittally, a hint of a grin curling up one side of her mouth into a smirk.
Glancing up at the less than impressive response, Regina studied the smirk and instantly rolled her eyes. "Who is this one? In the last letter you sent you were deeply infatuated with a bricklayer named Oz. Are you still with him or is this another one to add to the ever growing list dear?"
"Ha! That was almost four months ago! He's old news darling." The ginger girl laughed and pushed away from the headboard she'd been leaning against for the last hour so that she could scoot closer to her sister. Their knees bumped together and her grin grew into a blinding smile that lit her blue eyes ablaze.
"His name is Nikomedes Thanos and I swear to you Regina he's the one."
Regina scrunched up her face as she tried to process the turn of their conversation, fighting tooth and nail to ignore the pang in her heart over the thought her sister having found love when she had just lost her own.
That pang was what had her barking out in barely concealed repulsion, "What the hell kind of name is Nikomedes Thanos?! Where do you find all of these men? You have the worst taste in the opposite sex."
"Says the girl who cast a spell for some person who could never exist so that she didn't fall in love!" Zelena scoffed and swatted her sister's thigh with a playful slap that was repeated thrice.
"He's not like anyone I've ever dated before Gina," she said, her eyes glazing over with a deeply rooted infatuation that made Regina shift uncomfortably.
"He's from somewhere in Greece- like real old world Greece. Nik says he's a decedent of Hades and the way he talks about it- I really think he is because sometimes when he stares at me I swear I can feel my soul being pulled towards his. I really think he's the one Regina. I can't put my finger on it but I think… I mean I really feel that he's my soul mate."
For the next hour Zelena rehashed in great detail the last four months of her life while Regina sat stoically, focused on listening to her sister and not the flutters of envy that danced around her chest whispering how unfair this all was.
Standing on the front porch, a robe pulled tightly around her body to ward off the early evening chill as the sun began to kiss the horizon, Regina stood holding onto her sister firmly. She didn't want to let go, to let her leave yet, but she knew she had to. Zelena had a life to get back to and she had her own to try and put back together.
"Write to me. I promise I'll write back more often and if you need anything, anything at all-"
"I know, call and you'll be here. You know the same goes for you too Zelena. Should you need anything…" She murmured, fighting back the misting of tears that bit at her eyes when she pulled away from the strong hug.
"You're the only person I'd ever call Regina. Take care of those babies and give Auntie my love. I wish I could stay longer but…" Zelena trailed off with a wince. The conflict she was feeling as she lingered on the front porch steps was evident in every twitch of her features. She wanted to stay but she knew she had to go. She needed to get back home to her life a thousand miles away.
"You need to go. I understand." Reaching her hand out, Regina gently stroked her thumb against the pale freckled skin of her sister's bicep. "Try not to make it so long between visits. I would love it if you could to meet the kids. I tell them so much about you. They would love to meet their Aunt Zelena sometime."
A crooked grin spread across Zelena's lips and she nodded in agreement. "I promise. Don't forget to write, I want to hear every boring detail and get a cat- we need to start stock piling now!" The older woman laughed morosely, her bright eyes dulled down with welling tears. "I love you Regina. You're the bravest woman I know."
"Hardly, but I appreciate your blind faith in me and I'll be sure to get that cat- I'll send a picture. And, I love you too Zee. Have a safe flight back to Florida. Call me when you get in so I know that you got home safely please."
With a single nod Zelena stepped down one step and then another, her shoulders squared and chin held high- she wasn't going to cry. Heading back towards the rental car she had picked up in Boston, her gaze continued to stray over her shoulder to her sister- her sweet baby sister who swiped at traitor tears that spilled down her cheeks - until she got behind the wheel and drove away with her heart breaking.
It would never be easy walking away from Regina.
Not ever.
When the babble of voices sounded from the front of the house Regina paused to wipe the flour from her hands on the apron she wore and struggled to suppress the grin she felt curling at her lips when she distinctly heard Robyn ask what smelled so good and if Auntie Mal had magicked them up some dinner while they were out (which had earned the child a chuckled no from the older woman).
In the time that Zelena had left she had pushed herself to shower and get dressed in something that wasn't the pajamas she'd been wearing for weeks and when that was done she went on to cook up a batch of her famous lasagna as an apology to her children for being so absent of late.
She was even making apple turn overs, something she knew Henry would love the most.
"Mom?" His timid little voice questioned from the door way, a look of awed confusion clear in his soulful brown eyes that matched hers so completely.
"MOMMY!" Robyn cried, pushing her way past her brother so that she could throw herself at her mother's legs. She nuzzled her nose against her Mom with no qualms about the flour that now dusted her nose and cheeks. "Mommy what are you doing awake!? We thought you'd be sleeping!"
Pushing the harsh sting of guilt away for later, Regina effortlessly lifted the tiny redhead into her arms, snuggling her floury cheek with her nose. "I couldn't miss movie night could I? And what would movie night be without some treats?"
Henry moved further into the room, the uncertain look never leaving his face until he spotted the turnovers that sat ready to be baked on the cookie sheet in front of his Mother. "Are those… YOU MADE TURN OVERS?!" Whooping out a cheer, he surged forward to clasp his arms around his Mom's middle in a fierce hug. "You're the best Mom ever!"
Regina hummed, her throat far too tight to verbally acknowledge the generous statement from her son and closed her eyes so that she could relish this moment with her children who still loved her even if she was nothing more than a broken version of herself.
When her eyes finally opened again she smiled weakly at Mal who leaned against the door frame between the kitchen and the hallway watching the scene unfold.
"How was Zelena? I feel she's already heading back to Tallahassee. That was a short visit."
"She was well. She sends her love and wishes that she could have stayed longer but she had to get back."
Mal snickered under her breath and shook her head. She pushed away from her leaning place with a sigh, she highly doubted that Zelena wanted to linger in the tired town for longer than a few hours but she wouldn't say that to Regina, not when the girl looked more alive than she'd seen in days- hell weeks even.
"Dinner smells wonderful darling, you out did yourself tonight."
"Thank you. I'm… Trying," she breathed. A small timid smile curled her lips uncertainly. She didn't know if this would last or if she would fall to pieces within the next few hours or even days from now but she was trying and that was the best that she could do. "I'm really trying."
And she wasn't going to stop. Not for anything in this world. Not when she had two sets of arms holding onto her like she was their everything.
She had to do this.
For them.