Cruise Control

When I woke up this time, it was in much of the same way except for the fog that settled in my brain. The fog was different, it seemed thicker and heavier much like an early morning after a night of storms.

Storms – Ponyboy hates storms. He loves the rain and the sight of lighting, but the thunder is what scares him half to death.

When thunder wakes him up he glues himself to my side and tries not to make a sound every time the sky rumbles.

"Thunder is the sound lighting makes," He'll mumbled to himself, lighting is hot and it makes the air around it get hotter and hotter. The our room would light up as lighting strikes through the sky, I could hear is voice get more tense and he starts to talk faster then, "hot air gets bigger and bigger and it pushes and vibrates and that's what makes the sound. That's all, that's all..."

I would try and just lay there not making a sound, I know how much he hates waking me up in the middle of the night but when the thunder rumbles he can't hold it in anymore. I turn in bed and I would take him in my arms. "It's just like popcorn Pone." I would say, calming him down just a bit. "Just popcorn..."

I open my eyes to stare up a the ceiling of the hospital, the fog had went away some but my head still felt heavy and the smell in my room wasn't helping it any.

From the corner of my eyes I could see where the smell was coming from; a couple of vases were sitting on a table in front of the window filled with different flowers. One that stood out was the one in the middle with one of those aluminum balloons that read: It's a boy!

I knew where those had came from – Two-Bit.

The door to my room opened and a nurse walked in, "Well, good morning Mr. Curtis." She beamed and I gave her the best smile I could manage. "We'll good afternoon actually, Mr. Curtis."

"Sodapop." I corrected her, Mr. Curtis was always my dad or Darry – I wasn't a Mister nothing.

She blushed and nodded, "Sodapop then." the nurse came over to the bed and took my wrist between her fingers with her eyes glued to the gold watch on her wrist. "Good, good." she mumbled letting my hand fall to the bed.

She walked around and checked on a couple of other things before I interrupted her, "Am I on anything?" Something had to be causing the fog in my brain, it wasn't going away and it was keeping me from thinking.

I didn't like it one bit.

"Earlier you had a panic attacked and they needed to calm you down. You're just experiencing some side effects right now. Since you're awake, it will all start clearing up."

Panic attack...

Why?

I remembered why, I just didn't want to focus on it right now. I could feel my stomach moving like I was going to be sick. "Is...is he alright?"

She gave me a look, one that I didn't like a bit but she did a good job in trying to cover it. "I can go get your older brother, if you would like?"

Darry was still here? Of course he would be, his two kid brothers were in the hospital and one "wasn't doing so well"...

I nodded and she left the room.

Now alone I let out the sigh I had been holding and brought my hands to my face as some of the fog began to lift.

"He's not doin' well."

"Pony..." I could feel wetness coating the palms of my eyes as I rubbed them. I didn't know what was wrong with him, but I knew he was hurt and bad. I could just feel it somewhere inside of me. I needed answers though, I needed to know what happened even though part of me didn't.

"Your car ran off the road and into the crowd."

I pulled my hands away from my eyes and let them drop again to my sides. I needed answers and I needed them now. I still didn't know how bad he was, hell he could be lying down in the morgue right now for all I knew.

No, I can't think like that. He could be doing fine now, just fine and we'll both be back home soon.

I finally got myself calmed down just in time, without warning the door to my room swung open and there was Darry.

I'm not sure how long they knocked me out for, but for however long Darry seemed to age many years. He looked just dead tired on his feet like he was just going to drift off while standing there.

His eyes had bags under them that were so deep and dark I thought I was looking into the eyes of Death itself.

"Hey buddy." He tried to smile at me but it failed to reach his eyes, it failed to even completely form into one. "How you feelin'?"

"Better." I followed him with my eyes as he sat on the chair by the side of the hospital bed I was in. "I should be askin' you that question Dar." Again he tried to smile, he did better this time but it still wasn't right.

"I'm fine, just tired." He stretched and I winced as I heard his joint pop, "Lots of paper work to fill out with you two." He was cautious when he said the last part, worried I'd have another fit or something. But, I did my best to stay calm.

I didn't say anything at first, after a few moments of silence I couldn't hold it in anymore. "What happened?" I asked he tried to look away from me but I wouldn't let him. "What happened?"

He ran his hand through his hair roughly, "We shouldn't talk about that now...you just focus on-"

"What? Myself?" I let out a sarcastic laugh, "Like I can do that knowin' that Pone is in here somewhere and I don't know what's wrong with 'im or how bad he's doin'! You know I cain't do that, man. Just-" I threw the covers off of me, "if you won't tell me, I'm gettin' out of this bed to find out myself!"

The second my socked feet hit the tiled floor, my vision began to swim and I was fighting to keep my balance. Even tired as he was, Darry was quick in catching me before I could crumble to the ground. "Dang it."

Darry sat me down in the chair he had been sitting in just seconds ago. "You alright?" He asked after giving me a moment to get myself right. "Shouldn't've get up like that, you've been flat on your back for over 24 hours."

I nodded not trusting myself to speak, my stomach was still flipping and turning like it was part of a circus act.

"-haven't had a thing to eat either. I'm gonna get a nurse to bring you somethin' since Two-Bit went to town on your lunch." I listened to Darry ramble for a while but when he moved to go to the door my hand shot out to grab his sleeve.

"Pony." I said quickly and sharply, he wasn't going to distract me from this. "I want to see him."

Again we went into a silence that was none too comfortable – "Please."

He sighed before he slowly nodded, "I gotta tell you first what's wrong with him Sodapop." Again he ran his fingers through his hair before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

What's wrong with him...

Something is wrong with my baby brother...

Wrong.

The fear started to take over again and I wanted to tell Darry never mind, I didn't want to hear. But I needed to. I needed to know -

I slowly looked up at him, giving him to go ahead to continue.

Darry took a deep breathe, "When the car hit him, he didn't – he," I watched as he nervously cleared his throat and then swallowed hard, "he wasn't thrown off or just ran over. He uh...Soda, he – the car continued on with him on it."

I was starting to think that maybe Ponyboy just got busted up inside or something, like the car punched him in the stomach and held on. I started to think and hope that he would be okay because he was just hurting but the doctors were working on patching him up...

I was fine thinking that and I could tell Darry to stop and let me think all I was thinking. What I was thinking wasn't right though, Darry still had more to say and it wasn't what I was thinking and hoping he would

I wasn't prepared for what he said next.

"The car ran through the old rusted fence around those old factories," Darry continued, his voice dropped a bit and bit face twisted like the words coming from his mouth was causing him pain. "Pony was still on the car when it hit one of those buildings, Sodapop."

He was still on the car when it hit...

"He was...he was pinned between them." Those last words were said so softly I almost didn't hear them. But I did and then the words started to register in my brain -

He was pinned between the car and the building. The old cinder block building and the double ton solid metal car...

Pinned.

Stuck...

Squished...

Smashed.

Nevermind, I wanted to say, It's okay you don't have to say anymore.

Instead I started to ask, "What's wrong..." I couldn't finish saying what I was wanting to, the words just froze in my throat. I tried to swallow and get them unstuck but my mouth had gone completely dry, however Darry knew what I was going to ask.

You don't have to tell me anymore...

"His legs," Darry kept his eyes on me, I could feel them on me watching for my reaction. "They got hurt bad honey." He moved off the bed and knelt on the side of the chair I was sitting on. "They're gone, they had to take 'em cause..." He didn't finish, he didn't have to.

They had been pinned -

Stuck...

Squished...

Smashed.

- Between the old building of the factory and the solid metal sky blue car I had been driving.

And I had been driving that car.

I don't know what I had in my stomach, but whatever it was tasted awful when it came up into the waste basket Darry was holding up to me.

What have I done?

Originally I am right handed but long ago I had to adapt because my hand, starting right above the wrist had to be amputated due to a deformation that was made worse because of surgeries that were meant to correct it. I was going on 6 when it happened so I don't remember much of it and I'm happy I don't - I think?

Sorry for the slow updates but thank you for the reviews, PMs, favs and so on. Keep 'em coming they make me go Yay and Thanks for understanding about Salvage Me.