Old hangups and new beginnings

Chapter 3

After calling his dad who was nothing but ecstatic about the news, Kurt called Blaine. His boyfriend congratulated him but had to hang up shortly after it; something about another acting crisis from Cooper. But he promised to come over the following day to celebrate.

Kurt spent the rest of his Saturday planning a romantic Sunday to celebrate with his boyfriend. He made some of their favorite foods for a little indoor picnic, made sure he still had supplies in his room for activities that still make him blush uncontrollably and made Finn promise to stay out of the house for the majority of the day.

But of course his plans were overturned on Sunday morning.

After waking up Kurt found an E-mail from Rachel in his mailbox. She tried to apologize for her reaction in the first paragraph but it quickly turned into her whining about not getting the opportunity to shine in New York like he was.

I just want an opportunity to be a star...

You have to understand...

They must have made a mistake...

Naturally his mood dampened at her poor attempt at apologizing.

He's sure she expects him to give in like always, but this time he's not. This year they became friends; best friends even, but he is not holding himself back just because she's unhappy, especially when he knows she wouldn't do the same for him.

He was there when she blew her audition, consoled her after Quinn's accident and even helped her plan a wedding he didn't approve of.

She on the other hand ran for president against him even though he needed it for his college applications. When Dave tried to... Well, after Dave's incident she knew that he was devastated, but put her wedding plans into action instead of making sure he was alright. And Kurt really wasn't. And now she can't even bring herself to be happy for him.

When Blaine finally came over Kurt couldn't stop going on about Rachel and her attitude towards his acceptance to NYADA. His plans for a relaxed Sunday had gone completely out the window.

"Can you believe it? Like it's my fault she forgot the text of her song. She's mad at me because my life is finally looking up. And she even tries to pull Finn over to her side!"

"Well it was always her dream to get into NYADA," Blaine speaks up from his seat on the bed. "Now she has nothing."

"Oh my God!" Kurt has the sudden urge to throw his arms in the air. "We only found out that the school even exists last year! And it isn't my fault she didn't apply to any other schools! If she really wants NYADA she can try again next year!"

"So you are definitely going?"

Kurt thought it was quite clear that he was going, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I was just thinking that maybe you would wait a year and then you and Rachel could go together."

"You want me to wait a year for someone that isn't happy for me and said she deserved it more since she's more talented than me?"

The thought never even crossed his mind. Maybe he would have considered it if Rachel's reaction had been different. But now there is no way he is going to let this chance pass.

"What about me?"

"You want me to wait for you?" This conversation was getting more and more weird, "I thought you don't even want to go to New York."

"Well, I don't, but that's not what I mean. If you go to New York I'm staying behind."

"We talked about it. We agreed that we can make it work."

They spent hours and hours assuring each other that they won't have a problem with a long-distance relationship. They promised each other daily talks and as many visits as possible. Kurt thought they were on the same page.

"I know but..." Blaine falters in his explanation and averts his eyes.

"What? You changed your mind?"

"It's not like that. But, what about the other schools? What about ones closer to Lima?"

"Those were just back-up plans. New York was always the goal. There's no way I'm choosing some school in Ohio if NYADA wants me. You knew that." Suddenly a thought crossed Kurt's mind, "Or didn't you believe I would be accepted?"

Blaine's guilty look is all Kurt needs to know the answer.

"So what? You didn't think I would get in and thought you'd lie to me about thinking we can make it work long-distance, because in the end it won't matter? You thought you didn't need to say anything because I'll stay behind in Lima anyways?" he demanded.

"I wasn't sure. I'm still not sure"

Slowly Kurt is getting mad. "Not sure about what?" he snaps.

"Everything, Kurt! You getting into college. If we can do long-distance. If I even want to try."

Kurt has a feeling about where this conversation is heading, "And what now?"

"I don't know either. If you're really going we should probably break-up, I guess."

"You guess?"

"We haven't been working for quite some time. And not seeing each other every day won't help."

Kurt was trying to ignore it. He would have done everything to make it work, but this changes things. If Blaine doesn't believe in them, Kurt doesn't feel obliged to do so either. He would have tried; after all, Blaine is his first boyfriend. He's turned a blind eye to a lot of things that weren't working in their relationship, but it's not his responsibility alone to keep them going. Especially if Blaine wasn't planning to do the same.

"You're right."

"I am?"

He doesn't want to think that Blaine's words were his way of making Kurt decide between his boyfriend and New York. But seeing Blaine's shocked expression, it's difficult to ignore the feeling that his boyfriend was issuing an ultimatum, even if it was just a subtle one.

"Yeah. I'm obviously not giving up NYADA." Blaine at least has the decency to look ashamed at his exclamation, "And it's difficult enough to have a long-distance relationship and probably even harder if at least one heart isn't in it. Instead of ignoring them we should have worked harder on solving the problems in our relationship."

Kurt's not sure what the biggest issue they should have worked on is: their lack of communication or the fact that his boyfriend apparently doesn't believe in his talent. (which now explains the surprise on Blaine's face when Kurt rocked his audition.)

"Like your fling with Chandler."

Oh, for God's sake.

Blaine calling Kurt a cheater when he isn't one.

Blaine never admitting his mistakes.

That week with Chandler wouldn't have been on top of Kurt's list but whatever. It should have been an indication that he enjoyed Chandler's cheesy texts more than he probably would have some months ago. However, Blaine is not going to twist the facts to put all the blame on him again, "And your thing with Sebastian!"

"I told you, that was nothing," Blaine states scowling.

"And you told me it was family friendly. We both know Sebastian isn't capable of being family friendly."

"Of course he can."

"Probably he can. But he doesn't. You know that fundraiser I went to with my dad? He was telling dirty jokes and making inappropriate comments about the waiters and he sure didn't care that his parents were around."

"But-"

"It doesn't matter now. We should have talked about it instead of ignoring it. And now it's too late."

"So that's it? We're done?" Blaine asks with tears in his eyes.

Kurt can only nod. He feels bad. Although he didn't even know an hour before that he wanted to, he ended his relationship with Blaine. The romantic afternoon with his boyfriend had turned into Kurt breaking up with him.

It's such a cliché for high-school couples to end the relationship because one of them goes to college and the other one doesn't. But it's probably better than the cliché of a long-distance relationship which then ends because one of them can't stand the distance and cheats. It's probably better to end it before.

They stay quiet for some minutes. Sitting on opposite sides of the room avoiding looking at each other. What are they supposed to do now? What's the protocol after breaking up? Does he have to kick Blaine out? Do they have to talk about their past or their plans for the future?

Luckily Blaine takes the initiative and disrupts the silence, "Can we still be friends?"

Kurt doesn't know if they can, "It might be better if we stay away from each other until we sort out our feelings."

Blaine leaves shortly after. It is just after Kurt closes the front door behind his now ex-boyfriend, that he realizes that he is feeling relieved. He is sad. The tears that are finally coming are evidence of it. After all it's his first break-up. He just lost his first real love. But there is also relief of not having to deal with the problems that were always present in their relationship. It wasn't as perfect as everybody believed it to be.

Just later that night when he starts to make dinner for Finn and him, he sees that the celebratory cheesecakes he made last night are still untouched on the kitchen counter.