Chapter 2 Why can't I ever find love

"John," Sherlock cried staring at the door. Turning toward Mycroft, his shoulders fell, and his face lined with pain.

Mycroft could see the angst in his brother's face and saw how his brother's lower lip was trembling. After a moment, he placed a light hand on Sherlock's shoulder. "He'll be back once he cools down, little brother."

As Sherlock shook his head, tears began to appear in his eyes. "Not this time, I promised him I wasn't keeping anything else from him. He'll never forgive this lie and will detest me. He's gone for good."

"Sherlock, you don't believe that. You did what was needed to keep your friends safe, and John will understand and come around. Have you ever told him what happened in those years away? Has he ever even asked?"

"Never, I don't want him to feel guilty, so we haven't talked about it. I don't blame him for not asking as I hurt him too gravely."

"You two need to discuss those two years and what happened. It will always be an obstruction to returning your relationship to what it was before you left until you do. I know you care very deeply about the doctor, but this is as much his fault. You have never even allowed him to see your scars. Surely he would know that your time away was not a picnic if you did."

Sherlock started to shake, and Mycroft led him to the couch. Sitting him down, he sat beside him. Tears ran down his face while silent sobs rocked his body.

Mycroft felt his brother's head lay on his shoulder. "Mycie, why can't I ever find love or even friendship that I don't destroy." The sobs increased in volume and intensity.

The use of his childhood name and closeness of Sherlock was uncomfortable. He cared for his brother and wanted to see him happy, but too many things seemed to prevent this from happening. The many incidents between them kept them from really helping each other to feel pleasure in the others present.

After Sherlock had quieted, he became aware of how he was sitting and jerked up quickly. He could feel his forgotten feelings for Mycroft crashing back. Quickly he moved hoping to prevent his brother from discovering how he felt. The comments he often made to Mycroft were just the opposite of his sentiments. He was in love with his brother, but couldn't let him know, or he would forever lose him. But he can never admit to Mycroft that he looks forward to his visits, and only keep distant and insulting to keep his brother from discovering his true feelings.

According to everyone, sibling incest was not only wrong in every way, but against the law. Sherlock could never allow his feelings to injury his brother's life and job. Beside Mycroft would never feel the same way. He believed caring wasn't an advantage. He knew Mycroft would never return his feelings.

"What is wrong brother mine?" Mycroft was not surprised at his brother's movement. Although neither liked showing emotions, Sherlock had always been his worst enemy by allowing his feelings to rule his life. Of course, he would deny this, just as he was doing now even though the situation was understandable.

"I'm apology for my loss of control. It won't happen again." Sherlock stood and began pacing.

"The safe house?"

"You usually just need me to do your legwork. That's the only thing I'm good for you." Sherlock sounded disappointed before he could catch himself. It wouldn't do to let Mycroft hear the need in his voice.

"You're good for more than just legwork. The cases you solve save lives. Besides, you know I don't do emotion, but need to keep you safe, or mummy will kill me," Mycroft smirked.

Sounding offended. "Oh, we wouldn't want to upset mummy."

Sherlock looked around 221B. It was where he lived for a long time, but John made it his home. They were a family. Not lovers but someone who understood him.

"If you're right and he comes back, I need to be here to explain to John why I didn't tell him and apologized."

"Come to the safehouse. I'll have a man watch for him, and bring him to you when he comes back." Mycroft assured him.

Coming to the decision that he couldn't stay in the apartment tonight in case John returned, to claim his property, he said. "I'll just pack a few things, but your men better catch him quickly, or I'll go find this Davison myself," Sherlock threatened and then unsure. "And you do promise to bring John if he does return."

Mycroft nodded and waited for his brother to pack before heading toward the car.