At about three in the morning, Cooper felt something crawl into bed with him. That didn't make him very happy at all because he really wanted to get some sleep. So at first, he decided to just try to ignore whatever it was and hoped it would go away. But then he felt a pair of hands sleep underneath his shirt and start pinching his sides. At that point, he knew there was no ignoring this person because it was a little asshole just asking to get his head ripped off his shoulders. "Connor, I suggest you leave me alone," he growled, opening his eyes and moving the covers off his body. "Or we're going to have a serious fucking problem."

Connor, who was laying on top of him, began to giggle. "I'm bored Cooper," he announced.

"Well that's not my problem," Cooper replied. "Now unless you're going to hop on my dick, get the fuck out of my room."

Connor pouted his lips. "But Cooper, I can't sleep when I'm bored. I need someone to play with me."

Cooper sighed. "Look, Dad and Mark have to get up in just a few hours so they can start cooking all those turkeys. We can't play tonight because we'll wake them up. So go to bed and get some sleep. We can play tomorrow."

"But I want to play now!" Connor whined. He hit Cooper on the chest. "You're going to play with me now!"

"No I'm not," Cooper replied. "I'm going to sleep." To prove his point, he shoved Connor off of him, reclaimed his blanket and closed his eyes.

Connor huffed loudly and stormed out of the room. Cooper wished that would be the end of it, but he knew Connor too well to believe that to be the case. So he just rested his eyes as he waited, wishing he could be an only child. About ten minutes of cursing his parents for having sex, he heard his door open again. "I will spank you for whatever you're planning to do Connor," he said without even opening his eyes again. "And it won't be a fun spanking. I will fucking make it hurt really bad."

Connor let out a loud whining noise. "You're mean Cooper! I'm gonna go play with someone else now!"

"Good!" Cooper said as Connor stormed out of the room again. "Damn brat." Cooper got back into a comfortable position and actually managed to fall back asleep. While he was sleeping, he dreamt that he, Jeff and James went to a zoo to visit Connor, who had run away to live with the monkeys. And while they were there, they also saw Mark, who had turned into some weird half hyena, half snake. Then they saw Glenn, who was setting children on fire for the enjoyment of their parents. And then, to cap off their visit, they visited Phil, and they got to poke him with sticks and everything. Phil whined and bitched the whole time, and it sounded so real that Cooper could have sworn it was really happening. In fact, the whines were almost too good and they were getting louder and louder and--

"CONNOR! GET AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT NOW!"

Cooper's eyes snapped open. Oh shit, that's not good. He glanced at the clock. It was officially 4:07 in the morning and Connor had done something to Phil that made Glenn bellow like a madman. That was not a good thing. Rolling out of bed, Cooper left his room just in time to see Connor running away from Glenn. "What did you do?" Cooper asked Connor.

"I'll tell you what he did!" Glenn growled. "I got up to go to the bathroom, and when I came back, I found your demon spawn of a brother molesting Phil!"

Cooper blinked, a bit taken aback by that. "Are you serious?"

"He was all lonely!" Connor said defensively. He hid behind Cooper, somehow believing that Glenn wouldn't go straight through him to finish with the throttling that was surely in store for his insane ass. "Besides, you never let me top you Cooper and I want to top!"

Cooper backed up, his brotherly instincts taking over in an effort to keep Glenn from chokeslamming Connor straight to hell. "Glenn look, just go back to bed," he said quietly. "If Dad wakes up to the sound of you trying to kill Connor, he's going to be unbearable to be around later."

Glenn glared at him and Connor. "You keep him away from my Phil," he growled. "Or I promise you, he's going to be cooked and served with dinner later."

Connor sneered and was about to open his big fat mouth to say something nasty before Cooper shoved him not so nicely into his room. "You are a moron," Cooper said in a tired and annoyed voice. "Bugging Phil is one thing but molesting him is another--"

"I was not molesting him!" Connor whined. "I was playing!"

"Connor, do you understand what molesting is?"

"Uh.....it means I'm doing something with a mole?"

Cooper smacked Connor on the side of the head before pulling him over to the bed. "You're going to sleep here with me tonight," he said, his tone leaving no room for questioning (but this was Connor, so there would be questioning because he had to be difficult like that). "And you're going to behave because Glenn will murder you if you touch Phil again."

"But Phil was liking it until he opened his eyes and realized it wasn't Glenn!" Connor whined. "But then he woke up and almost screamed and I had to put a knife to his throat so he would keep quiet and then Glenn came in--"

Cooper layed down on the bed and then pulled Connor down with him. He wrapped both his arms and his legs around his younger brother so the little bastard couldn't get up and cause more trouble. Oh fuck, he thought as Connor kept babbling about how mean Glenn was. This is going to be one long fucking night.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"James. James. Wake up. Come on, those stupid fucking turkeys aren't going to cook themselves."

James groaned and buried his face into his pillow. "Leave me alone," he said, his voice muffled from the pillow. "I sleep now."

Mark groaned and shook James harder. "Damn it Lawson, you're the one who wanted to have this stupid Thanksgiving dinner, not me. So get your ass up so we can actually eat tonight."

James shook his head and pulled the blanket over his head. He did not want to get up at all. This dinner was a stupid idea. What had he been thinking when he decided to do this. I should have at least picked something to eat that took less time than turkey, he said to himself. That would have been a whole lot better. "You cook Marky," he said sleepily. "You cook and I sleep."

"No, I'm not cooking while you sleep," Mark growled. He yanked the covers off of James and smacked him really hard on the ass. "If you do not get up right now, I swear on my life that I will make your life a living hell. And don't even try to say I'm joking because you know better than that."

James groaned and reluctantly got out of bed. He absolutely despised waking up early. It just felt wrong and unnatural to him. "Marky I hate turkey day now," he said miserably.

Mark sighed. "James stop it. You sound like Connor."

"I don't care!" James replied. "I'm tired and I'm going back to bed!" He tried to do just that but Mark grabbed him and tossed him over his shoulders. "Marky!" he exclaimed, not even sounding like himself because he was so tired. "I'm not liking you right now!"

"Yeah, well I'm too tired to give a shit!" Mark replied. He carried James out of their room, down the stairs and then into the kitchen. "Now you're getting one shot to wake your ass up on your own," he said as he set James back on to his own two feet. "And I suggest you take it, because if I have to help you wake up anymore, I'm going to be a real asshole about it."

James rubbed his eyes sleepily while glaring at Mark. "Fuck you Marky," he said before stumbling over to the frozen turkeys that had been let out to thaw during the night. "I get these ones and you get the ones Connor gave us."

"Fine, whatever," Mark said. "Just as long as you stop being a lazy asshole and actually help me."

"Oh fuck off," James replied tiredly. He stared at the frozen turkeys, trying to remember what the fuck he had wanted to do to do with them. One was going in the oven, another was getting fried and the third....oh fuck, what was that thing called again? It had to do with pot and a cock...no wait, that's not right. Crockpot! Yeah, that's it!

Mark snapped his fingers in front of James's face. "Earth to Lawson. What the fuck are you doing?"

James blinked, not realizing that he had spaced off. "I'm sleepy Marky," he said as he walked into the pantry so he could get the crockpot and the fryer out.

"Damn it Lawson, I know that already!" Mark said, clearly frustrated with James at the moment. "Believe me, I'm just as tired as you are right now. But do you hear me whining like a little bitch?"

"I'm not whining like a little bitch!" James growled. He got the fryer out and put it on the counter and then went into the pantry to get the crockpot. It was up on the top shelf and he had to move a whole bunch of other shit out of the way just so he could get his hands on it. "You--"

Connor suddenly began to scream, which scared the fuck out of both James and Mark. The crockpot slipped out of James's grip and fell directly on top of his foot. "Son of a bitch!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. He picked it up and hurled it out of the pantry. Mark had to duck for cover as it hit one of the cupboards above the counter and then fell to the floor.

"Jesus Christ James!" Mark yelled. "You probably just broke it!"

James really didn't give a rat's ass at the moment. His foot hurt so bad that he couldn't stand it. Connor let out another scream, which made him start hopping to see what the hell was going on. "Connor!" he yelled "What the--"

Connor came running down the stairs. "It's snowing!" he shouted gleefully. "I go play now!"

"Connor you idiot!" Cooper yelled as Connor went running out the front door. "You come back here and get your coat on right now!"

James stopped and groaned. did his foot really just get broken because Connor creamed himself because of snow. "Son of a fucking bitch!" he yelled angrily. "I hate this fucking holiday!"

"Lawson--"

"I said I hate it!" James repeated. "I hate it I hate it I hate it!"

Mark stared at him for a bit before sighing. "I'm assuming I'm cooking on my own now?"

"For now you are," James muttered. "Right now this Humpty Dumpty needs to put his fucking foot back together again."