Disclaimer: I'm sure this comes as a shock but I am not Kinoku Nasu, and, therefore, have no ownership of Type-Moon

Shirou made his way to the bus stop after his purchase, planning to take a ride to the Shinto area and walk home from there. Standing at the stop in the summer heat as cicadas buzzed, he had to take a step back as a young girl with white hair and red eyes dashed past him, pursued a short distance behind by a high school age girl wielding a bokken marked with a tiger-print strap.

"CALL ME TIGER AGAIN YOU BRAT, I DARE YOU!"

"Ahahahaha~! Tiger, tiger~!"

Shirou stared at this strange scene, thankful that he had been standing there for a while and had thus had time to react and avoid the blind charge by the young child and equally childish young adult.

"I feel like I've just avoided some terrible event for some reason…"

Shirou entered the church just in time to see his father finish a conversation with a foreigner wearing the uniform of a church exorcist. He arched an eyebrow at the sight of the exorcist's companion, a young white-haired girl around his own age with bandaged hands showing from beneath the nun's habit she was wearing. He shrugged as he passed by, heading for the fridge. Kirei, noticing his arrival, called out to his son.

"Ah, Shirou! Mr. Abrams and his companion we'll be staying the night here before they leave for Misaki city in the morning. Could you make dinner for them as well?"

Shirou smiled broadly.

"Shall I prepare the Kotomine special, father?"

Kirei laughed in response.

"Yes, I do believe that would be best."

"You know, Father Kotomine, I was worried when I was told that you were running this church that I was going to be surrounded by emotionless robots for my entire stay here. But it seems you've finally started to develop some amount of personality!"

The man in question chuckled as Shirou started serving the Mapo Tofu, starting with his father, followed by the unnamed girl, his own place at the table, and finally the exorcist known as Matthias Abrams.

"Yes, you could say that my involvement with the Holy Grail War two years ago helped to finally put everything into perspective for me; particularly my conversations with the Heroic Spirit summoned by Tohsaka Tokiomi."

With that, Kirei stopped speaking and dug into the food before him with the voracity of a starving dog. Shirou began eating as well, albeit not with the same fervor. The unnamed girl took a halfhearted bite- and then gasped and began shoveling the spicy tofu into her mouth with fervor almost matching Kirei's. Abrams, glancing around at the three, shrugged and took a bite of the food, ignoring his screaming instincts.

He immediately began coughing and sputtering, grabbing a glass of water and downing the entire thing.

"What- this is… HOW CAN YOU EAT THIS!? My m-mouth! I-it's burning like the fire of a thousand suns!"

He glanced around the table at the other three, taking in the exactly identical smirks adorning all three faces.

Shirou chuckled.

"It's not actually that bad… I mean, I'll admit it's an acquired taste, but I've gotten used to it. It's the only food father enjoys – between you and me, I think he damaged his taste buds and can only taste things above a certain spiciness level."

The exorcist kept coughing.

"I… take beck... everything I said… Kotomine… you are… definitely not human."

After Abrams had regained his composure, he explained the details of his mission in Misaki City. Apparently, a demon-blooded family by the name of Tohno had been potentially overstepping its bounds, having recently wiped out the demon hunter families in the area. Abrams had been tasked with approaching the Tohno patriarch in order to re-establish a proper balance of power in the area. Kirei closed his eyes, thinking on this information.

"I see… so the higher-ups delegated this mission to an exorcist since demon blood was involved… honestly, I would think that the job is more suited for an executor, but it seems I was incorrect. Shirou, if you would show Caren to the guest room on the West side of the building, I have a few paperwork-related issues to go over with Mr. Abrams."

The girl eyed the Kirei warily.

"I do not recall ever giving my name, Father Kotomine."

The priest stiffened near the end of her sentence.

"Ah… that is… I… met your mother once or twice."

Caren's eyes narrowed.

"I see."

Shirou led Caren Ortensia through the darkened church.

"To become an apprentice exorcist at such a young age… you must be quite skilled, Ortensia-san."

"Just Caren is fine. And it seems you've misinterpreted my role in things. I have a bloodline trait that allows me to easily detect people possessed by demons. I am not capable of performing the actual exorcisms."

"So you're just being used as a tool, then? Is that really alright with you?"

"It is the path that I have chosen."

"I see. In that case, it's not really my place to judge. That aside, does a convenient bloodline trait like that really exist?"

"I possess the ability known as "Masochistic Pneumatic Automatism Diathesis". In short, when I come into contact with someone possessed by a demon, I begin to display the same symptoms as that person. This allows my teacher to easily detect the possessed and exorcise the demon."

"I see… so you suffer pain for the purpose of alleviating the suffering of others. Caren-san is a strong person, it seems."

As they walked down the hallway, the two bumped into a blonde teen with red eyes.

"Boy! I have returned home. Who is this wench at your si-"

Before he had the chance to finish his sentence, a red cloth wrapped around him, tying him up and gagging him.

"Brother Kotomine, there is a strange and rude person on the premises of this church. Who is he and what is his business here?"

"No, that's… um…"

Shirou thought for a bit on how to explain the presence of a heroic spirit summoned from near the dawn of time that had remained in the aftermath of the fourth grail war. He eventually came to the natural conclusion on how to approach this issue: shut up and let Father explain it.

"I believe father would probably be best to explain Gil's presence in the church."

Caren stroked her chin a bit, staring at the bound spirit.

"I see… so that man is Father Kotomine's gay lover. I understand; although it is considered a sin by the Church's teachings, I accept the fact that every man has his vices."

Upon hearing this statement, the King of Heroes struggled with renewed fervor, grunting angrily at the girl. She tilted her head, and the cloth binding his mouth slid out of place.

"I will not permit any further slander against my name, you filthy Cur! You dare bind the king!? Untie me so I might punish you, you unsightly bi- MMPH!"

Caren bowed her head and clasped her hands with a gentle smile on her face.

"Lord, please forgive the poor sinner in front of me for his unsightly language and his submission to the deadly sin of wrath…"

Shirou mimicked her actions, his frame shaking with repressed laughter.

As he walked through the halls of the church, Kotomine Kirei came across a strange scene. The glorious, prideful King of Heroes had been unceremoniously tied up and left in the middle of the hallway. Kirei knelt down and pulled the gag out of his mouth.

"Kirei, the king does not kill children. That said, there are two small demons currently within this church that must be disposed of."

The priest stood up, clasping his hands and closing his eyes.

"Lord, please forgive this poor sinner for his submission to-"

A golden portal formed in the air, a weapon poking out of it.

"…Do you want to die, Kirei?"

Kirei smirked and knelt down to finish untying Gilgamesh.

"All jokes aside, my king, I would beg you to show mercy to my family, if only to allow us the pleasure of continuing to serve you."

"…very well then. Be grateful I still find the antics of your family of jesters amusing, Kotomine."

"That aside, my king, I am troubled again."

"I see. It's about that daughter of yours, correct?"

"Indeed. I thought I understood myself finally… but now I am not so sure. I enjoy the suffering of others… but for some reason I cannot stand the thought of Caren suffering for the sake of others."

Gilgamesh smirked as he stood up.

"So you are feeling the normal feelings of a parent, and don't know how to deal with it? How typically indecisive of you, Kirei."

The priest frowned.

"No, you misunderstand. It's not that I don't want to see her in pain. I simply want to be the one who makes her suffer. No one else."

The golden king laughed.

"I see, I see! Truly, you continue to amuse me priest! The answer is simple, Kirei. The feeling that no one may see your daughter's pain except you is, without a doubt, the way your twisted self feels love."

Kotomine Kirei relaxed a bit at this statement.

"I see… well, it's not as if it matters. She'll be gone in the morning anyways."

Achievement Box: Prologue!

[X]: That sale was a steal! - Met Rin at the supermarket. Rin route discovered!

[ ]: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! - ?

[X]: One great, big screwed up family! - Made friends(?) with Caren Hortensia. Caren route discovered!

[N]: Break a leg, kid! - Avoided getting knocked into the street and hit by a car due to Illya and Taiga's shenanigans.

[X]: The ninth commandment! - Avoided lying directly to Caren!

A/N:

So that chapter wound up running longer than expected. That's fine though. This is fine.

I've been contemplating changing the name of this story; [Latin Words] doesn't quite bring in the readers.

I might look into grabbing a cover image while I'm at it... but I don't really want to steal art and I can't art myself, so whatcha gonna do?

Until next time.