I honestly didn't want to write anything for Valentine's Day since I don't believe in it, but of course my brother had a good Akatsuki Valentines' idea so here it is!
Co-written with my brother
You might want to read Itachi's Birthday to get some of the jokes
Summary: It's Valentine's Day with Akatsuki and hate; I mean LOVE is in the air. CRACK! No homophobes please
An Akatsuki Valentine
The infamous Akatsuki leader, Pein was pissed.
…more than usual.
It was Valentine's Day. They wouldn't even be celebrating of some of the damn organization members didn't love it so much (like Dei). This was mostly because he never got a valentine once in his whole life. He had a deprived childhood, why'd you think he was a villain?! For kicks?!
"Happy Valentine's Day Leader!"
Pein turned around and saw Deidara in a Cupid costume. "OMGWTFBBQ?!"
"Something wrong Leader, un,?" Deidara asked like nothing was wrong.
"Nothing Deidara," Pein said, quickly composing himself, "I don't think Cupid wears a bra though."
Dei-chan?!" That could only be… "Why are you dressed as Cupid? It's Valentine 's Day. I wanted kinky! Bondage! S&M! Leather!" Sasori.
"That's not in the spirit danna, no matter how hot it sounds, un," Deidara said, "Don't worry Danna, we'll have fun later, un! I need to give out valentine's."
Deidara went about handing out valentines. Itachi couldn't get his though because he couldn't put down the cat (that doesn't have a name).
"Maybe we should get rid of that cat," Pein mused.
"Do it and I'll go homicidal maniac on all your asses," Itachi said monotonously.
"Or we could keep it!" Pein said quickly.
Don't I get any candy?" Hidan asked when he saw Deidara handing out chocolate.
(A/N: Say it with me everyone) "You never finish it!" Pein yelled.
"Last one is for Sasori-danna, un," Deidara said, wheeling a giant Trojan Horse size valentine over to the puppet.
"What's it say?" Itachi asked. His eyesight was failing him after all.
"Hmm," Pein squinted at the sloppy writing, "My love for you...it's over nine thousand!!"
"Bad Dragonball Z joke," Itachi said.
"I like Dragonball Z, un," Deidara said.
"Hey where's Kisame?" Zetsu asked, not seeing the fishman anywhere.
"Something tells me it has to do with fish and humping. At least his hornyness doesn't cost us money. Unlike Dei's girlish desires," Kakuzu said.
"I'm not girly! Just gay!" Deidara said.
"I'll go find the fucker," Pein said, stalking over to Kisame's room. He picked up a bat on the way there.
Knock, knock
"A little busy right now!"
"Open the door Kisame!"
"Oh Leader! Don't come in I'm busy!"
"What the fuck are you doing I'm breaking down the door!"
"No Leader, don't!"
"Oh dear god! What the fuck Kisame?!"
"I told you not to come in!"
"Bad Kisame! Down boy!"
"No, Leader! Put down the bat! No!"
A few minutes later
"Got Kisame," Pein said, walking back into the room with the beat up fishman in tow, "Can we just go eat breakfast or something?"
"Wait! Tobi hasn't given out his Valentine's!" Tobi said. He walked over to Leader and handed him a childish looking Valentine, obviously homemade.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Leader!" everyone, except Itachi said.
"Thanks guys," Pein said, maybe his organization wasn't so bad, "This is kinda-WHAT IS THAT STAIN?!"
I quite enjoyed writing this actually. Hope you all liked it! Valentine's Day sucks and is a scam. Review please.