It was Ranma's wedding day. Taking place in a beautiful church on a perfect sunny day. Everyone was there, her mother, her father, her cousins. Even her old friends from school. She wore a beautiful white wedding dress. Made of the softest fabric imaginable, it clung perfectly to her. A white veil was draped gently over her face, hiding her smile as she walked slowly up the aisle. She looked to the right, her mother was crying with joy as she walked over to the groom.
Wait... who was the groom?
He turned around, "Ranma my love!" It was Kuno.
Kuno.
Kuno.
"Wait.. no! Who the hell thought this-" Ranma tried to protest.
"You may kiss the bride." The priest ominously spoke.
"Let us connsumate our love Ranma!" Kuno jumped at her.
"Nooooooooooooo!" Ranma screamed, sitting up straight, her blanket flying off her futon.
½ Ranma
Episode 3: Love Panic!
How? Why? What is wrong with that guy?
"I beat the crap out of him, insult him, humilate him in front of his peers, and he proclaims his love to me!" Ranma mumbled to herself as she scrubbed herself clean in the bath. For some reason she felt really dirty today. "OK... think Saotome." How to get rid of her current romance problems?
Yuushi wasn't much of one. It was obvious that he wasn't interested in her and vice versa. But this Kuno guy. Insane. She had just pegged him as some arrogant jerk, and found it amusing to pull him down a peg.
The roses were not the expected result.
"Whatever." Ranma jumped out of the tub. "I'll deal with it later." She opened the bath door...
And was face to face with Yuushi.
"..."
"..."
SMACK!
THUMP!
"Pervert!"
"Learn to put a sign up you maniac!"
Kasumi looked up from her morning tea, "They get along well, don't you think Nabiki?"
Nabiki stared at her sister, pouring her coffee into her favorite mug. "Umm... you really think so?"
"Oh yes." Kasumi smiled serenely.
A moment later Ranma and Yuushi came downstairs, Yuushi having a red slap mark on his face. While Ranma had a rather impressive looking bump on her head.
"Good morning." Kasumi said like nothing was wrong.
"Morning." The two said in unison.
"Tea?" Kasumi suggested.
"Thanks." Ranma took a cup from her, she scooped some rice and fish into a bowl. "Looks good Kasumi."
"Thank you."
"Yeah it-" Ranma paused, picked up her bowl and chopsticks with one hand, and suddenly thrust up her other hand up in a fist.
Just in time for it to collide with the face of Genma dropping down from the ceiling. Nabiki and Yuushi promptly spit out their coffee and tea.
"Nice try old man!" Ranma's fist shifted to a grip on Genma's collar, and flung him into the koi pond.
"Growlf!" The panda that emmrged shook his fist at Ranma.
Nabiki and Yuushi looked up at the perfectly smooth ceiling. "How did he...?" They both said at once.
"Mr. Saotome is very good at what he does." Kasumi finished her tea, seemingly nonplussed about the whole incident.
Ranma turned the combination lock on her locker, slowly clicking it into the right position, she finally opened it. She was then promptly buried from the avalanche of notes that fell on her. "Huh?" Ranma pulled herself out from under the pile. "What are these?" She unfolded one of the notes.
"Ranma, please go out with me."
"Oh you have got to be kidding me." Ranma unfolded another note.
"Please be my girlfriend Miss Saotome!"
Ranma unfolded more notes.
"Can we have lunch together?"
"How about me and you go out?"
"How do you feel about other girls Miss Saotome?" (Ranma's eye twitched at this one.)
Ranma dropped the notes in his hand, staring at the massive pile of what she now knew to be love notes. "It never rains Saotome." She muttered to herself, "It pours."
Class wasn't much different. Her desk was home to a comparable pile of love notes. The homeroom teacher just shrugged when Ranma looked pleadingly at him.
Yuushi whistled in surprise, taking his seat in front of Ranma's. With a sigh, Ranma sat down and began sorting through the piles of notes.
"E-excuse me!" A guy jumped in front of her as the lunch bell rang. "Miss Saotome!"
Ranma sighed, she had a bad feeling about this. "Yes?"
"Can I-"
"Wait!" Another boy ran over to her. "I wanted to ask-"
"No way!" A third guy jumped into the conversation, "I want to-"
Ranma stood up, and walked away.
"Finally..." Ranma trailed behind Yuushi, she just felt tired. It had been a non stop series of notes, people taking to her. Confessions, and wild proclamations.
And Yuushi had just smiled at it all, the jerk.
She wanted to get to the club, swing some shinai at people, and go home. So distracted by her thoughts, Ranma didn't notice when Yuushi stopped. So she ran into him, both of them nearly stumbling over.
"Watch it." Yuushi said.
"Shut up," Ranma growled. "What's going on?" She looked over to the clubhouse.
Kuno was standing in front of it. Next to him was an absurdly large wreathe of flowers, as big as he was. "Ranma my Love" was written on a banner attatched to it. In his hands was a heart shaped box, likely filled with chocolates. "Ranma! I bring gifts for you!" He ran over and thrust the chocolates in Ranma's face. "For you, my darling."
Ranma took the box and opened it. It was indeed chocolate. She examined it for a brief moment. Then she shoved the entire open box into Kuno's face. "I'm sorry, I'll have to refuse." She walked past him, the box slowly sliding down Kuno's now chocolate smeared face.
"Uhh... Captain?"
"Yes Ikari?" Yuushi said, looking up from the papers that pretty much ever club leader has to deal with occasionally.
"It's about Ranma..."
"What's wrong with her?"
"Umm..." He pointed to the practice mat.
"Yeah what?" Yuushi took a look... "Ranma..." His jaw dropped. Ranma was glowing. A cold blue glow, almost like fire. It wrapped around her entire body, even extending to the shinai in her hands. The rest of the club was keeping their distance. "Wow... impressive battle aura..." He sighed, "What about her?"
"She wants to spar with someone."
Yuushi paused, "Hmm... Kuno?"
"Already did Captian."
"What happened?"
Ikari sighed, "Well... he was forced to leave practice early."
"I see." Yuushi picked up his shinai, "I'll go play with her."
"Oy, Ranma."
Ranma gave the source of the voice a glare that would have killed lesser men. Yuushi was, miraculously, unscathed. "What do you want?" She snarled.
Yuushi pointed his shinai at her, "As Kendo club Captian, it's my duty to guage the skill of the new member."
"I see." Ranma smiled, at last, some stress releif! "OK then, El Capi-tan, I'll do it." She stepped back, holding her shinai in front of her. "Ready?"
Yuushi slowly got into position, stretching his arms and legs. Finally, after what felt like hours, he held his shinai in the right position, "We'll practice until I say to stop. Begin."
Ranma attacked first, throwing her entire body into the attack. Her shinai almost bent with the force she swung it with. Yuushi just stood there, obvlious to the beating she was about to give him!
CLACK!
Her shinai connected... with Yuushi's. "Huh?"
Yuushi pulled away his weapon, swinging at Ranma! She quickly deflected it. Yuushi smiled behind his mask, "Your form is sloppy."
"What?" Ranma growled.
"I said, your form is sloppy. You're not using Kendo to attack. You're using Anything Goes, mostly. There's a little Kendo in there, but not much. When was the last time you actually used Kendo?" He swung threee more times in rapid sucession, Ranma blocked them all.
"I was ten." Ranma answered, swinging another powerful blow. Yet again Yuushi blocked it.
"Wow, you're really out of practice." Yuushi blocked hers, "You may be faster then me, Ranma, but since you're using a style you're inexperienced with, I can easily predict what you're doing." Four more attacks of his were deflected. "Your speed is the only thing keeping me from beating you, they can cover the dozen hole s in your defense I see." Ranma threw out half a dozen strikes, yet Yuushi blocked them all. "So basically, Ranma, if you want to be in my club..." He sped up suddenly, a thrust! Ranma was surprised to find his shinai touching her throat. "Get back into practice. You're a talented person, so I'm sure you'll get to speed quickly." He pulled away his weapon, "Stop." His arms dropped to his side, and he gave Ranma a calm smile. "Feeling better now?"
"...what?"
Yuushi shrugged, "You were really stressed out, I figured I'd calm you down."
"Calm me down?" Ranma glared at him.
"Don't get the wrong idea." Yuushi turned around, "I just didn't want you beating up the other club members."
"Fine." Ranma sat down her shinai, "Whatever." She suddenly felt drained of energy for some reason.
Once Yuushi was out of Ranma's sight, he collapsed onto the floor, gasping for breath. "What the hell is up with that girl?" It had taken every ounce of speed and strength he had to match Ranma, while she was using a weapon she was out of practice with. Another minute and he would have passed out and very likely gotten the crap beaten out of him.
"Captian...?" Ikari peered into the room.
"I'm fine, just catching my breath..." He brushed it off. Yet, one small part of him shuddered as he realized what would happen when Ranma got good at Kendo.
"Done..." Returning to the Tendo Dojo, Ranma had immediately went into her room. She then began sorting through the massive note pile. After an hour, she had finally separated them into two piles. One with names, and one without names. "OK... now to deal with these." She stood up, and the door opened.
"Ranma!" Genma barged in, "What are you-" He stopped and stared at the two piles, "Ranma what are ouumph!" He was silenced by Ranma's fist.
"Damn it old man! Haven't all these years taught you to never barge into a girl's room?" She shouted.
Genma, undeterred, moved over to the piles. "What are these girl!" He snatched one out of the pile. "...a love note!" He clenched it in his fist. "I thought I raised you better then that!" Faux tears began fall from his eyes, "Oh where did I go wrong? My daughter is cheating on her fiance!" He was knocked into the wall via a drop kick from Ranma.
"Is it just me or have you become even stupider lately?" Ranma grabbed him by the collar, "I didn't ask for this crap!"
"Really?" Genma looked almost thoughtful for a minute. "I see, I'm sorry Ranma."
"What?" Ranma let go of her father out of shock, "You apologized?"
"It's OK my daughter." Genma patted Ranma on the head. "I understand. I'll go speak to Tendo about this." He left the room.
"Wait a-" Ranma stopped, sighed, and sat back down. "He's going to do something stupid again." Years of living with Genma Saotome had given her an acute sense of such things.
Yuushi finished the last question on his math homework, the numbers finally stopped dancing in his head as he packed the papers into his bag for tomorrow. "Glad that's over with."
thump thump thump
"What's that?" Yuushi stood up, it sounded like someone running toward his doo-
BAM!The door few open!
"Yuuuuuushiiii Tennndooo!" Soun charged into the room. His eyes were blazing, his entire body almost aflame. Shortly behind him was Genma. "What have you been doing!"
"Wha-wha what!" Yuushi found himself backed against a wall. "Dad! Calm down! What the hell did I do!"
"Hah... hah..." Soun took a few deep breaths. "Yuushi! Why are you letting your fiance be pursued by other men!"
"What?" Yuushi stared at his father, "What are you talking about?"
"I saw them!" Genma jumped in frount of Soun, "All those... indecent letters! To your fiance!"
"What." Yuushi said. "Do you mean those annoying little notes? Honestly, those aren't a big deal, all-"
"You have to do is defend your fiance!" Both Genma and Soun shouted at once.
"Wait a minute I-"
"No excuses boy!" Genma jabbed a finger in Yuushi's chest, "What kind of man doesn't defend his fiance's honor?"
Yuushi's eye twitched, and without warning grabbed Genma by the collar. "I..." He picked up Genma, "...don't have..." he flung him out the convienctly open window, "...a fiance!" A faint splashing sound was heard. "Hmmm that was oddly cathartic."
"What... what has gotten into you Son!" Soun's jaw dropped, Yuushi had never done anything like that before! What had happend to the sweet, gentle boy? (Soun, of course, was subconsciously editing out all the examples of his son's temper.). His shock and blubbering was interuppted by Yuushi grabbing his own father by the collar. "You... you wouldn't dare throw your own father out the window, would you?"
Yuushi looked thoughtful for a moment.
Soun had to admit, his son had impressive strength and ability. To pick up a full grown man and throw him at just the right angle to hit the Koi Pond, that took some skill. Of course, he was now soaking wet and staring up out the window as said son looked down at him.
"I am not marrying Ranma Dad! She can deal with boy problems herself!" He shouted, slamming his window shut.
Soun glanced to his right at the panda sitting next to him in the pond. "My own child has no respect for me."
Genma held up a wooden sign. "You get used to it."
Ranma looked up from her work, someone was knocking on the door. "Come in." A slight frown came to her face as Yuushi stepped in. "What is it?"
"What are you doing?" He asked.
Ranma was laying down on the floor, an open notebook and a stapler in front of her, and three piles of notes, one behind her, one to the right and a small one to the left "What does it look like I'm doing?"
Yuushi picked up one of the notes in the small pile. Stapled to it was a second note.
"Sorry, I'm not interested.
-Ranma."
He picked up a few more, each one was a similar rejection, almost tailor made for that one note. He raised an eyebrow at one that said "Sorry, I don't like girls that way" but said nothing. "Why are you doing this?"
"Huh?"
"Just ignore them." Yuushi sat down on the floor across from Ranma. "They'll stop if you just don't pay attention to them after a while."
Ranma looked up at him, "That's not right. These guys took out the time to write these, it dosn't seem fair to ignore them." She got back to scribbling more replies.
"But why? They all pissed you off, right? Why do if if they're making you mad?"
Ranma didn't look up from her writing, "It was mostly sheer numbers that annoyed me. But it was that Kuno creep that got me mad."
"Oh." Yuushi said, "So you're seriously going to reply to all of these?"
"Actually a little less then half, the others didn't leave a name." Ranma shrugged, "Don't really get why they bothered if they didn't want to leave a name."
Yuushi stared at Ranma, stared at the notes, stood up, and left the room.
A minute later, he came back with a notebook and pencil in his hands, he layed down across from Ranma, and opened the notebook. "I'll help."
"...read them aloud, and I'll tell you what to write." She said, and Yuushi nodded.
Nabiki was mildly surprised to find Yuushi and Ranma following her to school. She always went early, but her brother rarely did. Nabiki didn't know why they were heading over early, but she suspected it had something to do with the second bag Ranma was carrying. She walked to school slightly ahead of them, they were both silent. It was strange, the two seemed to have worked some sort of agreement, because they hadn't even midly insulted each other since the night before. No matter, if it was anything important, she'd figure it out.
"Ra-Ra-Ramna!"
The Yuushi and Ranma stopped. Kuno was standing in front of the school gate. He always came this early, so Nabiki wasn't surprised, but the other two were.
"Ranma! You're here early!" He immediately dashed past Nabiki, grabbing Ranma's hand. "My love, my goddess! It is truely a blessing to see you this early morn-" He was knocked out by a swift uppercut.
"It's way too early for this." Ranma muttered, she and Yuushi heading into school. (Ranma taking care to step on Kuno)
Nabiki looked down at the unconscious Kuno. "Well, Kuno-baby, don't think she likes you." No responce, to be expected. "Not that that'll stop you, likely." Nabiki began thinking about how to make money from this.
"This is going to take forever." Yuushi slid another note into a locker.
"Hey, you volunteered to help." Ranma said.
"Not going to stop..." He muttered, "I said I'd help so I will."
"Ranma!" They were interrupted by Kuno, he was exceptionally good at regaining consciousness. "My love! What menial task have you been forced into!" His 'righteous outrage' face was on.
"Damn it..." Ranma gritted her teeth, "This... moron!" She looked up at Kuno, "Yuushi? Can you handle this for a while? I'm going to make this idiot realize some things."
Yuushi shrugged, "Sure."
"Thanks." She walked past Kuno, "Meet me outside, Upperclassman." She sneered.
Nabiki was surprised to see Ranma leading Kuno to the side of the building. "What's she doing?" Her curiosity won over, and she followed them.
"OK... Kuno..." Ranma closed her eyes and tried to find the right words.
"Yes?" He asked, almost like an eager puppy.
"OK. Forget delicacy." Ranma shook her head. "Kuno. I don't like you."
"Huh?"
"In fact," Ranma continued, not giving a chance for him to speak. "I'm starting to hate you. You understand? So listen up, if you ever want any chance to ever be on my good side, stop this 'my love my goddess' crap. Because otherwise I will never even concider liking you, loving you is eternally out of the question."
Kuno was silent for a moment, "I understand Ranma..."
She smiled, "Good so can-"
Kuno continued to speak, "Tendo put you up to this!" He clenched his fist in rage, "How dare he. First he entraps you in a false engagement, now he tries to force you to annul our love? Our passion!" He drew his bokken, "Say no more my goddess! I shall smite the cur Tendo, and then you shall be free!" He burst out laughing... and Ranma kicked him in the face.
"You... you don't get it!" She screamed, "I can't believe anyone could be so moronic and deluded! I mean... I thought that Pops was dumb, but wow you take the cake!" Ranma ranted, her foot pushing deeper into Kuno's face. "You are the worst-" She suddenly found herself covered in cold water
"Don't dump the wash pail out the window! What if you hit someone?"
"Please, it's way to early for anyone to be out there."
"OK, yeah I guess so."
"Hmm?" Kuno peeled his love's foot from his face. "Have you ceased your act, my-" Kuno froze.
The person standing before him was not his Goddess! It was a man! A man in Ranma's clothing, with dark hair and sinister eyes. He looked surprised, but Kuno had no doubt that was a mere facade. "Who are you?" He pointed his sword at the man, "Where is my Goddess!"
"Oh geez..." The man said.
Laughter could be heard, a woman's laughter. "Who's there?" Kuno shouted. A moment later the mercenary Nabiki Tendo emmerged from the shadows, still laughing.
"Morning Kuno-baby." She said, laughter still in her voice, she glanced at the man, "Want me to explain?"
The man nodded.
"Two thousand yen." Nabiki never showed kindness, not for free at least.
"Seriously?"
"Unless you'd rather explain it." Nabiki said with a smile.
"...fine." The man pulled out a somewhat feminine looking wallet, handing Nabiki two thousand yen bills.
"OK then!" Nabiki walked over to Kuno. "OK, Kuno-baby."
"Yes?"
"Ranma and this guy are, well, one in the same. Body, soul, and mind. Got it?" Nabiki explained to him.
"One in..." Kuno's eyes widened as he realized the horrid truth!
Deep in the darkest dungeon in the foulest pit, Ranma lay in chains. Her body battered and bruised, yet her spirit not broken. Her tormenter came down. Tendo! The Pigtailed Man! Twisted beings lower then beasts, their dark lusts for Ranma were great. Yet her will was greater!
"Sooon you will be ours!" Tendo cackled wickedly.
"Once my magic comes over you, I will own you! Body, soul, and mind!" The Pigtailed Man cackled as he worked his foul magicks.
"Nooooooooo!" Ranma sobbed, "Please... save me Tatewaki! Please!"
Ranma waved his hand in front of Kuno, "He's been like this for a whole minute."
"It takes a minute for Kuno-baby to process new information." Nabiki explained, "He should be ready to act right about... now."
"You fiend!" Kuno shouted, "Release my love at once!" He charged at Ranma, bokken ready to strike.
"Man I'm good." Nabiki smirked. This would be entertaining.
"Done." Yuushi slipped the last note into the locker. "I wonder how Ranma's doing." He wondered. Kuno, in his experience, was very difficult to convince of things that contridicted with his own conclusions. Then again, perhaps Ranma had simply opted to beat any affection he might have for her out of him.
"Die you vile Warlock!" Kuno's voice rang through the campus.
"What?" Yuushi walked outside, and saw a male Ranma dodging a dozens of sword thrusts from Kuno. Kuno was going all out, so the wall behind Ranma was buckling from the air pushed by Kuno's thrusts alone. "Hot water..." He remembered, "Gotta go get some." He ran to the nurse's office.
Damn it damn it damn it. Ranma thought as he avoided Kuno's strikes. It really was an annoying dilemma. He couldn't approach because Kuno's mini shockwaves created a wall. As a girl he might have been able to get past it. But not with this slow and bulky male body But he was fast enough to avoid all of his attacks. So essentially this was a stalemate. Until one of them ran out of stamina, or something changed the battle, they were stuck like this. Ranma figured he'd outlast Kuno, so the fight was his.
But man it was boring.
"Why exactly are you trying to kill me?" He asked in a casual tone.
"Do not try your deceit you weaver of dark magic!" Kuno shouted, "I will not fall! It will take more then that to make I, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High-"
THUNK
And so, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High fell, thanks to a full tea kettle to the head.
"There you go." Yuushi walked over to Ranma, "Hurry, people are coming. I suggest you change before you risk getting seen."
"Right... uh, thanks." Ranma poured the water over his head. "This guy is the biggest moron I've ever seen." She said.
Students began walking into the front gate, a few people noticed the remains of a fight, and in a minute a small crowd had gathered around Ranma, Yuushi, and Kuno.
"Nnn... I fight on!" Kuno stood up dramatically.
"Welcome to reality, you idiot." Ranma growled.
"Ranma! You are well!" He turned around and tried to hug her, but Yuushi stood in the way.
"Man, leave her alone Kuno, she's had enough of your crap."
The small crowd began to murmr.
Kuno's eyes narrowed. "Tendo..." He clenched his fist, "I see..." He spun around and faced the rapidly growing crowd. "Here me, people of Furinkan!" He shouted, "From this day forth, the engagement between Ranma Saotome and Yuushi Tendo is annuled! I, the Blue Thunder, have declared it so! With this illlegal and immoral engagement gone, Ranma shall, at last, be free to date me! That is my goal! My destiny!"
The crowd exploded with whispers and gossip spreading. Yuushi and Ranma's mouths were hanging open, as the full magnitide of what Kuno had said washed over them.
Most people would't pay attention to the "annuled" part. Now the "engagement" part, that was prime rumor material. In a matter of hours the word would be Yuushi impregnated Ranma and was marring her to preserve honor.
Ranma and Yuushi looked at each other, and simultainously said the phrase that perfectly summed up their feelings on this whole affair.
"God Damn it."