A/N: Short(er), but I've had this on my list for a while and it decided to leap for freedom this afternoon.

I don't own Mass Effect, Bioware, or EA. If I did I have asked the question 'What will the Leviathans do once the Reapers are gone' before releasing the DLC. Oh wait...

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-ME-ME-ME-

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Setting: Mass Effect 2 (between 'The Suicide Mission' and 'Arrival') – Normandy – Mad Scientist's Lair

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-ME-ME-ME-

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Professor, have you got a minute to talk?

Mordin looked up from his latest batch of experiments, cocking his head to the side, blinking a few times before responding, "Ah, Shepard. Yes! Wanted to talk, actually."

Well, that's different, thought the commander as he walked to Mordin's workstation. Lately it's been 'Can't talk now, creating treatment for crewman Chamber's scale itch', or 'Not now, commander! Nanites have escaped captivity!'. Mordin actually wanted to talk to him? He hoped it wasn't another 'Shepard, need your help on a matter'. "Yeah, Doc? What's on your mind?"

Mordin 'smiled', "Excellent human phrase. Context amusing, and accurate. Curious no direct Salarian equivalent." He paused for a moment, face pinching. Raising a digit to tap his temple he continued, "Closest corollary is human 'What is eating you?'. Though implies something else entirely…"

"Mooor-din," Shepard prompted, trying to catch the salarian before he lost himself in yet another round of 'bore the commander to death', "you have something for me?"

Mordin, who had unconsciously begun to lecture his own reflection in a lab mirror, turned back the commander, "Ah (cough), yes. Medical matters." He walked around the lab table, stepping close to Shepard's side. Leaning his head toward the commander, he continued in a hushed tone, "Aware that mission is dangerous, different species react differently to stress. Aware you come by a great deal. Have had other species become attracted to me before." He sniffed, the continued firmly. "Awkward. Not interested."

"Uh…" the commander stammered out, somewhat lacking in his usual elegance. At the moment, however, he was having difficulty just forming coherent thoughts. Mordin thinks I…want…?

Seeing the commander's shocked countenance, the elder scientist patted Shepard's arm in consolation. "Apologies, commander, didn't believe you'd take it so hard."

Shepard's mind was racing. A red icon seemed to flash in his peripheral vision. What? Wait… "Mordin!" he sputtered, "You know I'm in a 'relationship' with Miranda, right?" That's the ticket. Focus. Think about Miranda.

Mordin waved a hand dismissively as he moved back behind his workstation. "Psh!" the salarian exclaimed. "Male crew members refer to you as 'a player'. Female crew-members have betting pool. Known history of experimentation with aliens." What?!

"Wait, Mordin..." Shepard began.

The salarian smoothly interrupted, tutting, "Perfectly logical, nothing to be embarrassed about."

Shepard coughed, "I'm not embarrassed, Mordin, I…"

"Ah, good," the salarian smiled. "Feared denying sexual interest would strain working relationship." A speculative look came over his features as he continued, "Alternative considered. Awkward given circumstances, however."

Did he just? Gah...

"Mordin! I am not sleeping with you."

A small gasp came from behind him, followed by a terribly-familiar 'cough'. Nononononono!

"No need to be rude. Didn't propose," Mordin sniffed in indignation.

From behind came a choked gargle of familiar laughter.

No?

Shepard turn around...slowly.

Kasumi stood just inside the doorway, hand raised to her mouth, trying to conceal a smile, eyes twinkling in mischief and mirth. But the universe was not done with its cruelty yet. Next to her, paused in mid-stride, mandibles twitching in feigned shock, stood…Garrus.

And now I'll just die.

Right here.

Please?

"Soooo," Garrus drawled with a gleefully malicious undertone, "does Miranda know?".

"Yes, Shep," Kasumi smiled like an (evil) Cheshire cat, "please, do tell."

Of course...it just had to be these two. *facepalm*