A/N: Okay so I'm pretty sure this is the longest chapter of this story SO FAR. And to let all of you know who is confused about the time frame of this story, it is set after "Born this Way". Kurt is at McKinley and Blaine goes to Dalton. So late season twoish .This chapter has a lot to do with a part of Kurt's rape. So you'll have to read to see what I am talking about (; there is a portion of the story with texting from Blaine and Kurt. I doubt you will but just in case you get confused, Blaine's is in BOLD and Kurt's is underlined.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GLEE OR ITS CHARACTERS! ALL PROPERTY GOES TO FOX, RYAN MURPHY, AND THE REST OF ITS OWNERS!

WARNING: Contains swearing, mentions and a flashback of a sexual attack (The sexual attack is in Italicized if you want to ignore reading it)

Enjoy! (:

Finding Courage

Chapter Three: The Leftovers

Oh God, Kurt is panicking again. I felt so sorry for him, I know it's because me, Burt, and his nurse are in here at the same time, and now he won't get to see his dad. Kurt started hyperventilating as Kelly helped him breathe through the bag. She then told Burt to step out of the room. I watched Kurt cry as he tried to re-assemble himself together. Kelly kept saying things to him like "Stop crying Kurt," and "Steady your breathing."

After she took the oxygen mask off of him he looked around the room with red eyes, "Where's dad?" he asked us.

"Kurt it looks like you're still not going to be able to have two visitors at a time," Kelly told him. "Why?" Kurt's eyes started to gleam.

"Honey, you started hyperventilating again. We need to get you in a sane state of mind before you can have two visitors," Kelly said as she was eye-level with him and tried to work up a smile.

"But…but I want to see him. I want to see my dad. This isn't fair." Kurt looked at her in disbelief.

"Kurt I can go and then you can see him, okay?" I offered softly to him. I noticed he was on the edge of emotions right now and we needed to talk quietly to him.

"But I don't want you to go Blaine. You make me feel better. It's so hard to sleep at night when I know you're not here—" he started rambling off and sniveling.

"Baby, don't you want to see your dad? You haven't seen him in four days." He nodded in reply. "You can see him as long as you want and then I can come right back in, okay? I'll wait in the waiting room. Or if you want to see him as long as visiting hours last, I can just see you tomorrow."

"No I want to see you before I sleep," he said.

"Okay. Then that's what we'll do. I know how bad you want to see him. Alright, sweetie? How about we do that?" I smiled at his disappointed face.

"Okay. I'll miss you." Kurt sighed sadly.

"I'll miss you too. Let me bring him in here," I said then left the room.

Burt was still standing outside the door. "What the hell was that about?" Burt asked me.

"He has these. . .problems. . .panic attacks. Whenever someone touches him, he sees too many people or there are fast movements. I think he has flashbacks and it kind of blocks him out from what's really going on. I don't know, it's weird but he starts to hyperventilate and he just let me hold his hand today," I explained to him and he nodded.

"I don't understand. . . What does numerous people have to do with it? Was there . . .more than one person to . . . Do this to him?"

"I don't know. I don't really know anything," I shrugged. ",but he really wants to see you so for now he can see just you until he wants you to leave and we'll swap out I guess," I said.

He nodded, "Anything I need to know?"

"Don't walk too fast when you first open the door and sit down slowly. Don't touch him, like anywhere. Don't do anything too fast or "jerky". Don't talk to him about the attack unless he brings it up and his emotions are all over the place because of all this medicine they give him so if he cries un-controllably or screams like a crazy person it's mostly the medicine giving him weird emotions," I told him.

"Whoa. That's a lot." Burt breathed out.

"Yeah, it's messed up. I really miss Kurt," I sighed.

"He's right in there, kiddo." Burt tried to assure me.

"Yeah but I mean . . . before all this started. I guess I just. . . miss things the way they used to be." I looked down at my shoes. Man, I need to get some shoe laces.

"You know they say that you never know what you got until it's gone. Now I'm not saying Kurt is going to be like this forever. . . but we need to give this time. Whatever happened. . . was traumatic and humiliating for him. Even if we have to treat him like a mental patient. . . because he probably almost is. . . he will get better."

I smiled at Burt and a real smile too. Not a smile I've had to fake at this hospital for who knows how long. Some people may say Burt has the academically eligible brain of a monkey, but he knows what he's talking about with stuff like this. I wish I had a dad like Burt; he just cares about Kurt so damn much.

"Okay. Let me know what happens." I worked up a smile and nodded to the door. He smiled back and I saw him disappear in Kurt's room.

I really didn't want to stand there and wait for who knows how long so I walked into the waiting room and saw Mindy eating her dinner in-front of the computer. I stood there leaning against the counter and she looked at me suspiciously. "You need something, Blaine?" she asked me nicely.

"No… No, I'm just waiting for Burt to visit Kurt." I glanced in the direction I just came from.

"I guess the two visitor thing didn't go so well then?" she frowned.

I sucked in a big breath and sighed, "Nope. He still has problems. It's—its crazy but I thought when I could hold his hand again that. . . somehow. . . he was having progress. And then it would feel normal again. But then I saw that. It just brought me back to the first time I saw him here. It just feels so. . . so hopeless."

"You really love him don't you?" she smiled at me.

"Of course," I shrugged.

"Look Blaine, I know you're not gonna believe me but he's going to get better. He isn't the first person to go through this." she shook her head and took another bite of a chicken sandwich. "What do you mean?" I asked her.

"I mean that panic and anxiety attacks aren't a new discovery. I've seen people go through things like Kurt has and have been able to live through it. . . and get back to a peaceful state of mind again. They just need to find that thing that has helped them before." She brought me back to a day at Dalton when I met Kurt, and then we had coffee later. I remembered that single word I texted him later. He told me that helped him confront Karofsky.

"Like…courage?" I asked her.

"Like courage, or happy memories, conversations. . . anything, with a psychiatrist and you to help him. . . I know he'll get through this." Mindy grinned and took another sip of her drink. "Thank you Mindy," I said.

"No problem. Just telling you what I've seen, it's kind of my job." she winked.

It was an hour until visiting hours were over and I saw Burt walk into the waiting room. I had just finished a song I wrote for Kurt when I saw him walk over to my chair. I folded my notebook and stood up. "Well…how did it go?" I asked him.

"He was. . . its pitiful." Burt shrugged, trying to find the right words.

"I know," I nodded. ", did he talk to you about anything?" I asked him.

"He told me he's been having nightmares at night and having trouble sleeping. And he told me that there was. . . more than one person that did this to him." More? Oh god, please don't tell me it was a gang attack. I sucked in a nervous breath.

"He didn't tell me that. How many?" I asked.

"Four," Burt answered uncomfortably. I felt sick and nauseated again.

"Oh my god. How did you get him to tell you that?" my eyes widened out of shock and honestly, a little jealousy. I wish Kurt could tell me something.

Burt shook his head, "I don't know it was silent. We hadn't said anything for about 10 minutes. I had the news on and he just spoke up and told me. He said 'there were four' and I got him to explain what he meant."

"I can't believe it. The first time he sees you he tells you something about his attack but he won't tell me anything? Does he not. . . does he not trust me?" I started to get scared and a little nervous on top of my jealousy.

"Blaine don't say that. He's known me his whole life, maybe he just don't know how you'll react or something."

"But he knows me! Sometimes I feel like he can read my mind!" I almost yelled but I tried to control myself. There were times when Kurt and I were dating. I would just about to lean over and kiss him and he'd lean over and kiss me. Then he'd say "beat you to it" with that diva smile of his. God, now I really want to kiss him.

"I know kiddo. He'll tell you something. It's only a matter of time. Now go on in there. He wants to see you before he goes to sleep."

I sighed, "Okay. See you later Burt."

"Alright, kiddo. Drive safely!" I nodded and waved at Burt. Then I went into Kurt's room. He looked up from a notepad and his face lit up.

"Hey babe. What you doing?" I slowly walked to his bed.

"Just drawing." he showed me a sketch of a room on his notepad. Could he be more adorable? "What's that?" I asked him, sitting by his bed.

"The library in my dream house." he grinned, showing it to me.

I grinned back at him, "It looks great."

"I'm not finished yet," he giggled.

"Do you want me to stay until visiting hours are over?" I asked him. Kurt's bright blue eyes met mine in an apologetic glance.

"I'm sorry to say this but I'm really tired. I might tell Kelly to turn the lights off in here early tonight." he grabbed my hand.

"That's fine with me. I guess I'll just go then? See you tomorrow baby."

"Wait!" he exclaimed as I began to stand up.

"Hmm?" I asked him, turning around. He bit his lip and looked at me nervously.

"Could you. . . kiss me goodnight?" My heart started to beat extremely fast.

"On the. . . on your lips?" I asked him.

"Yes. But just don't touch me, except for my hand."

"Okay" I nodded, taking his hand. I looked into his blue eyes as I slowly leant in, just to make sure he was okay with this. His slender lips parted and his eyes began to close. I could almost feel that he was ready for this. I knew he was waiting as long for this as I had. I felt his breath against my lips. Then I felt an excitement deep in my stomach; I almost forgot what that feels like. I closed our small distance and kissed him slowly and sweetly. He breathed out a little high-pitch noise of relief. It was so sweet. Our kiss ended and I looked at him carefully.

He smiled at me, "Goodnight, Blaine. I love you."

"Good night Kurt, I love you too," I said, squeezing his hand and giving him one last peck on the lips.

That night was actually really weird. The whole drive home I had this giddy feeling. I kissed him! He actually let me kiss him and hold his hand in one day! I tried to remember the taste of his lips as much as possible but sadly it just wasn't the same. I un-locked the door and locked it back then stumbled through the dark house trying to find my room. I stripped my clothes off and as I was just about to pull some P.J's on and jump into bed, my phone vibrated. I looked at the screen, it was from Kurt. I smiled to myself as I opened it. But then it read:

I am so sorry.

Sorry? What the hell is he apologizing about? I texted him back:

What do you mean sorry?

I'm sorry I wanted you to kiss me. It won't happen again. I promise

Kurt this is silly. I don't understand. Do you not want me to kiss you?

No you don't want to

Of course I do. Did I give any signs of not wanting to? If I did I should be apologizing.

No I mean that nobody wants leftovers. You're so amazing and you don't deserve me. You don't deserve leftovers. I'm sorry Kelly is making me stop texting you and I need sleep. You don't have to see me if you don't want to tomorrow.

You don't deserve leftovers is all that I got out of that text. Leftover from what? Is he talking about the attack...? Because he's never and I mean never mentioned that he's "leftovers" before the attack. As confused as I was, I just tried to push Kurt's crazy texts out of my head and go to sleep. I am definitely talking to him about this tomorrow.

The next day I went to the ER and was going to check in with Mindy like usual before heading to Kurt's room. When Mindy looked up and saw me, sadness was shown on her face, "I'm sorry Blaine, but you can't visit Kurt today." Oh god. What happened to him now? I thought he was improving.

"What do you mean I can't visit him?" I asked worriedly.

"He requested to take your name off of the visitors list," she sighed.

"What?" I shouted. Can he even do that?

"Calm down Blaine." Mindy glared at me with wide eyes after she glanced around the waiting room.

"How dare he do that! I have been here every day for almost a week until visiting hours trying to help him and he takes me name off of the visiting list? Does he have a reason?" I'm sure I sounded like a crazy person; I practically yelled this to poor Mindy.

"He said something about you two did something last night that he knew you didn't agree with and he didn't want you to see him because he doesn't. . . deserve you? I don't know it was weird." she shrugged. Last night was weird too. Wait, did he take my name off the list because I kissed him?

"Oh my god this is insane." I sighed.

"Oh, is it a misunderstanding then?" Mindy smiled hopefully at me.

"Yes." I shook my head.

"What happened?"

"He finally worked up the nerve to ask me to kiss him. We kissed and it was great and then I left and went home and then he texted me saying I don't deserve leftovers and he apologized for asking me to kiss him," I explained.

Mindy's eyebrows rose and scrunched together, "Here let me call Kelly. She's probably in Kurt's room right about now." After a short conversation and a couple minutes later, I saw Kelly come from the hallway. She smiled at me as she handed a clipboard to Mindy.

"Hey Blaine! You and Kurt have a couple spat?"

I laughed, "No he's just being…weird. Can I please see him? I need to talk to him."

"Sure. He's so crazy." she laughed and I walked behind her as she led the way to Kurt's room. "Stay here for a minute," she said, placing a hand on my chest.

She walked in and kept the door open just enough for me to see him. I saw Kurt lying on the bed watching T.V. "Hey Kurt." Kelly stood in-front of Kurt's bed. I couldn't really see him anymore, just her back side. "Hi," I heard him say.

"Blaine's here."

"He is?"

"He sure is."

"I don't want to see him," I heard him say quietly.

"Are you mad at him?"

"No…"

"Is he mad at you?"

"…No"

"Well then what? Because he wants to talk to you."

"Why would he want to do that?"

"Kurt he loves you more than anything. That boy is crazy in love with you." Kelly walked around to his hospital bed. I saw him smile and say, "I know, I'm in love with him too."

"Then what's the problem?"

"He hasn't seen these!" I saw him open his gown and then I saw it: Horrific marks all over his chest and stomach from what I could see. I couldn't see much detail but I saw a whole lot of purple and blue, maybe a handprint or two if I looked close enough. Then I heard a sobbing sound that I knew all too well as he lowered his head.

"Kurt, pull your gown together please. Are you saying that he is going to stop loving you when he sees your other bruises?"

"I'm so messed up Kelly. What if these never go away? He won't be able to look at me the same anymore. I'm such a. . . such a freak." He sobbed as he pulled together his gown, covering the bruises.

"Kurt your psychiatrist said to not believe anything he told you."

"I know but—"

"No buts Kurt, if anyone is the freak it was him. Now Blaine really wants to talk to you. He may change your mind, okay?" I saw Kelly walk closer to me and I moved back. The door opened and Kelly nodded at me then left. I took a deep breath and waiting a couple of seconds before entering. "Hi," I said nervously, walking in.

"Hi." Kurt nodded, looking away from me.

I breathed deeply before I spoke what I thought needed to be said: "I love you." He shook his head. "You don't believe me do you? I don't think you understand how much I love you." I walked slowly to his bedside.

"Blaine please I don't want to go that far." Kurt said worriedly.

"No. No, I'm not talking about that. I just want to talk to you," I looked at his face slowly turn to look at me before I continued ", remember that day where I said that you moved me and that I've been looking for you forever?"

"Yeah…" He nodded with a blush on his face.

"I didn't say that just to make me sound like a cliché romantic and to make your heart swoon." "Although it did…" he blushed again. God, he is so adorable.

I chuckled, "I said that because I meant it. Now I don't really understand what you told me last night but. . . you are the best thing that has ever happened to me." I looked into his bright blue eyes.

"Better than the King's Island Christmas Spectacular?" he grinned as I laughed.

"Way better. You are the love of my life Kurt and I never want to lose you. Now I know that you've always been insecure about yourself but I think you're perfect to me. I couldn't ask for a smarter, funny, stylish, talented, and a more beautiful boyfriend than you," his eyes widened in shock as I said that ", do you know what makes me excited to get out of bed in the morning? Your texts. I love being that person in your contacts list that you send the most texts too. So for whatever reason you feel that you're not good enough or you feel like your leftovers… Just know that I don't see that when I think of you. When I think of you I see that you're perfect to me and nothing can change that, okay? That's why I say I love you." I looked into his wide eyes.

"I…I'm sorry and I don't understand." He shrugged.

"Its okay baby and what don't you understand?" I slowly took his hand and encouragingly rubbed it with my thumb.

"Can I ask you something?" Kurt asked, watching my thumb then looking up at me.

"Sure." I shrugged, although he could just ask me without permission anyway.

"If we ever… you know," I almost giggled because of the way Kurt refers to sex sometimes ", It's going to be about love right? Not because I'm your…your…sex toy?" he looked carefully at me.

"Of course it's gonna be about love. Who told you that you're my sex toy anyway?" I asked him. Where does Kurt come up with these insane ideas?

"Um…It was uh…" his voice started to shake and he avoided eye contact.

I sighed, "It was him, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Kurt choked.

"Look at me baby. Look at me. That man is a twisted, sick, perverted ass hole. He doesn't know anything about us. You didn't believe him did you?" Kurt shrugged. Wow, he believed him. "Did you believe anything he told you?" He shrugged again, still not giving me a helpful answer. "Did you believe everything he told you?" Kurt looked at me with teary eyes.

"I—I'm sorry Blaine I—" I sighed, I shouldn't have pressured him so much, I hope he doesn't hyperventilate again.

"No, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I nodded at him.

"No I do, I want to…I think." He sighed.

"Your psychiatrist Meghan will be here in about fifteen minutes. Why don't you ask her if you're okay to tell me something, alright?" I offered. I really didn't want him to tell me if he wasn't ready. I want to try everything in my power to stop any unnecessary panic attacks. "Okay." Kurt nodded sadly.

Kurt's Point of View.

She asked me the usual questions. How many times I had panic attacks, when I had them, what I saw, and how long Kelly told me they lasted. She then looked at my journal I kept for her and told me to repeat a few sentences she felt I should say about myself. Then I asked her the question Blaine asked me to: "How am I doing?"

"What do you mean, Kurt?" she smiled at me.

"With my… problems" I still couldn't get used to that horrendous word.

"Well you have improved. Your flashbacks are shorter in number and time. How do you think you're doing?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. Last night I asked Blaine to kiss me and he did." Meghan smiled when I told her he kissed me and she wrote something down.

"Oh. How did that go?" she asked me.

"It was amazing, but then I remembered some things he told me and out of panic I texted Blaine and then I kept trying to believe what he told me." I got nervous and fidgeted with my ugly gown.

"And what did he say?" Damn. I knew she was going to ask that. I took a slow, deep, breath.

"When he was… raping…me… He told me I could never make love to anyone because no one wants leftovers," another deep breath ", and he kept telling me that as he…got another one of the guys to…kiss me."

"Thank you for telling me that Kurt" she smiled encouragingly. She probably could tell I had a hard time telling that, which I did, because I don't even know this woman. Then I asked her the question I was dying to know the answer to:

"So do you think my problems are getting worse?"

"No they are just being put out there. What you need to do is tell me what you told Blaine. You had no problem telling me, right?" I nodded. "I think if you tell him he will understand why you were upset and you won't keep that memory bottled up inside. You will be surprised how much stress will leave your mind and body when you tell someone that loves you as much as Blaine does." I nodded again.

"Should I tell him more than that then?" I asked.

"Only if you feel like you should. Next time Blaine comes, make sure you tell him though. Alright?" I nodded. "Okay then, did you have any more questions?" I shook my head. "Okay. See you in a couple of days." She left my room and I waited for Blaine to return. I couldn't wait to tell him. I've been sleepy all day since last night; I couldn't get much sleep from my conversation with Blaine. As I waited I must have dozed off…

"Ow! Oh… that hurts!" I felt rough fingers force its way inside me. This is not how I imagined sex would be like. But then again… will sex be like this? The pamphlets I read said that gay sex hurts a lot the first time. My stomach was bent over the back seat, my pants were around my ankles and I'm sure my butt was exposed to the whole parking lot. I cried from humiliation and pain. "Ha ha look at him squirm! He's so turned on and disgusting!"I felt him add another finger forcefully. "Ow!" I screamed loud. "Gag him, Jimmy." I heard then a disgusting sock was lodged into my mouth. I'm pretty sure it was used. The disgusting odor was enormous, I began to gag. "Listen to him gag! The little girl!

"I think he's ready. What do you think?" I tried to scream "No!" but I was gagged. I moved about trying to not bear the horrible pain I knew was coming. "Listen faggot I know you're exited but keep still! This is your punishment! Now listen to me fag. After I fuck you, you are going to be sore for a week. I'll make sure of it. And no one...and I mean no one will want you. Especially your sex toy Plain, Bane, Blaine…whatever. He'll find another fag to fuck. Because nobody wants a pathetic, useless, leftover."

Chapter Reviews from Chapter Two:

Setsunai: Yes it will be sad for a while but you'll see how Blaine and Kurt learn to deal with Kurt's "problems" and thank you!

miroku girl15: Sorry about that you have probably already noticed but I confirmed the time frame of the story in this chapter's beginning author's note. Thanks for the grammar advice! I have accepted your constructive criticism and please let me know of any other problems I may have caused in this chapter but I have rearranged the way the chapter flows according to the basic grammar rules. But thanks! Enjoy this chapter!

Candy Criss: Este capítulo confirmará sí cuántos hombres atacaron a Kurt. Diré esto: No son de McKinley alto. ¡Si usted continúa leyendo esta historia, el ' s del atacante y su razón de hacer esto a Kurt serán revelados (si atacar a una persona inocente tiene nunca una razón) sino agradecerle! ¡Disfrute del nuevo capítulo! I el hallazgo del ' t del couldn un traductor de Espanish pero yo encontró un traductor español. Déjeme saber si usted tiene apuro que lee mi traducción en español. Pero si usted pone el ' t entonces continuaré utilizando esta traducción en su revisión contesto (:

Sarahamanda: Thank you! Here's an update!

A/N: Thanks for reading! So Blaine has written a song for Kurt, eh? Maybe soon will get to hear it(; Also we will hear from Blaine's reaction to Kurt telling him a memory from his rape. Also if you have favorite this story or added "Finding Courage" to your story alert, please review on this chapter. I would love to know your thoughts. Reviews are my only way of knowing. So… please review! I will update soon! (: