"loved people I never would have known...."

Ianto's heart was beating abnormally fast as he contemplated the last cup of coffee on his tray. He needed to speak to Jack, to explain why he had run out yesterday after Jack had tried to arrange their night.

He had panicked when he felt Jack was demanding more than he was prepared to give, but now he was panicking in case Jack would not accept the apology. He had realised how much he would miss the older man's company if he ended their arrangement. He was also annoyed with himself for running out without explanation beyond a note. He considered such actions immature and just plain rude.

He knocked on the office door and waited for Jack to command him to enter. He put the coffee on the desk and waited for Jack to look up at him.

'Jack I'm sorry...it was stupid and rude of me to run out on you yesterday'

'Yes it was' answered Jack sternly.

'Are you very cross?' asked Ianto.

'No...' said Jack 'I'm upset'

'Oh' replied Ianto not really knowing how to react to that statement.

'I just wanted to do something nice for you Ianto...why was that so awful you had to run away from me?' he asked genuinely puzzled.

Ianto sat down and tried to think how to explain what had been going through his mind.

'It felt too domestic Jack...that's not us. It's what I used to do with Lisa...I never thought you would want that' he said.

'I never thought I would want it either' Jack admitted. 'When I was away....well..it was horrible.. and I just want something good to chase away the pain... I can't always be the cool captain that knows how to solve the world's problems...sometimes I just want someone to hold me and make me feel safe' he continued.

Ianto looked at him surprised. It was a long speech for Jack and Ianto had never heard him admit to needing anything before, certainly not something as ordinary as a pair of safe arms.

'Is that too much to ask?...is it too much to ask from you?' Jack asked when Ianto continued to just stare at him.

'No' Ianto replied softly 'it's not too much. I'm sorry...I was stupid'

'We can go slowly Ianto...if you don't want to do domestic that's ok...but I'd like to lean on you sometimes....I need you' he finally admitted.

Ianto left his seat and came to kneel beside the captain's chair pulling him down for a kiss.

'I need you too...maybe we can learn to lean on each other' he said quietly.

Jack smiled at him and hugged him briefly.

'Back to work Jones...just because I'm shagging you doesn't mean you get to shirk duties'

Ianto laughed pleased that Jack was not going to prolong the cosy stuff. He was beginning to feel slightly uncomfortable again.

TWTWTW

It had been three days now since Ianto's birthday and the subsequent heart to heart in Jack's office. The two men were still edgy with each other and had not really spent any time together. Jack was wary of being too forthright about his emotions and Ianto was worried Jack would think he was rejecting him if he didn't respond adequately.

They spent so much time worrying about the other's reaction that they did not spend long enough together to give each other anything to react to. They had seemingly come to a new understanding, but all it had done was make them nervous around each other.

Ianto was beginning to suspect that Jack was opting for friendship rather than lovers. He wasn't sure what he wanted from Jack but he certainly knew it was beyond friendship and he was starting to need Jack physically. It had after all been almost a week since they had been together and that was a long time for them. Maybe Jack was finding sexual fulfilment elsewhere. Except he was no longer sure Jack would do that.

Ianto had never been good at making sexual demands. Lisa had admitted once that she had had sex with him when she hadn't really been in the mood. Ianto had been devastated. Lisa tried to explain that sometimes in relationships that was what happened. It hadn't been that she didn't want him or that she had hated it, she just hadn't been receptive to pleasure for herself that one time. She had told him that compromise always occurred in long term relationships and that because she loved him and knew he wanted it, she had done it despite being uninterested.

She hadn't been able to understand why it had upset him so much. Ianto felt as if he had used her for his own purposes and it made him feel a little sick at heart. His mind understood what she was saying about compromise and giving someone you love something they need, but his heart still recoiled from the idea.

Now though he needed Jack. He wanted to march in and ask him to come to bed. He thought it highly unlikely that Jack would refuse, and being male would make it harder for him to feign interest, but he needed Jack to want him. He realised he had become accustomed to being desired and he didn't like the idea that Jack's interest might be fading.

TWTWTW

Twenty minutes later and a single phone call had made all such thoughts recede into the background for Ianto. He pushed quickly into Jack's office.

'Jack, I have to leave'

Jack looked up startled, Ianto had entered his office without knocking and was obviously upset.

'Leave what Ianto, Torchwood.. this time continuum.. me?' asked Jack bemused and a little worried.

Ianto was walking around his office in confusion unable to keep still.

'I have to go home, my...my Nan has died' he stumbled over the words.

'Oh Ianto' exclaimed Jack getting up and coming to embrace the younger man, 'I'm sorry...were you close?'

Ianto leant into his lover's arms.

'No...but I need to be there for mam...she'll be upset...she'll need me' he said.

'Of course' said Jack 'go...take as much time as you need, I'll organise leave for you'.

Ianto looked up at Jack, he needed this man, he yearned for him constantly but he had no idea if his feelings went deeper than need and desire.

'The funeral is on Friday, I need to leave today if that is ok?' he said.

'Of course' replied Jack taking the younger man's hands in his own, 'will you be ok?'

Ianto wanted to scream 'NO!' at him, wanted to beg Jack to go with him to his home, wanted to ask to be loved, to be looked after, but he took a deep breath and calmed himself. He recognised these as the emotions that sudden death always forced to the surface, but even so was surprised to feel them in connection with his boss.

'Yes... I'll be back at the weekend'.

Jack watched him walk away shoulders slumped and a general air of defeat about him. Should he have offered to go with him? He didn't want to intrude and Ianto had never offered to introduce his family. Jack knew Ianto hadn't told them about their relationship. Was that because they would not accept a same sex union, or did he just not want Jack that involved with his life?

He watched from his office as Toshiko spoke quietly to Ianto and saw her hug him tightly and continue to whisper words of comfort. Jack felt a small pang of jealousy as he watched them together. Did his feelings for Ianto run so deep now he didn't even like to share him with his friends?

Ianto collected his keys and phone and made to leave the hub, Gwen hugged him as he passed her station. Jack still watched.

Jack was fully aware that Gwen was sexually attracted to him but he would never act on the knowledge. He had made a decision that her life should be as near normal as possible and that meant no complications. Frankly she did not present enough of a challenge. He enjoyed her company and liked flirting with her, but knowing she would come to him if he asked was a little disturbing. She would be complicated and demanding as a lover and he thought the hub needed the normality that her relationship with Rhys gave them.

Ianto was more interesting, more hidden and had definitely been worth the wait.

Owen touched Ianto's arm as he reached the hub door and the two men shared a small smile and a nod. Jack tutted to himself, 21st century men have no idea how to communicate emotion he thought with disgust.

He had a small stab of pain as he realised that was exactly the trap he had fallen into with Ianto, he had not communicated his emotions. He had not told the young man how much he meant to him, had not asked if Ianto felt the same way. He had left it so long that their relationship had become a sexual arrangement and now he was not sure he would ever convince Ianto it could be more.

With a jolt he realised he had left it so long because he feared rejection. He almost laughed at himself, rejection wasn't something he normally faced or feared. This young Welshman had really got under his skin.

TWTWTW

Ianto stood at the graveside with his mother. Opposite him were several family members that Ianto only vaguely remembered from previous occasions. There were various friends of his mother and nan ranged about the graveside waiting for the vicar to begin.

It had been a gruelling two days, helping his mam to organise flowers, buying in refreshments for the wake, speaking to the vicar. The vicar that Ianto remembered from services when he was a child had long since retired and the new one was young and a bit trendy. His mam wasn't keen but Ianto had found him sympathetic enough, and had even felt some of the old comfort of faith when speaking to him.

Ianto took a deep breath, this would soon be over and he could return to his real life at Torchwood. He didn't belong to these people any more. But did he belong to Torchwood? To Jack? He tried to refocus his thoughts on the scene before him.

As the vicar began his final speeches Ianto felt a presence at his side and a warm hand entwined with his. He whipped his head around to see Jack, straight faced paying complete attention to the service. Ianto's mouth fell slightly open with shock and then he felt the relief wash through him. His captain was here, everything would be alright, and he would analyse his reaction to that later.

The remainder of the graveside service passed in a blur for Ianto, he tried to concentrate but could only wonder at what had bought Jack here. What did this mean for them? How did he feel about it? How had Jack even known where here was? Jack did not look at him until the service ended but he kept his fingers entwined with Ianto's, comforting him with his touch.

'Is it ok that I came here?' asked Jack when they left the graveside.

'Yes' said Ianto simply, 'Thank you...but why?' watching the other man's face intently.

'I needed to know you were ok Ianto....I always need to know you're ok, but I don't often find the courage to ask........is it ok for me to ask?' said Jack.

Ianto was surprised at Jack asking for permission, he felt his desire for this man tugging at his heart.

'It's ok for you to ask...always...and yes, I'm ok...now' he answered.

They smiled at each other, both feeling reassured by the other's need, by the fact that they were reaching for a new level of understanding.

'Will...will you come to my mother's house?' asked Ianto.

'Yes please' smiled Jack and although they had dropped hands, they felt closer than ever.

TWTWTW

Ianto Jones' childhood home thought Jack looking around with interest. I wonder if his mother has kept his bedroom as it was when he left. Doting mothers have been known to do that and Jack would like to see evidence of the teenage Ianto Jones, all that angst and hormones. He shook himself, this was a funeral and he really shouldn't be thinking such thoughts.

Ianto was busy handing out cups of tea and sandwiches looking every inch the perfect son, or the capable butler depending on your point of view. Jack stood leaning against a wall watching him and yearning for the time he could take him home and make him feel better.

He watched him making small talk with old ladies, smiling indulgently as they told him how he had grown, and listening patiently as they told him of their cares. Ianto doing what he did best, taking care of others.

Jack became aware that Ianto's mother was standing with him, also watching Ianto.

'How long have you been together?' she asked him quietly.

Jack looked at her and raised his eyebrows.

'I know my son Mr Harkness' she said with quiet dignity.

'When you arrived at my mother's graveside I felt every atom in my son's body relax. He had what he needed most' she continued.

'A while Mrs Jones' answered Jack, unable to stop the thrill her words gave him.

He respected her need for honesty and hoped Ianto would not expect him to deny their relationship.

'He never told me. He only ever bought home girls' she said sadly.

Jack looked at her and wondered how much Ianto would be upset if he told his secrets.

'There were only girls before me' he assured her.

He looked her directly in the face and was reassured by the understanding he saw.

'It's not just men for either of us....we just got lucky and found each other...' he tried to explain.

She nodded, trying to grasp what he was saying and take in this new information about her only son.

They were both speaking quietly and no longer looking at each other. But she turned to look at him now and studied him closely, suddenly nodding slightly in a way that reminded Jack of one of Ianto's gestures.

'Even now....' she said 'he isn't looking at you yet every fibre of his being knows where you are, and is wondering what we can be saying together.... he's worried about what I'll think' she said softly.

'And what do you think Mrs Jones' asked Jack cautiously.

Ianto's mother studied him intently for a moment.

'I think you make him happy....I hope you deserve him. Do you like my son Mr Harkness?'

'I love him Mrs Jones' replied Jack simply, surprising himself as he acknowledged the truth of what he was saying.

'Then you should tell him' she insisted.

'I don't think he wants to know' replied Jack a little sadly.

Ianto's mother smiled faintly at him.

'If you know anything about my son you will know that he keeps himself hidden' she said.

Jack smiled ruefully.

'Oh that is one thing I do know about him' he said.

'But he craves love' she added 'he keeps it well hidden...and often denies it even to himself...but he yearns for acceptance...security...will you give him that?' she finished with a determined questioning look.

Jack tried to nod, but wasn't sure he could fulfil all those things. Maybe he loved Ianto but security wasn't something Torchwood dealt in. Mrs Jones saw his doubt.

'Don't hurt him Mr Harkness' she said, and without looking at him again she called to Ianto.

Ianto came over to where his mother and Jack had been talking so earnestly. He was a little worried about what Jack may have said, and whether his mother realised the true nature of their relationship. He had only introduced him as his boss.

'Ianto, you have done enough here' said his mother kissing his forehead.

'It's time for the captain to take you home. Leave death and mourning behind, go and find life in each other.'

Ianto looked from one to the other. Jack took his hand, smiled at him and led him away.

A few days ago it had been Jack who had asked for someone to lean on, yet here he was once again providing the support.

TWTWTW

Jack had driven them back to Ianto's house and they were now in his kitchen.

'I'm sorry' whispered Ianto.

'For what?' asked Jack puzzled.

'For doing the leaning....you ask for one thing from me, yet I need it from you first....safe arms to hold me' said Ianto shame facedly.

'Don't be daft Ianto you couldn't know this would happen....it works both ways...I want to be there for you too' said Jack with a smile.

'I want something else now' said Ianto shakily but determined to voice this.

'Oh?'

'I want you to come to bed' continued Ianto looking at Jack to gauge the older man's reaction to his request.

'Ok' said Jack softly and led the way to the bedroom.

They undressed separately and climbed under the covers. They had not been together intimately for a week but it seemed longer because of everything that had happened and had been said between them.

They came into each other's embrace and kissed. Gently at first but then need took over and the kiss deepened and hands began to wander. Cocks rubbed together and both men moaned, breathing speeding up and heartbeats racing.

Jack pushed his younger lover back onto the bed and climbed on top of him, pushing their hard cocks between their bodies and thrusting his hips. Biting and kissing Ianto's neck as the younger man's hands wandered down his back.

'Jack...' said Ianto, pushing Jack's face away from his neck to look at him.

'Ianto?...you ok?' asked Jack wondering what the problem was.

'Jack...' Ianto stumbled 'I want you to fuck me'

Jack rolled off Ianto and looked into his eyes, brushing a hand down his lover's cheek.

'Ianto...no...don't do this for me...I'm happy with what we do' he whispered.

'It's not for you Jack...please..I want to' Ianto leant up to nibble Jack's lower lip hoping to persuade the older man.

Jack pressed their foreheads together. He so desperately wanted to slam Ianto down and fuck him hard, but he wanted Ianto to be sure. His hips continued to thrust against the other man as they lay side by side, panting into each other's mouths.

'That first time...your first time...you did it for me...' stated Jack still needing to be convinced.

'Yes..' admitted Ianto.

He suddenly saw the unmistakable truth of all Lisa had tried to tell him, and how he had already given of himself when his lover was in need.

'But I liked it...I want to do it again Jack...but we don't have to..' he continued uncertain now about Jack's objections.

'Oh I want to Ianto...I just want you to be sure this time'

'I'm sure' insisted Ianto.

Ianto leant in and kissed Jack softly, running his hand down to the captain's cock and stroking lightly, twisting his wrist in the way he knew Jack liked. Jack's breathing stuttered and he pushed Ianto down again taking mastery of the situation.

Jack reached over to the bedside table groping for condoms and lube, ready to scream with frustration when all he came up with was an empty box.

'Ianto...please tell me you have more condoms' he gasped.

Ianto looked crestfallen. He had used the last one with a one night stand just weeks after Lisa's death. He had been disgusted with himself in the morning swearing never to take that sort of comfort again. Then he and Jack had begun their arrangement and condoms weren't something they needed for their activities and he had never replaced them.

Jack held up an almost empty tube of lube.

'You've been having fun whilst I was away' he stated a little sadly.

'Actually no...there are no condoms because I haven't needed them...and the lube...well...I was alone..' mumbled Ianto mildly embarrassed.

'Oh' Jack grinned.

He began kissing Ianto's neck again and running light fingers over his weeping cock. His breath coming in short bursts as both men struggled to talk over their increasing arousal.

'Ianto...while I was away...and even for some time before I left...there was no one else'.

'Ummm'

Ianto was not really listening as he kissed frantically over Jack's neck and continued pumping his cock. He was losing interest in conversation.

'Ianto!!'

Jack jerked his lover's chin away from his nipples and forced him to look into his face.

'Jack..?' questioned Ianto breathlessly.

Just because they couldn't fuck didn't mean they couldn't have fun and Ianto was desperate for relief.

'Ianto...if it's just us...we can go without..' he said shaking the empty condom box at the younger man to emphasise his point.

Ianto stopped completely and thought about this new development. Jack immediately thought he had gone beyond Ianto's comfort zone again. Maybe the younger man was not ready for exclusivity, or maybe the thought of penetration without protection was too much. Jack watched the thoughts passing over Ianto's face and awaited the verdict.

Ianto considered. He preferred to have only one partner for many reasons not least being sexual health. He had never thought of Jack as an exclusive person though. He had always assumed Jack had carried on shagging around despite their arrangement and here he was having to rethink everything again.

He lay on his back thinking for a moment. Then he moved back into Jack's embrace and began kissing him again, working his way up his neck to his mouth.

'Ianto?' questioned Jack again.

Ianto kissed his neck and breathed into his ear.

'Yes Jack...it's just us..'

'So we can....?' asked Jack his breath catching as he thought about it.

'Yes' answered Ianto pulling Jack on top of him. 'But if it ever becomes not just us...if you need someone else...I may want to rethink this...so you have to promise to tell me'

'I won't want anyone else Ianto' answered Jack gasping as he rubbed both their cocks together in his hand.

'Oh God...'breathed Ianto as the sensations threatened to overtake his mind.

'Jack...you have to promise..' he almost shouted in his effort to get the words out whilst he still could.

Jack briefly stopped his ministrations and looked Ianto fully in the eyes.

'I promise' he whispered.

Jack grabbed the bottle of lube and coated his hand reaching between them both to cover Ianto's cock to allow it to slide easily between their bodies, then he trailed his fingers down further to the secret space behind the younger man's balls that was sensitive in all the best ways.

Ianto had his eyes closed and his breath was coming in ragged bursts. Jack began to circle his entrance before gently breaching it with a single finger. Ianto jumped slightly and Jack nuzzled his neck.

'Ok?' he asked.

'Yeah...sorry...still feels a little weird.

Jack continued his preparations and added a second finger causing Ianto to squirm again.

'Ianto..I really want to fuck you' whispered Jack in his ear.

Ianto's breath caught as he listened to Jack's words and felt his fingers brush his prostrate.

'Arrh...Jack...do it...do it..' he whispered harshly as the sensations coursed through him.

Jack leaned over his lover, watching the lust wash over his face and felt his heartbeat quicken in response. He gave the lube to Ianto who looked at him in question and then squeezed some into his hand and caressed it over Jack's swollen cock.

'Come on Jack...come on..' he breathed stroking his lover and biting his neck gently.

Jack lost control, positioned himself at Ianto's entrance and pushed hard slipping quickly inside and being enveloped by tightness and heat. He wanted to move immediately, desperation for release building, but Ianto had gripped his hips.

'Wait...wait...Jack it hurts...wait' he hissed.

Jack buried his head in Ianto's neck trying to breathe steadily and calm himself, to prevent himself from moving when his lover was obviously not ready. He calmed himself enough to talk.

'Ianto...I'm sorry...are you ok?' he gasped.

Ianto's erection had flagged and he tried to ignore his own need and concentrate on the younger man. He looked at Ianto's face, saw tears in his eyes and had to concentrate harder on not moving. The tears had hit a kink nerve in Jack and he suddenly wanted to thrust and hurt the man under him, make him wriggle and squirm and beg to be released. Oh God .

He kissed over his neck and reached his mouth. He reconnected with Ianto by pressing their lips together and gently pushing his tongue against the other mans.

Ianto broke the kiss, his arousal growing again.

'I'm ok...bit of a shock' he gasped into his captain's mouth 'you can move now' he added cheekily and thrust his own hips slightly, both men catching their breath with the new sensations.

From desperation to pain and back to arousal and need, Jack was finding it hard to keep up with the young Welshman and he wanted to show him who was in charge.

Jack pulled out slowly and pushed back in equally slowly. Ianto's hands wandered over his back, he watched the muscles contracting in his lover's arms and shoulders as he controlled his actions.

'Still ok?' asked Jack barely gasping it out.

'Yes...go faster...fuck me Jack' insisted Ianto lifting his hips up and pulling Jack to him to gain friction on his own cock as the captain's stomach rubbed over it.

Jack looked into his face and seeing only lust began to thrust in earnest. He should be leading this yet he kept taking instruction from Ianto. He took hold of the younger man's hips hard enough to bruise and shoved his cock as far up his arse as hard as he could. Ianto gasped, his eyes springing open to look at him in surprise and pleasure. Jack growled at the back of his throat in recognition of the pleasure he saw in Ianto's face and in realisation of the need the other man had for some harshness in the act. He let go of some of his own desire to hurt, pushing in harshly and pulling Ianto's hips back towards him possessively with pinching fingers.

Ianto pulled him down for a fierce kiss, then grunting he bit at Jack's shoulder urging him on to further and faster thrusting.

The rhythm quickly became erratic as both men pulled closer to release. Ianto tried to wriggle a hand between the two of them.

'Jack...not enough..' he gasped.

Jack realised what the younger man was telling him and moved to allow himself access to the other man's cock. Brushing Ianto's hand away he grasped it himself and began to pump hard in time with his thrusts.

'Arrh...shit...fuck'

Ianto came over Jack's hand as the extra pressure pulled him over the edge of release.

Jack watched eagerly as the ropes of Ianto's come spread across the younger man's belly and barely groaned as it pushed him over the edge of orgasm and with a few more stuttering thrusts he filled his lover. He collapsed on top of Ianto breathing harshly into his shoulder and smearing the warm come between their two bodies before he shifted his weight to the side.

They lay next to each other breathing more slowly now. Ianto rolled over and pressed a kiss to Jack's shoulder. Jack smiled at him.

'Ok?' he asked.

'Yeah...tired' responded Ianto.

'So.... it's just us now?' asked Jack.

'So it would seem' responded Ianto smiling.

'Can I still flirt?' asked Jack with a grin.

'Yes Jack' said Ianto with an answering smile.

'Even with people in the hub? Continued Jack

Ianto felt his heart contract slightly. Despite the restrictions he placed on his relationship with Jack he still did not like the idea of him flirting with Gwen, but he recognised he could not impose rules without admitting their relationship was more than he was comfortable with.

'Yes' he conceded.

'Good....I enjoy freaking Owen out by coming on to him' laughed Jack.

Ianto laughed with him, feeling a joy he was not yet ready to analyse when he realised the way Jack's thoughts had been heading.

Jack relaxed into the afterglow of orgasm and hugged the lax body curled into his own. He felt the need to say something more to the young man in his arms.

He wasn't sure this was a good idea. He accepted that Ianto meant more to him than anyone else in his life at the moment and had been told that Ianto would be receptive to the idea. Ianto's mother must know him well, but was she correct about this? She didn't know all the young man had been through and she didn't know what their relationship had entailed until now.

'Ianto...your mother told me to tell you something' began Jack.

Ianto had frozen beside him and Jack turned to look at him.

'Don't Jack....mam wants me to be happy...but she doesn't really know me anymore...don't say it'

Jack closed his eyes on the hurt and accepted that now was not the time.

'Ok' he whispered.