Disclaimers applies

March 28, 2012

Chapter 3

The darkness was deep and suffocating. Tiny pinpricks of light started to appear on the outer edges of her vision. It wasn't enough to show her where she was. She had been floating, weightless. But suddenly the sensation of falling was overwhelming. She fell faster and faster. She still couldn't see anything. She didn't know what she was falling toward, or where she was falling from. Her heart was pumping wildly, fear took her breath. Somehow she realized that she was about to hit the bottom, and her whole body jerked, waking her up.

Stephanie was again abruptly awakened from her dream. She had had this, or similar dreams all night long. She was exhausted. But she wasn't sure she was ready to fall asleep again. So she sat up in the bed, trying to catch her breath.

She stared through the stillness of the hospital room. All around her small lights, on the various machines measuring and recording her vital signs, glowed red and yellow and green and blue. Some were blinking, others glowing steadily. She resigned herself to stay awake, she didn't want anymore dreams. Finally her breathing came back to normal.

"You want to tell me about them?" a voice in the room asked. Nearly giving her a heart attack.

"Bobby?" she inquired. When the sound of blood rushing through her head had subsided, she thought she recognized his voice.

"I told you I would be watching over you," he said as he walked over to the chair next to the bed. "Do you want to talk about it now?" Bobby asked.

They looked at each other in the dark room. He waited for her, he knew that she wouldn't be rushed into this. But he also knew that the fear of being trapped under water would not be an easy thing for her to dismiss.

"How long have you been here?" Stephanie asked him.

"Long enough to know that you are not getting any rest tonight," Bobby replied. "Steph, I'm here for you, let me help you through this."

Even with just the tiny lights as illumination, Bobby could see the tears in Stephanie's eyes. The fear she felt was real. He knew all too well how it could eat you up inside if you didn't deal with it. That was why it had actually been his suggestion, to the doctor, that she spend a little bit more time in the hospital. He wanted to see how she was coping. And now he knew.

Bobby sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around Stephanie. She leaned into him, seeking the comfort he was offering her. He could feel her trembling.

"Shhhhh," he whispered into her ear. "I'm here, it will all be okay." He continued talking softly, with soothing words, until he felt her relax.

In his mind he remembered the night he had been trapped under water. He was 17 years old. U.P. Crossing was an old bridge spanning the river that skirted the city. It was a natural hang out for his friends. It was close enough to walk to, but far enough away that no one followed them there. The bridge had been a train crossing, but it was no longer in use. They would take turns climbing the trestle framework and jumping off into the water. On restless summer nights it was just the thing to blow off steam.

The fact that there were no lights in the area, was one of the best features of the hideout. It added to the feeling of seclusion. But it turned out to be the one thing that almost killed him. It was Bobby's turn again to climb up and take a jump off of the bridge. He had done it hundreds of times. They all loved the thrill of falling through the dark into the inky depths below them. It hadn't seemed careless or dangerous to them at the time. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to experience a first class adrenaline high.

This time, however, there was a huge branch floating down the river. Of course no one could see it in the dark. Bobby jumped, hitting the water right in front of the unseen branch. But when he came up for air, he became tangled in the branches. By then his friend was jumping, and he landed on top of the branch, causing Bobby to be pushed even deeper in the water.

It almost knocked him out, he could feel the tingle in his mind telling him that he was about to pass out. He fought it, he focused on the fact that he needed oxygen, and he struggled to detangle himself from the sharp branches. None of his friends could help him, they didn't even know that he was in trouble.

He remembered the burning in his lungs, the panic in his chest when he couldn't break free, and the thick, deep, black of the world he was trapped in. He recalled the months of nightmares, the ones he never told anyone about. He thought that it would show weakness to express the fear that he felt.

It wasn't until an observant medic at his first base confronted him, that Bobby ever faced the fear. He went through some intense counseling. That experience may actually be why he is such a great medic himself. It was the inspiration for him to pursue that field. His personal experiences and his compassion had helped out a lot of soldiers. He hoped that he could now help Stephanie.

They were still hours away from morning. This was the right time to face the fear, to talk it out. So he held her until she finally felt calm enough to listen to him, and finally to talk to him. They stayed that way until the first light of the morning started glowing outside the window. Stephanie was comforted having Bobby's arms protectively holding her as they talked.

Stephanie cried as she related the dreams, and told Bobby how she felt when she couldn't help Stanley. She told him how scared she was when the car pushed her deeper into the water. The pain of her injuries, that kept her from being able to free herself. The panic she felt when she couldn't get free. And then she told him about seeing Hank. How he looked like an angel to her.

"Perfect," he thought. Bobby smiled as he looked at her. She had just given him the image that would help her overcome her fear. He sighed, a contented sigh, and hugged her a little bit closer. She was going to be just fine. He had talked with her for hours through the night. And felt good about her progress. It would be a test tonight to see where her mind was when she fell asleep again.

After the incredible breakthrough, Stephanie was surprised when Bobby insisted that she stay in the hospital for another night. Stephanie did try to protest, but it was half hearted, and mostly because she thought that he expected it. She trusted Bobby, and she would do as he asked.

She was truly exhausted now, and Bobby left her to get some sleep. She slept most of the morning, only interrupted when the nurses came in to check on her or bring her food. Ranger came and sat with her, he held her hand, but he did not wake her. He had received Bobby's report and he knew she needed to rest.

He was there because he needed to see that she was doing okay. He needed to be okay. This latest episode had really shaken him. He knew that she was always involved in crazy situations. Somehow, though, this time it was different. If affected him differently.

It had been a couple of weeks since he had seen her, and he missed their teasing. When he knew that he had almost lost her, something snapped in his heart. He felt a pain that had never been there before. He was here to reassure himself that she wasn't gone. His nightmares had left him sleepless last night too. Worst part about it was, this was all his fault.

She was avoiding him because of Joe.

Joe.

The one he kept pushing her back to.

The one who was supposed to help her see that she could live a normal, safe life.

The realization that he was coming to, however, was that Joe could not make that happen. That Stephanie would always have these crazy predicaments in her life, because of who she was, of what she was. She was not normal, not by a long shot, and that is what he loved about her.

"Damn" he thought as he realized, yet again, that he could not live without her. Nearly losing her brought it back into focus. A war was waging in his heart. Opposing sides were battling it out. One side insisted that if he loved her he would do whatever he could to keep her safe. Isn't that why she is still being watched by his men? The other side said, if you love her you should be with her. But he still insisted that being with her could bring her more danger. His head hurt from going round in circles, neither side gaining any ground.

Without waking her, he kissed her gently on the cheek and walked out of the room.

Stephanie woke up groggy and in pain. A nurse came in shortly after she had awakened and adjusted her pain medication. The nurse was friendly and outgoing, a motherly figure who told her that she was proud of the way she was healing so well.

Stephanie smiled and nodded in response, it wasn't as if she were personally doing anything to aid in the healing process. But she was a nice lady, they chatted until she left.

She was alone now and the rest of the afternoon loomed ahead of her.

With time to think.

Lots of time to think.

She knew how dangerous that could be.

Especially when her thoughts started out to be about Ranger. She had just been dreaming of him. It must have been part of her dream, but she felt him near. It was that feeling that she had been missing for the last few weeks. And it left her empty inside. There was something about just being around him that filled her heart. And something about not being around him that made her heart ache.

Stephanie closed her eyes.

She didn't know what good it would do thinking about him. But anything else that came to her mind led her right back to him.

She couldn't help but think about the last thing that came into her mind when she thought she was going to die. It was Ranger. She had thought about Ranger. Not Joe. Funny, that although she was 'on' with Joe right now, it didn't feel like they were emotionally connected at all. They just felt like friends.

Ranger on the other hand, was always 'on' when he was around her. Stephanie couldn't forget how he always made her feel. Even if it was just a smile, he made her heart race. She missed seeing him. It wasn't fair of Joe to ask her to stay away from her best friend. Even if she understood why he had.

Her head was spinning, too many thoughts were vying for her attention. Pictures of both Joe and Ranger played through her mind. She loved them both. Who could say if she loved one more than the other. She loved them differently. The images kept bombarding her mind. She knew that she had to make a decision. Soon. Going back to work with RangeMan was going to force the issue with Joe. She had tried to tell him yesterday, but he had to leave too fast. Even when they had time, she wasn't looking forward to having this conversation with him.

Stephanie realized that anyone looking in at her situation might envy the position she appeared to be in. Who wouldn't want to be able to choose between two great men. But that was not how she saw it. This was never going to be an obvious choice. Not until she knew how they truly felt about her.

Especially Ranger. She knew what he said to her, about his ability to have relationships. But then she had to wonder what he called what they had, friendship didn't seem to adequately describe it. And she asked herself if Ranger were to accept being with her, would she even be considering Joe?

Stephanie had been so deep into her thoughts, she didn't hear the door open. She didn't notice that Joe was standing there watching her. She was staring off into space, unaware of anything at all. After several more moments, Joe finally cleared his throat to get her attention. He almost laughed out loud when she jerked her head around to look at him.

"Where were you just now Cupcake," he asked. He had an amused smile on his face.

Stephanie smiled back at him. "Sorry about that," she said. "I've just had a lot of time on my hands today, I must have been lost in my thoughts."

Joe walked over to her and sat in the chair by her bed. Stephanie looked at him. He was truly drop dead gorgeous. He turned his dark eyes to her and she melted a little bit inside. She wished she understood why she was so conflicted about her feelings.

"So how are you holding up," he asked with a smile. He knew that she hated hospitals, and judging by the blank look he saw on her face when he walked in, he could see she was ready to break out soon.

"I just have one more night, I get to go home tomorrow," she replied. She looked at him and held up her cast. "I'm going to have a little trouble working with this," she said hesitantly, keeping her eyes on him. Stephanie knew this may not be an easy discussion to have.

Joe raised an eyebrow in response. If he knew what was coming next, he didn't let on. He nodded at her to continue speaking. She swallowed before she spoke.

"I think that it would be a good time for me to take Ranger up on his offer to have me work at RangeMan," she hurried on, "Chasing skips is not in my best interest at the moment. Working in an office would be the safest place I could find."

She paused and looked at him. Joe was quiet, he looked down, not meeting her eyes for a few minutes. When he spoke it was slow, deliberate.

"You know how I feel about that," he started to say. He heard her take a sharp breath. "Maybe it is the best decision you can make right now. But don't think that I like it, because I don't."

"Joe," Stephanie started to say.

"No Steph, you just have to understand. I don't like you around Ranger or any of the other men there. It isn't going to change, but I won't tell you can't, it is your decision."

Stephanie nodded, she knew that the discussion was over. They would just have to agree to disagree on this. She didn't want to hurt Joe, but she couldn't help but feel elated inside. She could hardly wait to talk to Ranger.

Joe immediately changed the subject. He told Stephanie about the results they had so far in the investigation on Stanley Worneki. He told her that Worneki had moved to Trenton after a bad divorce. His ex-wife had been harassing him every single day for over a year now. He was at the breaking point anyway, when he met a girl at local café. According to his friends, he thought that they had made a good connection. But it turned out that she was already involved with someone else, and was just trying to build her Amway downline. She was new to the whole thing, and was a little overzealous in her recruiting techniques.

Stanley felt betrayed, and used. The girl apologized to him and told him that she had referred his name to her upline, and now they would be the ones to call him. And to add insult to injury, Miss Amway's jealous boyfriend confronted Stanley at the ball park, and Stanley snapped. He attacked the guy, and it turned into a big brawl as everyone around tried to either help out, stop the fight, or join in. In Stanley's fragile state of mind, he went a bit crazy.

It had been the phone call by Connie that had set him off yesterday. She had just called to help Stephanie by confirming that he was at work. His loose grip on reality was shattered and he reacted by deciding to drive into the river. He had been killed instantly when he hit his head on the steering wheel, on impact.

Stephanie listened to this in silence. She felt bad for Stanley. But she would have had no way of knowing his state of mind when she went looking for him. She barely said a few words to the man.

"Um, Steph," Joe started to say. "I don't know exactly how to say this," he took a breath, blowing it out slowly. He held her hand in both of his. "The EMT's and the investigators are all saying that it is miracle that you survived." He looked into her eyes. She had a look that he couldn't interpret. "I'm glad you are so lucky," he said softly. "It would have killed me if anything had happened to you," he said as he pulled her into his arms.

She stared out of the window, allowing her mind to follow the train of thought where ever it took her. Joe had left a little while ago. Another emergency at work. Stephanie thought about what he said. And she remembered what Hank had told her when she called him her angel.

Bobby had called yesterday a near death experience for her. At that time it hadn't had a chance to sink in that she had really been that close to dying. What Joe told her left her a bit shaken. The thought sobered her. She was grateful to be safe. She was thankful for Hank, her very own angel.

And she thought about Ranger. Her "last thoughts" had been of him. And now she couldn't get him off of her mind.

Suddenly she realized that the sun was going down and the light was fading. She would have a hard time sleeping tonight. But she knew it wouldn't be because of bad dreams.

She would be thinking of Ranger.