Chapter Three

I Want You To Want Me

I turned and started running, aimlessly working my way through the forest and jumping over streams when I was joined by another wolf. It was Sam, and I sure as hell didn't want him knowing what I was thinking. Sometimes I didn't know who was worse about this carrying on traditions crap, him or my dad.

"Hey. I heard you guys made good progress today at the Swan house. You make sure you keep the others in line. We want to give everyone outside the reservation a good impression of the kind of people we are."

"Why? It doesn't matter what kind of people we are if we are all supposed to be restricted here our whole lives."

"Ouch. Are we touchy tonight? What's got you so uptight? Are you worried about college?"

"Yeah, I guess I am," I lied, knowing I had already stuck my paw in my mouth anyway.

"Well, once you get a job and start classes, you and the guys will have each other while you're out there and that will help keep you true to who you are."

"Yeah. Right," I replied as I started running the line around the rez.

Sam and I wound up running a quick patrol together. We still patrolled on a regular basis even though there hadn't been vampires, or blood suckers as we so fondly called them, around here since the Cullen family left a few years ago.

That's something I've had to struggle with too. Because of what a certain group of others are, we were forced to become what we are. It didn't seem fair to have yet another ancestral mandate imposed upon us without us having any say so.

But, I had learned to deal with this part of my life and I loved the power and strength that I found as a wolf. It actually helped keep me balanced when things in the world out there started to get me down. I could always escape here, to a world that almost no one else knows of and just be an animal. There are no cultural or ethnic barriers out here, only survival of the fittest.

When we had finished checking the area, I went home and got ready for bed. I was eager to get back to Forks, even if it was going to be the death of me if I let things go any further than they already had.

The next morning, we all ate breakfast and went back to Forks. The sun was out again today and I was ready to work hard, but most of all I wanted to see Bella again. I knocked on the door, hoping she would answer. Charlie was still here because it was Sunday, so I was afraid he would come to the door.

But, to my relief it was Bella and today she was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts. I looked down at her bare feet and worked my way up her perfect legs and thighs, pausing for a moment to reflect on how soft and perfect her milky like flesh was. I'd never seen a more beautiful pair of legs and the owner was just as beautiful.

"Hey. I just wanted to tell you we were here and getting started. I didn't want you to be startled or anything if you saw someone walking around outside," I said, and thought how lame that all sounded.

"Okay. I'll keep that in mind," she said, laughing.

"Well, I better go get started then," I said, turning to go down the steps.

"Don't work too hard," she called as she closed the door.

I just shot her a smile over my shoulder and went around back to start gathering what we needed off the back porch. It didn't take us long to get the tarps and ladders in place, then we all took our shirts off and I laughed at how we must look to Bella.

Here she was surrounded by six hulking, not too bad to look at, Quileute guys and she probably would be thinking there was something wrong with her by the end of the week, when we hardly paid her any attention. I had a feeling that it was easier for the others than it was for me and that made me feel good and bad at the same time.

We had been working for about an hour when Charlie came out to check our progress. He was looking at the side of the house we had already painted so I walked over to where he was inspecting.

"I think we will need to put another coat on it Mr. Swan," I said, trying to be polite.

"Hey. I've known you since you were a little snotty nosed kid. You better call me Charlie," he said, giving me a slap on the bare shoulder.

"Okay, Charlie. What do you think?" I said, laughing.

"I think you're right. That paint I bought looks a little thin. That means it might take you boys a little longer to finish. I hope that's okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Just fine," I assured him and secretly I was jumping for joy because that meant I had an excuse to see Bella a while longer.

It was time for lunch and again we were planning on going to get a hamburger when Bella appeared at the back door. She walked down the steps and over to the grill which she started trying to light, but seemed to be having trouble. I walked over to her and took the grill lighter from her hand.

"Here, let me help with that. You know there's a trick? You have to hold this button down while pulling the trigger. See," I said, demonstrating how you get the flame to come out the end of the lighter.

"I never have much luck with that thing. Thanks. I'm going to grill some hotdogs for your lunch. Is that okay?" she asked, looking at me timidly.

"Bella, you don't have to feed us every day."

"I know, but I want to," she said, leaving the grill lighting to me and going in the house to get the hotdogs.

She came back with six packages and laid them on the ledge of the grill.

"Planning on feeding an army?" I asked, laughing.

"No. I just don't want you all to be starving when you get home," she said, offering me a knowing smile.

"Okay. Okay. I give. I'll tell the others we are eating at Bella's again today."

So, I went around the side of the house and started gathering everyone up so we could wash up at the water hose.

The hotdogs were already smelling up the neighborhood when we got to the back yard and Bella was pulling the first batch off and stuffing them into buns as fast as she could.

"Jake, would you set up the little table we used yesterday so I can put out your drinks and condiments? Please?"

"Sure. Where is it at?"

"It's on the back porch."

I went inside and retrieved the table, brought it out and started putting it together. I had a feeling she was enjoying eyeing me, still without a shirt on, and when I looked over at her she was watching very intently.

When most of the hotdogs were cooked, she moved them to the table and went back inside to get the chips, mustard, ketchup, and canned drinks.

We all started making our hot dogs and sat down in the shade again. Bella sat beside me, but not as close as yesterday. I noticed that Quil was looking her over with way too much scrutiny for my taste, so I started a conversation.

"Where's Charlie? Didn't he want to get one of these great hotdogs?"

"He had to go down to the station. Someone called and reported two missing hikers and he wanted to go check things out."

Those words caught all of our attention. When people went missing around here, we always suspected the worst and knew what could be happening.

I looked at Seth and gave him a silent signal to slip away, which he did by way of the hotdogs and grabbed two more as he disappeared into the woods beside Bella's house. He would go check in with Sam and let him know what we had just learned. It was always better to be safe than sorry.

When we finished eating, I helped Bella get the things back inside, while the others started painting again.

"Thanks for the lunch. I have a feeling that they will all be full until at least six o'clock tonight," I said, laughing.

"I started to say that they must not feed you much in La Push, but I know that's not true. You are all so big," she said, and I thought I caught a hint of regret after she said it.

"It's okay. We are all just healthy and grew up fast," I said, chuckling and trying to make her feel better.

I went back outside and joined the others painting the second side of the house. It took us a little longer today because we had a larger area with fewer windows to cover. That and Seth took his sweet time getting back, so we were minus two hands for a while.

When he got back though, he told us that Sam had run into a trail this morning on his rounds and that we were having a pack meeting as soon as we all got back to La Push. He said Sam would be starting heavy patrols up again and we would be pairing off in twos until further orders.

The rest of the afternoon, I worked with a lot on my mind. I was worried about this new vampire threat and thought the sorry bloodsucker had lousy timing. And I thought about what I was going to do about Bella. I wanted to get to know her better, but at the same time, I knew I couldn't lead her on, knowing I couldn't ever be anything more to her than just a friend.

We were just wrapping up for the day. We gathered all of our supplies and while the others were cleaning the brushes and folding the tarps, I took the supplies in to put them on the back porch. Bella appeared in the doorway.

"Jake, I was just wondering if maybe one evening you might stay over for dinner and I could take you home? That is unless you want to bring your own car. Do you have a car?"

I gritted my teeth and looked down at the rag in my hand, trying to think of an easy way to say what I had to say. I would have loved nothing more than to stay and let her take me home. I'd love for her to take me anywhere, but I couldn't do this to her. I would not hurt her.

"Hah, yeah I have a car. We've just been sharing a ride. I, um, appreciate the invitation. I'll think about it and let you know," I said, thinking that might buy me some time until I figured out how to break it to her that she and I couldn't be together.

"Oh. Okay. Well, the offer is open anytime," she said, and I saw the look of disappointment in her eyes as she turned to go back down the hall.

"Hey. Bella, um, goodbye. I'll see you tomorrow," I said, as I too turned to leave.

That night we had a pack meeting and Sam filled us in on where he had found the trail. I still couldn't believe that one of them was back here after so many years and I wondered what was luring them here.

We were each given days and times we would patrol and Embry and I were scheduled for tonight, so after dinner I meet him just outside of La Push, we phased and started patrol together.

When we got near Forks, I wanted to go see Bella, but I couldn't even think about it for fear that Embry would know my thoughts, so I kept my nose to the ground and kept my mind occupied with the threat of a vampire in the area.

We crossed the trail Sam had told us about and it was now older but we found nothing new, which was a good thing. So Embry and I finished around eleven o'clock, and when I was sure he had phased I ran back to Forks.

I knew it was stupid, but for some reason I just wanted to hear her, or smell her scent one more time tonight, just to make sure she was okay.

The lights were off in her house. All except a small night light in an upstairs window. I could hear her breathing and talking softly with someone, but it was a woman's voice, so I put two and two together and realized it must be her mom on the phone.

"No. Things are going great, so far. I've gotten things organized around here and next week I'm going to check on a couple of jobs that are in the paper."

"Why not check on them this week?" her mom asked and I could hear her voice clearly on the other line.

"Well. I've actually sort of met an old friend. Do you remember Jacob Black? The boy I used to play with sometimes when I came here for the summer?"

"Jacob Black. How could I forget him? He was the little boy with black eyes and hair to match that you had a crush on. I remember how it broke your heart that summer when you had to come back home because you just knew he liked you too. He had kissed your knee when you scrapped it."

"Mom!"

"What? It's the truth. A mother doesn't forget her daughter's first heartbreak."

"Well, anyway. He and five of his buddies from the reservation are painting the house this week and I sort of wanted to stick around. I don't see them much though. They are hard workers. I've made them lunch twice this week, so I could spend some time with Jake," Bella said, but her voice was low and full of depression.

"That's sweet of you, making them lunch, but you don't sound pleased at all. What's wrong?"

"I don't think he likes me. I mean, he's so sweet and thoughtful, but I invited him to stay for dinner one night and he...well...I think he turned me down."

"Honey, I'm sure he will come around. Maybe he has loose ends he needs to tie up or something."

"Mom. He is the most beautiful man I've ever seen. His eyes are still as black as the midnight sky and his hair is so black that it's shinny. And, I can't believe I'm telling you this, but he actually works without his shirt on and it's all I can do to keep myself from staring with my mouth open when I am around him. But it's weird. We saw him and his dad the other night at the diner and they sat with us and he let me sort of hold his hand, but now..."

"Well Bella, you just keep being yourself and if it's meant to be things will work out. And if it doesn't, what about the other five guys? Are they as nice looking and sweet as Jake?"

"Mom! Why are you always trying to play matchmaker? Yes, they are all great looking and nice. There is this one that keeps staring at me. His name is Quil, but I think he's sort of a Romeo, so I bet he does that to all the girls. But I'm not really interested in any of them, even if they run around shirtless too and they all have bodies that you wouldn't believe. It's just Jake that I want to get to know, but I don't think he'll give me a chance."

"Well hang in there and I'll talk to you again next weekend. Okay? I love you and don't worry. Things will work out."

"Okay, Mom. I'll try. I love you too," Bella said, and hung up the phone.

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Bella had actually confessed that she really likes me and what was that about when we were kids? She wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with her and that made my blood boil knowing that I couldn't be with her.

I let out a low, weary how, a lonely signal as to how I was feeling. I saw Bella come to the window and look out into the darkness then she closed the curtain and turned off the light.

I was also mad at myself for coming here and listening in on her private conversation. I felt like I had broken into her diary or something, but if I hadn't of come, I never would have known how she really feels, and now that I know how she feels. I feel even worse.

That night, when I got home, I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned and tried to think of some way around my not being able to get involved with Bella, but I came up with a dead end every time. I racked my brain trying to think of any relatives or relatives of my friends that had ever fallen in love with a person outside of the reservation, but that was a bust too.

The next morning I got up tired and feeling down and out. My dad could tell that I was in a terrible mood, so thank goodness he didn't try to talk to me about it. I'm not sure I would have been able to keep my mouth shut about our rules, regulations, and obligations.

Paul drove us again to Forks and when we got there, I didn't knock on the door. I felt guilty about last night and I felt even worse about not seeing Bella this morning, but all that made me work even harder. I knew that Bella was probably wondering why I hadn't even said good morning.

I had just climbed down off the ladder, paint bucket in hand, when I saw Quil leaned against the side of the house in his cocky, self assured, attitude flirting with Bella. I had been so preoccupied, that I hadn't heard her come outside.

She was laughing at something he had said and it flew all over me. I knew, as well as he did, that he would never go against the rules, but what he was out to get wasn't anything that would last, nor would it cause any trouble, accept for Bella.

"Hey," I said, walking up to both of them and flashing him a look that made him say goodbye and scurry off like a dog with his tail between his legs.

"Hey. I haven't seen you this morning. How's it going so far?"

See, I knew she would be upset. Why did things have to be this way?

"It's good. I didn't want to bother you this morning so we just got started," I said, hoping it would make her feel better.

"Oh. Well, I hope you guys are hungry today? I've made fried chicken, potato salad, and homemade yeast rolls for lunch," she said proudly, tucking her arms behind her back and looking bashful, which made me want to hug her.

"Man, Bella, you're going to spoil these guys. They won't know what to do with themselves when this...job...is over." I almost couldn't say the last words because they affected me more than they affected her.

"Well, maybe they will remember me...for my cooking. I hope you'll remember it too," she said, smiling but with a hint of sadness underneath.

"Oh, I will. I will. Um, let me go tell the others to get cleaned up," I said, going back around the house.

I helped Bella set up the small table and we all fixed our plates and sat on the ground. The guys dug into the home cooked meal, but I almost couldn't eat knowing how Bella felt and that I couldn't do anything about it.

"Jake. Do you not like your food?" she asked softly, looking concerned.

"No. No, the food is great. I can't imagine not liking anything you cook," I told her, taking a few bites of potato salad then picking up my chicken to try.

She watched me out of the corner of her eye and I could tell she was thinking about her conversation last night with her mom.

After the guys had eaten their fill of lunch, they went back to painting and I started picking things up to help Bella take them back inside. I was surprised when she touched me on the hand but didn't let go.

"It's okay Jake. I can clean it up. I'm sure you'd rather be painting anyway," she said, and I hated the sad look in her eyes.

"I don't mind helping. That's the least I can do after you fed us with such a great meal," I replied, touching her hand with my other hand.

"Thanks then," she said, pulling her hand away slowly, tucking her hair behind her ear nervously and proceeding to the back with the dishes she had brought out, while I folded up the table and brought in the rest of the things left outside.

I set the table on the back porch and walked down the hall to the kitchen. She was leaning over the sink, looking out the window when I walked up behind her.

"Here are the other things you left outside," I said, quietly which made her jump almost out of her skin.

"Oh. I didn't hear you come in. Thanks again, Jake."

"You're welcome. Well I better get back outside and get started. I don't want the guys to accuse me of goofing off," I said, laughing.

I went back outside and climbed back up the ladder to continue painting. I knew I would need to break the news to Bella soon, before she felt anything further for me, but the truth was I didn't want to. I wanted to see where this thing would lead us as much, if not more, than she did.