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Say What You Will
say what you will, before its too late
An entire week had passed, and after our encounter that Monday afternoon, I hadn't laid my hazy eyes on Edward Cullen once. It seemed as if he had dropped off the face of planet, and though Jessica reassured me the Cullens were known for their instantaneous disappearing acts, I couldn't help but feel as if he had suddenly left because of me. In addition to that fact, the rest of his family was still here. And why would just one boy out of a seven member family go away on vacation for an entire week? Not only that, but for the first week of school? I was often one to over indulge situations by reading a bit too far into them, but still. You have to admit it was a little fishy.
And yet I found myself actually enjoying my time spent in Forks minimally during his absence. I no longer worried about what I had done to make him so angry but instead focused all of my extra attention on school work, and I even managed to gain a few more friends - a girl named Angela and a boy named Ben. The two seemed perfect for one another, though they themselves couldn't seem to realize it. Mike proved to be nothing more than annoying, and Jessica kept pestering me about my life back at home and more then once I heard her mutter something very rude to me under her breath - an action that I guess she assumed a blind girl wouldn't take notice of.
Although Charlie had started off well enough, encouraging me when needed and letting me have my space, a few days after the first day of school he began questioning me about all of my past eye treatments. He even went as far as to ask me, bluntly, if I had ever attempted an eye transplant operation. Which is why I replied, rather bluntly myself, that I never really saw the point with it. With this remark he question why, and I put it as simply as I could: I was content with my life. I wasn't handicapped anymore than he was, I was used to being blind. I had lived with it almost my entire life. And I had never been one to take well to change. Still, he couldn't take no for an answer, and ended up making an appointment for me to see some doctor at the local hospital. Apparently this doctor was "a miracle worker" and I really needed to "take charge of my condition". I smiled politely, of course, but mentally flicked him off to keep myself from screaming out in frustration.
My mother had never treated me this way, like I was some lost puppy that needed saving, and I had never realized how grateful I had been towards her for that - at least not until now, not until it was too late. Friday couldn't come fast enough, and when the final bell rang, signaling the end of the day and the start of the weekend, I let out a loud breath of relief. My father still found a way to screw me over to no end, however, as I packed up my books and felt the presence of a small body standing rather closely to me. Turning my head slightly, I slipped on my sunglasses and sent my gaze in the direction that the small figure was standing in.
"Uh, yeah?" I mentally kicked myself for sounding so idiotic, but the girl seemed completely unfazed by my stupidity. I wasn't certain if I should take that as a hit or a blessing.
"Hey! I'm Alice, its a pleasure to meet you, Bella!" Oh my God, everything that came out of this girls mouth was bouncy and lively, and I could only imagine her jumping up and down as she spoke. My thoughts were confirmed, too, as I heard her clap her hands together and the quiet thump of her feet on the shag carpeting.
"I just adore your shoes! Miu miu?" I let a small giggle escape my lips as I hoisted my backpack over my shoulder and lifted my cane.
"More like vintage shoe store in the city, five bucks." I swear I could hear her eyes go wide and her mouth open in a small "O" shape. Though the over enthusiasm was a bit too much, I had to admit it was also a bit refreshing. Especially in a place as dull as Forks, filled with a bunch of walking dramatic zombies; like Jessica and Mike.
"Oh, wow! You are SO my new shopping buddy!" I felt her lithe hand wrap around my upper arm as we made our way out the door. "Oh my gosh, your probably wondering why some psychotic stranger is all up in your business, huh?" I broke a small smile and shrugged, seemingly nonchalant.
"Yeah, well, yeah." I laughed slightly before adding, "Don't get me wrong, your really nice, and I'm definitely not complaining about your shoe complimenting skills, but it is a bit odd."
"Duh, I should of said what was up when I first stopped by you. I just get so distracted sometimes!" Her giggle was so melodic, just like her voice, almost as if it were coming straight from a handful of wind chimes, blowing in the breeze. "Your dad asked Carlisle, the doctor, if he could squeeze you in an appointment at the hospital today, and he said sure, but then your dad was all, oh no, how will she get there? And that's where I came in and was all, oh, me! I'll totally give her a ride! And here we are!" Yes, here we are. One big breath later.
"Oh, right. That was today, huh? Great." My voice was dripping with bitter cynicism, though Alice either took no notice of it or simply overlooked the fact. Oh, wait. So she was one of the siblings that the whole school was so hyped up about? I couldn't see why they would all be so quick to judge her, I mean, she seemed nice enough. Not anything like the type to stab you in your back or start nasty rumors about you and a gym teacher. No, she was more the giggly school girl type you hung out with when you needed someone to brighten your otherwise dull and crappy day. Then again, that was just my judgment from the minute long conversation I had held with her. Despite that, I liked to think I was a pretty good judge of character.
As we neared the parking lot, I felt myself losing all control of the situation at hand. And trust me, I had never been the type to endure helplessness - which probably sounds pretty odd, coming from a blind girl and all. "Listen, Alice? This really isn't neccessarry, I can so like, totally find my way there on my own." I figured the best way to be understood by the pixie like girl was to stoop to her level of utter and oblivious happiness.
"Nice try, Miss Swan! Your father said you'd try to swindle your way out of this appointment." I supressed a groan and let a tight grin place its way on my lips. I wasn't about to argue with her, and instead let her lead me into her car and felt her watchful eyes as I buckled myself in. I guess she was afraid I'd try to make a run for it or something. Oh, what a sight that would be, the blind girl jumping out of a moving vehicle and stumbling around like an idiot.
No, I figured I could endure a ride and just slip off once she dropped me off at the hospital doors. I later came to found that wouldn't be as easily said as done, though, but in the moment the plans of escape slipped my mind as I became consumed with insistent chatter. Alice was quite the talker, if you hadn't figured as much already. But it was nice, having someone fill in all the empty gaps of silence. She made me feel welcome and less odd, like I was some freak she had to take care of. She kept the talk light, breezing over nonimportant topics like clothes and telivision shows and celebrities. She was acting as if we were "girlfriends", even though I had just met her not twenty minutes earlier.
As she pulled to a stop and shut the car off, I planned to quickly slip out of the car and duck inside the hospital until she pulled away, waiting until the coast was clear to leave. But she wouldn't have any of that, of course - it was almost as if she knew what I was going to do before I had even knew I was going to do it. If that makes any sense at all. Anyways, she made a point of walking me not only inside the hospital, but all the way to the room where i was to meet her father or uncle or whatever it was that he was to her, Carlisle. As I sat down on the paper wrapped bed, Alice said a quick goodbye and quickly left the room - bouncing all the way down the corridor, I bet.
"Its a pleasure to finally meet you, Bella. I'm Carlisle." I smiled politely, but inside I was questioning his words. A pleasure to finally meet me? Who had told him about me - Charlie? Still, it was a bit odd and a bit formal for my tastes. As was the informality of him telling me to call him by his first name.
"Nice to meet you, too." I replied, because I figured he was waiting for me to say something. And it wasn't like I was about to bring up the real reason I was here.
After a few basic checks of my heartbeat and blood pressure and all of those annoying, pesky things doctors check even though your pretty sure its not even needed, we finally got down to the real business of why I was here. I figured it would be best to play dumb. "So, Bella, your father told me that you've been looking into getting an eye transplant?" Funny how he said it as a question but it was really anything but.
"He did, did he? Huh." I shrugged my shoulders and smiled sweetly, "I really hadn't taken that into much consideration, to be completely honest with you."
I expected him to tense at my blunt ignorance, but instead I heard a heartfelt laugh in his voice as he replied, "Yes, well, its always nice to keep our options open, isn't it?" I meekly nodded before he continued, "Now, I've looked into your medical history, and it seems you were added to a waiting list around a year or so ago, which means you won't have to wait very long for a doner." He continued on, explaining the difficulties of the surgery and the forms that would have to be signed. And warning me that there was no one hundred percent chance that the surgery would work, but my mind was elsewhere. A year ago? My father hadn't had anything to do with me a year ago, he had been oblivious to my needs and my difficulties, at least thats what I had assumed. Which meant my mother had added me to that list, my mother. The woman who had been so supportive and kind and caring and understanding of what I had wanted. She had never pressured me or showed me pity. But it turns out that the entire time she had been plotting behind my back, planning this surgery - a surgery to make me normal. Because she had wanted a normal daughter.
The rest of the appointment went by in a blur, me semi-listening and nodding my head at what seemed like the right parts to nod my head at. Finally I was free to go, and I found myself stumbling out of the doctors office, a packet of papers that I was supposed to sign tight against my palm, and a throbbing pain in the back of my head. It wasn't until I had stepped outside into the fresh air that I realized how stupid I had been. My mother had never wanted me to be blind, it was just a mistake. A mishap. A tragedy. It had probably been her biggest regret, and she had probably wished every day of her life for a normal daughter.
As I sunk down onto the curb, the papers crumpling in my hand, I didn't even bother worrying about how I was going to get home, I was too caught up in this latest revelation. But then I heard a voice I would of recognized from a mile away, and I groaned in response to his question of, "I'm not really certain, but those papers looks pretty important for you to be crumpling them up like that." So I guess he's back.
"Is there a reason your here?" I asked bitterly, as I turned my head in the direction that Edward's voice was coming from.
"Well, unless you plan on walking home, then yes. I was told to give you a ride." I rolled my eyes and stood, placing my cane on the sidewalk in emphasis.
"I can get home on my own, but thanks for the offer." My voice dripping with sarcasm, I turned on that cue to leave and found myself tripping over a root growing over the broken sidewalk. I expected the cold, threatening sidewalk to make a lesson out of my face to all blind girls everywhere, but instead I felt cold, strong arms wrap around my waist protectingly. As I was brought back into a standing position, Edward's body closer to mine then ever before, I had to push back the electrifying tingles that shot up my arm. This guy was a major asshole, I didn't want anything to do with him. So why were the tingles so hard to ignore? I let a small hmph, escape my lips as I pushed past him and headed towards the side of his car. "I guess I could use one, quick ride home." I swear I could hear him grin.
Once inside the car, I was surprised to find things a lot less horrible then I had expected them to be. Sure, it was still a bit awkward, what with me sitting as close to the passenger door as possible, and him flying the car through the winding roads in what I could only assume would be a very law-breaking speed. But the conversation was easy. I found out he listened to classical music, something we had in common - though I only listened to it on occassion because it had been something my mother was addicted to, especially when she cleaned house. Edward was orphaned as a child, and thats why he lived with his Aunt and Uncle. It also explained why they were so young, as Jessica had pointed out in a conversation I had had with her the day before. I even found myself asking him why the town was seemingly so obssessed with his family, which led to a short silence before he let a small chuckle escape his lips,
"Its a small town, Bella. They have to have at least one odd family out - so why not pick mine? We just moved here two years ago while in comparison most everyone else has lived here their entire lives, and on top of that, we aren't exactly the most conventional family around." I could feel his gaze on me, and I turned my head towards the window so he couldn't see my expression.
"Your family is rather distant, though. Or at least thats what most everyone in town thinks, or so I keep being told." Resting my head back into the chair, I listened to Edward's melodic voice as he replied,
"I never thought you the type to believe small town rumors, considering." Considering... the word hung in the air, sharp as a knife. Considering I'm blind, meaning I should be free of judgement. Well, its not that simple, is it? Its easy to judge people, only I judge by the sound of their voice rather than the color of their skin.
Changing the subject, "Well I guess you don't have to worry about being the odd family out anymore, huh? It seems the Swan's have taken that spot for you. Its pretty hard to compete against a blind girl who..." I trailed off, about to say, who moved in with her absentee, falsely caring father after her mother died on her behalf. Luckily, I caught myself in time.
"What happened to you, Bella?" I didn't know if he meant what caused me to move here, what happened to my father and me, what happened to my eyesight, or just a general overview of what made me so distant. Maybe he meant all of the above. I caught a lucky break, though, and found him pulling to a swift stop in front of what I assumed was my house, and I ended up sliding out of the seat and out of the car faster then you can say, its a long story. Stupid Edward Cullen, opening old wounds and acting caring and kind and just so... so... stupid! I wasn't going to let him get to me, I told myself as I opened the front door and stepped inside. But even as I said it I knew it wasn't true. Its impossible to not let a boy like Edward Cullen get to you.