Holy crap, I'm so sorry this took so long! I had an entire chapter typed out, ready to go, but I decided I hated it and deleted the whole thing, starting from scratch. I don't like this chapter much either, because it's pretty boring, so I'm sorry! WARNING: Self abuse, angst, insanity in this chapter. Alrighty. Sorry again it's kinda short and boring. Enjoy!
I awoke to the sounds of giggling and a slight pressure on my stomach. I groaned and rolled over.
"Daaaaaaaaaaave! Lemme sleep in five more minutes!" I growled into my fluffy pillow that smelled of lavender. Wait. Since when did I have lavender scented pillows?
"Aw, is Dave your booooooooooyfriiiiiiiiiiiiie nd?" And Dave certainly didn't sound like a girl. I turned my head to find Jade kneeling next to my bed, giggling and covering her mouth with her hand. My eyes widened and I sucked in a deep breath as the memories from yesterday washed over me. The sadness and grief pulled at my heart and I sat up, looking at my hands in my lap and trying not to cry.
"Aw, I'm sorry if I upset you, John! I was only trying to be funny! I guess it didn't really work though, I'm sorry." I felt Jade's warm hand pat my back sympathetically as the pressure of the bed tilted sideways for her to sit on. I shook my head and rubbed at my eyes.
"No…it wasn't anything you did. I guess I'm just….overwhelmed." I said quietly. Jade nodded, knowingly and patted my back once more.
"I know the feeling. If you ever want to talk, about anything-anything at all- I'm right here for you." I smiled lightly at her and nodded my head in thanks.
With our serious moment over, Jade stood up energetically and clapped her hands together.
"Okay then! Why don't you get dressed, and I can show you around! Don't worry, I'll make it as fun as possible!" she said warmly before walking out into the hallway to give me some privacy. I sighed and got up and changed into my clothes.
Today is going to be a long day…
Jade, as soon as I'd stepped foot out the door, swiftly grabbed my hand and led me down the hall. People were starting to file out of their rooms with groggy expressions on their faces, dressed in completely normal clothes, all ranging in age from about eighteen or nineteen to their early thirties. I swiveled my head from side to side, catching glimpses of them all and taking everything in. the hall looked the same as it had when I first walked through it, except now it was filled with people and more brightly lit.
"Here is the rec room; it's where we hang out when we have free time and chillax with each other!" Jade giggled as we walked past the room. I looked inside to find people on their computers, watching TV, playing cards, and other normal, hanging out stuff. I turned back to follow Jade further down the seemingly endless hall. She showed me the kitchens, the mess hall, and the laundry rooms. She told me about everything that went on down in this hallway, nothing bad, nothing particularly exciting, simply people living out their lives.
At the end of the tour, Jade took me back to our room and sat me down on my bed. I gulped, my heart thudding wildly in my chest. I had a feeling about what was coming next, and I could feel my cheeks heat up at just the thought of it.
"Have you ever had sex before, John?" I was surprised by her forwardness, and blushed much deeper than I would have liked to admit as I shook my head from left to right. Jade smiled and nodded her head knowingly.
"Neither had I when I came here. Don't worry, it's nothing special really." I gulped. This was getting increasingly uncomfortable very fast. What Jade said next nearly put me over the edge.
"Are you homophobic?" I looked at her funny and shook my head. Where the heck could this be going? Jade shifted uncomfortably on her bed and looked down at the floor.
"Well that's good, because men make up ninety-five percent of our customers, and quite a few like the boys. That would be you, John." I froze. I felt a lump dig its way into my throat, and my body started trembling. I couldn't handle this, it was too much for me to handle. I felt my eyes tear up again as my body shook, and my cheeks grew wet. Jade came over and set next to me, hugging my tightly. She shooshed and patted my head comfortingly, but nothing could've made me feel better at that moment.
I would have to have sex with men, strange men that I'd never seen before in my life, against my own will. How had I ended up here? Isn't this type of thing illegal? I covered my face with my shaking hands and sobbed into them. My body felt like it was going to break at any moment, like the breath of a wind would shatter me to pieces, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
This sucks…
I don't know how much time had passed before I was deemed ready to start working for The Mansion. Jade was a supportable roommate and helped through a lot over those days. When it was time for me to head upstairs for the first time in what felt like months, to finally see the sunshine, I felt exhilarated and nervous. I still didn't think I was cut out for this sort of thing, but it wasn't like I had a choice. I'd made a few friends in my time in the basement, including Rose and Jade, and three others named Jake, Roxy, and Jane. They were all very nice to me, and taught me some things that would help me out when I was "out on the field" as they called it.
Roxy patted my shoulders drunkenly and smirked.
"You ready, kid? Today's your big day! Time to make some horny men happy!" I smiled up at her and nodded my head, although the thought churned me the wrong way, and the butterflies in my stomach weren't helping one bit.
We went upstairs with a few other people, and into a dark room with no lights and no windows. I gripped at Roxy's shoulder tightly and whispered to her, "What is this?" my heart was pounding in my chest. Roxy shooshed me and pushed me away from her.
"The big man's going to introduce you to the customers, and they'll bid on you to have a nice time." I felt my cheeks heat up again. As I was pushed onto a stage and a bright spotlight split open the darkness and left me vulnerable to the eyes I couldn't see. I had been given a huge, long tank top to wear that covered me down to my thighs and a pair of white underwear. I felt exposed and alone, but a familiar voice filled the room, and I searched over with wide eyes trying to find the source.
"Age eighteen, virgin, healthy, wide blue eyes, and jet black hair. The bids will begin." I stood up onstage, trembling slightly as voices murmured through the room. I couldn't tell if they were approving or scolding, but either way I felt like a deer caught in headlights. I looked from side to side, desperately trying to pick out a face, a figure, anything. Anything that gave some kind of hint that I wasn't alone in this room, and I was going insane with voices in my head.
Just as suddenly as the light broke the darkness, it went out and left me engulfed in darkness. I gasped as I was grabbed from behind and taken off the stage and pushed thoroughly into a red-carpeted hallway. There was a man dressed in a tux holding a silver tray. He bowed to me as I stepped into the brightness and rubbed my eyes.
"Sir, you are wanted in the Red Room." And began to walk away. I frowned and followed him. Was this how it went? A butler took me to the man that…. Ugh. I shook the thoughts out of my head and quickened my pace.
The red room was exactly as it sounded a large room with red furniture, drapery, and carpets. The butler dude walked me in and told me to sit on the bed while I waited for my guest. I nodded and the man closed the door. I gulped and walked over to my destination. The mattress was firm and the pillows plush. I sighed as I sat down. My hands were trembling with nervousness. I felt all jumpy. What was this guy going to be like? Was it going to hurt? If it did, would it hurt a lot? What would I say to him?
My thoughts were crashed as the red-painted door creaked open and a tall man dressed in a grey work suit entered the room. He had dark brown hair on the top of his head, shiny black shoes on his feet, and a red tie tied around his neck that he began to loosen upon entering the room. I gulped as he looked up to me and smiled.
There were so many. So many men. Big ones, handsome ones, ugly ones, small ones. The varying amount of closeted gay men that came to The Mansion was a bit over whelming, but I didn't really mind. It was weird. I felt myself growing accustomed to this life style as the months went by, and eventually…I started to actually enjoy it. I loved the pain that coursed through my body, the strangeness that I felt of another man being so close to me. Roxy and the others began to notice my change and joked with me about it.
"Awww, looks like the little kid finally went and grew a pair." Jake cooed at me as he punched my arm playfully. I growled and punched him back, grinning.
"Better than a certain British man I know~" Jake scoffed and waltzed out, going to terrorize some cute girl.
The days grew long, and the nights longer. Everyone was always so nice, always asking me if I was alright or how was I feeling. I would tell them, "I'm fine" or "okay" or "great". But it was all lies. I missed Dave, and I missed being able to walk outside and let the sunshine bathe over my pale skin. I missed hearing and watching the rain patter against a window, or watching the sun set. I missed being free! I felt like I was caged in, unable to think for myself, do for myself. I wanted to get a job that didn't include having some strangers dick stuck up my ass in the itinerary. The world around me felt like it was slipping through my fingers as if covered in oil; I couldn't get a solid grasp on the things around me, I couldn't hold them down. The small fact that I had actually began to like it further frightened me. I knew that if I stayed for very much longer, I would likely stay here forever.
One night, after I had gotten back from the Red Room, I found my room completely empty of Jade. I sunk down into my bed with a heavy sigh and pulled an arm over my eyes to block the light of the lamp. I felt so tired and empty. I felt hollow, like I could be blown over by the smallest of breezes. My mind was foggy, and I couldn't think straight. I just wanted to feel something, anything! This emotionless pit of an empty shell that was me felt horrifying. I didn't want it. I lashed out frustratingly and felt my fingers graze something metallic on the bedside table. I glanced at the table to find my fingers gently grazing against a pair of scissors that Jade had left out from when she was making a birthday card for Roxy. My eyes widened as an idea came to my mind, and before I could clearly decipher the thoughts spinning through my brain and tell myself no, absolutely not, the sharp blade was being dragged jaggedly across my arm, gently scratching the smooth surface.
The feeling was sharp and stinging against my skin, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't intense enough so that it was the only thing I could think about, instead of the hollowness I felt inside. I did it. Again and again and again, until my arm had a nice, jagged mark that dribbled bright red blood down, down, down. My mind began spinning. "Did I just do that? What was I thinking? What am I DOING?" My hands began to tremble slightly, but I started slightly lower on my arm. I needed more. I craved the pain that came from the sharp blades of the scissors; it filled me with feeling and intensity. It was almost pleasurable; it sent my heart thumping wildly in my chest and my mind reeling with ecstasy. There was no way I could stop this, it felt too good.
"JOHN! Oh my god, what are you DOING?!" I looked up and leveled my eyes with the bright, worry-filled green ones that came into view. I gazed up at her, and finally stopped. The buzz slowly began to ebb away, but the stinging, throbbing pain in my arm felt so good it didn't really matter.
"I dunno." I mumbled as I put the scissors back on the nightstand. Jade gaped at me and looked down at my bloodied arm, wincing slightly.
"John, why did you do this?" she asked, turning around as she began rummaging through her first-aid kit she had hidden under her bed. I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at the mess I had started.
"It felt nice." I whispered. I couldn't speak loudly. I felt like I couldn't; that if I did, I would shatter the stillness of the atmosphere. And that stillness…it was good. Jade wouldn't look me in the face as she took out a long string of white bandages and began working on my arm. I watched her as she worked, and tried to hold down the trembles of pleasure as she wrapped the bandages painfully tight. When she had finished, she stood up and grabbed my face in her hands, forcing me to look up at her.
"Don't do this anymore, John. Whatever is making you do this…it's not worth it. It's not worth it to hurt your body like this. Okay?" I nodded my head to make her feel better, and she sighed again.
"God I'm tired, I'm going to bed." She mumbled as she went to turn off the lights. I turned and rolled into my bed, curling myself tightly together in a desperate attempt to simply hold myself all in. I didn't want any part of me going anywhere anymore.
Darkness enveloped the room, enclosing me in black. The absence of light felt eternal, heavy, impenetrable. It closed around me like a suffocating blanket, taking away my breath and my sanity. Jade's words played through my mind as I slowly drifted off to sleep, clutching my arm tightly.
"It's not worth it to hurt your body like this…" Well…I would have to disagree with that.
Again, I'm so sorry that it's so boring, I promise that next chapter shits going to get real. It will (hopefully) be the introduction to the trolls, if all goes according to plan. So yeah. Let me know how much you hated this chapter in a review!