Chapter 3

The ground before him bore the names of many, and it told of the stories of hundreds of Mundanes who lived and died in a world they didn't even know half of. Part of him wanted to scoff at how blind they were, but the other part was just so tired of thinking of them like that. At least they hadn't lost everything to a psychopathic half-breed who had somehow always seemed to be one step ahead. No matter how hard they had tried, they still lost.

Izzy was always quick to say they hadn't lost everything. Sebastian's army had been obliterated; Sebastian himself had vanished, and all but one had made it back alive, so even though they lost a loved one, they won the war.

Jace couldn't quite see it that way.

All but one.

Cold water dripped off his golden strands, and his boots squelched as they sunk into the wet earth with every step. The stone-filled ground seemed to go on for miles, and at moments, he thought he could see the Silent City's entrance. He had called them for another meeting on tracking Sebastian, but he was hesitant to step past the graveyard this time. Each time before, he had been able to throw his walls up and ignore everything he felt as he marched past the gravestones to the City of Bones, but he struggled this time.

Today marked the day she had been murdered before his eyes just two years ago. Flashes of the events always seemed to plague his mind. Hair as bright as a blaze swinging around her body as she spun her sword at her brother. Then the flame burnt out, and everything's been dark since. At this moment, seeing all the dead around him, he couldn't help but see her there, six feet under—lifeless.

A shiver wracked its way down his body, and he clenched his fists in an attempt to fight it.

There was a mist encompassing the graveyard, and the entrance gate was still swinging closed from where he had thrust it closed. It had nearly come off its hinges. The clouds were dark and gray, and the rain left a fishy smell, but in the distance was a shot of sunlight. The storm had come from nowhere, but here it was, dampening up his already shadowy mood. Go figures, why not kick him while he's already down? What else could he possibly lose?

Izzy, Alec, Simon, Maryse, Robert, Luke…Jocelyn. His mind tried to tell him. He knew that he couldn't afford to lose them either, but he figured that at this point, he's already lost so much that losing someone else wouldn't be all that much of a surprise. Somehow, even the vampire had weaseled his way into his life. He would never admit it to anyone, but he couldn't even count on his hand the number of times Jace and Simon would sit in Simon's apartment just…talking. It had started off as them reminiscing about her, and then it was like they both needed the other…each being of the two most important people in Clary's life.

Sucking in a harsh breath, he forced the thoughts away. Just thinking her name did unspeakable things to his sanity.

Alec had insisted on coming with him, wanting to be there in order to relay the information to the Institute and ask about news on the last of the renovations on Idris, but Jace had really just wanted to go on his own. Each time he had come to talk with the Silent Brothers, he couldn't help the flare of boiling anger that erupted from him afterwards, and the last thing he needed was for them to have another fight. Every time they failed at finding Sebastian, he just felt the same pain and rage he had experienced that day in Edom. Today, Alec had reminded him of the uselessness of trying to track him, and it had nearly landed him a fist to the face. Him asking to go with Jace just didn't seem like one of his best ideas.

Nevertheless, Alec did need to go down to the Silent City, just a bit later. The Nephilim still had not fully recovered from the fight against Sebastian's army, but they weren't backing down just yet. If anything, Sebastian indirectly brought about a surge of unity among the Shadow World that they never would have even dreamed of.

Shadowhunters, werewolves, and vampires had all pledged to help rebuild the city. Faeries had been fairly reluctant to help, considering the rules placed upon them due to their involvement against the Shadowhunters. Some came to help, though, but most were still seething from their sentence. Helen Blackthorn had heavily voiced that she would come and help, but her exile in Wrangel Island proved difficult, and the Clave would not allow her back in.

Jace hadn't even bothered to keeps tabs on the Blackthorns and that Carstairs girl Clary had taken an interest in, but Alec had. Occasionally, Alec would give updates about that family, but Jace typically tuned out his Parabatai when he brought them up. He didn't need to feel guilty about a decision from the Clave that he hadn't even had a say in.

The air around him was frigid and icy, but he didn't really seem to notice. Only the gentle patter of rain on his face kept him at least a little focused.

Marching through the cemetery, each step felt like pins and needles as his thoughts attacked his mind with every squelch of his boots.

Everything from the fight today with Alec to the memory of watching Heosphoros plunge into Clary's heart, red blood blending in with the red gear, rampaged through his body like a tornado. Everything he felt seemed to collide with everything he thought, a constant war always battling in his body. The war raged on until his own heart started sputtering and his knees buckled.

The grass sunk beneath the pressure of his knees, mud soaking through his ripped jeans. He thrust his hands into the wet earth to stop his shaking arms, fingernails digging into the mud. Still, his arms didn't stop shaking. The wall he had thrust up defensively over these past couple years seemed nonexistent now. Guess it's hard to keep the walls up when there's no one around to hide yourself from. Everything he had been hiding from even himself barreled at him, and he couldn't do anything to stop the attack.

Well, more like he didn't do anything to stop the attack. He deserved it. Meetings with the Silent Brothers, Magnus, and even the Clave had done absolutely nothing in terms of figuring out what went wrong on Edom. He and the others had been drilled and drilled on what happened against Sebastian and the Endarkened that night, but each time they were left even more confused.

It was like Sebastian had known every possible outcome.

Eventually, the Clave had decided that Clary was dead, and their only priority was to protect what they had salvaged and be ready against any attack Sebastian might have planned for them next. Even they had given up on tracking the last living Morgenstern.

I should have stayed with her. He told himself, both hands now caked with mounds of mud as he leaned back on his ankles, eyes glazed as they stared at the dirt.

And done what? Alec had been hurt, you couldn't have just left your Parabatai like that. He had started this little game about year ago, playing good cop and bad cop on himself.

She shouldn't have been alone…

"Jace Herondale?" A muffled voice cut through the pouring rain and his thoughts, just barely loud enough for Jace to hear him.

Jace sighed, an interaction with anybody other than a Silent Brother was the last thing he wanted right now. Looking up, the rain cascaded off the back of his head and down his back, but he didn't seem to care. He was drenched anyway. A tall boy stood a couple feet away, also drenched, but it seemed to bounce off his leather clothes. He had brown hair and blue eyes, looking eerily similar to someone he couldn't put his finger on.

Almost half-heartedly, Jace raised both his arms off to the side and turned his golden eyes to the blue ones. "The one and only," he drawled out, letting his arms fall harshly to his side, a glare sparking in his eyes.

"I'm here on behalf of a friend; she needs your help." The boy said, hands fisted tightly together against his stomach. Lightning flashed across the sky, illuminating the boy's features a little more. He was taller than Jace originally thought, probably about six foot four. He did have a baby face, and the natural upturned corner of his mouth showed that he was probably used to smirking. His fingers were curled around a stele in one hand and a seraph blade in the other, as if he expected a fight.

Jace's face hardened. "I don't help people anymore. If the Clave wants to stop helping me, then I guess all those years of my undying servitude to their cause meant nothing, so I quit. More time to practice my knitting."

The boy's brows furrowed, a scowl slithering across his face. He crossed his arms across his chest, glaring. "So, you're just going to stop doing everything you were born to do because they hurt your feelings?"

A shot of hot anger coursed down his veins. In an instant, Jace was on his feet, body wet with rain and mud. "I'd watch it, little boy." But then he turned his face to the side, anger replacing his earlier depression. "I'm not giving up on the mission. I'm giving up on the cause." His eyes met the boy's again, a new resolution in them that he was sure the boy could read.

The boy's eyebrows furrowed. "What does that even-"

"It means I'm done following a people who think their law is above all else, people who use and abuse their warriors and then leave them to rot when they outlive their purpose." Jace was face-to-face with the boy before he could even blink. "When I was taken by Sebastian, they weren't looking for me. All they cared about was finding him and didn't give a crap about what would happen to me. If I had simply gone missing, they probably never would have thought twice about cutting their losses." The golden boy eased back on his heels a little as he lowered his voice and turned his chin up at the blue-eyed boy.

"I'm done playing by their rules." He added coldly, face hardening. The corners of the dark-haired boy's mouth turned down, sympathy snaking across his face. Jace loathed that look. He was tired of it. It was his fault she was gone, and people needed to stop looking at him as if it wasn't.

The other boy shook his head, clearing the sympathy off his face, and a look of determination set on his face instead. "Look, Jace-" He started.

"No, just leave. I don't need to explain myself to you, and I'm not in the mood." Jace said, turning his back to him. He started back on his path to the Silent City, the trees around him swaying under the touch of the fierce wind and rain. Their leaves dripped with water like blood dripping off a corpse.

There was an exasperated groan, then- "Wait! I don't think you understand-" He tried again.

"Just go-" Jace growled, fists clenching.

"-the girl who needs your help is Clary."

Jace's body went rigid. Clary. All the bones in his body reacted to those words. Before he himself even knew what was happening, he was back facing the direction he'd come from with the other boy pinned to the ground by his throat, Jace's forearm pushing in. A low growl rumbled in Jace's chest as he seethed at the boy beneath him, his legs straddling the kid's hips. "Say her name again, and I will obliterate you. She's gone. You will not use her name to get my attention like that again, otherwise, you'll regret even waking up this morning. Hers is not a name you can use…what?" Jace breathed out, frustrated, chest heaving with labored breaths. The boy beneath him had been choking out his name, trying to get the golden boy's attention. He released his pressure on his throat just an inch, annoyed.

"-ace, it is Clary. She's with Luke." He coughed. "By the Angel," he choked out, "let me breathe!"

Jace rolled off him, and the boy shot to his feet, attempting to fling water off his brown hair unsuccessfully.

Standing up slowly, Jace's white shirt and jeans clung to his body.

White silk when our bodies burn…Hers had never burned, but Jace's soul sure had. The white had been the color he had become very familiar with over the past two years. He just missed her. It left an ache in his body that never eased. He had gone through all the stages of grief only to go through them again the next week, and then the next, and then the next. It was an endless cycle. If what this boy said was true…

He knew the other boy was talking to him, but it was as if the storm was shielding his words, the rain and his thoughts working together to disconnect him from his body.

Clary's dead, Jace. Don't listen to him, the voice said. You know she's gone. She's gone, and she isn't coming back. It'll be easier if you just let go. Don't fall for his words.

Jace was trying to ignore the voice; it's Clary, he tried to convince himself. The voice spoke some more, but Jace shook it away and looked up, rainwater sliding down his body.

Suddenly, Jace was moving. His legs pushed his body into a sprint towards the entrances of the park and away from the Silent city. He knew one thing; he had to get to Luke's. Whether she was there or not, he was going to find out. It would decide whether he was going to kill that boy or worship him.

A/N: Woah. Okay. Let me just mention that this chapter was only 994 words in the first version, and it is now 2392. I'm really proud of how much better this version is than the first. It might not be at the level I want it at, but the more I write this…the more I think I'll better my writing. Sorry for such a long time between updates. Nobody is commenting, so I'm not really all that motivated, but I want to finish this story at least for myself. I know that this is really more of a closed fandom, but I was hoping some of the people who read the first version would have been interested in it being back. Oh well. Lol. I'm writing this for me…so maybe that's all the motivation to continue. Anyway, if anyone is still reading this, please comment! Especially if you read the first version…I want to know if anyone remembers how awful it was. Lol.